Rude Teacher

Voltex

Im just curious as to how to handle this situation.
My wife (who happens to be 9 months pregnant with our 3rd) collected our 4 yo from school today (junior infants). As she took him from his line, the teacher passed the comment "would you ever teach him to put his coat on".My wife was a little phased by the tone the teacher used...and when my wife responded that our son has been able to put his own coat on since Montesori, the teacher retorted "well go and teach him again".

Right now, I feel that in the morning I will phone the school principle and register my dis-approval of the tone and attitude this teacher showed my wife...but Im concerned this may filter through to her attitude towards my son?

can I please get some advice?

Thanks

Ayla

Personally, if it was me (keeping in mind I have a pretty sharp tongue) I wouldn't even go higher up the line. I would pull the teacher aside the very next day and explain to her - in no uncertain terms - that it is never appropriate at any time to speak to me or my child with that tone of voice again. Regardless of whether she had a really rough day, or is going through personal stuff that's occupying her mind, or that she's been there since god created bread, that would be no excuse to speak to me (obstensively her employer, and definitely the parent of one of her pupils) in that tone.

If she fears me she will never step out of line with my child - ever. Unfortunately if she's willing to bully me just imagine what she'll do with a 4-yr old child :eek:

Justask

Are you sure it wasnt a joke? A bad one but maybe she was messing?

byhookorbycrook

Ayla wrote: »

If she fears me she will never step out of line with my child - ever. Unfortunately if she's willing to bully me just imagine what she'll do with a 4-yr old child :eek:

So it's ok for you to make the teacher fear you-is that not bullying?

Oddjob

What did the teacher say when your wife asked what exactly the problem was with the child and the coat?

hamlet1

Voltex wrote: »

Im just curious as to how to handle this situation.
My wife (who happens to be 9 months pregnant with our 3rd) collected our 4 yo from school today (junior infants). As she took him from his line, the teacher passed the comment "would you ever teach him to put his coat on".My wife was a little phased by the tone the teacher used...and when my wife responded that our son has been able to put his own coat on since Montesori, the teacher retorted "well go and teach him again".

Right now, I feel that in the morning I will phone the school principle and register my dis-approval of the tone and attitude this teacher showed my wife...but Im concerned this may filter through to her attitude towards my son?

can I please get some advice?

Thanks

dont make such a big deal about it,but i would make sure that he can manage his coat.dont start off his schooldays with a falling out with his teacher.your wife could be a bit oversensitive at the minute.

Ayla

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

So it's ok for you to make the teacher fear you-is that not bullying?

I suppose it is, however my only concern would be my child's happiness in that classroom when I'm not around. If anyone - teacher, boss, shop assistant - gave me a flippant remark like that teacher did to the OP's wife, then the ball's already at play. If you don't stand your ground and defend your wife & child, who knows what the child will have to endure in your absence.

I would love to think that all teachers are god's gift (and many of them are!) but unfortunately there are those who use their position of power and the parent's sense of obligation to take advantage of situations. No one should ever - in front of their child or otherwise - be spoken to as the OP's wife supposedly was. Imagine what the poor kid would think, hearing his new teacher talk about him in that way - kids are very perceptive!

Ickle Magoo

Tbh, I'd let that one slide - but if it happens again I'd just ask that if she has any issues if she could speak to me in private about them or send a note home in the child's homework folder - just as I'm sure the teacher wouldn't want me to take her to task about anything in the middle of the school pick-up...if nothing else so the child doesn't feel like the teacher is angry/disappointed in them over such a silly thing that I think lots of 4/5yr olds sometimes need a bit of help with.

Justask

I wouldn't say anything if I were you it only a month or so into the school calander and also if you approch the teacher it will look like your wife is not capable of speaking for herself. Just keep an eye on it.

looksee

I would agree with speaking to the teacher quietly, - next time the child is taken in your wife could say quite pleasantly to the teacher, you were commenting that he cannot put his coat on, what exactly is the problem? There is no point in being aggressive, it was a bit abrupt and rude, but not really a big deal. Just a simple recognition of the comment may be enough to make her think about her tone.

If she responds aggressively then she might have to take it further, but don't respond with aggression. Quiet and dignified determination is much more effective.

Voltex

Justask wrote: »

Are you sure it wasnt a joke? A bad one but maybe she was messing?

The teacher is known for being quite strict and fortright...which Im happy with (I personally think boys do well with very well defined rules and need strict discipline)...my wife is a very happy-go lucky person, always light hearted...but even she felt cut down by the teachers attitude.

Im not one to over react...I was very acreful to understand the situation fully..but im not sure what the best/ most constructive approach is.

Voltex

Thank you all for the replies.
I think probably best thing would be to let this one go and to make sure our son has no issues with his coat.

TBH..its a nightmare getting our son to talk about school...he says nothing, but seems in general to be happy...he comes home with a couple of achievement stickers every week, which I suppose is great for his confidence.

Just to be clear, Im not questioning the teachers abilities..she seems to be an excellent teacher only that her "bed side manner" probably needs a little attention.

Ayla

Voltex wrote: »

Just to be clear, Im not questioning the teachers abilities..she seems to be an excellent teacher only that her "bed side manner" probably needs a little attention.

But see, that'd be my concern. At Junior Infants (a mere 4 years old) that's all the teacher has. The teacher isn't doing a whole heck of a lot academically this early on in the first year of the kid's education, so their bed side manner counts for a lot. If the teacher has a problem with something as simple as how the child puts on a coat, what will her reaction be if the child doesn't put his hand up when he wants to say something, or when he needs to go to the bathroom, or when he talks out of turn? That's all going to happen when you're not there.

Moonbeam

Is it possible that your wife just took it badly because she is 9 months pregnant and that it wasn't said offensively?

Kildrought

Shrug & let it go; and I'd agree I think when you are late on in pregnancy, stuff that you would normally take in your stride seems to get to you a lot easier.

All those hormones, sore muscles, feeling fat & ungainly etc., etc., takes it toll

Your son is happy in school & that's the main thing.

best of luck with the new baby!

Ayla

Voltex wrote: »

the teacher passed the comment "would you ever teach him to put his coat on"....the teacher retorted "well go and teach him again".

Personally, I cannot think of a way in which these words could be taken the wrong way. I can't hear a way they'd be said jokingly, and I can't see a way the receiver could just be simply over-reacting.

And, in my opinion, I find the suggestion that the OP's wife is just acting hormonally b/c she's 9 months preg just insulting (goes back to that whole "a woman can't control her thoughts b/c she's just a product of her homones, so we should all just patronize her until she's sane again" mentality).

Morag

When kids start school there is usually a list of things that they are expected to be able to do for themselves, putting on their own coat is one of the things on that list.

the_syco

Ayla wrote: »

And, in my opinion, I find the suggestion that the OP's wife is just acting hormonally b/c she's 9 months preg just insulting (goes back to that whole "a woman can't control her thoughts b/c she's just a product of her homones, so we should all just patronize her until she's sane again" mentality).

As the remark came from a few female posters who have had kids, I'd think that as they've been there, they know what tends to happen...

Monty Burnz

Ayla wrote: »

I suppose it is, however my only concern would be my child's happiness in that classroom when I'm not around. If anyone - teacher, boss, shop assistant - gave me a flippant remark like that teacher did to the OP's wife, then the ball's already at play. If you don't stand your ground and defend your wife & child, who knows what the child will have to endure in your absence.

I would love to think that all teachers are god's gift (and many of them are!) but unfortunately there are those who use their position of power and the parent's sense of obligation to take advantage of situations. No one should ever - in front of their child or otherwise - be spoken to as the OP's wife supposedly was. Imagine what the poor kid would think, hearing his new teacher talk about him in that way - kids are very perceptive!

For schools to work, it has to be Teachers + Parents vs Kids. That's the only way you can force kids and adolescents to take the teachers' authority seriously in the absence of corporal punishment.

A huge amount of the problems experienced by teachers are due to the parents foolishly/mistakenly/and occasionally justly taking their child's side based on the child's version of events. And this short-sighted approach later leads to huge problems for parents as they wonder why their children aren't getting on at school, and ultimately for the children who make a mess of their education and face a lifetime of underachievement.

Probably a little O/T

OP, it does sound like the teacher was a bit rude to your wife; some people are rude, and sometimes normally polite people are having a bad day. Probably best to just ignore it this time, but if there was a repeat, I'd have a private word with the teacher.

Ayla

Monty Burnz wrote: »

A huge amount of the problems experienced by teachers are due to the parents foolishly/mistakenly/and occasionally justly taking their child's side based on the child's version of events....Probably a little O/T

That has nothing to do with the OP's question. It's not like the child was coming home complaining that his teacher was being rude, it was a direct interaction b/w teacher & parent.

As the remark came from a few female posters who have had kids, I'd think that as they've been there, they know what tends to happen...

the_syco: I'm a female who's had 2 kids as well, so I also have been there & know what tends to happen. I would have been really offended if someone told me that my thoughts/opinions weren't to be taken seriously b/c I was 9-months preg. That's hugely patronizing and demeaning.

Monty Burnz

Ayla wrote: »

That has nothing to do with the OP's question.

Thanks for the clarification. I think I may have pointed out that it was O/T... :rolleyes:

Ayla

Ah, I see...I translated O/T to be over-the-top (which I agreed with). My bad

Wantobe

Surprised at some of the other posters saying the OP's wife may have been over sensitive/hormonal? Very patronising ( and very dangerous thing to say to a hormonal pregnant woman;) )

Anyone can have a bad day, make an off the cuff remark etc I would let it slide too- I'd bet the teacher already regrets it and will probably make that known to your wife next time in some way. But yeah, if repeated, I might question any further remark.

implausible

Ayla wrote: »

Personally, if it was me (keeping in mind I have a pretty sharp tongue) I wouldn't even go higher up the line. I would pull the teacher aside the very next day and explain to her - in no uncertain terms - that it is never appropriate at any time to speak to me or my child with that tone of voice again.
If she fears me she will never step out of line with my child - ever.

Ayla wrote: »

If the teacher has a problem with something as simple as how the child puts on a coat, what will her reaction be if the child doesn't put his hand up when he wants to say something, or when he needs to go to the bathroom, or when he talks out of turn?

A bit of perspective here - the teacher passed a comment about a skill the child should have, in a sharp manner. I hardly think that merits presuming that the woman is a bully in the classroom, reporting it to the Dept., intimidating the teacher or worrying the OP that there is something more sinister behind it. The child is happy in school. Personally, I would be more worried if she was as nice as pie to the parents and horrendous to the kids!

OP, let it go as an unintentionally rude comment this time. If it happens again, speak to her or the principal.

byhookorbycrook

Ayla wrote: »

But see, that'd be my concern. At Junior Infants (a mere 4 years old) that's all the teacher has. The teacher isn't doing a whole heck of a lot academically this early on in the first year of the kid's education, so their bed side manner counts for a lot. .

Do you actually know what happens in Junior infants?Ours have been working on the foundations of writing, gross and fine motor skills,sharing, learning about autumn and trees, have already learnt 5 letters and their sounnds and how to form them correctly.They have also been learning phonological awareness through rhymes and music.

Junior infants is one of the most important years in the academic life of a child ,it's not playschool.

OP, of course a teacher should not speak in a rude manner, but if this is a once off, I'd leave it.

readmylips

OP, to be sure it will be a "once off", have a word in the teachers ear at get it sorted or things could snowball! be nice and polite but firm and assertive. Id be v pissed off if a teacher spoke to me like that. Failing that...principals office, oh and make a note of incident and date...just in case..
Good luck with everything

Kildrought

I would have been really offended if someone told me that my thoughts/opinions weren't to be taken seriously b/c I was 9-months preg. That's hugely patronizing and demeaning.

No one is suggesting that the woman isn't being taken seriously.

But what one might otherwise shrug off becomes more personal and/or you react more emotionally in a late stage of pregnancy.

Trust me; this is coming from one tough cookie who (to then husbands huge embarressment) bawled her eyes out in the cinema at Lorenzo's Oil!

Ayla

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Do you actually know what happens in Junior infants?Ours have been working on the foundations of writing, gross and fine motor skills,sharing, learning about autumn and trees, have already learnt 5 letters and their sounnds and how to form them correctly.They have also been learning phonological awareness through rhymes and music. Junior infants is one of the most important years in the academic life of a child ,it's not playschool.

My apologies, you're right, I don't fully know. I was basing my comment on this recent thread from the Primary & Pre School forum, on which you said:

Infant cycle is a two year one, but as a (very general) idea: By the end of the [first] year I'd expect a child to know letter names and sounds...formation of lower case letters,numbers 1-10, simple shapes,colours and the junior infant sight vocabulary

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056389423

And then I was comparing that info to what my (soon to be 5-yr old) who's being home educated has been doing for months now, and I (obviously mistakenly) inferred that there wouldn't be much academic going on in these early weeks for a child who's also undergoing all the change of being in a classroom.

Please, let me be clear. I do not bully anybody, and I have the highest respect for good teachers who (in my opinion) are angels on earth. But the question remains in my mind, if the OP's child has had a problem with his coat, surely it's been apparent before now (several weeks into term). And even if that not be the case, why did the teacher not have the professionalism to pull the parent aside for a quiet word? Why was that said, not just in front of the child but in front of all the other pupils & parents? That's what's riled me up here.

byhookorbycrook

"as a (very general) idea"

cooperangela88

Such a reaction of her can prove fatal to your child. This is not the way any teacher should talk to a kid. When you leave your kids to school, you leave them under teacher’s guidance. So its their responsibility also to tell kids about everything else. If they are not able to take their responsibility seriously, I don’t think they are right for school.+

cooperangela88

Such a reaction of her can prove fatal to your child. This is not the way any teacher should talk to a kid. When you leave your kids to school, you leave them under teacher’s guidance. So its their responsibility also to tell kids about everything else. If they are not able to take their responsibility seriously, I don’t think they are right for school.