My Ex has started working with my Husband

Ms_Taurus

Bit of a difficult situation here.

One of my ex boyfriends has started working along side my husband i know its him from the information i got from my husband, my husband does not know he's my ex, should i tell him or say nothing.

I do'nt want my husband to feel embarraced because his new colleague has seen his wife nude; if that's not bad enough this guy was the 1st man to touch me, i was in my 20s, i know its a long time ago and he probably forgot about it, I'm dreading in case we have to meet and worried in case he remembers me.

should i come clean or say nothing, one thing my husband is not the jeleous type, i'm jsut worried that he will feel uncomfortable

Ickle Magoo

I'd say something - while he may feel a bit weirded out at first, I imagine he'd rather have all the info.

You ask if you should come clean - but really, you have nothing to "come clean" about, you've done nothing wrong, it's an ex from before he came on the scene. I'd definitely avoid deliberately keeping your suspicions from your husband as if nothing else, it means he can avoid having any potential embarrassment in the future if the ex guesses who his wife is and he is still oblivious.

All the best you! :cool:

kylith

OP, there's nothing to 'come clean' about, you've done nothing wrong. If you think it might be the same guy you can just say that you think you might have gone out with him years ago. Your husband won't be upset or angry unless he's a jealous and angry person.

It's a more common occurance than you might think. I've had to introduce people to my OH by saying "This is so-and-so, we went out for a bit in college", it's really no big deal. Remember, your husband has exes himself.

GAAman

Hi OP, i am going to give you the other side of this story. In effect i was your husband, i was working with my (now ex) girlfriends ex. Looking at him everyday tore me up inside knowing he had been with her before me i was in a stressfull environment and this made it much worse.

You know your husband better than anyone here, how do you think he will take the news? Will it cut him up? Maybe it is better to let sleeping dogs lie, and if it ever comes out show your husband this thread to show him you were worried about hurtin him etc

Hope it works out best for you

Bride2012

If I was your husband I would want to know. I work with an ex of my fiance's same organisation but different department, I doesn't bother me in the least but it would have bothered me if he knew and said nothing especially if I'd gotten to know her as a colleage and then had to rethink of her as his ex. I'd be particularly bothered if he had said nothing and then when it all came out he showed me that he'd been chatting to strangers on line instead of with me as another poster suggested. You did nothing wrong, he's an ex not an affair, just tell him.

ElleEm

I think you should tell him. Imagine how embarrassed he would be if he found out through your ex. If your husband told you about a new work colleague who was an old neighbour/ friend of yours, you would tell him that you know them. You are avoiding telling him this on purpose. It is something he should know, I think.

I once ended up on a night out with my boyfriend at the start of our relationship, and his ex was there. I was chatting with her throughout the night and only found out at the end of the night who she was. I wouldn't have been different with her had I have known who she was, but I would've just preferred to know at the start who she was.

Miss Fluff

You need to tell your husband but you need to not make a big deal out of it. Using terminology such as this man "touching" you and seeing you "nude" really is not necessary at all. Just say to your husband that you used to date this fella back in the day and leave it at that...

Miller Boy

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You need to tell your husband but you need to not make a big deal out of it. Using terminology such as this man "touching" you and seeing you "nude" really is not necessary at all. Just say to your husband that you used to date this fella back in the day and leave it at that...

Very good advice, Miss Fluff. Keep it low key, OP, and remember you have nothing to be ashamed about. Your hubby has had one or two similar episodes, I'm sure.

Firetrap

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You need to tell your husband but you need to not make a big deal out of it. Using terminology such as this man "touching" you and seeing you "nude" really is not necessary at all. Just say to your husband that you used to date this fella back in the day and leave it at that...

Agreed. I'm assuming that because your husband doesn't know that this guy's your ex, that ye are one of those couples who decided not to delve too deeply into each other's exes. I do think he should be told, just in case he finds out some other way. Play it down; say you went out with him years ago and don't give him the gory details.

Elmidena

The guy's an ex for a reason, your hubby's your hubby for a reason too I think you should tell him as most likely it won't bother him but if down the line there was a staff do such as a Christmas party or something I'm sure he'd rather not find out then! I don't know if you should say he was your first or not, as that seems a bit needless but at the same time it'd let him see why you'd feel awkward and worried about how he'd feel about it. Since your husband's not the jealous type he'll probably just have a laugh over it. Everyone has a history after all!

Also, put yourself in his shoes. Would you like to work with his ex and not realise? Hope this helps!

Wompa1

I wouldn't tell him. What he doesn't know won't hurt him..the only way he'll find out is if the guy tells him and if he does he's some scumbag. I don't think any guy would like another guy bragging about banging his wife...

I am a friend

Sorry in advance but I really dont see what the big deal is here.. Just tell your husband that you used to go out with the 'new guy'.... My OH knows about all my ex boyfriends' already so I find it a bit strange you got to being married and he still doesnt know who you went out with.

BoardsMember

I am a friend wrote: »

Sorry in advance but I really dont see what the big deal is here.. Just tell your husband that you used to go out with the 'new guy'.... My OH knows about all my ex boyfriends' already so I find it a bit strange you got to being married and he still doesnt know who you went out with.

+1 to this & similar.

Imagine suggesting she not tell him? What kind of advice is that? you're implicitly saying that you have something to hide or it meant something. Just say it in a jokey kind of a way - "no way!! I went out with him years ago". End of story. The fact you have to ask if you should tell him already suggests you might be a bit dramatic about the whole thing. We all have pasts, get over it, and be trughful with your husband.