Men losing contact with old families

dilbert2

Ladies, I’m wondering if you have ever noticed this attribute in men generally, particularly partners (boyfriends and husbands etc.) where they gradually become estranged from and lose contact (although not altogether) from their old families. It seems that women maintain contact with parents and siblings, often weekly if not daily, and it is usually the case that a couple visits the woman’s parents house on Christmas day.

However, once men seem to leave the home and find a partner to go out with, or marry, they seem to keep very little contact with their old families. Has anybody noticed this, and why this might be the case, whereas women maintain regular contact with their parents/ siblings throughout life.

Be||e

Well this is the case with my brother, although I wouldn't have thought it was the norm. I think he stays in touch mainly out of a sense of duty, rather than because he wants to. My sister and I are a lot closer to our parents and each other.

Conversely, any boyfriends I've had have been very close with their families; more so than me.

Victor

I think every relationship will be different.

My brother had a house with quite a few trees on the grounds. There are too many trees and gradualy these are being thinned and the garden is being done up. My father has helped him out a fair bit - in return for fire wood.

His wife asked him what he and my father talk about when they are in the garden. My brother said something along the lines of "Oh you know, things like, where we should put in new shrubs, which trees to pick out for cutting down, how to lay out the flower beds ..."

And his wife said "Eh, no, sorry, what you ye **talk** about?"

"Where we should put in new shrubs, which trees to pick out for cutting down ..."

"Erm ..."

Meanwhile, my sister-in-law couldn't get by without talking to her mother at least twice a day.

---

Men and women are built differently. Some men are quiet, some are talkative. Some women are quiet, some are talkative. However, I have this theory that when in single-sex groups (or single-sex dominated groups), women tend to like to chat and gossip a bit more than men do, whereas men tend to like to joke and storytell, but chat a bit less. A substantial section of men could do with chatting a bit more, especialy about feelings. The flip side is that some men should be less domineering in their speeches (it sounds like storytelling, but in reality it can be manipulation). Some women could do with not gossiping and be a bit more productive / let others be more productive by being less distracting.* Finding the balance can be difficult.

Its only my theory, it may be right or wrong. Part of it may be sociological, but it may also be evolutionary.


* I feel a bit conflicted here - I point out what are the issues I see. I say that men should talk about their feelings and stop lecturing people. Some women should be a bit quieter. Should there be a fourth part to that equation that women should take a greater verbal lead? Maybe its a bit like two women I know and respect, partially because they can hold a conversation about things like international politics.

phasers

My Brothers couldn't go two days without speaking to either me or my parents, we've always been a really close family and since my brother and sister have moved out I've probably seen them more than I used to!

I asked my Brother once if he ever thought of going to his in-laws for Christmas and he looked at me like I had ten heads :pac:

I think you have a point one of my sisters and someone I work with have said recently ' my husband would rarely see his parents except that I make him'

I have heard my sister telling her husband to visit his parents and she is the one asking them up for s visit, Its not as if he has fallen out with his parents or anything maybe its a man thing.

Malari

My boyfriend is in regular (at least weekly) touch with his parents, as am I with mine. My brother is absolutely useless though. Of my friends, one has a son who is hopeless at staying in touch unless he needs something, and another friend has several brothers who ring the parents all the time, and one who never does!

I can't think of any female friends who are particularly bad at staying in touch with their folks though.

Acoshla

My boyfriend works with his Dad, and we live just a few minutes from their house. He talks to his Mum about 3 times a week on the phone and we call up to them 1-3 times a week, depending how bored we are He's his mother's pet, we often go for dinner with the family or just go hang out and watch tv with them, and he'd be in contact with all of his siblings at least once a week too, so no fear of him losing contact with them!

Ickle Magoo

I've never known anyone who lost contact with their family other than those who want to do that...

I've been in several long-term relationships and all have maintained strong relationships with their family members - because they wanted to. :cool:

Kooli

I've noticed that in a lot of families that stay in contact that it is the wives who tend to drive this (even when they are the in-laws). So for instance my dad is in good contact with his family, but mostly through my mum's efforts.
I can see the same happening with my husband's family - that I will be in contact with his sister more often than he is, and that I will be the one suggesting we visit or have them over etc. So it's not that he doesn't like them or would fall out with them, I just wonder how much attention and time he would give the relationships if it weren't for me.

Raze_them_all

I barely have contact with my family and I live with my parents, I maybe see them for 2 minutes a day. Will see one my sisters once a week, sometimes not at all.


Just not that pushed tbh

RedXIV

I miss my family. When I moved to Dublin full time i didn't realise how much I would miss them. My brother and sister moved up as well but we very rarely cross paths but I always enjoy meeting my parents and try to get to meet up at least once a fortnight.

Pandora2

Old saying..."A son's a son 'til he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter for life."

Would qualify that as this is by no means everyone's form but, I think women keep in touch with their mothers for advice as the rugrats appearing and this solidifies the Mother/daughter relationsip in adulthood;) As a result of this we tend to make a great deal of effort with the outlaws.........When I split from my first husband his mother branded me spawn of the devil...right up until she didn't get her flowers on Mother's Day,or Chritsmas & Birthday Pressie's, she was devestated that her son had passed of my efforts as his own.......Gave her pause for thought...It is a long road that has no turn;)