Depression and Shy?

zoolander006

(This Is A Long Message)

Hi, emm This is going to sound weird. But sure know one knows my identity sooo, **** it.
Emm, I'm 17, in 6th year, repeating.And over the last few years i have been going through a lot of ****. When i was in first year in secondary school i started off chatty and got to know people and i thought they were nice guys, but then they all turned into assholes.I then put on alot of weight (over 16 stone)and i was offically the number one target for bullying in my school. I was, well, brilliant at science and I was absolutely **** at irish though, so i got really bullied over that.
My parents used to just tell me to ignore them or tell the teacher.which is exactly what i did but it only made it worse. I was then beaten up alot during lunch and after school, my parents never knew and to this day, they still dont know. You might be wondering how they never knew and my sister was going through some problems, so my parents were more focused on her then me so they didnt notice.
So i went through alot of **** for the next three years only had one friend. then at the start of my fourth year i started to have suicidal thoughts i thought if i just (did it ) then the pain would go away, i used to stand really close at the edge of were the dart (train) would come in and just imagine what would happen if i jumped, would people notice or care.i did go and see the school therapist but she was an absolute bitch and was more concerned with me suing the school so i don't trust therapist.then an incident occurred in the school and i left cause i was just going to jump out in front of a train i couldnt take it anymore.In fifth year i was in a different school and i lost alot of weight now (11 1/2 stone) which is great :P.
But now i cant talk to anyone, everything that has happened to me, has made me really shy, im really nervous when i try to talk to anyone even and i used to be really cocky.
i keep thinking god this person is going to think im some weird freak, when i actully make it worse by not talking to them. I met this one girl though, shes really cool, has red hair, and shes funny :P she gave me enough confidence to talk to people which is great in all, but im still depressed some days, but im really good at hiding it.

Does anyone know what to do or has anyone gone through this before?

qwertytlk

Hi!
Firstly just want to say congrats on loosing all the weight, thats not easy, so well done!

I know you had a bad experience witht the school therapist but you should really try to find another counsellor. Someone not connected to your school, there are loads of orginastions that offer free counselling. And trust me, not all counsellors are like the one at your school. In fact its quite the opposite. They are usually really kind, friendly and trustworth people who are totally professional and confidential-afterall their jobs depend on it!

In my opinion the only way you are going to be able to deal with your problems in the long term is to get to the root cause of them, and to do this you would probably need counselling.

You say you are feeling better now, although you have some bad days. Well this tends to be the pattern with depression. We can feel really down for a long time, then get better for a while, then worse etc etc. So to end the destructive cycle you should go and start the process of dealing with the cause of your depression now.
For your own sake, while your still young you should sort this out before it casts a black clound over your adult life too.

Best of luck with everything and i hope you work things out

zoolander006

Thanks, didn't expect anyone to reply. Yeah, thats great thanks, but i dont want my parents to find out about any of this.I'll probably go to a councillor sometime in the future cause, i cant at the moment, and im sort of still afraid of them.
Its just annoying cause i used to have a lot of friends and even girlfriends, but then they all just turn against you. I even used to eat my lunch in the bathroom in my old school, and guys would come in and they would just say horrible things about me.
And because of all that stuff, i can't talk to anyone in my new school. Especially when you know the person and they just ignore you, that really kills me inside.
But sure, Thanks though