Your view on an unintended sexist comment!

MyKeyG

I was walking through Dunne's with my dad. We had a list that only needed two baskets and my dad said 'Do we need a trolley?' and I said 'Ah sure a basket each will do, two men like us'! Now I've said it before when I was with my sister. She wanted to get a trolley and I said 'sure aren't we fit and young enough the pair of us to get a couple of baskets'.

But because I said it with my dad I thought aloud 'That probably came across a bit sexist actually' and this lady walking slightly behind me said 'Yes it did'. And I said 'Oh I really didn't mean it like that, I'm not one bit sexist, I just meant there were two of us not that it's because we're men, we just happen to be men' and she was like 'yeah yeah yeah' in a "I've heard it all before kind of way" she seemed to be taking it lightly but in a mocking way.

As we entered the shop I had a look back to see if she was doing her shopping too or just passing through the mall and I saw her pick up two baskets raise her eyebrows and look at me in a "see what us lowly women can do" kind of way.

Now my Mam said 'you were dead right whether you meant it or not, two strong lads walking round with a trolley when a couple of baskets would have done ye for feck sake' (even though that's not what I meant but thought it best to leave it).

How would any of you ladies have interpreted my comment? Because I feel really bad that I came across as something I abhor and actually bothered someone.

MissFlitworth

I wouldn't even have noticed your comment to be honest, unless 1. I was eavesdropping and 2. you followed it up with 'unlike stupid women with their weak arms & trolleys AMIRITE bwahahahahaahah'

Lady behind you is/was sticking her nose in on an off the cuff comment that was nothing whatsoever to do with her!

Wolfe Tone

I would have told the woman to feck off tbh

sexter

Is this a test to see the extent of how bizarrely politically correct Irish people have become in the way of gender issues?

Of course it wasn't sexist one bit. Men are physically stronger than women, that's a biological fact. So to make the comment that you're both men, and therefore generally strong enough not to need a trolly is a fully viable statement.

Lady Chuckles

Not sexist at all. That woman was being a gobshíte.

MagicMarker

You should have went back and got 2 more baskets to prove your manliness.

mickdw

She was clearly only taking the piss.

MrStuffins

I'd have given her my basket and said "Then you bleedin' carry it!"

UrbanSea

I think it was more daft to even put a thread up about it,and I don't mean that in a bad way OP.

Silverfish

Alright folks, this thread is in the ladies lounge and looking for opinions from ladies, so let's bear that in mind here

MyKeyG

mickdw wrote: »

She was clearly only taking the piss.

Well I don't dispute that possibility for a second but if she was taking the piss believe me it wasn't clearly.

MyKeyG

UrbanSea wrote: »

I think it was more daft to even put a thread up about it,and I don't mean that in a bad way OP.

I know exactly what you mean. Might have been a bit over sensitive I really wanted to hear opinions.

Funny thing is I held a door open for a lady this morning and she seemed surprised and said 'you don't see that very often' and I was a bit chuffed. Then an hour later I'm a 'sexist'!:o

LegacyUser

Come come now, no one called you a sexist. It was your comment that could have been interpreted as sexist, and it was you yourself you observed that fact. She only agreed.

It's easy to see that anyone who did interpret it that way would have had only the weakest justification for doing so. That fact is fairly intuitively obvious, so I also think there wasn't much purpose for this thread other than to publicize that a woman heard you make a silly statement, agreed with you, and then teased you about it.

Novella

I had a lecture in college on Ergonomics last week - fitting the task to the person - and it's just a fact that generally speaking men are stronger than women. Obviously there are gonna be exceptions but ya know. I wouldn't have been bothered by your comment at all, it wouldn't have even come on my radar as being relatively offensive.

floutingmaxims

That is so far from being classed as a sexist comment. Either that lady was only messing or she has a screw loose somewhere.

irishh_bob

MyKeyG wrote: »

I was walking through Dunne's with my dad. We had a list that only needed two baskets and my dad said 'Do we need a trolley?' and I said 'Ah sure a basket each will do, two men like us'! Now I've said it before when I was with my sister. She wanted to get a trolley and I said 'sure aren't we fit and young enough the pair of us to get a couple of baskets'.

But because I said it with my dad I thought aloud 'That probably came across a bit sexist actually' and this lady walking slightly behind me said 'Yes it did'. And I said 'Oh I really didn't mean it like that, I'm not one bit sexist, I just meant there were two of us not that it's because we're men, we just happen to be men' and she was like 'yeah yeah yeah' in a "I've heard it all before kind of way" she seemed to be taking it lightly but in a mocking way.

As we entered the shop I had a look back to see if she was doing her shopping too or just passing through the mall and I saw her pick up two baskets raise her eyebrows and look at me in a "see what us lowly women can do" kind of way.

Now my Mam said 'you were dead right whether you meant it or not, two strong lads walking round with a trolley when a couple of baskets would have done ye for feck sake' (even though that's not what I meant but thought it best to leave it).

How would any of you ladies have interpreted my comment? Because I feel really bad that I came across as something I abhor and actually bothered someone.

you have little to worry about and that neurotic nora behind you is clearly the type who goes out of her way to be offended , is the whole world gone completley fcuking pc mad :rolleyes:

jaffacakesyum

I'd say she was messing to be honest. No need to take it too seriously

jill_valentine

MagicMarker wrote: »

You should have went back and got 2 more baskets to prove your manliness.

And filled them with BEER and VESTS just to really drive the point home.

Agree with earlier posters that it wouldn't even have appeared on my PC radar. Indeed, if the lady had a bit of cop on she would have realised what a sturdy, yet obviously thoughtful and sensitive, specimen of a gentleman she was missing out on in MyKeyG.

hullaballoo

I really don't understand why you didn't just take a trolley, tbh.

MyKeyG

jill_valentine wrote: »

And filled them with BEER and VESTS just to really drive the point home.

Agree with earlier posters that it wouldn't even have appeared on my PC radar. Indeed, if the lady had a bit of cop on she would have realised what a sturdy, yet obviously thoughtful and sensitive, specimen of a gentleman she was missing out on in MyKeyG.

Ha ha...Oh behaaaaave!!

LeeHoffmann

We had a list that only needed two baskets and my dad said 'Do we need a trolley?' and I said 'Ah sure a basket each will do, two men like us'! Now I've said it before when I was with my sister. She wanted to get a trolley and I said 'sure aren't we fit and young enough the pair of us to get a couple of baskets'.

But because I said it with my dad I thought aloud 'That probably came across a bit sexist actually' and this lady walking slightly behind me said 'Yes it did'. And I said 'Oh I really didn't mean it like that, I'm not one bit sexist, I just meant there were two of us not that it's because we're men, we just happen to be men' and she was like 'yeah yeah yeah' in a "I've heard it all before kind of way" she seemed to be taking it lightly but in a mocking way.

eh sorry...what? Are you sexist because you said 'two men like us can carry a basket each'? ...instead of what? 'two people can carry a basket each?'. How could somebody get offended about that? Bizarre. Why would she even notice what you say to your Dad? I don't know. All very weird.

Why are people pointing out that men are stronger than women? Surely women are capable of carrying baskets too?

This is me

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Kanoe

I would have gone back and offered to help her carry one of her baskets. If I were a man of course.

MyKeyG

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

eh sorry...what? Are you sexist because you said 'two men like us can carry a basket each'? ...instead of what? 'two people can carry a basket each?'. How could somebody get offended about that? Bizarre. Why would she even notice what you say to your Dad? I don't know. All very weird.

Why are people pointing out that men are stronger than women? Surely women are capable of carrying baskets too?

This is me

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I think it's more because my dad had asked if we needed a trolley. I imagine her interpretation was I was saying "trolleys are for women since only men can carry baskets". She was walking to my left and slightly behind, the store was busy, so I wouldn't say she was eaves dropping to be fair.

A lot of people are saying 'why even start a thread on this?' but when the occurrence came to me too I can hardly stand in ultimate judgement. The only difference is mine was in wonder whereas hers appeared definite so I just thought I'd ask a few opinions.

kerash

If you didn't mean it that way then don't worry about what other people think op.

LeeHoffmann

I think it's more because my dad had asked if we needed a trolley. I imagine her interpretation was I was saying "trolleys are for women since only men can carry baskets". She was walking to my left and slightly behind, the store was busy, so I wouldn't say she was eaves dropping to be fair.

A lot of people are saying 'why even start a thread on this?' but when the occurrence came to me too I can hardly stand in ultimate judgement. The only difference is mine was in wonder whereas hers appeared definite so I just thought I'd ask a few opinions.

By all means, feel free to ask away - that's what boards is here for. No I don't think what you said was sexist. I think it's ridiculous that anybody would think it was sexist o.O

Eve_Dublin

It's simply a case of, "You meet all types". World is full of people with differing opinions. Big deal. Leave them to it as long as you know yourself well. You know you're not a chauvanist, so why would you let a stranger make you doubt yourself when you know yourself better than anyone? She might've been having a bad day.

I told three teenagers sitting on the floor of a busy Metro yesterday to get up and give people space to stand yesterday. I couldn't read the looks of my fellow travellers but no doubt one or two people were thinking, "look at the cranky Northern European..she hates young people!". Feck them. They don't know me from Adam!

Dudess

Either she was on a wind-up or has those crackpot feminazi tendencies that get thrown at all feminists... nay, all forthright women.

irishh_bob wrote: »

is the whole world gone completley fcuking pc mad :rolleyes:

Nope. It does seem to have gone a bit mad all right on the fear that the world has gone "PC maaaaaaaaad"...

Giselle

MyKeyG wrote: »

Funny thing is I held a door open for a lady this morning and she seemed surprised and said 'you don't see that very often' and I was a bit chuffed. Then an hour later I'm a 'sexist'!:o

Manners aren't sexist, its a shame they get seen that way sometimes.

I don't see how your comment in the OP is sexist at all tbh. I think the woman who overheard is the oversensitive one, putting her own interpretation on an innocent remark. Thats her problem, not yours.

harrythehat

I'd say you're taking her a bit too seriously! It was clearly a lighthearted comment.

mooman

MagicMarker wrote: »

You should have went back and got 2 more baskets to prove your manliness.

Should have picked up a trolley and carried it around the shop really

LegacyUser

The woman simply agreed with you. She was probably taking the piss and deservedly so. While you had a valid reason to think that what you said could be construed as being technically sexist, most people realize that what is technically sexist is not necessarily harmful or demeaning or what have you.

I find it funny how people are jumping all over her for agreeing with something you said.

MyKeyG

harrythehat wrote: »

I'd say you're taking her a bit too seriously! It was clearly a lighthearted comment.

People keep using words like obviously and clearly and believe me if it was a joke or light hearted it was anything but obvious or clear, that's my point. It took us both a little aback.

I know when someone is taking the piss, it wasn't just a comment. She kept saying stuff all the way up the mall!!! In fact my Dad even asked what she was saying to me and I told him I didn't know since I was in a bit of a daze trying to explain.

Look I can only explain it from my point of view. She needs to work on her 'joke' face:)

Be that as it may my belief was that she was offended and was interested in opinions on that basis.

Ickle Magoo

My honest opinion is bewilderment as to why an auld woman that you don't know and whose opinion should mean nothing to you - whose mental health, past experiences and personality is completely unknown to you - is praying so much on your mind...

My advice? Forget about it. There are so many odd people in the world and depending on whatever is going on in their lives at the time even sane people can come out with some pretty weird stuff. You know who and what you are, bugger anyone who wants to make assumptions about you based on one sentence they over-heard you making to someone else completely.

jill_valentine

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

My honest opinion is bewilderment as to why an auld woman that you don't know and whose opinion should mean nothing to you - whose mental health, past experiences and personality is completely unknown to you - is praying so much on your mind...

Ah, I think it's valid to wonder. I think it's good to check you haven't lost touch with manners every so often. Just in case, like.

The day you stop worrying about that stuff at all is the day you turn into one of those insanely obnoxious aul wans who skip queues in shops and say racist things very loudly in public spaces and treat young people as subhumans.

Ickle Magoo

jill_valentine wrote: »

Ah, I think it's valid to wonder. I think it's good to check you haven't lost touch with manners every so often. Just in case, like.

I'll poll the ladies lounge as to whether this one woman had merit in what she was saying despite knowing I'm not sexist or offensive & my family/friends knowing I'm not sexist or offensive? Really?

jill_valentine wrote: »

The day you stop worrying about that stuff at all is the day you turn into one of those insanely obnoxious aul wans who skip queues in shops and say racist things very loudly in public spaces and treat young people as subhumans.

Who suggested stopping being thoughtful? There is being being mindful of our own general behaviour and basic common sense regarding how much heed we pay to complete strangers.

MyKeyG

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

My honest opinion is bewilderment as to why an auld woman that you don't know and whose opinion should mean nothing to you - whose mental health, past experiences and personality is completely unknown to you - is praying so much on your mind...

My advice? Forget about it. There are so many odd people in the world and depending on whatever is going on in their lives at the time even sane people can come out with some pretty weird stuff. You know who and what you are, bugger anyone who wants to make assumptions about you based on one sentence they over-heard you making to someone else completely.

OK just want to be clear. It's not playing on my mind, no need for confusion:) It's forgotten except for the fact that it's now a topic on Boards. Believe me I've plenty better things to be thinking about. I was just interested in opinions because at the time it did take me back and it did bother me that I might have said something.

She wasn't auld, She was about my own go, about thirty. I think I was just surprised. Like, you expect people you don't know to chime into conversations about the weather, or at a stretch the economy while you're strolling through Dunne's but not stuff like that. I think I was more surprised that she kept going on about it. Anyway seems no harm done and most people are of the same opinion. As it turns out to the majority it wasn't a sexist comment.

Ickle Magoo

Yep, I'd be surprised at someone eavesdropping then behaving that way too - irrespective of age - but then I think we have all had times when strangers come out with bizarre or inappropriate comments/behaviour and I think we have to have a bit of faith in ourselves and write it off as someone else being bizarre/inappropriate. From what you've said you sound like a thoughtful guy, you have family and friends who'll keep you honest....and she sounds like a complete looper - that would be my view.

dsmythy

Outside of her comments the fact that you actually pondered this at all seems odd to me. Say what you want within reason. If there's a logical reason a comment by you has truly offended someone and they have a logical reason to be offended maybe then say sorry. Otherwise to hell with it

jill_valentine wrote: »

The day you stop worrying about that stuff at all is the day you turn into one of those insanely obnoxious aul wans who skip queues in shops and say racist things very loudly in public spaces and treat young people as subhumans.

Some leap there JV!

jill_valentine

I work in retail. It's made a monster out of me.