Advice needed from guards

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

I'd really appreciate any help on this as it's a really hard situation.

Basically, I live with my parents along with my younger(22) brother. My parents are gone on holiday for two weeks and my brother has taken on it to basically destroy the place. He's inviting everyone he can up for a non stop party which has been going on just over a week now. He has no job and isnt on the dole but basically makes money by dealing. Our house is over run with people who he's basically given free leave to walk around the house and treat it like their own. there's broken glass everywhere and people passed out on the couch at all hours. I've just started a masters which I've paid for myself and I'm already behind in work because of the constant noise disturbance and the masses of people in my house. I started getting a flu because the house was basically a giant hotbox for the last week solid so I asked people not to smoke in the house (neither myself or my parents are smokers and my dad's just painted the house) and I was called every name under the sun.

My brother just lets this friends abuse me 24/7 and his friends pretty much dont respect him either. They dont clean up the broken glass or they leave before the clean up starts. one has already stolen 50e on him which I then had to cover him for because his weed dealer was demanding it. I'm having an absolute nervous breakdown, there is just no end in sight, the only redeeming thing is that I have a room key so can at least protect my laptop etc.

He's told me he''s planning on having a massive party tonight where he's inviting as many people as he like and there's nothing I can do about it. Literally no joke the music, the smoking, the drinking never ****ing stops and I'm sick of being called a prude over it.

So my question is, do I have any rights at all here? Can I stop this house party going ahead in any way? If I call the guards what will happen etc?

Thanks for any advice, I'm literally at the end of it here

Morag

Ring the garada make a complaint tell them about drugs on the premises and have them come and clear out the house and make arrests.

Is there somewehre else you can be for the weekend while it blows over?

LegacyUser

Yeah, there's a few people I can stay with. My brother has never faced consequences in his life for anything. As much as I'd love for him to stop, if he gets arrested he can never get into america and we have family there who we visit a lot and I'd have to call my parents which would ruin their holiday and they'd have to pay money they can't afford for court etc.. It's just like my only option is move out and let him destroy the place. I'm afraid to go up and talk to the guards because of the weed situation

Lollipops23

Have you not informed your parents? I know they're on holiday but I'd say they'd appreciate an update on what's been going on.

I second the advice to move out for the weekend, tbh I'd have done it at the start and let him trash the place. That way you can say you weren't there at any point. Fúcking ridiculous carry on at 22 tbh.

Knasher

While I can understand that you don't want to ruin your parents vacation, I'd be completely certain that they would prefer that you give them a phone call before even more damage is done. The way I see it, even if worst comes to worst and they come home early, at least you have shown that you can be responsible and they can trust you again in the future. If you do nothing you will make it harder for them to get away again.

Trust me, when I was younger I was left in charge of the family business while my parents went away a few times. It was always very explicitly the case that they would prefer I reach out for help if I got in over my head.

LegacyUser

They're on a cruise so they don't have any coverage. I think I might just leave him destroy the place, the guards will probably be called for the noise disturbance. It's ridiculous behaviour at 22 you're right. He's also really abusive to the point of violence so I feel like it's better for me to just leave and let my parents deal with the monster the never discipline.

Thanks for the advice so far, I just kind of feel a bit out of control about it all. maybe it would be good for my parents to come home to a disaster zone so they can actually do something about his behaviour. It's weird that he's so violent considering he's smoking up to a 50 bag a day/2 days of the ****ing stuff

Lollipops23

sick-of-this-situation wrote: »

Thanks for the advice so far, I just kind of feel a bit out of control about it all. maybe it would be good for my parents to come home to a disaster zone so they can actually do something about his behaviour. It's weird that he's so violent considering he's smoking up to a 50 bag a day/2 days of the ****ing stuff

Is there a lock on your bedroom door? If you do move out for the weekend, lock your door and out any valaubles in there (ornaments etc) I used to do when I had parties
The only thing I'd be concerned about would be important things getting damaged, apart from that there's nothing you can do. Let him tie his own noose.

sick-of-this-situation

sick-of-this-situation wrote: »

Yeah, there's a few people I can stay with. My brother has never faced consequences in his life for anything. As much as I'd love for him to stop, if he gets arrested he can never get into america and we have family there who we visit a lot and I'd have to call my parents which would ruin their holiday and they'd have to pay money they can't afford for court etc.. It's just like my only option is move out and let him destroy the place. I'm afraid to go up and talk to the guards because of the weed situation

That's his own problem, not yours. Call the guards and stop covering for him.

Taltos

OP - as the elder adult in the house I do not think your parents will really differentiate the blame. If your family is anything like mine then you will still be held responsible for your younger sibling.

Do you really want your parents coming back to a hell hole?
Take your brother to one side - tell him clearly that you will not stand for this - either he cancels his little soirree and cleans up now or you will be calling the gardai later on.

For what its worth - this is the stance we took with a relation a few years ago - caused no end of grief - but since they had clear warning they knew what to expect and by choosing to ignore the warning it was clearly their responsibility for the hassle that resulted...

Oryx

You would rather let him wreck your home to protect his criminal record? Chances are someone like him will find his own way to get arrested with or without your protection. Protect the family home, protect yourself. Let him deal with the consequences.

I also cannot believe your parents are totally uncontactable. Send a text and wait for it to deliver, at the very least. Then, when the muck hits the fan when they get home, you know you had tried to warn them it had got out of hand.

Knasher

If it is completely impossible to contact your parents, though it they have their phones with them Oryx's suggestion should work, then the next step I would take would be to ring any aunts or uncles you have for advice. You might be able to get one of them to babysit (:P) your brother till your parents come back, after all he is taking advantage of their absence so adult supervision might put him back in line.

The Lovely Muffin

I agree with others here OP. Call the guards and call them now.

If I was in your situation I wouldn't give two hoots about getting into America etc, your brother has no one to blame but himself.

He is 22 and should know better, it's not up to you to protect him or his criminal record, he is old enough to fend for himself.

As for giving him/paying his dealer €50 euros? I wouldn't have done that either, I'd have let him deal with the consequences of it, to be honest.

Send your parents a text, or leave a voice mail or something, or contact other family members for advice/help.

Your brother got himself into this, as I said before, it's his fault, he has no one to blame but himself.

How long has your brother been taking drugs? Is it only weed he uses or other drugs too? Do your parents know he is on drugs?

Maybe to what Taltos advised, that way at least you will have warned/told your brother, so he know's what to expect.

If I was in your situation OP, I'd have called the guards when it first started and let them deal with it. I'd be staying somewhere else while the who thing was going on.

dilallio

You can contact you parents by contacting the cruise line. They will get your folks to call you. Just tell them it's a family emergency.

Oranage2

Lock all the valuable in your room, call you parents and tell them what's happening - you might look like the no fun brother but to call the cops on him will only put a big barrier between you and your brother, also how would your parents feel if they found out you got their little angel facing a criminal record.

Delphi91

sick-of-this-situation wrote: »

...I think I might just leave him destroy the place

...I feel like it's better for me to just leave and let my parents deal with the monster the never discipline.

...maybe it would be good for my parents to come home to a disaster zone so they can actually do something about his behaviour.

You're gonna let him destroy the place??? Put yourself in your parents place when they arrive home and see the place destroyed - you knew about what was going on yet you let him do it?

Report him to the Gardai ASAP!!!! So bloody what if he gets a criminal record and can't visit the USA. That's his problem. From your description of his behaviour, I don't think the USA will be too upset if he can't visit!

Firetrap

Your parents can't be contacted? Where exactly are they cruising that a simple text won't get to them??

iguana

If you are dead set against calling the guards or getting a message to your parents, which I think you should do, then you need to contact some older relatives, aunts, uncles, etc, right now and ask them to come to the house and help prevent this party. If that's not an option, as you don't have any helpful relatives, then you really should make it clear to your brother that you will call the guards if he goes ahead with his party plans, and then follow through with it. Make the point about entry to America to him and if he chooses to go ahead with the party then he's made his choice.

ps your parents are not going to thank you for running off and letting him destroy the house without doing anything about it - make no mistake you'll be in trouble too

whatdoicare

A cruise line works like a hotel - if you ring the cruise line (number usually comes with any paperwork that they got or else go to where they booked the cruise) they'll patch you through to the room yr folks are staying in.
Yr folks need to know what's going on - yr brother is a total scumbag.

Also, go to yr brother and give him ample warning that Gardai will be called if this party goes ahead - then if he doesn't listen call the Gardai. If he gets in trouble with drugs that's his fault not yours.
He's eventually gonna get caught anyway, it's only a matter of time - why should you and your family go down with him as he acts the maggott.
That's his problem, not yours. Do the responsible thing.

Oranage2

Can't believe people are suggesting calling the police, im sure the parents will thank you for not messing up the house and having to fork out a few hundred on a solicitor instead .

Also the gardai cant stop a party if its in the house no matter how loud it is, they'll ask you to keep it down but they can only ask. Noise pollution is a council problem.

Best thing is to call your parents before the party and let them deal with it as its their house.

Jo King

sick-of-this-situation wrote: »

Yeah, there's a few people I can stay with. My brother has never faced consequences in his life for anything. As much as I'd love for him to stop, if he gets arrested he can never get into america and we have family there who we visit a lot and I'd have to call my parents which would ruin their holiday and they'd have to pay money they can't afford for court etc.. It's just like my only option is move out and let him destroy the place. I'm afraid to go up and talk to the guards because of the weed situation

Your parents can afford to go on a cruise and go to America frequently but can't afford money for a court case? Your brother would get legal aid anyway.

beks101

OP I almost admire your restraint, if it was my younger brother I would absolutely throttle him. I'd have had the locks changed and locked him out and called the cops on him well before this stage.

You say he's never had to face consequences and by your description he's clearly highly immature, irresponsible and ungrateful and here's where he should learn a valuable lesson. Like someone else said, give him warning about what you're going to do if he doesn't cop himself on and get his scumbag friends out of the house, and when that doesn't work - go right ahead and get the gardai in.

Get in touch with your parents and bring them right up to speed on what's going on - of course it's crap to have to ruin their holiday, but I'd consider it damage control - how much worse is it going to be when they come home to a trashed house and you've failed to give them even a heads up?

I'm actually reeling at the absolute scumbag behaviour here. In his family home? Jesus Christ. He needs a serious kick up the aRse

Kidchameleon

OP I don't know what your protecting him for, I'd warn him that your gonna call the guards and if he ignores that then the consequences are his problem.

Firetrap

I just find it very puzzling that the parents are uncontactable Something not right about this whole thing. The logical first step would be to contact the parents. If that's not immediately possible, some other family member.

fiona12

Oh for God's sake, grow some balls and tell him to stop his sh!t. Contact your parents and the Guards. This is your responsibility as much as his, get it sorted! If I were your parents, I would be dissapointed that you couldn't even man up to your own brother!

Contact the Gardai? What planet are people on? I highly doubt the parents would thank OP for that. A messed up house is nothing compared to a son being arrested for disorder and probably drug possession. Of course the little scumbag deserves to go to jail. Of course all of this is really unfair for the OP. But it's clear that they have failed at disciplining their younger child and now the older one is paying the price. It happens all the time, it happened to me. They probably try to play down his bad behaviour and if they had to come home from their holiday to the news that the son has been arrested, they'd be all, 'oh, for God's sake, OP, couldn't you just put up with a bit of noise for a few nights?' I guarantee that OP would end up looking like the baddie for reporting him.

I see people are saying OP should 'man up' to the brother, but I get the feeling OP is a girl. Even if it is a guy, I don't think it's fair to expect one person to be able to stand up to a drug addicted, violent brother and his gang of scumbag mates. I think OP is going to come out of this as the loser whatever he/she does. I'd definitely try to contact the parents and tell them what's going on and let them deal with it.

thefireinside

Emilio Mushy Beach wrote: »

Contact the Gardai? What planet are people on? I highly doubt the parents would thank OP for that. A messed up house is nothing compared to a son being arrested for disorder and probably drug possession.

I agree; I think its way too dramatic to call the gardai, the consequences could seriously outweigh the actions here. I do understand all the badness, the wrecking the house and the drugs and whatnot, but the only reason its so bad is its in his parents house. This stuff goes on all over the place all the time in rented houses, student houses etc!!

The parents need to be told, asap, and hopefully he will be told that he cant carry on like this; look for a job, go on the dole, do a course, move out of home etc.

I know alot of people on here wouldn't it like this but I think it's crazy calling the gardai on him. Hopefully the OP didnt, hopefully the house isn't completely wrecked and hopefully his parents have given him a bollocking on the phone!

homerjay2005

i have to laugh at the "advice" from some of the people here, talk about drama and making things worse.

first thing, is dont cover for him, im sure the house can be cleaned and anything broken/damaged replaced, so you should let your parents deal with that when they are home.

i wouldnt ring the parents, the last thing they need is to have their holiday ruined and then have to come home early to a big problem. they will have to face it anyway, so why have both?

i would ring the guards tonight while the dealing is in full swing or just go to them and tell them what is happening. but ask them to come while you are in the house so it looks like you had nothing to do with it.

your brother seems like a total and utter loser. no harm to have him arrested, he deserves it.

LegacyUser

sick-of-this-situation wrote: »

Yeah, there's a few people I can stay with. My brother has never faced consequences in his life for anything. As much as I'd love for him to stop, if he gets arrested he can never get into america and we have family there who we visit a lot and I'd have to call my parents which would ruin their holiday and they'd have to pay money they can't afford for court etc.. It's just like my only option is move out and let him destroy the place. I'm afraid to go up and talk to the guards because of the weed situation

It's nice that you are so considerate for his future, as much as he is for yours and your parents.

You would most likely be doing him a favour.

BattleCorp

Personally I'd get my stuff and go to a friends house for the weekend or until your parents come home.

Let him wreck the place, and let him deal with the consequences. You can't be your brother's keeper. He's 22 so I can't see why your parents can blame you for his actions.

I wouldn't be in a hurry to contact the cops either. Let him hang himself (not literally) all on his own.

the GALL

50E to his dealer...Your brother is a shoe shine operator and needs to be taught a lesson...sort him out, he is living in dream land, the young man thinks he is tuff and with the crowd they are takin the piss out of him and you. Grow a pair and step up to the line this is your family home, protect it from theses arsehole. No hippies or ****heads where hurt in the making of these comments.

Overheal

We held house parties, but **** - we planned things, we stowed valuables and locked them away in the master bedroom, we photographed before-photos to restore the place to it's original state when it was all said and done. We were god damn party engineers.

But if he is just plain letting the family home go to **** - I'm sorry, that's the family home. That's your home, that's their home. It's not his to **** up. Do something. If you want to keep it in the family - start by getting the family involved.

Giselle

Tell your parents whats going on. Its their home, they have a right to know. Then pick up the phone and call the local station or drop in and explain that you're at your wits end and need help.

Gardai are people too, and they'll help you out. Perhaps you could warn your brother that you're thinking of doing that, if you feel he won't react violently to the threat.

You can't deal with this alone, and you need to share the responsibility. Whatever happens your brother will be his fault, not yours.

goose2005

Oranage2 wrote: »

Can't believe people are suggesting calling the police, im sure the parents will thank you for not messing up the house and having to fork out a few hundred on a solicitor instead .

Better than a few grand on drug rehab. Or a funeral.

kylith

I'd reserve calling the cops until later, if it's gotten really out of hand. Contact the cruise line and leave a message for your parents. Then call a grandparent, aunt or uncle and ask them to call over; one of my brothers did this when another sibling's party got out of control and there's nothing like Nana showing up to put a damper on a party. Your relative can call the gardaí if they feel it's necessary and you won't have to shoulder the blame for getting your brother arrested.

quiz

Im glad im not in any of the calling the gardai peoples family.

you would have a family member get a criminal record over some broken glass? Jesus christ.

put all the valuables into the locked room and then do one of 3 things.

1. Get some of your mates who are older and bigger than the stoners to kick them out and make it clear if they come back there will be tears.

2. Contact your parents through the cruise line company. Have them make it clear to the sh1thead nobody else is to come into the house until they come home.

3. Leave. Stay elsewhere. Explain the situation when your parents come home and tell them there is nothing you could do.

Lollipops23

quiz wrote: »

2. Contact your parents through the cruise line company. Have them make it clear to the sh1thead nobody else is to come into the house until they come home.

It doesn't exactly sound like his bro is all that scared of the parents to be carrying on as he has been.

IMHO what's needed here is some tough love. He needs a boot up the árse (metaphorically ) and you need to show him you have a spine and are not prepared to be walked all over. Sounds like he's been let away with far too much for far too long really.

fungun

ummm, bizarre. His friends abuse you in your family home?

I would call your parents, they would want to know about this even if it is not ideal to disturb their holiday....its a lot better than the alternative. If for some reason that is out of the question, then Id take him aside, say this is unacceptable, he is betraying his parents trust and leaving you no option. No more. Friends all out, no party, or you will call the Gardai later, pointing out to him all the inevitable consequences.

Then he has his notice, its his call. He deals with the fallout.



Actually yeah just see post a couple up, enlisting some brawny friends to help you clear out the house mightnt be a bad option to minimise the fallout, good call

I am a friend

fungun wrote: »

I would call your parents, they would want to know about this even if it is not ideal to disturb their holiday....its a lot better than the alternative. If for some reason that is out of the question, then Id take him aside, say this is unacceptable, he is betraying his parents trust and leaving you no option. No more. Friends all out, no party, or you will call the Gardai later, pointing out to him all the inevitable consequences.

It was due to happen last saturday....

sexymama

Well OP, any updates on last weekend?
What did you do in the end?

SM

Oryx

PI is not here for your entertainment. Do not request updates on any situation. It is up to the op if they choose to come back and add more information.

sexymama

Oryx sorry!
I know it's not here for my "entertainment".I was just wondering how the op got on and if they took any of the advice given here. Didn't know that I wasn't allowed to enquire.Wont happen again

SM