Am I overreacting?

LegacyUser

First some history. I was going out with this guy four years ago now, we broke up very very very badly six months later. Did at the time think it was the end of the world, was completely in love with him didn't want the relationship to end, ie the usual.

Three years later, I have graduated with my degree, started a MA course in a different university. A lot has happened in the three years and I considered myself completely over this guy, although it took a long time. The only thing is his current girlfriend is doing the course with me! She's such a nice girl, really friendly and good craic, and the course is really intimate so its not like I can avoid her.

Anyway it hasn't really bothered me til tonight. We were all out for a course night out and she was constantly texting him, and put him on loudspeaker in the taxi home- it was a bit of a shock to hear a voice I last heard four years ago telling me he didn't love me.

Evidently she has no clue what went on between us, which I'm fine with, because I didn't exactly cover myself in glory during the breakup, but when I came home I was really upset.

It just made me feel really lonely. Four years have passed and he has a really lovely girlfriend and I have no-one. The last person I fell for (not this guy, another one) can never love me back. I just want to know if I'm overreacting in this or is there anything I can do for next time to kind of protect myself from getting upset... I don't mind crying in my own bedroom but once it goes beyond that...!

LostGirly

Hi OP.

You're not at all over reacting but I don't think that you're still in love with him either.

I went through this exact same thing recently with an ex of mine. I broke up with him 4 years ago and I never looked back, I too went to college, got a degree, got a great job, went to Australia for a bit and then came home. While I was home I was on the dole, all my friends were working etc. I was single and pretty lonely. I went out on a rare night out and ended up talking to him for the first time in years. We spent the whole night chatting and laughing and having a great time and I was convinced I really liked him. He told me that night to call any time for coffee etc and when I text him the next day to see if he wanted to meet up he rejected me saying that he didn't think it was a good idea and you know what OP I wasn't one bit upset, I was actually relieved. I didn't really want him back at all, sure we broke up all those years ago for a reason. What had happened was it was the first time I'd talk to him in years and I was feeling down and lonely that was all.

Go out and find someone else hun, don't even think about this guy, it didn't work years ago it won't work now and I know that hearing his voice probably cut you in the heart but honestly you'll be fine, it's just a fleeting thing!

LegacyUser

Thanks Lostgirly. Alcohol is out of the system now so feeling a bit better!

Hope everything is working out a bit better for you now, I know the feeling of being stuck at home and lonely I suppose with your ex you got a bit of "closure" that night??

I know I'm definitely not in love with him, it was bizarre to hear his voice though! I think it just got me thinking about being single. The girlfriend was saying during the night that she's so glad she's not single, when some guy was creeping around, and I started the usual stuff about liking my freedom, but it just sounded really hollow to me. I just have no idea where to meet a decent guy!!! No problem scoring but I want something more than that.

It made me lonely not for my ex, but just lonely in general.... Still a bit sad over the other guy too!

I am a friend

Ah hon it's very normal... Don't beat yourself up.

LostGirly

Anon for this one! wrote: »

Thanks Lostgirly. Alcohol is out of the system now so feeling a bit better!

Hope everything is working out a bit better for you now, I know the feeling of being stuck at home and lonely I suppose with your ex you got a bit of "closure" that night??

I know I'm definitely not in love with him, it was bizarre to hear his voice though! I think it just got me thinking about being single. The girlfriend was saying during the night that she's so glad she's not single, when some guy was creeping around, and I started the usual stuff about liking my freedom, but it just sounded really hollow to me. I just have no idea where to meet a decent guy!!! No problem scoring but I want something more than that.

It made me lonely not for my ex, but just lonely in general.... Still a bit sad over the other guy too!

Things are much better thanks, I got a job and am kind of seeing someone (nothing is ever simple really is it?)

It's defo a case of just being lonely in general more so than lonely for your ex (even though I know there's a bit of that too obviously) but maybe look at this as your time of "closure" with him and get out there.

With regards meetings guys, that's the million Euro question right there, it's so hard but I find sports clubs, classes etc are a great way. Just get out there and involved with things. Random scoring in a nightclub isn't where you'll find Mr Right.

Best of luck hun and chin up

Miss Fluff

Aw you poor thing, sounds like a perfectly normal reaction.

Of course you're not still in love with him but hearing his voice must have been a little bit of a shock and it would have evoked all kinds of memories I am sure. Funny how something like that can just hit you from leftfield without any warning.

You will meet someone lovely so just keep the faith and continue to enjoy yourself until it happens

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, feeling alot better now. Definitely think I'd be able to distance myself if anything like that happens again... It could be worse, next time she could bring him along!!

As for meeting new guys... If it happens, it happens. Hate the whole scoring randomly in a nighclub thing and think I'm too old for it now!! Unfortunately as regards clubs, while I use the gym and keep myself fit, my heart lies in more creative things, like writing and drama, not known for attracting eligible guys

Thanks again for the advice, it was just the pick me up I needed!!