What is the stupidest question you have ever been asked??

Pandora2

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ****tin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Can't think of any personally but thought this worth posting:D:D:D

py2006

I am often asked am I gay because I am single..

Biggins

Pandora2 wrote: »

...Can't think of any personally but thought this worth posting:D:D:D

Smaller text would have been much better!

Pandora2

C&P Would not allow me to reduce size Does it take longer to read in large text?? :D

AnamGlas

Only in America eh :rolleyes:

Jaafa

Is Army of two......two player?

Mike 1972

Biggins wrote: »

Smaller text would have been much better!

Or NOT C&P text from a email doing the rounds for the last decade ?

Biggins

Pandora2 wrote: »

C&P Would not allow me to reduce size Does it take longer to read in large text?? :D

You copy and paste it temp' into a new plain text file on your desktop.
Save it as plain "TXT" - then re-copy and paste back into the forum. Problem solved.

KeithM89_old

Sweet jesus, the size of it
Fixed.

Pandora2

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Or text NOT C&P from a email doing the rounds for the last decade ?

Jeez Mike 1972.......relax!!! I'd never seen it before!!

badgerbaiter

Guy: what did u just ask me?
Me: i didnt say anything
Guy: ok but if u had asked me something what would u have asked?
Me: umm.. ??

A guy i was standing near asked me this one day

Darksaga87

"is it raining?"

Was asked this by an elderly woman in the middle of town while it was pissing rain.

Gandalph

"Whats the stupidest question you have ever been asked" is clearly the most stupid question I have ever been asked! jk

Closely followed by "What are Argentina's chance of winning the European Cup?" & "Are Bosnia good at Comogie?"

sunflower27

I got a new phone from 3 the other day after signing up to a plan.

A few days later I got a call from the call centre from the guy that sent it out to me asking if I was happy with the phone. I replied yes. He then asked if I knew of anyone else that would be interested. I said no, but if I did think of anyone I would let them know the deal I was on blah blah.

I thought that was the end of it. He then said OK, so maybe um, what about your partner? I said I was single. His reply 'Oh, I am very sorry to hear that'. I replied it was OK, I'll live. He said 'sorry?' (he was foreign and obviously didn't get the joke.

Not so much a stupid questuion, more a stupid reply I suppose

Seachmall

"What am I thinking?"

Used to get that about once a week.

peterk675

Are you really that sexy ?

Ghandee

Was once asked if my Dad was "born with his glass eye?" before.

True story.

Paparazzo

An American guy asked me if the famine in Ireland was over yet

Kevin Duffy

I was once asked "What age were you when you were born?". I'm sure they meant "what weight", but I just answered "I don't know, 3 maybe?". They didn't get it.

Pandora2

Ghandee wrote: »

Was asked if my Dad was born with his glass eye before.

True story.

Worth Mike 1972 giving out to me for this:D:D:D

OneArt

TEACHER: Right now, we need to be careful there may be an inspector coming in.
STUDENT: Miss, what do inspectors look like?
TEACHER: They have four eyes and tentacles.

leonidas83

Do ye speak english in Ireland? is ireland in europe? are their leprachauns in ireland?

yes,yes and mother****ing yes:)

Novella

"Can blind people cry?"

Princess Peach

"Do you work here?"

No I just wear the uniform and stand behind the till for the craic!

julyjane

Woman I was talking to in work one day, around February when I was about 6 months pregnant

Her: That project won't be starting until July
Me: I won't be here then, I'll be on maternity leave
Her: Oh, are you pregnant? :eek:

Now this woman had a young child herself so she can't have been that green about pregnancy

CrazyRabbit

Oh that's easy. It's "What is the stupidest question you have ever been asked??"

jackie1974

How much are the penny sweets ? emmm a penny :pac:

julyjane

Will the 24 hour garage be open in the morning?

I can't believe there are people so stupid in the world but I was asked this once

Cantona's Collars

Paparazzo wrote: »

An American guy asked me if the famine in Ireland was over yet

Did you tell him it's not,we're the great Panini and Breakfast Roll famine since mid 2007.

Stupidest thing an American asked me was if I got to America via the Channel Tunnel-told her I came on the bus.

ItsAWindUp

jackie1974 wrote: »

How much are the penny sweets ? emmm a penny :pac:

Are they not 2 cent?

k4kate

Seachmall wrote: »

"What am I thinking?"

Used to get that about once a week.

Then you left her;)

jackie1974

ItsAWindUp wrote: »

Are they not 2 cent?

Is that an example of a stupid question :pac:

cofy

jackie1974 wrote: »

How much are the penny sweets ? emmm a penny :pac:

Have you got any big pints of milk?

How many slices of meat will I get in a half pound?

carlybabe1

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Or NOT C&P text from a email doing the rounds for the last decade ?

Do you mean 'an' email????

Me: answers phone, "hello <input job name> how can I help you?
Him: hello, are you there now?? Is it open
Me: hang up phone

:rolleyes::rolleyes: ehhh, did you not just dial the number for here ye clown :rolleyes:

Chris P. Bacon

I picked up a friend of mine one night and he said will you stop at a TSB atm,grand i said,while i was driving i spot a AIB bank and pull in,he says what are you doing?,i said you wanted to go to the atm?,yeah but a TSB one he said,why i asked whats the difference?,he said because im with TSB and my atm card will only work in there atm's!,i just looked at him and said,fuck off boy are you actually serious,and he was.It turns out that he was only using TSB atm's since he joined the bank about 4 years ago!

booboo88

carlybabe1 wrote: »

Do you mean 'an' email????

Me: answers phone, "hello <input job name> how can I help you?
Him: hello, are you there now?? Is it open
Me: hang up phone

:rolleyes::rolleyes: ehhh, did you not just dial the number for here ye clown :rolleyes:

Its very hard not to be sarcastic so best bet is to hang up

wolf moon

Abroad:

Random guy I worked with: Look, these are birds! Do you have birds in Europe?

Me: Nope, we have only dinosaurs...



I still after 12 years can't believe this lad was for serious.