No confidence in myself

LegacyUser

So here's my story....

I'm 19 years old, in my 2nd year of college, still a virgin and never really had a steady girlfriend. I don't think I'm horrid looking or anything... I love staying healthy and spending some bucks on new clothes.

I was bullied a fair bit for my first few years of secondary school. I started learning MMA (which I still do to help me keep grounded and disciplined) to be able to look out for myself. The bullying stopped pretty quickly after this (armbars FTW), but my confidence was forever shattered, especially with women.

I'm absolutely shocking with women. Have no clue or guts how to approach them in clubs or ask a girl out on a date. A stunning brunette sat beside me yesterday in a lecture but I couldn't find the courage or the words to work up to ask her out or even start a conversation. I always see people hooking up and dating around campus, and just feel absolutely **** in comparison.

I asked a girl I liked out last year but got rejected which just fecked me up even more. Was out clubbing tonight with the lads who all had the intention of pulling but left early alone because I just couldn't see how it was going to happen for me.

I know this post is a little long, but I wouldn't put it up if I felt I could solve this myself. Thanks for reading and any advice you have, anything at all, would be greatly appreciated.

cuddlylad

dont feel so bad lad, your only 19!!
i was the very same as you are now when i was 19. i was a normal lad, a bit stock and spent loads of money on new cool clothes! i remember ny first shift was at about 17 in a teen disco, next one was in my final year in college at 23, fooled around with that girl then had a once nite stand but still didnt lose my virginty. felt fairly bad and it was though after spending 4 year in college in dublin and didnt even get the ride!!
dont lose my virginty till i was 24, in amsterdam!!! u know the rest!! now i didnt got especaily to do that but i was stoned nd very drunk so gave it a go.
any way main thing is losing your virginty IS NOT THE BE ALL AND END ALL, it will happen some time.

On your confidence issue, i was also the same. almost afraid of girls and afraid to talk to them. but i think with time and practice this improves. i've been trying online dating for a while and it is a good way of meeting people when your low in self condfidence. i have found it made me more confident when im out and chatting up girls.

best of luck lad, and dont worry too much your only 19, enjoy life!!!

Confused477

few things i have learned dude....looks arent everything to women,personality can count too...try to be yourself,its much easier to be you than to be someone youre not...dont worry so much either.....everything works itself out in the end,my friend says that and i really believe him!

den87

Dont worry bud, i used to think the exact same at around your age, it'll happen just get out there a bit more and keep trying. You're young too, loads of time for all that carry on.

DangerMouse27

19! My first sexual experience was around my 21st! Dont worry pal. I thought the exact same way around girls when i was 19. Of course all of my friends bragged about this girl and that and bar the odd one who was honest, many were not.

Take your time.

boo-yaw-ka-shaa

Hey just thought I’d pitch in my advice from a girls point a view and say first off
STOP being so hard on yourself!! You sound like a really nice honest down to earth guy and any girl would be lucky to have you!
And you know when you said you went home early last night
“because I just couldn’t see how it was going to happen for me”
well that really struck a cord with me cause I went home early last night too because 2bh I have no confidence either and find it so hard to go up and approach guys in clubs and bars and would only love if a guy came up chatting to me instead! And I know theres plenty other girls who feel the exact same as me.
So keep putting yourself forward and keep trying to chat to girls!! No matter how nervous you might be cause a lot of them will only be delighted you made the first move!
And look I’m not gonna lie you will get knocked back by some girls and you will meet a few b*tchs (not to be unkind to my gender but they are there! Ha) but some night you will get chatting to a lovely girl and you will make her night and who knows what will happen from there!
So keep trying man cause you have plenty of time and believe me everything will work itself out in the end!

LegacyUser

I have the same problem, but I'm a girl.

I've always been bullied and even now that I'm in college, it's still happening. However, in college, I'm made fun of by guys but girls I don't even know or gay guys are like " You're so pretty ". I've never stood a chance with any guy, I don't really understand, and my self esteem is hence, pretty low.

However, if you have no type of self-esteem, people will notice and that's what makes you unattractive. You can be very attractive but if you're stuck up or very insecure, that's a direct turn off.

My point is, keep trying. Don't worry if you get rejected, that happens to everyone ! Put yourself out there and the more you do it, the more people will come up to you. Keep in mind that rejection is a part of the game and don't take it too seriously, you're young, you'll meet plenty of girls you won't even remember in 5 years time.
Put yourself on the same status as your friends, everyone is attractive in someone's eyes. Your friends get girls because even if they get rejected once or twice, they keep trying, they don't let rejection block their way.

Plus, getting girls is not a competition ! I'm sure some of them aren't too happy about the number of girls they've scored. Just take it easy, and it will happen eventually !