College bs

LegacyUser

Didn't think I'd run into this problem so I am not too sure what to do about it.

I'm in college and in between classes one of the places to hang out is the student lounge. I have every right to be there, so does anyone else. But I feel like I'm being pushed out by one person - this guy is basically a loudmouth, and loves trashtalk. I could care less, being the quiet type. But lately he's made me his mark and I am not good at this 'game' of trashtalk that he seems into. So I'm not really sure how to respond. Of course, I could just not use the Lounge, but I'm not going to be chased out of anywhere by anybody. But I'm not going to trashtalk the kid either, or if I did, it wouldn't produce the desired effect. Neither would any of the other choice reactions I could think of. In fact a few would probably lead to my academic suspension.

Any wise ideas?

tenchi-fan

Are you from Ireland? Or America (given some of the terminology in your post)

I see no reason for you to talk to this guy. If he is threatening you, why not bring it up with security, gardai or the head of the guy's school? Otherwise, just ignore him.

Mighty_Mouse

Response: "someday you'll realise how big an asshole you are, and when you do it won't be funny"

Ickle Magoo

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Are you from Ireland? Or America (given some of the terminology in your post)

That's really not relevant in terms of providing useful advice to the OP on dealing with their issue - and as an unregistered OP, there is no reason to make them more identifiable.

OP, you don't need to reveal anything about yourself that you would rather not.

Hey splendipitous,

Have you got an i-pod? Why not grab your i-pod and a book so you neither have to see nor hear this guy? Keep you i-pod on and just smile as you walk past the guy. Or if you prefer to take the official route, can you speak to the college about their bullying policy and report the guy?

R.D. aka MR.D

All you need to do is when he says something about you or to you just laugh or smile.
Say something like 'ah sure your good craic'. And then continue on what you are doing. It shows you are the bigger person.

Sometimes people say things because they think they are funny or because they enjoy getting a rise out of easy targets. when they see that you aren't bothered they will turn their attentions elsewhere.

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Have you got an i-pod? Why not grab your i-pod and a book so you neither have to see nor hear this guy? Keep you i-pod on and just smile as you walk past the guy. Or if you prefer to take the official route, can you speak to the college about their bullying policy and report the guy?

I possibly could go the official route. And actually the iPod wouldn't be a bad idea if I needed it to record an altercation. I don't think using my iPod to listen to music would be all that useful. Fact is I'm trying to sit with the same group of people, and socialize. It just so happens this guy is in this circle of people and I don't see why that should stop me outright from sitting with everyone else.

Response: "someday you'll realise how big an asshole you are, and when you do it won't be funny"

I like this.

All you need to do is when he says something about you or to you just laugh or smile.
Say something like 'ah sure your good craic'. And then continue on what you are doing. It shows you are the bigger person.

Sometimes people say things because they think they are funny or because they enjoy getting a rise out of easy targets. when they see that you aren't bothered they will turn their attentions elsewhere.

That can be difficult in practice. Especially when your impulse at the time is to fight with him.

Zen65

splendipitous wrote: »

I feel like I'm being pushed out by one person - this guy is basically a loudmouth, and loves trashtalk. I could care less, being the quiet type. But lately he's made me his mark and I am not good at this 'game' of trashtalk that he seems into. So I'm not really sure how to respond.

Can you explain what you mean by "trashtalk" please? It's not a term I am familiar with. Is he threatening you?


Z

Mighty_Mouse

That can be difficult in practice. Especially when your impulse at the time is to fight with him.

You don't have to be witty, brave, quick-thinking or anything remotely near it to stand up for yourself. Learning to let someone know their behaviour is unacceptable is perfectly ok. If you do it reasonably and nicely then the social circle will back you.

Do not get into competition of words. Point to his behaviour only:
i.e.any number of sentences ranging in potency.
"are you always this loud"
"thats a little ignorant, don't you think?"
"do people usually let you speak to them like this?"
"Listen I know you might think you're being funny, but be careful how you speak to people."
"relax a little mate"
"Please, I've asked you nicely, where you come from it may be ok to be ignorant, loud and abusive but its irritating"
"I think your a nice guy but seriously you give me a headache"

Personally I like the blunt and brutal approach. But even gently hinting that someones behaviour is not-on will make them avoid you.

dr.bollocko

You could confront him in private, question him, try to beat him at his own game or hell you could just roar at the guy to stop being a dick.

I'd be an advocate of a calm explanation that you have no interest in such interaction.

When I was in similar situations I would often let the red mist descend and I always regretted it after the fact.

It's a positive thing that you're not being chased away by this person's behaviour. I guess building on that it only takes one step further to let him know that you don't appreciate it and want it to stop.

Ickle Magoo

Zen65 wrote: »

Can you explain what you mean by "trashtalk" please? It's not a term I am familiar with. Is he threatening you?


Z

Trash-talk :cool:

Logical Fallacy

Give him The Inbetweeners special. Next time he says something stupid just give him a little dismissive "brilliant". Make it tired and mildly derogatory but not sarky and boom, job done.

One word replies are the best.

Don't get me wrong, i love a good slagging match, is basically a sport to me and my friends but if you don't have a good comeback then dismissal is the next best option.

Zen65

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Trash-talk :cool:

Thanks Ickle, that's what I had understood, but I'm still left wondering how it is affecting Op. What is being said that upsets him?


Z

kylith

The best option, by far, is to ignore him. Attention is like oxygen for idiots like this, so the best thing is to (figuratively) smother him. I know that your instinct is to say something back, but that will only encourage him and he'll never leave you alone.

If you really, really have to say something then keep to three words "so?" "and?" and "whatever".
Him: You're fat!
You: So?
Him: You're really fat.
You: And?
Him: Fat arse!
You: *sigh* Whatever, dude...
Then turn your back on him. It's important to make him see that you find him incredibly boring, and that whatever he says you're not going to get angry or upset.

I recommend option #1 though. He'll get fed up and go away before long. Recording him may be an idea, but there may be ramifications to recording someone without their knowledge.

LegacyUser

just a quick update, I appear to be bothering him more than he's bothering me at this point. Hadnt seem him in a week but I get the feeling he has ADHD. No good/fair reason for that assessment except for well, the hyperactivity, and the behavior which seems attention craving. Maybe that's a misdiagnosis. But anyway. He seemed pretty determined to try and get a rise out of me today, some jungle about "Troll King"? Or whatever. Strange child. Most annoying thing he does is call everyone a n*gger. Im not sure whats more annoying that he also directs it at white people, or that he's almost as white as I am. Either way I'm not clear on how well it stands up as racism. But before long he leaves, for oh about half an hour and finally in that time everybody seemed to enjoy the quiet, and the mood sort of swung to normal.

So he comes back and of course nobody seems to care or be paying attention to him. He went to go hook up with some girl or another. Either way for about 5 minutes all he could manage to say was (nonchalantly my arse) "I'm in a good mood" like he was begging someone to ask him. But it was pretty clear, nobody gave a ****.

"I'm having a good day..." over and over again...like, saying it once every 20 seconds kind of crazy. eventually I had to do it.

"I'm having a good day..."
-"Nobody seems to care."
"NOBODY ****ING ASKED YOU IF YOU #*ITHGFAS I WILL BUST YOU UP DVNISAIGFVNEGQE(@ etc"
-"...so, that was a threat, right?"
"No dude thats a PROMISE etc. blah"

Good enough for me. People were trying to tell the kid to calm down but of course he just defeated himself, basically. Somewhere in there I reminded people are within their rights to ask him to calm down, and that he was not within his rights to make threats, and dropped the hint that I wouldn't mind filing against him if he couldn't chill the hell out and quit being a dick.

I mean sh*t, I didn't even have to stop playing my round of Zombie Gunship on the iPod. Let alone stand up.

thanks for all the advice everyone.