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ton of bricks....

  • 21-09-2011 10:11pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    Just looking for a bit of advice on something I'm going through at the moment. I have had a tendency to go headlong into certain situations in past relationships and I am determined not to do it this time.

    Basically my ex and I broke up nearly a year and a half ago (she left me). We have recently started talking again (since june, she contacted me) and although I have known she has met other guys since we broke up, it's not been a problem for me, I wasn't phased at all. I recently found out she is with a new guy and for some reason it is really bothering me.

    I know some will say I'm obviously not over her and I should take a step back but what I'm trying to get my head around is the fact that it's only bothering me now and not the other times she has been with guys. I have met a couple of girls since then so, for all intents and purposes, we have both moved on. The only obvious explanation to me is that since getting back in touch my feelings for her have slowly come to the surface again (sneaky b!!)

    So, I have an overwhelming urge to ask her to try again. But this is obviously (to me anyway) a very selfish thing to do, she is just starting seeing someone and who knows where it might lead. Plus i suppose it would smack of jealousy which isn't the most attractive emotion.

    Anyway, I'm confused as to how or if I should act on this, although at the same time I'm not, hence the confusion!

    Cheers folks...


Comments

  • #2
    Virgil°
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,466 ✭✭✭Virgil°


    Your initial reaction on this is right. She's seeing someone now and since you're back in contact some of the feelings you've had for her are starting to re-emerge. My advice: Shes taken, don't ruin all the progress you've made away from her by falling for her again. Especially when there's little chance she'll accept your advances. Find someone else to be with.
    All the best.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    She left you so there's no way you're approaching this in the same way.

    She just wants to ease her conscience by keeping you as a friend, but it can't be done as you still have feelings for her.

    Seen it a million times before.

    Cut her out, full stop. She's no interest in getting back with you, end of story.


  • #4
    minidazzler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    what now? If anything... wrote: »
    So, I have an overwhelming urge to ask her to try again. But this is obviously (to me anyway) a very selfish thing to do, she is just starting seeing someone and who knows where it might lead. Plus i suppose it would smack of jealousy which isn't the most attractive emotion.

    I'm someone who believes that the vast majority of people should not get back with exes. You may have feelings again, but the fact is the reasons ye broke up probably have not changed much. It's not selfish to ask her again, but it's not a good idea at all, nothing about it would be "the same".

    For clarification, for the most part, the only relationships I see that can work out after an actual break up, are ones that resulted from one party having to move away for whatever reason. Other than that, it's not likely to work, there are 3.5 billion women in the world, there are thousands of them whom you could love just as much or more.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies folks

    I suppose half of me kind of wanted someone to say "go for it, what have you got to lose", some sort of a romantic in me I guess.... But most people who post on these forums have already made up their mind and are looking for validation of some sort!

    When we started talking again she said she hadn't done it sooner because we get on so well that she didn't trust herself around me, scared of falling into the same pattern/relationship as before. Maybe I interpreted this wrongly to mean that she was sussing us out slowly again. But I told her I didn't want to get back with her quite explicitly, so maybe this is the result of that?

    @minidazzler - I would hope that things wouldn't be the same if we did try again! at least the things that made us break up in the first place. I had a few personal issues i had buried from my youth that started to come to the surface and basically turned me into a nightmare to be around. I have worked through a lot of the problems and from what people close to me have said they noticed quite a change in me, but who knows...maybe they are being polite!

    I know there are loads of girls out there, but there is only one of her.


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