Leopard,Spots,Etc

LegacyUser

Apologies in advance if it's a bit long...

I'm sure it's been asked here before but I'm wondering if it's possible for someone to change how they are in a relationship. I'm with my boyfriend seven months now, it's been really amazing, we got serious quite quickly. Before me he had a couple of serious relationships and he cheated on them all. He freely admitted this to me, he said he was always flattered or weak or young or whatever and that the cheating was never worth the cr@p it caused in the end. I've been pretty horrible in my past relationships too and somehow when we got together, it felt like we had met out match somehow and were now ready to be decent partners to each other,while also being possibly more aware than the average person of how to take care of a relationship. He has always been more pushy than me about progressing our relationship and genuinely seems completely in love. I'm 32, he's 30.

My problem is that somehow as the relationship progresses, all of his "stories" have been playing on my mind. I unfortunately fed this insecurity by using an opportunity where he left his pc to snoop at some old emails. They were mostly really old,a few years ago even, but I was so shocked by his relentless flirting. From messaging random girls on facebook who he wasn't even friends with, to trying to hook up with exes who had boyfriends or when he had a new girlfriend, to replying to "massage" adverts on ad forums. I also saw a mail where he convinced his then girlfriend that he had no contact with an ex but the next email he sent was to that ex arranging to meet up! (not necessarily to sh@g but blatant lies) It felt like I was reading a completely different person's life to the one who seemingly adores me.

I have no intention of fighting with him over this, I know I am completely in the wrong for invading his privacy. But from my POV, should I use this as I try to decide where we are going from here? Or do I just take him at his word and also the word of numerous friends and family who all say wow, he's really different with you. I'm annoyed with myself I've done this but I also feel like somehow I was meant to see this to help me decide if I should get more serious with him. Has anyone genuinely stopped being tempted by other people when they met the right person?

Any advice appreciated. Thanks.

gypsy_rose

Tricky one.

You really like him but you're worried it's clouding your judgement and think if you were more objective you'd take these thing as serious red flags?

It really is hard to tell, but people do honestly change sometimes. I'm not going to guarantee that he will never cheat on you or mess you around in the future, but it's possible he's decided to change and settle down.

He may have treated other women badly but that doesn't neccesarily mean he'll do the same with you.

Innocent until proven guilty I say

Can a leopard change it's spots?
Possible, but not likely.

Don't do anything drastic, but don't ignore it. I'd keep a close eye if I were you.

Ham Sambo

I suppose at the end of the day it is you and you only who makes the final decision, not anybody in here or your family or friends. I am rather curious as to why he still keeps his 'really old' e-mails, I mean you are already checking his e-mails now, next it will be his txt messages etc etc, you know that you will be doing this for ever, the element of trust on your part appears to be gone.

qwerty13

Not sure what you mean by you being "pretty horrible" in past relationships, but it sounds as though you both have a bit of a non ideal past! Surely if he is prepared to overlook your past, then you should do the same - it doesn't sound like he is hiding his past and pretending to you that he is someone he was not. I think you should let it go - and to the person who mentioned not deleting emails, I only delete spam-ish ones; the rest I just leave there - with no intention behind it, good bad or indifferent!