Why?

LegacyUser

So there I was getting on with my life....... I had a very traumatic break up several years ago. At least for me it was traumatic, kids involved. I struggled for a long time to come to terms with it while the ex bascially made my life hell.

So finally I was feeling slightly human and then out of nowhere comes the apology, very heartfelt and basically admitting how wrong and sorry that they were and that they shouldnt have done what they did. Also they wanted to know how I felt about things, if I was ok etc.....

But needless to say all the apology has done is made me feel really upset, it has brought me back to that horrible place where I was at the very beginning. Why would someone apologise after so long? Is it guilt? to make themselves feel better? it certainly wasnt done to help me..... also they mentioned the were was still a lot of feelings for me until recently (yet they are with someone else)

I'm feeling so sad now. Why didn't he just leave me alone :-( :-( :-(

Gannicus

Without going into too much detail was there an addiction involved when you were with the person?

Taltos

OP - this is just mindgames on his part.
You need to ignore him.

If you have not already done so I suggest that you block his number and/or inform him that how you are doing is none of his business and he is NEVER EVER to contact you again.

There could be so many reasons he reached out - but I doubt that any really had your best interests at heart. If he really did care he would not be causing you this pain again.

It could be he is feeling guilty - but I seriously doubt it - that line about "caring until recently" - that I am afraid is the hook he is trying to reel you back into to stroke his own ego. You are well shot - keep reminding yourself how much better off you are without him.

I am a friend

Yeah no matter what his intentions are they are surely borne out of self interest. Maybe he senses you melting a bit and wants to swoop. I would ignore him and get on With life.

LegacyUser

I can't ignore him because there are kids involved but I really kept contact to a minimum. I was doing so well, even managing financially well whereas he is not. I totally ignored him unless it was about the kids. Many times he begged for friendship but I didnt entertain him as he had hurt me so much and I reckoned he wanted to keep his options open. Apologising to me has hurt me all over again and yes I guess he feels like he has reeled me in again. :-(

Taltos

OK - bit harder with kids involved.

No matter what he says / does - stay consistent
If you are going to show anything just show indifference.
No matter what he says or does - stay strong.

It has worked for you before and it will again. You know this guy- you can see this is all about him. Accept that and acknowledge that this is all he ever wants - to mess with you. Since there are kids there you can expect him to continue to play these games pretty much forever even with years between his bouts of self-pity where he needs you to break down to stroke his ego again.

Find someone to talk to and strive to move on internally so that over time - your pretending indifference will really turn into that. He is an annoying bug - just someone for you to ignore.

Stay strong - it will take time but eventually his little games will be clearly that - the desperate efforts of a child who never grew up.

LegacyUser

Thanks Taltos. That makes a lot of sense and yes maturity is a problem for him. I was not joking when I mentioned he has made life hell for me both before and after our breakup. He also tends to do things to provoke a reaction from me & Until now he got none. I just need to stop letting him do this to me so Im feeling responsible for reacting. everything was all about him and he certainly never put his kids first. this has been going on several years now.
Ive not got anyone I can discuss this with as all my friends and family dispise him for what he has done. To the world I look happy but really I am suffering a lot.