Being used by a friend?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Thought I'd go unreg for this.I'm having serious doubts about how genuine a friend has been with me.I've known this guy since secondary school and always thought of him as a good friend but for the last year or so I've been questioning does he see me as a friend or someone to help him in a jam.He went away to Oz last year and when he came back he had a different demeanour about him he changed somewhat.So when he came back,I'd text him here and there asking him how he is getting on etc etc he'd reply the odd time.So in January of this year I got a call out of the blue asking could he come out to see me hadn't seen him in a while so of course I said I'd meet up with him out he came and the real reason he came out became clear he needed me to download something online for him.

Thought nothing of it of the time then went back to texting him again didn't see him for another two months,he rang out of the blue and needed to come out to use my internet thought nothing of it and let him come in to use it.Same scenario then a few weeks later he texted me out of the blue to come out later he revealed when he arrived he needed to get away from his girlfriend.So texting him on and off and in September I asked him would he like to come to a college open night,to my surprise he said yes he came out and brought his girlfriend with him who he sprung on me at the very last minute he texted me 5 minutes before he arrived and told me her name!,I suffer from anxiety so didn't like that one bit.He then announced when he arrived that he needed to use my net for the next day so out he came and he was like a demon complaining about traffic etc etc.

I was getting annoyed by his complaining about life as I was going through something similar at the time,so I was trying to get him to see the positive side of things,which I was told later by my counsellor(whom I'm going seeing over anxiety issues etc etc) and he said I was wrong to change someones mood to suit myself and I should of listened to him and ask myself why was I getting annoyed with him.So sent him a text the next day telling him if he ever needed someone to talk to etc etc he could talk to me,I also decided at the time I wouldn't get in contact with him until he did with me.

So that was 4 weeks ago,In the meantime I've started college,been going to an counsellor once a week,I'm improving step by step my confidence and trying to cope better with my anxiety.I didn't get any good luck messages from my friend but I've been coping well with the challenge of college.I've had a really bad year and hadn't had much support from friends only from family.I find the counsellor very helpful for me for my anxiety and I thought everything was going ok.

Until tonight I got a text out of the blue from my friend asking me was I gonna be around tomorrow,I said I would be then he replied with I need to use my net and it's got my down.I shouldn't let it get to me but it has.So after my long drawn out tale I need opinions on what I should do.I have in my opinion three options,tell him he can come out and let him use the net say nothing until he needs help to get out of another jam.Reply back to him with I'm not gonna be here tomorrow something came up and dodging the situation.Third option would be to confront the situation when he comes out,tell him that I feel he only acknowledges me when he needs help out of a jam.

I know the third option seems the most logical one,but all my other friends have emigrated and he is the only one left so I would be friendless even if I have only seen him 5 times in the last 10 months.So if he doesn't like what I'm saying and storms off I will lose him as a friend.We live a good distance apart from each other and I've asked him to meet up in town etc etc as I don't drive and he says petrol is too expensive I thought this would be a good compromise he never took me up on it.Do you think I'm overthinking things or being too sensitive or he is just too caught up with life he doesn't realise he is doing this.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks in advance.

baby and crumble

Honestly? The guy sounds like a berk.

That's not a friend you have, OP. He's using you for your internet, tbh.

I used to be like you in many ways, constantly going out of my way to do what others asked, and never said no to anyone who asked a favour. But I realised the only person I never said yes to was myself, if that makes sense?

My advice is to call him and tell him that he can't come over to use your net, but you'd be up for meeting for a drink. If he gives you guff, well I think you know that you havent got a friend there.

You can make new friends, so many people are in the same boat as you regarding friends having emigrated, seriously!

CarMe

Ah you sound like a really great friend to have entertained him for so long.
I'm not willing to write him off as a complete pr!ck though as its very possible he doesn't even realise how inconsiderate he is being to you.
If I were you what I would do is text him and say how you feel, about him only getting in touch when he needs your internet or to escape from his girlfriend. The reason I would text may seem cowardly but it's because that face to face exchange will just be awkward for you both and he may be so shocked that he could just storm off but this may not be his reaction if he has time to digest what you say.
I'm glad college is going well and don't worry about losing a friend because if you let something go, other doors always open up to replace them, you may not realise at the time that this is what's happening.
I've had a friend I thought I could never imagine myself without, we drift apart and suddenly I have a new group who have naturally formed, a job I thought was the best thing to happen to me good "title", wages etc, after 2 years I lose that particular role but gain many more friends from working with more people and have a much better social life because I'm not working such crazy hours, my mam was a very very string believer in this and sadly she died just 11 days after my baby was born, now while nothing can ever replace my mam, my baby has filled a huge gap and fills me with love!
I know lots of that doesn't seem relevant and I'm sorry for the ramble but please don't be scared of losing your friend because you will find things that fill that gap with time.