Your magic number?

SexyD4Lady

Just listening to a discussion on Spin1038 where the DJS are inviting people to tell them how many people they've slept with and are posing the question, why do women get labelled promiscuous if they sleep with a certain number of men, while men are put on a pedestal by other males if they've slept with a large number of women? What do you think of this, and what is your magic number? How old are you, are you male or female, and when did you lose your virginity?

I'm 22, lost my virginity at 17 and have slept with 9 men.

LegacyUser

I'm 26, still a virgin and not ashamed of it and haven't slept with anyone despite being intimate I still haven't had sex yet. Just haven't had any opportunties really. Never was ready to do it with just anyone. Saying that I just never was ready and never met the right person yet!

My friends slag me cause of my age over it but then they still think wait for the right person and so on.

I'm not saying I wait till I am married always thought that but now as I get older think its better to do so before marriage.

I rather wait till I am in love with someone at least and same back and who I fancy and fancies me back at least!? Doesn't neceesary have to be long or short term relationship but still wouldn't condone a ONS no matter what. Not into that sort of thing and wouldn't be into FWB either.

I don't want to be considered easy despite not having had sex, I don't let my guard down all that easily. It takes time for me to trust people, might be insecurities and lack of commitment, I don't know just takes me a while to get to know people and them to get to know me. I have to fancy someone and vice versa before anything could happen there has to be chemistry and spark. A notch on a belt and experience is not my way of thinking, being with one special person is more special than being with a dozen or so more!?

I rather get to know someone rather than just for fun part of it when it comes to that sort of thing. Its not something rush and should happen naturally like shouldn't forced.

Sex is just sex but there is a lot more that goes with it. Its not just a basic need or what ever or part of life of course it is but can either cause emotional attachment or de-attachment, can be just all about sex and not about the person but think you can't have one without the other which I think just messes with peoples head. You get what you want but do you have everything that you want or need?

baby and crumble

SexyD4Lady wrote: »

I'm 22, lost my virginity at 17 and have slept with 9 men.

Sounds like the opening to some kind of 'sex anonymous' meeting...

This might be useful thread for somewhere like PI, in a way, because so many people go in there freaking out about being a virgin. I've said all my numbers on various threads, so I have no problem saying them again.

I'm female (I'm a lesbian), I lost my virginity at 21 (cheesily enough on Valentines Day!!), and I'm still with her 8 years later. So I have slept with a grand total of 1 womens.

I'm 26, lost my virginity at 19 and have slept with 13 women, I think.

That's really sweet baby and crumble - if gay marriage ever becomes legalized here, which I genuinely hope it does, do you think you two will tie the knot?

To be completely honest, I really don't get the whole shunning of women who effectively have a lot of experience. As long as everything is clean and safe, I don't see the problem.

Raze_them_all

Nobody tells the truth, as a guy if you've a small number you might bump it by one or two, but after you reach a certain number you start decreasing it at a much faster rate than you'd bump it up.

It's nobodies business how many people I've slept with and I will always tell a girl who asks that she doesn't want the truth so I won't answer

dandelionmind

I'd never ask a guy I was seeing how many partners he'd had, because to me, it's irrelevant. I don't really see why your "magic number" would be of relevance to the person you're with. Surely, it's all good once you're genuinely into each other and both are clean (in terms of STIs etc).

I think asking each other those sort of questions is just asking for trouble. Someone is likely to get jealous, feel too inexperienced in comparison to the other etc.

busyliving

21 and 2 women

Sonics2k

Much like Raze I never say how many women I've slept with, that's really between me and them.

The person asking can take the response any way they wish.

krudler

we talking just t'intercourse or would other stuff be included? just intercourse would be more than 8, less than 20 :pac: thats my own business really, add more for times where intercourse wasnt had but we diddled various bits of each other.

I'm not quite sure why its made more of a big deal for girls to have a high number, in my own experience I guess a woman has more control of who sleeps with her, its more of an invasive act for a woman than a man so for her to "allow" it may make her seem cheap if she does it with a lot of guys, which is nonsense of course, long as someone is careful about protection and is one of two (or more, giggity) consenting adults then hell, do what you want.

The older you get the less it matters though, once you hit your late 20s and have few long term or failed relationships, flings, one nighters etc etc under your belt you see how sex isnt put on the pedastal it was as a teenager. I definitely would have the idea that it was better be with someone who had very little previous partners and experience when I was 18-20ish , thats just teenage stupidity, now its more fun when someone knows what they're doing

Wibbs

I was pretty chaste/low number compared to my peers in my 20's, but went a bit off the rails in my 30's. TBH If I had my time over I'd not sleep with at least two thirds of the women that I did.

seenitall

I am 37 and have had some intimate knowledge (talking full gamut here, from kissing to petting to anything else bar the intercourse) of some 30 to 40 guys, numbers get a bit hazy after a point...:D... and most of this played out in my teens and twenties.

I have had full intercourse with 4 men in all, because I will only have it in a relationship, or with someone I am very close to, at any rate.

baby and crumble

Deleted User wrote: »

That's really sweet baby and crumble - if gay marriage ever becomes legalized here, which I genuinely hope it does, do you think you two will tie the knot?

That's the plan, anyway! We're already engaged, but I feel weird saying it. I think because everyone assumes my fiance is male, so it's a bit weird and awkward when I have to correct them...

I never set out to only sleep with one woman. I just never really found anyone I wanted to sleep with (and who wanted to sleep with me! :pac::pac:) until her. I know some of my friends have much higher numbers than me, and some who are still virgins- they too just haven't found the right person either. No biggy. I think way too much importance gets put on virginity, and loosing it. It's odd, it's like travelling. People get all up in a heap when they meet someone in their 20's who hasn't done the travelling thing. never understood that one, either.

x Purple Pawprints x

I'm 23 and I've only been with one guy, my bf. Who is amazing btw. I lost my virginity to him when we were about 3 months together and I waited until I was ready.

Otis Driftwood

SexyD4Lady wrote: »

while men are put on a pedestal by other males if they've slept with a large number of women?

Ya know I reckon once blokes reach a certain age that really stops being the case.

Its a bit of a stereotype thats perpetuated by the back slapping,high fiving "lad" culture in movies like Superbad or magazines like Loaded etc.

I can only recall one friend that would have slept around (as in had sex with different women as often as he could) and tbh he got more slagging about it than kudos.

Anyway,Im 32 and cant remember the exact number but I know its less than 20 different women that Ive had full sex with.Ive never asked a girl Ive been with how many men she has slept with nor is it a question I will ever ask as its something I dont care about.If Im with someone,once she is faithful it really isnt an issue.Ive never been asked the question either funnily enough and I dont know how Id react if I ever was.

Im not embarrassed by the number by any means but some people (blokes included I might add) are very insecure about things like that and once its heard,it cannot be unheard.

Princess Peach

I'm 23 and I've been with 2 guys. Sex is kinda big deal for me. Really don't like the idea of a one night stand at all. I don't want to ever have regrets about who/ how many I have slept with. I had boyfriends when I was younger and they were jerks so glad I didn't cave into their pressure. And then I was single for a few years and waited till I was ready with a new boyfriend.

Even when I started seeing my new boyfriend I waited a good while, even though I wasn't a virgin this time. I wanted to make sure I really liked him and that I trusted him and that I would be with him for a while, and he wasn't just going to be a notch on my bedpost.

I will admit I judge some people who sleep around, men and women. I wouldn't like to be with a guy I knew had loads of one night stands, I'd be worried I'd just be another number to him. If I never had a one night stand I wouldn't mind. I don't have the emotional stability for that.

I don't think numbers has anything to do with how well you know what your doing. A friend of mine has been with maybe 6 guys, but hardly more than twice with each of them. Chatting to her I have way more experience with her. I think sex in a relationship is better, can experiment a lot more, try new things and really get to know each other.

Soul Stretcher

OK.. please forgive me for the following 4 paragraphs. My opinions on all things relationshippy are MUCH broader than these but these are some of the things which enter my head which I'd be afraid to say in mixed company in case people would think I'm a Chauvinist Neanderthal. The whole sexual arena is so primeval that maybe it would do no harm to discuss/negate these. Again... please don't label me with these points of view. Just putting them out there to be shot down at will. Thanks.


Men = getting sex is seen by a lot of us as a challenge.. therefore, the man who overcomes this challenge regularly is someone to be admired and learned from.

Women = gate-keepers. The Lady who drops her draw-bridge for 2 euro (a ONS) when the going price is 20 euro ( a relationship).. lowers the value of female sexuality as a whole in the community. The idea being that the woman who frequently "gives in" too easily does not value herself appropriately and might contaminate other women with the same lack of self-belief.

Exclusivity - some Men like the notion of their woman being THEIR woman and not having to get knowing smirks from the local Playboys on a Saturday night in the local.

Predator-mentality that some men have i.e. sleeping with a woman is in some way dominating her. That's why so many Playboys never make contact again after the ONS. They've already "had" her and it's onto the next bit of fresh meat.

baby and crumble

Princess Peach wrote: »

I don't think numbers has anything to do with how well you know what your doing. A friend of mine has been with maybe 6 guys, but hardly more than twice with each of them. Chatting to her I have way more experience with her. I think sex in a relationship is better, can experiment a lot more, try new things and really get to know each other.

That's actually a really REALLY good point. The first few times you sleep with someone you're kind of jut getting into a groove, and so if you only have sex once or twice with them, then you're back to square one the next time so it's hard to get all that varied experience...

At least that's what I would have thought. I'd feel the same about my relationship, I've only slept with one person, but we have experimented a huge amount. So I'd have more experience in many ways that my friends who have had more partners. Some of my friends are amazed when we talk a little about our actual experiences...

panda100

Raze_them_all wrote: »

It's nobodies business how many people I've slept with and I will always tell a girl who asks that she doesn't want the truth so I won't answer

I hate when people give this answer!Whatever about telling people on an internet site,I think its rude not to tell someone who you're about to get intimate with. Your sexual history reflects how you view sex,and what it means to you.


I'm 29,lost my virginty at 21, and have slept with three guys.

panda100

panda100 wrote: »

I think its rude not to tell someone who you're about to get intimate with.

You what?!

Princess Peach

baby and crumble wrote: »

That's actually a really REALLY good point. The first few times you sleep with someone you're kind of jut getting into a groove, and so if you only have sex once or twice with them, then you're back to square one the next time so it's hard to get all that varied experience...

At least that's what I would have thought. I'd feel the same about my relationship, I've only slept with one person, but we have experimented a huge amount. So I'd have more experience in many ways that my friends who have had more partners. Some of my friends are amazed when we talk a little about our actual experiences...

Can't whip out all your kinky gear on a one night stand :pac:

FloatingVoter

Speaking as a man, I used to think notches on the bedpost counted (no Bertie jokes). Then I lost my virginity. After that - nothing to tell.

Princess Peach

panda100 wrote: »

I hate when people give this answer!Whatever about telling people on an internet site,I think its rude not to tell someone who you're about to get intimate with. Your sexual history reflects how you view sex,and what it means to you.

I dunno I think its kinda rude to ask. I never wanted to know with the 2 guys I've been with. I knew them well enough before I slept with them to know they were good guys, and weren't out just for sex like. And I could tell from their personalities that they had never been like that. All I really asked was that they were clean and healthy.

I mean me and my boyfriend have had conversations about exes, and our views on sex and casual sex, but I never asked. Its his business and I don't see how it will affect me to know, possibly only in a bad way like.

Raze_them_all

panda100 wrote: »

I hate when people give this answer!Whatever about telling people on an internet site,I think its rude not to tell someone who you're about to get intimate with. Your sexual history reflects how you view sex,and what it means to you.


I'm 29,lost my virginty at 21, and have slept with three guys.

It's not rude. People get jealous. I don't ask anybody the question in my mind I'm the best lay anyone I've slept with has had(even if it's not true) When I was much younger and much more silly I answered the question to an ex, who I may of slept with a friend of two of hers. I spent the next few months being accused of still wanting friends, constantly having to put up with " are _____ better than me"

It's rude prying into peoples past, you don't know what things are in a persons past. You could be bringing up some pretty bad memories.

panda100

Raze_them_all wrote: »

It's not rude. People get jealous. I don't ask anybody the question in my mind I'm the best lay anyone I've slept with has had(even if it's not true) When I was much younger and much more silly I answered the question to an ex, who I may of slept with a friend of two of hers. I spent the next few months being accused of still wanting friends, constantly having to put up with " are _____ better than me"

It's rude prying into peoples past, you don't know what things are in a persons past. You could be bringing up some pretty bad memories.

I'm not talking about interrogating people on every little detail, I just like knowing a rough estimate of the amount of girls they've slept with.

Its not prying or rude as far as I'm concered, its sharing experiences,and surely thats what getting to know someone is all about.
I guess everyone is different,but I know I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who couldn't be honest with me about his sexual past.

Raze_them_all

panda100 wrote: »

I'm not talking about interrogating people on every little detail, I just like knowing a rough estimate of the amount of girls they've slept with.

Its not prying or rude as far as I'm concered, its sharing experiences,and surely thats what getting to know someone is all about.
I guess everyone is different,but I know I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who couldn't be honest with me about his sexual past.

Really? So the number wouldn't affect you, what if you spent 2-3 months getting to know one and asked the question, what if the number was 10?50? 100+

While you may think it's good to share experiences, questions like that always lead onto more, which is like an interrogation

Dudess

Lost count - I'm sexually active 15 years so it would be quite a few (not a massive amount, but given the sheer length of time, and the fact that I've been single for a lot of it, it does add up) but tbh, I can't understand why a person would want to know these stats - never mind people they are thinking of having sex with, but strangers on the net? And why they'd want to publish their own exact number to the internet.

Genuinely wondering... All I can come up with is: comparing in order to seek validation due to the person feeling they either exceed or don't measure up to the "accepted" rate, or... boasting.

Dudess

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Ya know I reckon once blokes reach a certain age that really stops being the case.

Its a bit of a stereotype thats perpetuated by the back slapping,high fiving "lad" culture in movies like Superbad or magazines like Loaded etc.

Agreed. Plus, you often have to go merely by what a person says/how they act. A seeming "man-ho" might not have sex with that many women, and a quiet guy who says nothing about his sex life might be bedding countless women.

Raze_them_all

Dudess wrote: »

Agreed. Plus, you often have to go merely by what a person says/how they act. A seeming "man-ho" might not have sex with that many women, and a quiet guy who says nothing about his sex life might be bedding countless women.

+1 a mate of mine keeps his sex life private, the only reason i know how much he scores is alot of the time I'll be crashing in his place and he just ups and leaves at like 3 am!

starlit

If I asked a partner about their past, I would still like to have a general idea how many partners they have been with and to know how experienced or inexperience he is so I have a better chance of going with what's comfortable for me and comfortable for him. Gives a better indicator of what the expect at least. I am more likely to ask how many girlfriends he has had rather than how many he 'been with in that context'. I still like to know if he healthy and practised safe sex and so on. I be worrier like that and need to know things in advance and be well informed on anything I do.

As for a partner asking me how many partners I have been with or how many boyfriend(s) I have had I would be honest with him and tell him the truth regardless of experience or inexperience. Both partners have a right to know in my opinion. Might be rude to others but think for the health of both you and your partner they both should know what they are getting themselves in for like.

I don't mean talk about ex's in a major way until secure in a relationship certainly not mention it on a first date anyway but I still think that knowing about partners sexual history is important for both health and safety reasons.

Novella

I wouldn't tell anyone how many people I've slept with. I dunno, that's kind of a personal thing. I'd actually be quite taken aback if someone asked me. When I was younger, the number of people slept with was something discussed between myself and my friends but we never talk about it now and while I might have asked a guy a few years ago, I certainly wouldn't now.

I'm 22, lost my virginity at 14.

Like Wibbs, if I was doing my life over, I probably wouldn't sleep with a lot of the people that I did. I also would wait a wee bit longer to lose my virginity! What's done is done though.

Raze_them_all

doovdela wrote: »

If I asked a partner about their past, I would still like to have a general idea how many partners they have been with and to know how experienced or inexperience he is so I have a better chance of going with what's comfortable for me and comfortable for him. Gives a better indicator of what the expect at least. I am more likely to ask how many girlfriends he has had rather than how many he 'been with in that context'. I still like to know if he healthy and practised safe sex and so on. I be worrier like that and need to know things in advance and be well informed on anything I do.

As for a partner asking me how many partners I have been with or how many boyfriend(s) I have had I would be honest with him and tell him the truth regardless of experience or inexperience. Both partners have a right to know in my opinion. Might be rude to others but think for the health of both you and your partner they both should know what they are getting themselves in for like.

This question can be highly misleading, I've only had two relationships over 2 or 3 months, so I'd consider myself as having only ever had 2 girlfriends

wolf moon

My lucky numbers are 13, 4, 6 and combinations of the above.

seenitall

Dudess wrote: »

Lost count - I'm sexually active 15 years so it would be quite a few (not a massive amount, but given the sheer length of time, and the fact that I've been single for a lot of it, it does add up) but tbh, I can't understand why a person would want to know these stats - never mind people they are thinking of having sex with, but strangers on the net? And why they'd want to publish their own exact number to the internet.

Genuinely wondering... All I can come up with is: comparing in order to seek validation due to the person feeling they either exceed or don't measure up to the "accepted" rate, or... boasting.

I've wondered how long it would be until the charge of "boasting"/"validation" and similar came up... how about this for a reason: we were asked about it, i.e. it is the point of the thread.

If you don't want to "publish" your magic number, don't. Just don't insinuate that people have some silly projected motivations, please.

I am entirely comfortable with my part in this "publishing", as I am comfortable with what I do and have done, I've no reason to hide it any more than I would have a reason to mention it before the topic came up in its own thread (and I never have).

Dudess

seenitall wrote: »

I've wondered how long it would be until the charge of "boasting"/"validation" and similar came up... how about this for a reason: we were asked about it, i.e. it is the point of the thread.

If you don't want to "publish" your magic number, don't. Just don't insinuate that people have some silly projected motivations, please.

I am entirely comfortable with my part in this "publishing", as I am comfortable with what I do and have done, I've no reason to hide it any more than I would have a reason to mention it before the topic came up in its own thread (and I never have).

I was talking about the people who start these threads, not those who answer the question.
I personally can't think of any other reasons for wanting to know this information/accompanying the question with your own stats, other than what I've suggested. But that's only how it seems to me - hence why I'm wondering.

Asking "How many people have you shagged/snogged? I've shagged/snogged x" is something I associate with teenage years - early 20s at the latest.

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this as though I'm not ashamed of my past, I don't particularly want other people to mention it to me either. It's the past for a reason.

25, female, and tbh I have no idea how many I've slept with--easily more than 30 (men&women). Lost virginity at 17, hadn't wanted to do it but guy was in a huff and so I did it to please him. A bad start to a long cycle of looking for validation from men I guess, or to feel worth something. Was never really seen as the girlfriend type, either the friend or the drunk fumble, and I adopted the mentality to stop myself getting hurt.

Former prostitute, I don't do it anymore because I am in a long term relationship. The number mentioned does not include clients, all consensual etc.

I used to think the number meant something until I counted it up five years ago and realised I had 27 or so, and since then I stopped counting. They're all just shards of a mirror in my past. I don't pine over any that got away, and I enjoyed it at the time so no point dwelling on it. Maybe it makes me a slut to keep track of the exact figure and names, but personally I prefer living in the moment. My partner also beats all my history out of the water--he shows love and compassion, and showed me sex meant more than fcuking

LegacyUser

It's a question that people focus on in their teens and early twenties I think...it's a shame really because someone decent won't care what number a person has. I wouldn't care if someone was a virgin or if they had had a hundred partners...as long as they were sensible and used protection and treated other people with respect.
I also think it's a shame because the question puts pressure on people. I'm in my early 20s and had sex for the first time recently and it's one of my biggest regrets. I think if I paid less attention to questions like these, and if I wasn't so convinced that there must be something wrong with me because my 'magic number' was a big 0, I would have had the confidence to not do something I now regret. I ended up sleeping with someone I liked but who I hadn't got to know properly enough - less than two months after we met - and who then lost all interest literally the minute after it happend. I knew I wasn't ready for it but I felt pressured by myself - not him, I should point out - and I convinced myself that I had left it too late to have the comfortable first time I had wanted. So I would advise anyone who is still a virgin to ignore these questions and do whatever you're comfortable with. Have one night stands if that's for you or wait if you just don't feel ready.

Neyite

panda100 wrote: »

I think its rude not to tell someone who you're about to get intimate with. Your sexual history reflects how you view sex,and what it means to you.

I dunno. My sexual history does not reflect how I would view sex, or what it means to me- if people want to know how I view sex, they can ask me how I view sex and I will answer. Repying with number doesnt tell anybody anything except a number. My view of sex is vastly different from the view I held 10 or 15 years ago.

doovdela wrote: »

If I asked a partner about their past, I would still like to have a general idea how many partners they have been with and to know how experienced or inexperience he is so I have a better chance of going with what's comfortable for me and comfortable for him. Gives a better indicator of what the expect at least. I am more likely to ask how many girlfriends he has had rather than how many he 'been with in that context'. I still like to know if he healthy and practised safe sex and so on. I be worrier like that and need to know things in advance and be well informed on anything I do.

As for a partner asking me how many partners I have been with or how many boyfriend(s) I have had I would be honest with him and tell him the truth regardless of experience or inexperience. Both partners have a right to know in my opinion. Might be rude to others but think for the health of both you and your partner they both should know what they are getting themselves in for like.

I don't mean talk about ex's in a major way until secure in a relationship certainly not mention it on a first date anyway but I still think that knowing about partners sexual history is important for both health and safety reasons.

But you are not going to find out how STI-free someone is by asking them how many people they have slept with. You find that out by either getting tested, or by asking them about their attitude to their sexual health. Someone could have had a single girlfriend, but she could have been the village bike who never used protection, or a guy could have been a regular player, yet always used protection, and got regular STI checkups.

Knowing their sexual health and their attitude to their sexual health is important, knowing their history is not. (in my opinion)

seenitall

Right, Dudess; sorry if I took you up the wrong way.

I still disagree with you about both the OP's speculated motivations and the overall position over this issue; I'm in favour of seeing a thread like this in the Ladies' Lounge because I just see it as one of many other threads like it that enable people to discuss/raise points about all aspects of their lives, including their sexuality, with a varied spectrum of other people, that they would have never come across in real life (am now speaking especially from the position of having a pretty limited social life these days).

The OP also raised a very current point of the double standard still ingrained in the society, as demonstrated by at least one subsequent poster already. Not bad!

Catari Jaguar

I would never ask someone their "magic number" eugh, i feel like a fool even calling it that. Seriously smacks to me, of sexual hang ups be it jealousy or inadequacy or low self esteem. What does it matter about your partners past??? Maybe they had a bad break up and needed validation or were lonely and found intimacy with strangers, whatever, not my business, not up to me to judge and certainly nothing to do with my relationship. Be glad they've chosen you and be happy that you're what they want now, especially if it meant giving up a life of let's say... promiscuity??

amacachi

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Ya know I reckon once blokes reach a certain age that really stops being the case.

Its a bit of a stereotype thats perpetuated by the back slapping,high fiving "lad" culture in movies like Superbad or magazines like Loaded etc.

I can only recall one friend that would have slept around (as in had sex with different women as often as he could) and tbh he got more slagging about it than kudos.

In my circle through my teens there was very, very little actual talk of sex or anything like that. There'd be some chat one-on-one but it was never "Phwoarrr-r--rr-r-r!" kinda stuff. The only time there was much group talk about anything to do with sex was when a certain person was constantly getting with people who it was easy to slag him about. :pac:

Even now I've been hanging out with people a bit older than me and there's none of that kind of talk at all. I've honestly never come across the whole "Oh he's riding everything, class!" thing in real life. Newspapers and other media, yes.

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

Lost count - I'm sexually active 15 years so it would be quite a few (not a massive amount, but given the sheer length of time, and the fact that I've been single for a lot of it, it does add up) but tbh, I can't understand why a person would want to know these stats - never mind people they are thinking of having sex with, but strangers on the net? And why they'd want to publish their own exact number to the internet.

Genuinely wondering... All I can come up with is: comparing in order to seek validation due to the person feeling they either exceed or don't measure up to the "accepted" rate, or... boasting.

If this were any other forum I might agree, but I think OP might have had a point with the double standards discussion, which would bring it out of those territories.

That said, I have enough personal information on the boards under this name anyway, so I'm not going to announce it.

On the whole tell or don't tell a partner thing, I don't mind discussing it - sure I am naturally a curious person anyway - and there wouldn't be a question of jealousy as raze has experienced, but I wouldn't think it's "rude" not to tell or start obsessing over it.

krudler

I wouldnt think it rude to ask either, to demand specifics would be kinda mental, but everyone has a past, nothing wrong with talking about previous stuff, or things you like or what have you. Itd be more of an issue if someone outright refused to discuss anything before me than a "colourful" past. like it was something to hide.

x Purple Pawprints x

Princess Peach wrote: »

I'm 23 and I've been with 2 guys. Sex is kinda big deal for me. Really don't like the idea of a one night stand at all. I don't want to ever have regrets about who/ how many I have slept with. I had boyfriends when I was younger and they were jerks so glad I didn't cave into their pressure. And then I was single for a few years and waited till I was ready with a new boyfriend.

Even when I started seeing my new boyfriend I waited a good while, even though I wasn't a virgin this time. I wanted to make sure I really liked him and that I trusted him and that I would be with him for a while, and he wasn't just going to be a notch on my bedpost.

I will admit I judge some people who sleep around, men and women. I wouldn't like to be with a guy I knew had loads of one night stands, I'd be worried I'd just be another number to him. If I never had a one night stand I wouldn't mind. I don't have the emotional stability for that.

I don't think numbers has anything to do with how well you know what your doing. A friend of mine has been with maybe 6 guys, but hardly more than twice with each of them. Chatting to her I have way more experience with her. I think sex in a relationship is better, can experiment a lot more, try new things and really get to know each other.

I feel the exact same as you. Sex is a huge deal for me too and I hate the idea of a one night stand. My bf is actually my first bf. I was and can still be very shy but he's brought me out of my shell so much so I trust him with my life. I always said that I would wait until I was in love and completely ready and that's what I did even though I knew from the first few times I met him that he'd be my first. I knew there was a spark between us.

I would disagree with you in that I don't judge people who sleep around, if they want to do it that's their business. If they're sensible about it and use protection, let them on.

Chinafoot

I don't even know the number tbh.

I don't see why its anyone's business really. Once you've a clean bill of sexual health then its all good as far as I'm concerned. Anyone who is having casual sex (even with a condom) and isn't being checked every 6 months needs a kick in the hole tbh.

panda100

cherub rock wrote: »

I would never ask someone their "magic number" eugh, i feel like a fool even calling it that. Seriously smacks to me, of sexual hang ups be it jealousy or inadequacy or low self esteem.

To me it is just about getting to know someone,like asking them about their college experience, or when they had their first drink etc. I don't get what the big deal is about asking someone this question.

Anywho, on the double standards thing, I have definately encountered judgment from other people regarding my behaviour towards men in the past. I think If your in any way flirtatious as a women, you will encounter nasty comments at some stage. In my own experience, most of the judgment and comments come from men.

Catari Jaguar

panda100 wrote: »

To me it is just about getting to know someone,like asking them about their college experience, or when they had their first drink etc. I don't get what the big deal is about asking someone this question.

No, uncomparable imo, it's opening a huge can of worms. Emotional attachment, respect for members of opposite sex, body issues, morality... Not worth it.

Eve_Dublin

Not going to give an exact number because I don't want to but will tell you it's more than 10 and less than 40. I lost my virginity at 18 and I'm 31 now.

Sonics2k

panda100 wrote: »

To me it is just about getting to know someone,like asking them about their college experience, or when they had their first drink etc. I don't get what the big deal is about asking someone this question.

I'd possibly answer the question once a relationship had started. But it's not something I'd tell a new friend during the getting to know each other phase.

I'm not at all ashamed of the number of people I've slept with, but women have been "scared off" (some have even been more intrigued). Because of that I stopped telling people, because it has very little influence on the person I am.

Dudess

I've never been put off by a guy having a lot of previous partners - sometimes I think it's a good thing (I know it's not an absolute guarantee it's gonna make him a good lover, but it can do). It all depends on how he's conducted himself about it, not the number.

seenitall

cherub rock wrote: »

No, uncomparable imo, it's opening a huge can of worms. Emotional attachment, respect for members of opposite sex, body issues, morality... Not worth it.

I wouldn't call all these things a can of worms exactly... more like an essential part and parcel of getting to know someone's life and personality, and the potential for compatibility with one's own. (Just in my own view, of course.)

So what if an incompatibility in the worldview, or morality, or respectfulness, or security, or maturity... rears its head? I would have thought that to be a good thing? Sooner rather than later is better when it comes to these differences, right?

starlit

Neyite wrote: »

I dunno. My sexual history does not reflect how I would view sex, or what it means to me- if people want to know how I view sex, they can ask me how I view sex and I will answer. Repying with number doesnt tell anybody anything except a number. My view of sex is vastly different from the view I held 10 or 15 years ago.



But you are not going to find out how STI-free someone is by asking them how many people they have slept with. You find that out by either getting tested, or by asking them about their attitude to their sexual health. Someone could have had a single girlfriend, but she could have been the village bike who never used protection, or a guy could have been a regular player, yet always used protection, and got regular STI checkups.

Knowing their sexual health and their attitude to their sexual health is important, knowing their history is not. (in my opinion)

I see your point, that's what I really meant is to find out about their sexual health more than their actual history really. Of course I would ask them to get themselves checked out before I do anything too serious with them. Them telling me they are 'clean' isn't enough if they think that is too much then they can stuff it. Its their loss not mine.

Ya I be conscious of their past partners depending what they are like to an extent say if they were a girlfriend/ons/fwb/fling or player/town bike. That I would like to known and I would regardless whether my partner had sex with one girl or a good number of them, or slept with one or more based one ons or fwb or whether he had sex with one girlfriend or a number of his girlfriends.

I would be health concious like that knowing whether there is a chance he might have played with fire and got careless it give me a more informed choice what to do. I would ask him to get checked out and so on and use the proper protection at all times not just a condom but I would also suggest that I'd use the pill too. Do not wish to risk pregnancy regardless until I be married even though what ever happens it shouldn't matter whether it happens before or after marriage.

Virginity is sacred and should be cherished no matter what it shouldn't be just thrown away on whim. Its better to actually enjoy it being taken away from you rather than to just get it over with due to peer pressure. Sex should really only happen when you are ready regardless of age!