What does he want?!!

missymoomee

My boyfriend & I are dating 5 weeks now,things are going great.On our first date we completely hit it off, there was an instant connection and we had so much fun.He surprised me with trip to a go-karting arena and then brought me for dinner,we talked for almost 2 hours at the end of the date he handed me a large bunch of flowers (Ive never been given flowers before!)We have spent a lot of time together since our first date,hes a sweet guy & we feel so comfortable together.Its been a long time since Ive been treated so well..hes very open about how he feels & is excited about introducing me to his family!However,lately he mentioned that he proposed to his ex two years ago but she turned him down and he later found out she was cheating on him and is now engaged to another man. He said that he likes how things are going with us now but doesnt want either of us to get too serious too soon despite having slept together..says he just wants to enjoy having fun at the moment without too much intensity.What do you think this means?is he's falling for me and wants to back off a bit because of his previous experience or is it just that he wants to take things slowly and at his pace??

Miss Fluff

So are you guys dating or have you made things official? You refer to him as your boyfriend so I presume you've had a chat about being together/exclusive?

If not, I'd be wary that maybe this is his way of telling you he doesn't want to make any kind of commitment, i.e. be your boyfriend.

If you guys have had a chat about it and are now official etc then I would take it as given and that he just doesn't want to get too serious too quickly.

Word of warning though, I'd always be very very careful with someone who is very full-on at the start like that. You're only seeing him five weeks and he's talking about you meeting his family and being quite full on - if there's a sudden shift in behaviour/he goes cool then I'd definitely be protective of myself and ask him wtf is going on. Right now though I'd keep an open mind and see where it leads....

missymoomee

Hi Miss Fluff

Thanks for your message... :)yes we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend.. he asked me the second week of dating. I know its early days, I told him I'm not ready to meet his parents yet and he is happy with that but Ive met his friends he says they think im a lovely girl. He is quite clear about how he feels about me and is always complimenting on how amazing I am and how great I look. When we first slept together last week it felt natural and not rushed..but he kept apologising for not lasting long enough in bed. I guess he's a little self-conscious in that respect and he focuses more on satisfying me and making sure Im happy. Maybe he just wants this relationship to go well and avoid rushing to exhaust it, well at least this is what Im hoping.. I will leave the ball in his court and let him lead for the moment i dont think I should say anything to him or it might put him off..

Miss Fluff

I'd say just take him at his word and enjoy it then He sounds quite intense though so don't go meeting his family etc until you're good and ready.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, not sure if him saying he wants to have fun for a bit is a bad thing. I was in a relationship for years, we were living together within months and it didn't work out. Now I have met a lovely amazing guy and we've been seeing each other for a couple of months and I have said the exact same thing to him, about 'having fun and seeing where things go'.

I am crazy about him and at this moment in time could definitely see this working as a long-term thing but I also just want to enjoy the dating and the anticipation of seeing him and not rushing into full-on domesticity like I did before. I believe too that once you have been really hurt you are more aware of not investing too much too soon *just in case*.

So what I am basically trying to say is - he sounds like a great guy, he is treating you very well and him saying what he did is not necessarily a bad thing at all. Enjoy!!

boarddotie

I am in the exact same type of relationship OP, so strange who similar! It was totally full on by him at the start but in the end it was ME (girl) who has had to put up the barriers to slow things down.

I think he probably went in with all guns blazing but, due to previous experiences, has had to mentally decide to slow down. Perhaps former girlfriends reacted badly to this so he has learned his lesson and is keeping things a wee bit cool by staying 'casual/fun' (even though ye are BF+GF).

If you both are anything like me and my new BF who became a couple fast(8 weeks together now, became a couple after 3) a lot of the game-playing (the does he/doesnt he like me, should I/shouldnt i call) which usually only happens in the entended 'courting' phase may still be happening. This is tricky to experience and I am finding it tough.

Be patient. If he wants to set that pace, go with it. I feel he has been burned a few times in the past so he is just slowing down a bit. I am sure it will get to a normal pace once a few more weeks/month has passed. G'luck!