Do I do too much?

OkayWhatever

Just looking for a bit of advice really!

I've been with my boyfriend for 13 months now but i'm getting a bit concerned that I do too much for him. It's making the relationship less enjoyable for me, than it would be if we did things between us.

We don't live together but we stay together a lot. If i'm in his house i'd have dinner with him and his mam sister. I usually clean up after everybody, but he always leaves me on my own to do it. If I ask him to do it, he tells me to wait a while, but I know quite well he has no intention to do it! I fill the dishwasher, empty it and put stuff away with him standing there and not even bothering to help at all.

If we're out in town or anywhere and we go out for food, I always pay! He has more money than me, but my dad tends to give me money if I ask for it. That usually gets thrown in my face if I say that he has more money than me!
Even if we're going to the cinema, I buy the goodies in Tesco and stuff like that. He now assumes that i'm going to pay, sometimes he doesn't even bring his wallet out.!

I go over to his house a lot more than he'd come to mine, and it's an hour and a half bus journey and I've started to not stay in his on weeknights so it's 2.5/3 hours travelling a day sometimes. So i'm kinda getting fed up with it! If I suggest for him to come over, I get some lame excuse and if I say anything I get a "That's not fair".

It's not about the money or the long bus journeys, it's about the lack of effort and me feeling like I do too much without getting any rewards makes me feel really crappy.

I know I probably give in too easy because I am a big softie, But is there anything I can do or say to make him empty the dishwasher or buy me dinner once in a while?

I'm willing to try anything! I can put up with a lot but this is getting a bit unbearable and I can't really go on feeling like this either. It's not fair on me at all, he doesn't seem to really understand that part either.

Any advice at all would be much appreciated!!

Thanks

Giselle

Read over your post and ask yourself what you would say to a friend who told you that tale.

You deserve better, he's probably unwilling to do better. The only question you have to ask yourself is do you want to put up with that, or do you want to find someone who doesn't treat you as an atm and source of free labour.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but sometimes we don't see things very clearly if we're too close to the situation.

I'd be gone like the wind.

sibeniklove

You sound like a really caring person and he seems to be taking advantage. It's unfortunate but there are men like that who if you give an inch they take a mile. My ex was a genius at making me feel bad about asking for the treatment i felt i deserved. I was practically his slave and wallet. It wasn't until we finally broke up (which he said i treated him like a dog) and i started going out with a different guy and saw the difference that it dawned on me that this wasn't something i had to put up with.


In the long run, do you really want to pay his way for the rest of your life? I truly believe that men will only change if they want to and that nobody else can change them. Why would he want to change when he has a wonderful girl who pays his way, and cleans up after him. He has it made!

Sauve

I've been there OP, and like other posters said, it was only when I was out of the relationship and went out on a date with another guy that I realised how I should have been treated all along.
Don't be afraid to settle for nothing less than what you deserve. Sometimes us 'modern women' tend to shoot ourselves in the foot by trying to be and do everything.
If I were you, I'd be out of there.
Know what you're worth and stick to it.