Being 30 is freaking me out

LegacyUser

where do I start

when I was younger I thought 30 was old, I believed i'd be definitely married by the then kids etc

Now i have suddenly realized time is moving to fast and i'm bloody 30 not married no kids etc these days all i'm getting is invite to weddings and i'm the only out of my friends not in a relationship

I have had relationships 2 years 1 years etc but I knew none of them were for me
the only write person was my first boyfriend. When I am out get lots of men chatting to me but all the wrong one's and no one I'd fancy. Was in Australia went out with a guy for a year he was nice person but realized he wasn't for me.

Sick of the Irish night life used to be happy going out now it's boring been there done that.
I'm afraid I will be left on the shelf and won't meet the right person. wish I thought differently when I was younger.
I may sound i'm fussy etc but i'm not just want to meet someone there's a spark, and honest descent man with a nice soul.

treakle

Hey ange,
I so know what you mean!
I'm 32, male...the majority of my mates are married-up and starting families etc.
Like you...I thought I'd have been married, kids etc. at this stage but it just hasn't happened!
I have no problem meeting girls...it just seems to be the wrong ones! If there isn't that spark/connection then no point in continuing.
What to do?....I say we start a campaign to bring back the slow-sets...things were way easier in the good old days

LeeHoffmann

Ange, it sounds like you're very stressed out about this. I agree about how quickly years fly by. It shocks me too. A few years ago (when I hit 25), I experienced a lot of what you're saying: I felt like I should have my life sorted out by now; my career should be flying; I should be married; travelled etc etc. Most of us have unrealistic expectations when we're young, and few of us take the randomness of life into account. For example, my family suffered a run of unexpected tragedies that threw me and my plans off kilter. My friends didn't have the same kind of upsets occurring in their lives and were able to make more progress and follow their deams and whims - so, when I compared myself, I felt deficient and scared that I was going to run out of time and never do any of the things I wanted to do. My life is starting to get back on track now though and I realise that those kind of comparisons aren't really helpful. They don't give an accurate picture because they don't take the varied circumstances into account. Each person's life is going to take a different course. You may feel that you are having a difficult time at the moment ad it can be hard to see others achieving what you wish you could, but you never know what's around the corner. Your friends may have difficult times ahead when life will be well for you. Likewise, your life could change. I have a friend who is now 33. When she turned 30, I remember she was very worried about never finding 'the one'. She thought back to an ex she'd been with for 6 years and wondered whether she should have stayed with him. Once she calmed down and stopped thinking about it, she started to attract lots of men. She had a few relationships with men who weren't right for her and she was able to let those relationships die rather than hold on in desperation of not having another chance. She's now going out with a man who I think (although I haven't said it) could be the one. They've just moved in together and are really happy together. She's not thinking ahead - she's just enjoying life at the moment and taking things as they come.

I think if you learn to let go of your expectations of yourself and of your fears, and just learn to enjoy the moment you're in, things will likely start to work out for you. Obviously, if you're sitting at home every night by yourself, you're never going to meet anybody - so you have to 'get out there', but I think your goal should be to have fun and enjoy yourself. Focus on fun and let good things come your way. 30 isn't old. Good luck!

LegacyUser

First of all, chill out.

Almost all of my friends (and me) were single at 30. Now I'm 37 and almost my friends (including me) are married. It happens pretty fast in the 30s. Yes, the dating is much more brutal but at least the there's less waiting around wondering what to with each other when you do meet someone.

Internet dating worked for one friend. I met my man while travelling. Another met hers at a festival. You get the picture. Just keep looking around and try all avenues. I would suggest cutting back on drinking and smoking to save your fertility. Get into your hobbies - you have no idea where they can take you and who you can meet. Be clear on what you want from life and don't be afraid to say it. I've seen girls loose years with guys because they're afraid to say they want marriage and kids because society will judge them a bunny boiler or desperate. That's not how it works. Also stay in shape and look after yourself. You're only thirty now so you're still young :-) but as the next few years pass, being in shape will make a big difference to your options. Forget all that nonsense we're told about how you meet someone when you give up trying. It might work out that way, but it's not suitable advice for a 30 year old adult. Get proactive about dating and accept that there will be some rejection involved in this. But try not to take the rejection too personally; not being right for one person doesn't mean you're not right for someone else.

But the main thing is to chill out!

Miss.Marple

Hi All..i'm more a less in the same boat myself..recently turned the dreaded 30 & single!!thought i would of been settled by now but hey thats life!!I have my own home,good job etc so realise that i am lucky..i'v a great circle of friends but they are all bar 1!! in relationship/married,babies etc..so its staring me in the face every day.. i do get down about it a bit at times,when sitting alone at home most nites etc, when you see every1 else "moving on" but I try not to dwell on it..i have a fairly good social life,however hardrer to get people to come out now they'r all settled;)travelled to Asia etc in the summer so its not all bad..My friend who was long time single also has met someone recently so the cycle continues:o!!..Sure think we have to keep positive..theres a shoe for every foot as my mother says:D:D

Maple

OP has not been back to this thread in 3 weeks, therefore I'm locking it.

Maple