christmas family politics

crazylass

family of 3 daughters and since i left to travel europe in the summer the 2 sisters have completely isolated me from family for no apparent reason....now i have booked to go home for Christmas but now do no see a point in visiting family home...or is this selfish?? opinions please...stressed out

CBFi

I dont quite follow- why would you not visit your parents because of your sisters? Surely you're keeping in contact with them directly and not through your sisters?

Perhaps you can clarify so that advice is more helpful.

It sounds like an awful stressful situation in any case. But remember, the reality is never as bad as you think!

LittleBook

crazylass wrote: »

family of 3 daughters and since i left to travel europe in the summer the 2 sisters have completely isolated me from family for no apparent reason....now i have booked to go home for Christmas but now do no see a point in visiting family home...or is this selfish?? opinions please...stressed out

Your post is very vague, what exactly is the stress? Presumably you're still away from your family?

I'm one of three sisters. One of my sisters and I were very, VERY close all through our childhood right into adulthood. The other sister is a few years younger than us.

When I left the country, my two sisters naturally drifted together and became great friends in my absence. Now when the three of us are together I don't know a lot of the stories they're reminiscing about, I'm not clued into some of the books they read or programmes they watch and I don't even know some of the people they're talking about.

I feel sad about it sometimes and I'm working to build up the relationships again ... but I don't blame them. I'm happy that they had each other when I left.

So unless there's something specific that they've done to isolate you, you may need to consider that a greater part of this isolation came about because you separated yourself from them. If you want to be included again, you need to make the effort.

crazylass

i dont know is der much else to say, the reason is embarassing because it seems so silly but on my travels i would b in same place as my older sisters ex ( 10 yr relationship) so we arrange to meet for coffee and i got an earfull from he about it through email so actually never went to that city on purpose because it had caused such a deal.....this was july...and atmosphere has been like this since...i have 2 date said sorry 5 times... i am at wits end and i guess very lucky to have a great bunch of friends

I am a friend

So you won't go home to to your parents house for Xmas cos your sister has the hump?

crazylass

no...because i am being isolated by my family

I am a friend

Your parents as well? Your posts are not very clear

fungun

so....you went away. Met your sisters ex. Your whole family is now on your back??? Or just the sisters??

Sounds awful odd, unless he was a complete prick to her

the 2 sisters have completely isolated me from family

how can your sisters isolate you from your parents?

to me, this sounds like it might be a storm in a teacup that a face to face meeting might resolve so id go home. And if not, Id still go home to see your parents for a short while at least

crazylass

i arranged to meet him, it never went ahead beacuse she freaked out, this has spiraled onto my parents being involved.............

i know it sounds very odd and pathetic, thats because it is...

i got a phonecall from father today which basically said if the sisters wer isolating me i must have done something so deserve it, also it wasnt a bad break up..they are still in contact..

i am just as confused as u guys

fungun

Id definitely go home and sort it out face to face then. These kind of stupid things can fester and cause schisms for ridiculous reasons. Go home, have it out a bit, get your side of the story across and get back to normal. But dont stay away because of this, it will only get harder if you start off doing that

Firetrap

There's more to this than meets the eye I think but that's neither here nor there. Get yourself home and sort this in person. Family feuds can start from the silliest of things. If what you are telling us is true, your father's as bad to be taking sides. I'm guessing from your use of text-speak that you are quite young. One thing that you will learn as you go through life is that putting off things like this does not help one bit. These problems don't go away - they just become harder to sort and you stress yourself out in the meantime.

crazylass

there is not more than meets the eye.. this is my whole point... i am not young...well depending on your opinion , ha? there was never any family problems before this...ever

OS119

crazylass wrote: »

...i am just as confused as u guys

i doubt it.

OP, i mean this helpfully, but if the way you impart information to your family is similar to the way you impart information here, i'm not surprised that there's room for misinterpretation and getting the wrong end of the stick.

it sounds to me as if your sister interpreted your plan to meet up with her ex as you intending to to have a relationship with him - and, unsurprisingly, she's thrown a complete wobbler - and your lamentable efforts to communicate that that was not the case have only made the situation worse because you don't make yourself clear, and you leave out huge chunks of the story.

you need to understand that when someone has to read an email/text half a dozen times to understand what it means, rather than the gibberish it says, they become antagonistic towards the sender - if they are already angry with the sender because of what they think the sender is upto, they unlikely to go out of their way to give the sender the benefit of the doubt when the explanatory message is as garbled and open to interpretation as the last.

switch on, use the written word properly, use punctation, spelling and grammar so that your recipient can actually work out what the hell you intend to say, and tell your story coherently, stage by stage.

it is, of course, possible that there is some other reason for your problem - but i wouldn't bet against it being a contributory factor.

crazylass

excuse me but this is the biggest load of rubbish i have ever heard, talk about kicking somebody when they are down. So part of the reason my sister is angry with me is due to using short hand ?? listen to yourself... seriously

Chinafoot

crazylass wrote: »

excuse me but this is the biggest load of rubbish i have ever heard, talk about kicking somebody when they are down. So part of the reason my sister is angry with me is due to using short hand ?? listen to yourself... seriously

OP, relax. Your posts are incredibly hard to follow as you aren't giving any information other than "i'm being isolated from my family" and that its over your sister's ex. Considering you are out of the country at the moment its a fair assumption to make that a lot of your communication could be through email. And yes, if you email your sister in the same way that you have posted here, with such little information, then it could have fed into the problem with things being misinterpreted. There really is no need to jump down the posters throat.

You haven't explained how you're being isolated other than your dad's comment.

I've felt what you're feeling now. I don't speak to my sisters anymore and the Christmas before last I was alone because my sister made it very clear that if I was there she wouldn't be and it'd be, in her own words, my fault. I stayed away. Throughout all the bullsht in the lead up to Christmas I felt isolated too. My sister twisted things when speaking to my parents, tried to make me out to be the baddie when the fallout came about because of prolonged shítty treatment by her and I just couldn't take anymore. I felt like I couldn't visit my parents as she had moved in with them temporarily and I felt that they were letting her away with murder which led to arguments on all sides. Last year I went home for Christmas and we tried to get along but things kicked off with my eldest sister then involving herself. You can bet your ass I won't be going there this year but I have a very solid relationship with my parents now and I think they understand that I just simply can't put myself in that position again, particularly now that the eldest has decided to 'take sides' for want of a better phrase. Yeah it'll be sad not to spend the day with them but its a far better alternative to the bad feeling that would ruin the day for everyone.

OP, I think this is something that you need to resolve face to face. When you get back sit both your parents down and explain to the them exactly what happened. If there really is nothing else to it then I'm sure you can work things out with your sisters. Just keep in contact with your parents and don't fall into the trap of thinking your whole family are against you. I'm sure thats not the case.

thefeatheredcat

crazylass wrote: »

i arranged to meet him, it never went ahead beacuse she freaked out, this has spiraled onto my parents being involved.............

OP, it is stressful, I've had some bad times with my family including feeling isolated.

If this happened in July and we're now in October, that is a stressful length of time to be both in the dark about what you have done (even the principle) and especially if your parents have been involved without you having the chance to be heard.

Does your sister know you never met up with him? And then deliberately did not call into that city after her reaction? Were you aware that they were on contact or if he had advised your sister you were to arrive or how exactly did she find out?

I'm sure that if it's the case he emailed her declaring your intent without knowing about it from you, it would have left some impression on her asking a load of questions, but I suppose it all goes down to how she found out and why she is angry about it and why people are taking sides and being angry with you.

I definitely agree with others - this is something to sort out in person so you are best to go home at that time, as arranged and deal with it then.