Missing out?

LegacyUser

I met my first and only girlfriend at 16. Fast forward 7 years later we are still together and still happy.

However a few months ago, maybe 6 months ago, I started wondering about other girls. All over the years I see my mates getting with hundreds of different girls and Im starting to feel like Im missing out. Ive never even kissed another girl or held hands with another girl.

I do love my current GF. I wouldnt cheat on her. Id pick her any day over strangers in a nightclub. But I have to admit Im starting to feel like I might grow old and look back and think what was I at. Especially if me and her break up when Im 30 or something and Im too old for kissing strangers in nightclubs.

I really dont know.

Im asking here first to see what sort of replies I get and then if I still feel the same in a few days Im going to talk to my girlfriend and maybe see about taking a break for a while or something.

Thanks for reading all that, I know its kinda long, sorry.

Siuin

guy34 wrote: »

I met my first and only girlfriend at 16. Fast forward 7 years later we are still together and still happy.

However a few months ago, maybe 6 months ago, I started wondering about other girls. All over the years I see my mates getting with hundreds of different girls and Im starting to feel like Im missing out. Ive never even kissed another girl or held hands with another girl.

I do love my current GF. I wouldnt cheat on her. Id pick her any day over strangers in a nightclub. But I have to admit Im starting to feel like I might grow old and look back and think what was I at. Especially if me and her break up when Im 30 or something and Im too old for kissing strangers in nightclubs.

I really dont know.

Im asking here first to see what sort of replies I get and then if I still feel the same in a few days Im going to talk to my girlfriend and maybe see about taking a break for a while or something.

Thanks for reading all that, I know its kinda long, sorry.

Kissing strangers in nightclubs is rather overrated..!!
But really, if you are actually truly happy with your current girlfriend, you wouldn't have these feelings of 'missing out'. I think you need to seriously evaluate your relationship - maybe all you need is to introduce a bit of excitement, something new- it's easy to get bogged down in a pattern, especially after so many years.
I used to get this feeling of 'missing out' with previous boyfriends, but at the end of the day it boiled down to the fact that I felt there was a much better person out there who I could relate to and would be a more suitable match personality-wise for me. Now with my current boyfriend, I no longer feel this- it's as if everything is 'complete' and I've no desire to see what else is there.
Do talk to your girlfriend about it, it's important that ye discuss stuff that's bothering ye, but don't jump into a conversation with the intention of requesting a break.

Miss Fluff

In answer to your question are you missing out? Yes, in all honesty you more than likely are missing out. I think at your age life should be about new experiences, new people and exploration and while I think it's sweet that you're still with your first love you are settled down in a manner which I personally can't understand in someone so young. You basically snogged a girl at 16 and have been with her for seven years since....

guy34 wrote: »

Im asking here first to see what sort of replies I get and then if I still feel the same in a few days Im going to talk to my girlfriend and maybe see about taking a break for a while or something.

I certainly wouldn't adopt that approach though. You're basically saying here that you'll dump her, go off and ride rings around yourself to get it out of your sytem and then reuinite when all'd been and done? Life doesn't actually work like that so if you decide that going and living a little is more important thatn staying with your girlfriend you need to stick to that and not mess her about. Having your cake and eating it etc etc....

fungun

Its a tough call.

Being with strangers - you are not missing out on much, trust me.
However I do have to say that having been through a number of 'long term' relationships, I really knew more and more about what I wanted in a partner as I went through each reln. I look back and think I would have stayed with my first gf if she hadnt broken up with me....and see how much happier I am now than I ever was with her!!

But trying out new relationships is a one way street, so you need to put together your feelings for your gf, any feelings about others, how you would feel if your gf was with another man, put it all together and see what you come up with.

A good starting point is to join your gf in a pub with a group of friends, look around the pub....and imagine yourself to be single. Would you still think your gf is the kind of person you would want to go out with? The person you would approach an chat up in the pub?

LegacyUser

guy34 wrote: »

Id pick her any day over strangers in a nightclub. .

OP If you'd pick her over others why do you wish to kiss others??

Btw if you do go on a break would you be happy if she went off kissing others?
also its my strong opinion easier for women to choose to hook up then men.
They get more offers.

I wouldnt meddle with something not broken

floorpie

Miss Fluff wrote: »

In answer to your question are you missing out? Yes, in all honesty you more than likely are missing out. I think at your age life should be about new experiences, new people and exploration and while I think it's sweet that you're still with your first love you are settled down in a manner which I personally can't understand in someone so young. You basically snogged a girl at 16 and have been with her for seven years since....

I certainly wouldn't adopt that approach though. You're basically saying here that you'll dump her, go off and ride rings around yourself to get it out of your sytem and then reuinite when all'd been and done? Life doesn't actually work like that so if you decide that going and living a little is more important thatn staying with your girlfriend you need to stick to that and not mess her about. Having your cake and eating it etc etc....

So you're advocating breaking up with somebody that he's been happy with for 6 years...to kiss people in nightclubs?! What does 'living a little' even objectively mean? It's a trite, meaningless phrase that in this case will cause alot more damage than it'll save. And even if the phrase is given credit, i'd say that it's generally happy couples who 'live a little' versus single people (in the sense that, in terms of planning, two heads generally seem to be better than one), especially if the single person's friends are all in relationships. This might not be very obvious to somebody like the OP, not having had a stretch at being single.

I'm not saying that one or other (single or partnered) is inherently better, that's not the point. What the OP mightn't have had a chance to realise, is that EVERYBODY gets grass is greener syndrome, it might affect some more than others but we all get it; it's absolutely *unavoidable*. And it happens irrespective of how happy you are in your single or partnered life. But if you start living your life being tethered to the notion that the grass *really* is greener, you'll find yourself on an extremely unfulfilling chase.

Edit: Just to add, Miss Fluff is right about the 'break' idea, that's not a solution. So in that sense she's right, break up or don't. But i really don't think that the conflation of 'being single' and 'living a little' is correct, or something that the OP should be encouraged to dwell on any more than he is.

parrai

ged3444 wrote: »

OP If you'd pick her over others why do you wish to kiss others??

Btw if you do go on a break would you be happy if she went off kissing others?
also its my strong opinion easier for women to choose to hook up then men.
They get more offers.

I wouldnt meddle with something not broken

This is spot on... If your relationship is fine then why change it? I agree with what has been said above, that when you are young you should have lots of experiences so you can make an informed decision on what you want from a relationship...

But the problem here is, you are in a relationship, where your girlfriend may be really upset cause you want to dump her for something better, when in actual fact as you have stated you would have her over anyone else...

You sound a bit confused... no insult intended, try talking to your girlfriend about these thoughts you are having but beware once you start down this road, you may awaken feelings in your girlfriend that may be the destroying of a relationship which you have already said is good...

She may have her world shattered beyond repair...

Then again this may not happen but one to ponder on.... Best of luck to ye both

BraziliaNZ

guy34 wrote: »

me and her break up when Im 30 or something and Im too old for kissing strangers in nightclubs.

lol, I'm 31 now and I'm only getting started! You may get older but the women get older too or stay the same age, so it doesn't matter!

fungun

I think the point is that he is feeling that he might be missing out by being in a reln. Which is a reasonable fear. Also staying with your first ever gf/bf means you have no personal frame of reference to compare your reln to. From the OP I understand that he is actually happy.....just wonders whether he could potentially be happier with another choice. Better he tries to figure that out now than when he is 30 or 40 and has kids.
Its just a really hard one to give useful advice about as so much of it is personal choice.

Beruthiel

guy34 wrote: »

Especially if me and her break up when Im 30 or something and Im too old for kissing strangers in nightclubs.

LOL
I was 36 when I met my now hubby, a stranger, in a nightclub!
guy34, believe it or not, you are only starting out in life and contrary to your belief, older people also go out on the pull.

floorpie

fungun wrote: »

just wonders whether he could potentially be happier with another choice.

I agree with your post, except for this part...this mightn't be a popular idea but a person can always be happier, that's just the way the world is. Sometimes you've to draw the line and say that you're 'content' though, and quash those natural feelings of 'grass is greener syndrome'. Well i think.

Distorted

Just another couple of thoughts to add to what other posters have already said:

- you don't have to kiss other women in nightclubs to find out if there is someone better out there for you. If you have the notion that there is strongly, then your current relationship may have run its course. If for example, you keep comparing your girlfriend to other women disfavourably, or are bored with her. "Trying out" other women is unlikely to provide the solution you are looking for and could very quickly become tiresome.

- I doubt its possible to do what you think you can, ie have a break and then resume with your girlfriend if you don't like it. She'll probably meet someone else.

- As I see it, seems to be that the best "catches" amongst my female friends are nearly always in couples quite early. Obviously not all, but you reduce your potential pool of girlfriends of the high calibre of happiness providing you are looking for by not committing to the good ones when available.

- Of the couples I know who are a bit like you who have split up for no other reason than being together since very young, the girl has nearly always found someone else and got married quite quick, while the guy has struggled to find someone to match her, and always seems to pine after his first love.

I think I'd find your post more encouraging if it was about wanting to explore in life, eg experience a new country, living alone, new career, etc, rather than just about wanting to kiss different women in nightclubs.

fungun

floorpie wrote: »

I agree with your post, except for this part...this mightn't be a popular idea but a person can always be happier, that's just the way the world is. Sometimes you've to draw the line and say that you're 'content' though, and quash those natural feelings of 'grass is greener syndrome'. Well i think.

Totally agree actually - but its easier to make that 'this is good enough for me' decision when you have had the experience of a number of relationships. Its harder to make that call when his reln has been his only experience, so its a more pertinent/difficult question for him to answer for himself at the moment

discus

guy34 wrote: »

I met my first and only girlfriend at 16. Fast forward 7 years later we are still together and still happy.

However a few months ago, maybe 6 months ago, I started wondering about other girls. All over the years I see my mates getting with hundreds of different girls and Im starting to feel like Im missing out. Ive never even kissed another girl or held hands with another girl.

I do love my current GF. I wouldnt cheat on her. Id pick her any day over strangers in a nightclub. But I have to admit Im starting to feel like I might grow old and look back and think what was I at. Especially if me and her break up when Im 30 or something and Im too old for kissing strangers in nightclubs.

I really dont know.

Im asking here first to see what sort of replies I get and then if I still feel the same in a few days Im going to talk to my girlfriend and maybe see about taking a break for a while or something.

Thanks for reading all that, I know its kinda long, sorry.

The grass is greener dude. What will ya cherish in the future? If you could delve into the brain of single lads, you'd find that 90% cherish the 1 or 2 important women they've had in their lives... not the anonymous girls they've scored in a nightclub or (occasionally) shagged after a night out.

Don't take a break. But best of luck whatever ya do.

BattleCorp

Your mates are scoring with hundreds of birds............nah, I don't think so. You are looking at them through rose tinted glasses.

As was mentioned earlier, you are suffering from "The Grass Is Greener Over There" syndrome.

You seem to have a good thing going with your other half, so why not keep it going.

You have to ask yourself, are you willing to lose your girlfriend for a casual shag every now and again and risk the possibility that you may never find anyone as good as her in the future?

That's the choice that you have to make.

guy34

guy34 wrote: »

Fast forward 7 years later we are still together and still happy.

7 years and happy? That's something your mates are missing out on. What great thing is it that they're getting out of kissing strangers?

talk to my girlfriend and maybe see about taking a break for a while or something.

If you want to get with other girls, you're going to have to leave your girlfriend. Breaks rarely work, and it's a bit unfair to break so you can get with a load of people and just expect her to wait for you until you get it out of your system.

Are you missing out by only ever being with one person? A bit, yeah, not that it would bother me if I was with someone 7 years and still loved them. You're missing out on knowing the different dynamics a relationship can have, and the different people you can be in a relationship. But you're not going to get that by going out kissing other girls. If you feel that getting with people is something that you have to do, then break up with your girlfriend and do it.

However, have you considered that maybe you and your girlfriend wont be together forever? Why not stay with her while you're enjoying the relationship. You will not get too old to get with someone else. You will get too old to hang around student nights kissing people, but that's definitely not something you're missing out on.

Big Bag of Chips

I think what people are missing is that going out as a single lad, having a laugh with your mates and kissing, or not, a randomer in a night club is FUN!

Not saying being with a girlfriend who you are happy with isn't fun either.. but it's a different type of fun. And if your mates are all single their "fun" is different to yours, and if you go out with them, your night out is different to theirs.

My brother was with his gf for 10 years from the time he was 15. They split up amicably both agreeing that they missed out on being "normal" teenagers. We, (us and her family), always thought they'd eventually get back together, but she now has a baby with someone else.

They'll never get back together. They are still friends, but we're all still wondering "what if"!

It's your choice, and nobody can tell you that you are right or wrong for thinking this at this stage of your life and relationship!