Horrible Story :(

demolitionman

In college today I was walking along holding hands with my boyfriend when some randomer shouted ''Faggots!!!'' at us and threw a empty coke bottle at us!

I felt absolutely horrific after it, he was in a big group and me and my fella were so scared so we just quickly ran off, but i've been so down all evening. Like really depressed, just feel like wrapping a rope around my neck at this stage tbh. This kinda thing has happened before and it's really depressing. Just gonna take some ssri's and go to sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning

As far as i'm concerned the word Faggot is analogous to the word Nigger and there should be campaigns to end this sort of bullying and vitriol in society.

anyone else ever have this kinda thing happen and just feel like its not worth it anymore.
being gay is so hard. why were we born this way, so unfair, life just isnt worth this hassle

thanks for listening

Richie

jayteecork

twat acting tough in a big crowd of his moron friends.

Obvious coward and a loser.

why get yourself so down over such muppets?

Conor30

Sorry to hear that Richie. Console yourself in the knowledge that he's probably a 'fag**t' himself but just one who doesn't have the courage that you have to live it out openly and with pride. The best way to deal with losers like him is to reply along the lines of: "I know I'm gay...what's your point loser? How do you think you're even insulting me? You're probably queer yourself anyway but don't have the guts to admit it". I feel like braining him myself right now!:p

pragmatic1

The world is full of assholes mate. Its just a fact of life. If it wasnt being gay, it would be being fat, or black or skinny or etc. There will always be assholes and you cant change that fact. What you can do is change how you react to assholes. All that matters in life is the opinion of family and good friends. You will forget the opinion of some random nothing in no time.

apache

pragmatic1 wrote: »

The world is full of assholes mate. Its just a fact of life. If it wasnt being gay, it would be being fat, or black or skinny or etc. There will always be assholes and you cant change that fact. What you can do is change how you react to assholes. All that matters in life is the opinion of family and good friends. You will forget the opinion of some random nothing in no time.

what a sensible post!
i doubt very much conor they were closeted. they are just arseholes!
live your mantra this way. don't forget they go home and never realise what damage they cause. why should it bother you? i know its easier said than done but gotta change your reaction mate otherwise they win. otherwise you lose - its that simple.
i deal with it every single day in my job - if i cared i would be on the dole long ago
i find ignoring it or if i'm in the mood a sharp dose of humour does the trick.
sometimes both offending parties end up laughing.
its **** but its how you deal with stuff. thats the main thing.

Bodhisopha

demolitionman wrote: »

In college today I was walking along holding hands with my boyfriend when some randomer shouted ''Faggots!!!'' at us and threw a empty coke bottle at us!

I felt absolutely horrific after it, he was in a big group and me and my fella were so scared so we just quickly ran off, but i've been so down all evening. Like really depressed, just feel like wrapping a rope around my neck at this stage tbh. This kinda thing has happened before and it's really depressing. Just gonna take some ssri's and go to sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning

As far as i'm concerned the word Faggot is analogous to the word Nigger and there should be campaigns to end this sort of bullying and vitriol in society.

anyone else ever have this kinda thing happen and just feel like its not worth it anymore.
being gay is so hard. why were we born this way, so unfair, life just isnt worth this hassle

thanks for listening

Richie

If such reactions make you want to wrap a rope around your neck then why hold hands with your boyfriend in public?

Unfortunately, you are going to encounter idiots like that. If you can't take it, it might be in your interests to be a little more discrete.

Sgt. Bilko 09

Bodhisopha wrote: »

If such reactions make you want to wrap a rope around your neck then why hold hands with your boyfriend in public?

Unfortunately, you are going to encounter idiots like that. If you can't take it, it might be in your interests to be a little more discrete.

I no your making a valid point but i think there is a time and place to something that serious i'd be surprised if you dont get an infraction for saying some of that stuff in your comments

Denners.ie

Sorry to hear about that Dickie (pardon the pun)

TylerIE

demolitionman wrote: »

In college today I was walking along holding hands with my boyfriend when some randomer shouted ''Faggots!!!'' at us and threw a empty coke bottle at us!

I felt absolutely horrific after it, he was in a big group and me and my fella were so scared so we just quickly ran off, but i've been so down all evening. Like really depressed, just feel like wrapping a rope around my neck at this stage tbh. This kinda thing has happened before and it's really depressing. Just gonna take some ssri's and go to sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning

As far as i'm concerned the word Faggot is analogous to the word Nigger and there should be campaigns to end this sort of bullying and vitriol in society.

anyone else ever have this kinda thing happen and just feel like its not worth it anymore.
being gay is so hard. why were we born this way, so unfair, life just isnt worth this hassle

thanks for listening

Richie

Richie while I agree its awful that it happened, and it really shouldnt, I wouldnt let it get ya too down.

While its upsetting not being able to be affectionate with your OH in public without fear theres a few things to consider and first and foremost is your own safety - both physical and emotional.

If you have access to SSRIs I assume you have had mental health issues in the past, and perhaps the most important thing to do then is to look after yourself. One way is to avoid situations that are likely to be upsetting. One of these situations is obviously when ya get abuse for Public displays of affection. Its unfortunate and annoying, but needs must. Furthermore if someone (The agressor) feels safe (from authority/retribution) in giving abuse and throwing the bottle, then people who would react even more aggressively are likely to feel safe in venting their feelings in that area too.

I recently was at a major event in a non-gay themed club with the OH. We were pretty affectionate throughout the night, with a few funny looks every now and again. We sat near the dancefloor at one stage, and at that point (although it annoyed us) we made sure not to be visibly involved as we were sitting ducks for trouble. It annoyed the OH greatly, but safety first.

Things are improving dramatically when it comes to LGBT couples visibility. The Marriage Equality Just love billboards are all over the city centre. In the last few weeks Ive seen 3+ gay couples on the street holding hands. IMHO its important that LGBT couples do act like non-LGBT couples do when in public (e.g. by holding hands) in order to help people get used to the idea, but ONLY when your safe in doing so. If your feeling low as you think you will never be able to behave "normally" in public with your Bf, I wouldnt. Things are changing dramatically in Ireland and that sort of cr@p is becoming less and less socially acceptable, and therefore less common. By the end of this governments term in office its somewhat likely that you could have the option of having a husband instead of a bf!

Secondly, if your a student in the college consider contacting your Students Union. Most Student Unions have a low tolerance for such incidents, and you will find that LGBT individuals is often very well represented as a % of those most active in most SUs!

The guy who done it is an idiotic twat, probably from some back end of nowhere and its the first time hes ever been exposed to a relationship that wasnt hetrosexual, with people of the same age race and nationality!

vampire of kilmainham

you will allways come accross fcuking ass holes like that in this life unfortunetley we just have to live with it that little worm thinks he's big but he's not dont give in to him and dont be thinking about ending it you would only be giving in to that little toe rag iam sure you have lots of people that love you family and friends and your boy friend you dont want to hurt them by doing something stupid like ending it rember walk tall and look the world right in the eye im sending you a big hug and hope that you will be ok be happy:)

baby and crumble

@Bodhisopha: Your comment is unhelpful, and veering close to condoning homophobic behaviour. I can understand your meaning, but please understand that the OP was coming looking for support.

@ Sgt. Bilko: If you have a problem with a post, please use the report function rather than posting on thread.

Conor30

Bodhisopha wrote: »

If such reactions make you want to wrap a rope around your neck then why hold hands with your boyfriend in public?

Unfortunately, you are going to encounter idiots like that. If you can't take it, it might be in your interests to be a little more discrete.

Gay people shouldn't have to be discreet.

Conor30

demolitionman wrote: »

anyone else ever have this kinda thing happen and just feel like its not worth it anymore.
being gay is so hard. why were we born this way, so unfair, life just isnt worth this hassle


Richie

Most, if not all, LGBT people have had something like this happen to them in some kind of guise, even if it was just homophobic comments or glances, etc.

Look at the positives...you have a nice boyfriend's hand to hold; most gay people don't even have such a luxury! :P

Sgt. Bilko 09

baby and crumble wrote: »

@ Sgt. Bilko: If you have a problem with a post, please use the report function rather than posting on thread.

ok

Bodhisopha

baby and crumble wrote: »

@Bodhisopha: Your comment is unhelpful, and veering close to condoning homophobic behaviour. I can understand your meaning, but please understand that the OP was coming looking for support.

@ Sgt. Bilko: If you have a problem with a post, please use the report function rather than posting on thread.

I can understand your meaning, but please understand that the OP was coming looking for support.

Noted, and i sincerely apologise.

veering close to condoning homophobic behaviour

Absolute rubbish.

baby and crumble

Please stay on topic. If you have a problem with a mod decision take it to PM. Do not derail the thread.

busyliving

Did this happen on college grounds?

Also may I ask which college this happened at?

Totally unacceptable behaviour and really needs to be stamped out

Dodd

demolitionman wrote: »

In college today I was walking along holding hands with my boyfriend when some randomer shouted ''Faggots!!!'' at us and threw a empty coke bottle at us!

Richie

You will get much worse abuse if you do that in some places that is not a collage.
You need to toughen up imo but I can't tell you how to do that.

As for putting a rope around your neck it would be better to put a scarf on as ropes don't keep the heat in so good.:)

Killer Pigeon

Are you honestly going to let some utter plank get you into a heap? You know you're better than him anyway and you'd probably ring roads around him.

I mean seriously, anyone who behaves that way doesn't deserve to be in college. I imagine he has no proper friends himself. His kind are becoming fewer and further between, thank goodness.

Don't get caught up on it too much but maybe you should report the incident to your college's SU equality officer (if you have one) or even a college newspaper or local radio station (I wouldn't rule out ringing up Liveline).

I have very strong views on discrimination and I don't think that idiot should get away with it. If I were you, I'd even go so far as to make an example of him in front of the entire college.

If it happened on the college campus then I think disciplinary action needs to be taken against him; bullying (emotional, verbal or physical) and discrimination shouldn't be tolerated. Also contact you LGBT society about it, see what they can do.

It's things like this that really make my blood boil and if it happened to me I would take the matter to the top!!

AodhDub

Just try to ignore it. Or better yet laugh at his daftness. Easier said than done I know...

Killer Pigeon

Bodhisopha wrote: »

If such reactions make you want to wrap a rope around your neck then why hold hands with your boyfriend in public?

Unfortunately, you are going to encounter idiots like that. If you can't take it, it might be in your interests to be a little more discrete.

Discrete? The OP, or anyone else for that matter, shouldn't have to succumb to homophobic, inconsiderate and abusive imbeciles, like the one who attack him, with an IQ below 60. Never be discrete if people are trying to infringe on your rights.

Solair

I think it's worth remembering that it's only a very small minority of people who react like that to a gay couple.

It's quite likely that the same guy would give abuse to anyone passing for any reason whatsoever.

I had a situation in the Dublin North-inner city area where I parked my C-reg car and a bunch of idiotic teenagers started hurling abuse at me "Get that culchie car out of Dublin"

I've had abuse hurled at me for wearing shorts, for being a back-packer, for having a weird hair cut, for being 6'3".. you name it!

Sadly, a % of the population are complete morons and just like to abuse people in the street for all sorts of reasons. There's very little that you can do about it and there is a loutish element of Irish and British society at the moment which goes very unchecked.

The main thing though is just remember that for every one of those guys there are probably a few hundred normal people who would never say anything like that!

ninty9er

I think what happened is crap, but wouldn't take it to heart. The guy doesn't know you or your boyfriend, so what does he matter.

I find it more annoying that it happened on a college campus. If you want to pm me I can find out where you need to go to report it. Tolerance is an ethos of most if not all TLIs even the catholic run teaching ones, where ironically there seem to be a higher concentration of gay lads in particular. Although being on a campus is no indication they were students.

I wouldn't let it get to me, but if it's getting to you then I suggest you follow it up and get some advice on how to minimise the chances of the same happening to someone else.

Edit

Looks like you're a UL student. Drop into Tara in the SU and email Jackie.OShaughnessy@ul.ie to make an official disciplinary complaint if you reckon the guy is a UL student.

Dodd

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

Discrete? The OP, or anyone else for that matter, shouldn't have to succumb to homophobic, inconsiderate and abusive imbeciles, like the one who attack him, with an IQ below 60. Never be discrete if people are trying to infringe on your rights.

That just sounds like bad advice.
You have to think of your own safety first and not standing up for your rights when there are only two of you in this situation.
I also cant for the life of me think why the op wanted to go around collage holding hands with anyone else.
Would he get lost in the crowd if not holding hands,otherwise why hold hands.?

Killer Pigeon

Dodd wrote: »

That just sounds like bad advice.
You have to think of your own safety first and not standing up for your rights when there are only two of you in this situation.
I also cant for the life of me think why the op wanted to go around collage holding hands with anyone else.
Would he get lost in the crowd if not holding hands,otherwise why hold hands.?

An expression of affection perhaps, I mean straight couples do it all the time, the OP shouldn't be afraid to hold hands with his boyfriend, especially on college campus which are supposed to be more liberal than most places. I advice the OP to continue holding hands with his boyfriend whenever they both please as any straight couple would. There was no fault in any of the OP's actions.

If society continues to give in to bullying and discrimination then there will be no progress.

Dave147

Sorry to hear about your troubles OP but you can't let this sort of thing get you so depressed, of course it's going to upset you but you can't let it have this effect. You will probably never see this asshole again (hopefully not anyway), his opinion shouldn't matter to you, he is worthless that he is so narrow minded. I'm a straight male and often see two guys or girls holding hands and I admire them for having the courage to show their feelings to the world.

I have the right to hold my girlfriends hand walking down the street, why shouldn't you have the same right? Just because our orientation is different shouldn't matter. I hope it doesn't discourage you from showing your feelings in public in the future.

On the other hand, Bodisopha has a point, if you are veering into a depression over this then it would be better to be more discreet in public, until such a time where you can walk down the street with your head held high and not care what anyone thinks. I also don't think he was anywhere near veering into homophobic territory, moreso highlighting that the OP's safety and mental wellbeing is paramount.

Lastly, chin up!

Bodhisopha

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

Discrete? The OP, or anyone else for that matter, shouldn't have to succumb to homophobic, inconsiderate and abusive imbeciles, like the one who attack him, with an IQ below 60. Never be discrete if people are trying to infringe on your rights.

His own well being is more important than the right to hold hands in public. If such abuse from idiots make him suicidal...

Probably best to work on his reactions to such buffoonery first. When that's done, go rub it in their faces if he so chooses.

Dodd

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

An expression of affection perhaps, I mean straight couples do it all the time, the OP shouldn't be afraid to hold hands with his boyfriend, especially on college campus which are supposed to be more liberal than most places. I advice the OP to continue holding hands with his boyfriend whenever they both please as any straight couple would.

You advised someone that can't handle what others say to him and feels like putting a rope around his neck to just keep doing what caused you him to feel that way.?
My advice to the OP is get advice in the collage or else where but don't just think it's ok Boards has my answers.
Holding hands in collage is not likely to lead to getting beat up but in others places it could lead to this.

Dave147

Dodd wrote: »

You advised someone that can't handle what others say to him and feels like putting a rope around his neck to just keep doing what caused you him to feel that way.?
My advice to the OP is get advice in the collage or else where but don't just think it's ok Boards has my answers.
Holding hands in collage is not likely to lead to getting beat up but in others places it could lead to this.

I agree with this point, but for god's sake it's *college*! I can't take the post seriously when I read collage!! :P

/Back on topic

Killer Pigeon

Dodd wrote: »

You advised someone that can't handle what others say to him and feels like putting a rope around his neck to just keep doing what caused you him to feel that way.?
My advice to the OP is get advice in the collage or else where but don't just think it's ok Boards has my answers.
Holding hands in collage is not likely to lead to getting beat up but in others places it could lead to this.

The very last thing the OP should do is give in to bullies. The OP did nothing wrong, and the more posters like you paint it that way the more inadequate he will feel! In fact, continuing to hold hands with his boyfriend ought to make him feel stronger. The OP holding hands with his boyfriend in college isn't what made him feel suicidal, it was that one imbecile who bullied him. Let's make that point very clear!!

Dave147

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

The very last thing the OP should do is give in to bullies. The OP did nothing wrong, and the more posters like you paint it that way the more inadequate he will feel! In fact, continuing to hold hands with his boyfriend ought to make him feel stronger. The OP holding hands with his boyfriend in college isn't what made him feel suicidal, it was that one imbecile who bullied him. Let's make that point very clear!!

It's not about giving in to bullies, if the OP (god forbid) was to follow up on his threat of putting a rope around his neck due to being unable to handle the taunts, who wins? There are bullies out there, that's a fact of life, nobody here is trying to be down on the OP, in fact we are trying to be supportive, it's fine for you to say screw the bullies and go out and flaunt it.. but if he is not really ready to show his feelings in public then he should be more discreet until he has built up the confidence.

Edit: Just to emphasise the fact that it's clear as day the OP did absolutely nothing wrong, and I hope he will find the self confidence and courage he is looking for.

halpin17

Batter the cnuts the next time he says anything!!! It's all he deserves

Killer Pigeon

Dave147 wrote: »

It's not about giving in to bullies, if the OP (god forbid) was to follow up on his threat of putting a rope around his neck due to being unable to handle the taunts, who wins? There are bullies out there, that's a fact of life, nobody here is trying to be down on the OP, in fact we are trying to be supportive, it's fine for you to say screw the bullies and go out and flaunt it.. but if he is not really ready to show his feelings in public then he should be more discreet until he has built up the confidence.

I have been bullied in the past, indeed many of us have. I, for one, would have felt a lot worse if I received comments like "If such reactions make you want to wrap a rope around your neck then why hold hands with your boyfriend in public". The VERY last thing the OP needs is any ounce of a suggestion that he was doing anything wrong, in fact I suggest that moderators delete all posts from the thread that are along these lines. This is serious. The first thing the OP needs, is COMPLETELY NON-JUDGMENTAL support!

Dodd

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

The very last thing the OP should do is give in to bullies. The OP did nothing wrong, and the more posters like you paint it that way the more inadequate he will feel! In fact, continuing to hold hands with his boyfriend ought to make him feel stronger. The OP holding hands with his boyfriend in college isn't what made him feel suicidal, it was that one imbecile who bullied him. Let's make that point very clear!!

So why do you think he was bullied.
He may get bullied again for the same thing and he can't even handle it now.
Why would advice to do it again to get over it is beyond me.
Unless you say just ignore them and keep walking.

Plautus

I think it's sensible, if the OP is (or was) prescribed SSRIs for a diagnosed condition, to avoid stressors (in the immediate short-term.) If a situation like this makes you feel suicidal, the blame lies nowhere but with the bullies. However, it is a good idea to build up your confidence too. Have you considered engaging the counselling services of your university, OP? If you are doing so already, then incidents of bullying like this are worthy of exploring with your counsellor.

I think we must appreciate that the OP is in an especially sensitive place, so it isn't so easy for him to shrug off incidents like these.

Bottom line: not your fault.

EKClarke

Tbh I think your problem is your blaming yourself for what happened rather than the gob****e who was abusing you. Its fairly common that people blame themselves, maybe you should try and be a little more stoic or at least realise that your depression was caused by someone else rather than yourself and the fact that your gay. Its not your fault. If you actually understood that life would be a whole lot easier. Don't victimise yourself its common among homosexuals who experience the taboo of homosexuality and at some time or another actual abuse and then live a lot of their lives under their own pressure. In fact that is all that life is for all of us. While you are receiving actual abuse and that's terrible I think you shouldn't let yourself get yourself down because it just ends in heartache.

Annasopra

Locking this as there has been some very bad advice given in the thread.