Not loving my life atm

LegacyUser

Work:
I work for a pretty big investment bank for the just over 6 months now after graduating from college and despite passing probation (I only think I passed as I get on with my supervisor) I still feel like I am struggling big time. Every task I am assigned I struggle with and the only way I get them complete is by someone else doing most of the hard work and I just pass it off as my own work to my manager in London.

Shyness:
I tend to be a bit shy at times, like I am currently looking for new place to live and I dont like ring up people to arrange views. I let some really nice place go as I was too shy to call to the house. Like how stupid is that? That said I have rang up and arranged and done viewings but I do regret not doing it earlier.

Social Life:
I moved away from all my friends for this job and I still dont know anyone. My life is just work then I get to the house, get my sports gear and go to gym/swim/football. I try and meet up with my mates from college but its just too far for me to travel down every single weekend to do something.

I also have 17 days to take off between now and December but I dont want to take them off just to do nothing. I am going away with my family in Jan and I need to take a week off and I am able to transfer 5 holiday days from this year for that. I was planning on heading off to NY to go over to see one my mates from college and well go to NY for a while but he has since come home.

Women:
This is mainly down to no social life but I have very little female interaction. ATM all I have is playing a bit of eye tennis with girls in my office/gym which isnt any interaction at all. Its not that I am saying my life would be so much better with a gf its just that I am missing out on a lot of fun. I am also a bit jealous of my friends in work as they are moving in these really nice apartments with there girlfriends and roughly paying the same price as me.

Another problem is that I fancy girls who are way out of my league.

Red About Town

From reading your post you seem to know what you need to do but don't have the confidence to do it.

In regards to your work; you are obviously qualified to do the job and the fact that you passed promotion makes me think that you are probably being very hard on yourself.

If you find yourself struggling, instead of getting someone else to do the work for you can you ask them to show you what to do instead? You could buddy up with the co-worker for the areas you need to help with. What about getting a work mentor to help you as well?

There are things you can do to improve at work, you just need to put in the hard work.

As for your social life and meeting women, the honest answer is you need to try a lot harder. Instead of going to the gym on your own, can you join a club, get involved in some sort of group activity.

It can be hard to realise but we all move on from the people we went to school/college with. I remember thinking I would be friends with my school mates for life, now I see them once or twice a year at the very most. It's time to move on.

Start looking for opportunities to go out e.g work nights, birthday parties. When you are out push yourself to talk to people, go dancing etc. It will become easier after a while.

Don't waste your 17 days holidays - most people would kill to have that amount of holidays left at this time of year. Get a cheap flight and get out of this country for a few days. I was stressed at work last year and came home and booked to go to Hamburg the next day (no reason why I picked there), ended up having three of the best days of my life.

In summary, you need to get motivated, get out there and live your life.

Ickle Magoo

Red About Town,

Asking posters to take their issues from the public fora of PI and into private counsel with you is against forum rules.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

Red About Town

I have edited my post.

I wasn't aware and it won't happen again.

Thanks.

Klingon Hamlet

Your major issue here is confidence. In work, home, socialising and the opposite sex. You are like anyone a human being with talents and emotions and aspirations and needs. You deserve friendship and crave courtship and you are worried it's not going to work out.

The shyness stems from that, your fear that people will see you for who you think you really are. You have a poor self-image.

The first step is to stop and reflect on your massive achievements. You've graduated from college and achieved a job that while yes is very challenging, is also obviously something you are highly capable of doing.

You are living away from friends and family which is disheartening, and something you need to consider: do you miss them, or company in general? Life's too short to be sad:(

If girls are checking you out, just smile at them, maybe say hiya and shake their hands. Push yourself out there a little bit and be prepared for a warm reception.

I hope everything works out better for ya OP.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies


Re Red About Town Post.

Re Work:
Its just the stuff I am working on is flipping massive and college did not prepare me what so ever for this even the training I did for this job didnt do much. There was a guy who I was very good at explaining to me but he has since left and know I have to ask the more senior guys who arent as good and just end up doing my work. Also the stuff I am working on is internal to my company so I cannot just google it.

Re: Clubs
Its just that it isnt as easy as it was in college to join clubs, after my first year in college I have plenty of mates to call on and this was because of clubs. I am a member of the football team in work but we only play once a week and its pretty late so we dont do anything after. Also I dont want to quit the gym as I can see my work there paying off.

Re: Moving on
Yeah I am aware, as I have lost touch with my friends from school even though I was best mates with them during them year. I have already lost contact with some of my close mates from college but I am still in regular with a small view its prob down to we are doing the same jobs for the same type of companies so still have stuff in common.

Re: Nights out
In my place work nights out are very very very rare and even then it is just done by dept so mine is just a massive sausage fest.

Re: Holidays
I cant find anyone to go with me and I dont want to go abroad on my own.

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Your major issue here is confidence. In work, home, socialising and the opposite sex. You are like anyone a human being with talents and emotions and aspirations and needs. You deserve friendship and crave courtship and you are worried it's not going to work out.

The shyness stems from that, your fear that people will see you for who you think you really are. You have a poor self-image.

The first step is to stop and reflect on your massive achievements. You've graduated from college and achieved a job that while yes is very challenging, is also obviously something you are highly capable of doing.

I dont really see it as an achievements as a lot of my friends have done the same as has all my family and my cousins. But when I talk to the guys who I grew up with it does make me realise how big they are. As they have never gone to college and/or are on the dole for the last few years.

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

You are living away from friends and family which is disheartening, and something you need to consider: do you miss them, or company in general? Life's too short to be sad:(

Bit of both, company is definitely one but I do miss a few mates from college as I got on really well with them and this sounds a bit gay but they really understood me.

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

If girls are checking you out, just smile at them, maybe say hiya and shake their hands. Push yourself out there a little bit and be prepared for a warm reception.

I hope everything works out better for ya OP.

I am quite bad at this I must admit when sober like in work had one girl always smiling back at me when I walked pass her in the hall but I just panicked and just looked away or just looked back with facial expression 'WTF you looking at'. That said seen that girl has a wedding photo on her desk so.....

like I said I feel like the girls I do like are out of my league so I just dont see the point in trying to talk to them as they wont be interested. Stupid I know but its how its justify it to myself.

LegacyUser

You clearly have low self esteem and a poor self image. You dont think you are qulaified for your job or good enough at it. You dont try with women as you feel they are out of your league, or to put it another way, that your not good enough for them/ there to good for you. Firstly this is not the case (i know i dont know what you look like) because who are you to say what other people find attractive. You may think a girl is absloutly stunning, your friend may think she is hideous. So dont be put off talking to a girl because you think she is out of your league, as everyone finds different things attractive. And maybe dont just look at women as potential girlfriends because women can make great friends too. So next time a girl smiles at you smile back, even if your not attracted to her, she could be the friend your looking for and introduce you to other people too, which would solve alot of your problems re loneliness. As for the work stuff, well your emoloyers would not have chosen you out ofthe countless others who probably appled for the job if they did not think you were up to the task. Especially in the current climate, they would have had the pick of educated and experienced people. But they chose you. Ask yourself why? And i assume they knew when they took you on that you were just out of college and didnt have much, or any work experience in the area, so they know that you are only starting out so dont worry about the fact that you dont know how to do everything you are asked. At the end of the day college doesnt cover everything. Also, in giving you this promotion and ending your probation period, they would have gotten feed back from people working along side you etc to see how you were coping , so those people obviously think your up to the task too. Try and join a club, i now your on the company football yeam but maybe try to do something outside work with people from the community. And you say football is on too late to go out afterwards, well why not suggest to someone your friendly with on the team going out another night. Or if you feel to shy to do this, after the match you could make a general comment like ' id love a pint after that' or 'its a shame this games so late cos id murder a pint' etc. Generally i think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You are clearly worth alot more than you seem to think. I hope this helped you a little. Good luck.