Girls please answer this...

MC.ISF

Hi Im gona be nothing but 100% honest here. Im not big headed or blowing my own horn.

Im a good guy , Im involved in nothing illegal, dodgey. Ive been told by alot of girls that Im so nice, one of a kind, bla bla bla. Ive also been told im a good 8 out of 10 in the looks dept.

My question is, Girls why do you choose complete dickheads and over look us nice guys??

Im interested in this girl at the moment and have been chatting to her on facebook , she's a friend of a friend. I cant figure out if she likes me or not. Sometimes she takes like 10 minutes to write back ,sometimes its instant. Sometimes she puts an 'X' sometimes she doesn't... I asked her to go out for something to eat or go bowling some evening and she never replied. I seem to have a habit of attracting fake people. In the past 3 serious relationships I've had , I've been cheated on , used , lied to , controlled and tormented and guilted. You think id learn first time yea?? I know. I think its because the girls knew i was safe and would never do anything like that to them. I never want this to happen to me again as im sure those of you it has happened to know how much it hurts.
How can I tell that shes not playing mind games like all the others with all this late to reply etc.. ? Its really annoying me and im starting to hate how Im too trusting and genuine with girls.

BraziliaNZ

MC.ISF wrote: »

Hi Im gona be nothing but 100% honest here. Im not big headed or blowing my own horn.

Im a good guy , Im involved in nothing illegal, dodgey. Ive been told by alot of girls that Im so nice, one of a kind, bla bla bla. Ive also been told im a good 8 out of 10 in the looks dept.

My question is, Girls why do you choose complete dickheads and over look us nice guys??

Im interested in this girl at the moment and have been chatting to her on facebook , she's a friend of a friend. I cant figure out if she likes me or not. Sometimes she takes like 10 minutes to write back ,sometimes its instant. Sometimes she puts an 'X' sometimes she doesn't... I asked her to go out for something to eat or go bowling some evening and she never replied. I seem to have a habit of attracting fake people. In the past 3 serious relationships I've had , I've been cheated on , used , lied to , controlled and tormented and guilted. You think id learn first time yea?? I know. I think its because the girls knew i was safe and would never do anything like that to them. I never want this to happen to me again as im sure those of you it has happened to know how much it hurts.
How can I tell that shes not playing mind games like all the others with all this late to reply etc.. ? Its really annoying me and im starting to hate how Im too trusting and genuine with girls.

They don't like dickheads, they like confident assured guys. I'm sorry but you're not coming across as one of those. Sometimes you need to let the women do the work, and they respect you more for that.

Taltos

OP - this is not a general discussion forum.
Please expect posters to address your individual issue(s). More general discussions can be found on other forums, but not within PI/RI.

Taltos

Kadongy

It's unlikely there's any calculation behind her taking time to reply. She probably is doing other stuff or chatting to other people at the same time, or just doesn't feel like talking to you much. I wouldn't read anything into an X in a facebook message - or its absence - either.

If facebook conversations stress you out, why not tell her you dont like chatting on facebook and call or skype her or something.

trio

You don't sound trusting at all actually OP, you sound quite bitter. You are assuming this girl is fake now.

What do you think - that we're all machiavellian creatures, rubbing our hands together in glee when you trot up all doe-eyed and innocent?

Look - you asked her out and she never replied. Sorry to break it to you - but you've gotten your answer. She's not that into you and is being pleasant on Facebook to someone who she thinks is pleasant.

I don't think there's anything fake about that at all. I'm sure she's a very nice girl. But she's not "playing games" just because she sometimes puts an x at the end and sometimes she doesn't. All that means is that she thinks you're her friend. I'd guarantee she puts X's on most of her messages to her friends - when she remembers to. She answers 10 mins after sometimes because she's doing something else at the time, or is chatting to one of her mates online at the same time etc.

K_P

MC.ISF wrote: »

In the past 3 serious relationships I've had , I've been cheated on , used , lied to , controlled and tormented and guilted. You think id learn first time yea??

So you accuse women of always choosing b*stards over "nice guys" and yet you're choosing the very same type yourself?

I have very little patience for the nice-guys-finish-last theory. It's almost invariably a cover for insecure people who are upset that acting the "nice guy" (often in place of any discernible personality) hasn't landed them the girl / guy they want.

Look, most girls want a nice, normal, decent guy. So you're in luck there. Drop the woe-is-me attitude and mistrust you seem to have and maybe work at building up your confidence a bit. That still won't mean every girl is going to fall at your feet, but it'll be a start.

Also, stop over-analysing your Facebook chats with this girl and ask her out properly.

Mighty_Mouse

Finding a girl that likes you is equally important as finding a girl you like

chickpea82

I think social media makes it harder to tell what other people think. I don't really get the chatting and asking out on facebook, maybe I am too old for it though..

LegacyUser

MC.ISF wrote: »

Its really annoying me and im starting to hate how Im too trusting and genuine with girls.

Why are you so trusting and genuine with girls who treat you badly? You really only have yourself to blame for that. It's not a character flaw to be trusting and genuine, but it is silly to be trusting and genuine with someone who treats you badly, or with someone who hasn't shown themselves to be deserving of your trust.

You're giving too much in the initial stages, which lets the girls you date know that you don't value yourself all that much. You want to please them, which lets the girls you date know you don't value yourself all that much. You might think you value yourself highly, but your actions tell otherwise.

Being trusting and genuine does not mean that you give everything of yourself to someone you barely know. That's called being a doormat.

You can be trusting and genuine without being a doormat. You just have to let the girl you're dating know (through your actions) that you're someone to be respected, and someone who knows his own mind. Once the girl has shown that she can be deserving of your trust and love, only then can you give her everything if you so wish.

ash23

I find that many needy guys dress it up for themselves as "nice" guy.
In my experience, guys who consider themselves "nice" and can't understand why girls go for "bad" guys, are usually over thinkers, reading into every nuance. They tend to not take "no" well and if you turn them down, you're a b1tch. In relationships (if you get to that stage) they're needy and smothering and are more in love with the idea of you than you.
They're generous and kind but there's something a little off about it all and it usually ends with a girl feeling penned in or totally losing respect for the guy. And with a loss of respect comes a loss of attraction.

This girl on facebook has ignored you when you asked her out. Rather than wondering what her messages mean, take it for what it is. A rejection. And stop contacting her etc. Just move on. Find someone who doesn't leave you confused about how they feel about you, someone who is upfront and not vague. If a girl really likes you, you'll know.
Don't waste time on the dead ends.

SweetieElle

Hi from a girls point of view, I feel that a lot of girls have now learned not to appear too keen, I think this comes from being told men like women to act demurely and stuff. I myself can be like that, so as in sometimes putting an x and sometimes not, that could suggest she is trying to show you to some extent she is interested and then pulling back as not to appear to keen and by the leaving it ten minutes , ten minutes is not a long time, this again could be her trying to not appear too keen. She could be wondering if you like her or not. I dont know why she has not replied when you asked her to meet up. Taking that into account It may be a sign she is just not into you. I myself would not reply to something like that straight away but I am not sure if everyone is as calculated as me, I have been hurt in the past which is why Im more like that. Best thing to do is to just ask her out again, dont appear desperate ask her casually like have you thought about meeting up yet. If she does go just take it slow, or often the best thing to do is see what vibes your getting if she does meet up with you, if you feel shes recipricating then simply tell her you like her and ask her on a proper romantic 'date'! It is better not to beat around the bush with these things. Also dont be bitter if she says no, bitterness is a slow killer! And as for girls going for bad boys its something I as a girl cant explain, the thing with girls is like boys they want what they cant have, well I used to be like that in a sense the more disinterested a guy seemed the more I wanted him, but after a bad experience with bad boy last year all thats changed and most girls grow out of it! The thing is, dont be an asshole in the way you treat a woman but dont be a doormat either! Good luck

SweetieElle

Sorry I agree a bit with what the post above me says also that needy guys say they are good guys, I had an experience with a guy like that also this year, he was nice at first and sweet but after a while when I said things werent working out he called me a 'man eater' ! I mean thats a bit harsh. And anyways he was calling me all the time smoothering me, i should have seen the needy guy flag a mile away! Thats why as I said a happy medium, act like and show you are keen but do not be a doormat either , but good luck.

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times.

Girls don't like me, they like as*holes and pr*cks, what's wrong with them? Why do they say I'm a good guy but then they don't want to get with me?

If there's one thing that TV has taught us, it's that being a good person will earn you love (through a series of comedic situations possibly involving Ben Stiller). But that's not true. You can't just be a good person and expect people will want to have sex wit you for it. I know I'm taking a sledge hammer to your actual words but let's face it the meaning is the same.

You're going after girls that just aren't into you. I guarantee you there are girls out there that would like you, but you're clearly overlooking them. Why are you overlooking them, they're good people? Why do you keep choosing bad girls over girls who aren't into anything dodgey?

LegacyUser

I agree with SweetieEllie above about not coming across too keen and desperate. It's also possible that the girl does like you but doesn't know how to reply. Its also possible she read your message and replying to you slipped her mind due to other contacts on FB.

I was asked out not so long ago on Facebook from a casual hook up. It brought tears to me declining him because I loved being sexually intimate without the hassle of a relationship. Like you I was probably reading too much into messages and the online 'relationship' that we had after we hooked up. He was blowing me off hot and cold with one moment showing interest for more, then backing off, leaving space, I'd intiate contact, he'd come across as vague and brief. Then showing more interest. Fe(k that I say. Anyways what I'm saying is, I always appreciate when someone is honest.

So you knows, maybe she was reading too much into your messages and felt somewhat similiar.

You could do that thing Ellie wrote above and ask her did she think about that. And then suss it out from there.