Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL THAT NEVER MADE IT ON THE AIR:

Cover charge: $15.00

Round of drinks: $23.00

Table dance: $30.00

Another round of drinks: $23.00

Couch dance and tips: $50.00

A round of shots: $34.00

Another round of drinks: $23.00

Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00

Private dance and hotel room: $500.00

Sending her on her way and never having to listen to her bitching...

Priceless
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Someone left the zebra's cage open by accident and he escaped and ran to a local farm.

He approached an old hen and asked,” What do YOU do around here?"

She said, "I lay eggs for the farmer’s breakfast."

Then he walked over to a cow and asked,” What do YOU do around here?"

She said, "I give milk for the farmer’s breakfast."

Then he walked over a huge stallion and asked,” What do YOU do around here?"

He said, "Take off those faggy pyjamas and I'll show you EXACTLY what I do around here!"
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Three guys were getting ready to tee off when the starter stopped them and asked them if they would take a fourth.

After seeing who the fourth was a beautiful blonde with long legs, they all agreed to let her join the group.

As they approached the first tee, the blonde told the golfers, "I'm not very good at golf. I'd appreciate it if you would be patient with me."

"No problem!" said all three golfers.

On the first tee, the blonde hit a nice drive down the centre of the fairway.

On her second shot, she was on the green.

All four golfers approached the green and the blonde said, "I have never gotten a birdie in my life.

If one you gentlemen can help me sink this putt, I will perform oral sex on the gentleman who helps me."

The first guy steps up and said, "The putt will break six inches to the right."

The second guy steps up and said, "No, no four inches to the left."

The third guys said, "Ah, just pick it up, it's a gimme."

snowman707

man walks into the doctor's surgery with a frog growing on his head, doctor asks "how did it start"?








frog replies

"it started with a pimple on my arse"

shawnee

Brill lads, keep em comin !