i feel like my boyfriend is drifting away..was getting back together again worth it?

ChirishGirl

my boyfriend and i are going out for over a year and a half but we broke up briefly for afew weeks at the beginning of the summer, as he thought the relationship was going nowhere and best to end. i see now he was right- at the time we were spending far too much time together, and we would bicker alot over the littlest things. i was heartbroken, but tried to move on and get over him. However about a month later he told me he had changed his mind, that he had made a mistake and he wanted to give it another shot. after alot of thinking and talking things through, afew more months down the line we're now back together.

the problem i have is that i feel like i'm investing so much more time and energy into our relationship than he is. It's only for the last few weeks, since we've started college again that I've been feeling like this. its always me who contacts first, who wants to meet up etc, and i know if i decided to step back and just not make any effort to talk to him, he wouldnt even notice. we have stopped spending as much time together as we would have last year, which has helped us a good bit, but i would still like to see him every once in a while, or text at the weekends when we don't see each other at all.

don't get me wrong, when we started seeing eachother again after the breakup, it was Him making all the contact and moves, and since we live far apart during the summer, it made me soften towards him again much quicker because i could see he was making a big effort to try make things between us work again.

i think deep down i'm wondering if his heart isnt in it anymore, but I know he would tell me if that were the case. To be honest i just don't feel loved or cared for any more, and that i am trying harder than i should have to. I'm just fed up now and want to be appreciated and to feel wanted. I love him and i will always care a great deal for him, but i really wish he could say to me that he feels the same way. I've tried bringing this up a few times but he either makes a joke out of it or says he's just been abit stressed at the time and its nothing.

sorry for the long message, but any advice would be hugely appreciated, especially if people have ever been in a similar situation!
thanks

Esoteric_

YOu said yourself that you don't feel loved or cared for, and anytime you try to bring it up, he laughs it off or says he's stressed. You also know that he won't initiate contact with you if you don't text or call first.

I'm sorry but it sounds to me like the relationship is dead but he hasn't got the guts to tell you. I'd personally cut my losses if I were in your situation, because you have tried to talk to him about it and he just stops you from talking by making a joke (which is so bad, he shouldn't be joking about something you're worrying about, he should be bloody reassuring you!) or giving you a stupid excuse.

He won't listen or make any effort to improve things, so just leave him. A relationship takes work on both sides, not just one side.

Distorted

Why not just ignore him for a week? No texts, phone calls, emails, if he sends them to you, don't reply. I'm not advocating playing games but I think you should stop chasing around after him. If he doesn't start contacting you to find out whats wrong, I think you know your answer. Less effort on your part too. Plenty more fish in the sea!

I am a friend

Distorted wrote: »

Why not just ignore him for a week? No texts, phone calls, emails, if he sends them to you, don't reply. I'm not advocating playing games but I think you should stop chasing around after him. If he doesn't start contacting you to find out whats wrong, I think you know your answer. Less effort on your part too. Plenty more fish in the sea!

Yeah exactly!!! He doesn't do any of the work in the relationship because he doesn't need to - you are doing it all.

parrai

I think once it goes to the 'on a break' thing, in my experience anyway, it's usually over... The getting back together thing is usually cause one side is not sure and the other is heartbroken... (not all the time, mind you, but alot of the time)

What does your gut tell you? Only you really know... You have been together along time so you know him...