How would you rob a bank?

Geekness1234

Here's how I would do it,get a load of clay,using a ruler make them into rectangles and stuff a load of wires into them,duct tape them all to my chest.Then I would get a loose jacket and walk into the bank and que. Following this I would have "I have a bomb" written on the cheque.Demand all the cash and peg it.
How would you do it.

deathrider

I'd take the money without it's owner's consent.

whiskeyman

Ask David Drumm

Celly Smunt

if i had access to accounts i would transfer one cent from everybody's account every week and end up with millions.

Dangerous Man

With a gub. DAMN! I mean with a gun.

Princess Peach

Stun the male cashiers with my boobs and take the money.

Dirk Gently

best way to rob a bank is work for one.

Temptamperu

I would download it.

Bannasidhe

Hire a few patsys to do the actual robbing part, offer to hide the money until the heat died down then shop em to the police.

johngalway

Geekness1234 wrote: »

How would you do it.

I'd start by not outlining my plan on the internet

Reckon you're gonna get caught :pac:

kincsem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UHOgkDbVqc

Shanotheslayer

Do what they did in Inside man.

4leto

I once did

I made a lodgement of 400 and somehow that became 500

So bank error in my favour,

I never told them:eek:

J K

Geekness1234 wrote: »

Here's how I would do it,get a load of clay,using a ruler make them into rectangles and stuff a load of wires into them,duct tape them all to my chest.Then I would get a loose jacket and walk into the bank and que. Following this I would have "I have a bomb" written on the cheque.Demand all the cash and peg it.
How would you do it.

What about the bit where you press the little button on the front door and the security man looking at you on camera with your pretend explosive strapped to your chest decides that it might be an idea to call to the police rather than buz you in the door.

Geekness1234

Princess Peach wrote: »

Stun the male cashiers with my boobs and take the money.

I suddenly fell the urge to become a cashier now.

Saila

with a forklift

Geekness1234

johngalway wrote: »

I'd start by not outlining my plan on the internet

Reckon you're gonna get caught :pac:

God damn it!

Gordon

Robbing a bank is easy, it's the getting away with it that's the tricky part. Oh and falling doesn't kill you its the landing etc etc

Ghost Train

I'd kidnap a tiger

mattjack

Geekness1234 wrote: »

Here's how I would do it,get a load of clay,using a ruler make them into rectangles and stuff a load of wires into them,duct tape them all to my chest.Then I would get a loose jacket and walk into the bank and que. Following this I would have "I have a bomb" written on the cheque.Demand all the cash and peg it.
How would you do it.

do I have to use clay ?

Mr Benevolent

I'd ask Martin McGuinness.

RMD

Get onto someone who knows their shít. Offer the Monk a 20% "consultation" fee and see what his plan is.

LaVail

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qntaz1XF8yE

biko

I'd go in and ask politely "can I have some money please?", if they say no I'd leave quietly.
Wouldn't want to scar someone for life, maybe that's why I'm such a bad criminal.

Eve_Dublin

Show'em me Devil's Dumplings

Eric Cartman

get a car with swastikas painted all over it , walk in the door in a clown suit with a gun in one hand a sheep under the other arm , get to the middle of the bank and start riding the sheep while screaming racial slurs and demanding the money , after I have the money in bags , take a dump on the floor and blast everyone in the bank with piss, slaughter the sheep and smear myself with its organs , run out of the bank and drive off in the car screaming 'the jews did it'

lets see crimewatch reconstruct that....

Abi

With my team of highly skilled ferrets, and I as the get-away driver.






The boys.







.

Eve_Dublin

Princess Peach wrote: »

Stun the male cashiers with my boobs and take the money.

Damnit! You got there before me! Back to drawing board....

mattjack

Abi wrote: »

With my team of highly skilled ferrets, and I as the get-away driver.




The boys.

let one of the ferrets drive.

BBDBB

Id announce it cleverly on a public internet forum

thus creating the perfect double bluff alibi;)

dr.bollocko

I would club all the staff about the face with my massive cock until they pass out.

Then I'd have to take care of the security guards. I'd lasso their legs with my massive cock (gay, but who wouldn't take a bit of touch mickeys for a few million quid?).

Then I'd threaten the bank manager with sodomy until he opens the safe. this shouldn't take long because of my massive cock. It intimidates bank managers.

Then to escape I'd just fly off in the helicopter I have stashed on top of my massive cock.

Mr Benevolent

I would club all the staff about the face with my massive cock until they pass out.

Then I'd have to take care of the security guards. I'd lasso their legs with my massive cock (gay, but who wouldn't take a bit of touch mickeys for a few million quid?).

Then I'd threaten the bank manager with sodomy until he opens the safe. this shouldn't take long because of my massive cock. It intimidates bank managers.

Then to escape I'd just fly off in the helicopter I have stashed on top of my massive cock.

Which farm are you going to borrow the massive cock from?

looksee

dr.bollocko wrote: »

I would club all the staff about the face with my massive cock until they pass out.

Then I'd have to take care of the security guards. I'd lasso their legs with my massive cock (gay, but who wouldn't take a bit of touch mickeys for a few million quid?).

Then I'd threaten the bank manager with sodomy until he opens the safe. this shouldn't take long because of my massive cock. It intimidates bank managers.

Then to escape I'd just fly off in the helicopter I have stashed on top of my massive cock.

I think there's a different kind of security problem going on here.

Abi

mattjack wrote: »

let one of the ferrets drive.

Nah. They've got the masks, I got the heavy foot.

nice_very

In soviet russia Ireland..... bank robs you!

Super-Rush

I'd get my friend to get hold of a small hammer for me. Then i'd chip a bit off the wall every day and bring it home.

af_thefragile

By owning one:
http://www.amazon.com/Best-Way-Rob-Bank-Own/dp/0292706383

Solnskaya

I'd find a bit of land close to some crappy midlands town, get a mate who used to be a gardner, but now is an architect(b.dip) to draw up plans for a bunch of cramped, dog boxey apartments, another mate who used to be a used car salesman but is now a local councillor to sort the planning end, and nip into the nice local bank manager for a loan of a few mil to build this "dream development".
I'd then hire a bunch of ex-farmers who are now all brickies, chippies and plasterers, fully qualified after their b&Q course they did that weekend, and fire up the flats as fast and cheap as possible, using about half the money I borrowed to buy the cheapest materials possible, then, when the kips were nearly finished, I'd do a legger without paying the workers, and throw my hands up in a "shure whatcher gonna do lads, I tried my best" way when the bank ask for their loan back. I would then use the left-over money to live a high life in some eastern european "paradise" leaving the gobsh1tes at home to pick up the pieces.
Nah, this is getting too complicated, it would never work. sh1te, back to the drawing board.

Kevin Duffy

I would rob a bank by underwriting a few of them, then when things go tits up, declaring myself too big to fail and demanding that someone else pays.

My God, it's so simple and audacious, it's brilliant! Would they see through it do you think?

admiralofthefleet

i'd become a politician

davetherave

You would need a crew to do a bank heist.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055534190
^I give you one the the best boards threads ever.^

Ask those guys how they got on..

Seans_Username

i've always wondered wheather this would work...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwusCDRiDwE

"not a pistol, not a shotgun, a ****ing phone!"

Capt'n Midnight

I'd make donations to a political party, come up with a foolproof scheme involving land about to be rezoned, borrow loads from the bank. Then I'd transfer a load of the money to my relatives, the rest would go into untraceable offshore banks and holding companies.

I'd then wander into the bank pull my pockets inside out, point at the manager and go HaHa!!

dev100

Ha did no one tell ye theres no money in the banks due to recession and all transactions taking place online

Seachmall

Wearing Black face I would dance into the bank and up to the teller. While singing I would hand the teller a note with instructions to put money in a bag. I would then proceed to dance out of the bank.

To get a visual imagine this whilst robbing a bank,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlIJppDFoXI

The teller will describe a black gentlemen to the police and I will get off scot-free.

The perfect robbery.

Saila

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuM06mCPewQ

genius

Liam Byrne

Not sure, but we might ask the new Irish president for a few tips if the worst happens.

Dangerous Man

Dangerous Man wrote: »

With a gub. DAMN! I mean with a gun.

Okay - so for those who didn't get the 'gub' reference...:(:(

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UHOgkDbVqc

LH Pathe

with yore ma's tights draped over my face.

and a bb gun

Dangerous Man

LH Pathe wrote: »

with yore ma's tights draped over my face.

and a bb gub

FYP