Ex Returning to Ireland

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

I'll try to keep this plain and simple. My ex and I broke up after 18 months of a fantastic relationship as he couldn't find work in Ireland and decided to move to Australia with the lads. I have a good job here and decided that I couldn't go with him based on that. My mother is also going through an illness right now and also is divorcing my father and I felt like I couldn't really stay in a committed relationship.

During our relationship the both of us had a fantastic time. Absolutely mind-blowing sex, loads of shared interests, great chats and great holidays together in those 18 months. He left for Oz a month ago and we've been communication ever since. I get messages from him saying I love you still and miss you etc. and I don't know what to make of it. I'm still hung up on him. I got a message from him a few days ago saying that he's booked his flights to come home 15 months earlier than planned (he was committed to getting a second visa and continuing working) and is now returning in May 2012. He's coming home for a variety of reasons (one of the closest of his friends has turned into a bit of a fool, he has been living in a camper van for four weeks and his job has been difficult). He's already changed his flights and told the lads as well as his parents (I met his mum recently in town who seemed delighted about the whole thing).

Now. This is the problem. We're broken up still in the true sense of the word. 8 months is still a long time to be waiting for him to get home and neither of us want to be in a long term relationship (he has no internet access, for example, and works crazy hours that don't synch up with our time zone). We had a great 18 months together and I'm willing to give it a shot when he returns in May. He's already applied for a course that starts in June and has paid for it, so there's no question that he'll change his mind (just in case some of you consider that). I find myself constantly thinking about him, waking up missing him, wishing I was over there with him etc. I truly love him. Truly. But I'm only 25 and he's 24. I thought it was doomed when he decided to go away... And now that he's returning much earlier than expected I'm lost for direction.

So far the general advice from friends is to not wait around and to keep in contact as his friend and see how it pans out. What do all of you fine boardsies think?

Strange as it sounds, we both have mentioned settling down after he returned from the 2 years...

Neyite

OhDearMeas wrote: »

So far the general advice from friends is to not wait around and to keep in contact as his friend and see how it pans out.

This. You dont have to put your entire life on hold until May, but it wont be long in coming in either. I know plenty of people who had a break due to circumstances and reunited, and are better than ever.

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

This. You dont have to put your entire life on hold until May, but it wont be long in coming in either. I know plenty of people who had a break due to circumstances and reunited, and are better than ever.

Yep, that's great advice and was listening to my friends but just felt it'd be good to get it out there to other people who may have had similar situations. I know I can 'get over him' in the next 8 months. It's been a tough month, all and all, and I've had bad dreams, lost a bit of weight and been kind of depressed without him. I have been 'getting better' recently (going out more, meeting friends for lunch, taking Chinese lessons!) but I still miss him. Eight months isn't a long time, but I honestly doubt he'll find someone over there better than me (complete joke there, guys! ). I'd be just afraid that I'd feel different in 8 months time, ya know? I get that he may feel different too... but I think in a way that I could cope with this better? Hmm..

gypsy_rose

Hmm....

Well on the one hand, you had a great relationship etc, you both thought you were going to lose that, and now ,tah-da! It could sort itself out.

But how do you feel about him breaking up with you to go to Australia? Did you feel like it was absolutely necessary that you break up or did you just accept his decision? Why didn't he do this course thing earlier if he's so happy to stay in Ireland, surely if there's nothing for him here he'd go somewhere else?

On the other hand, I find it quite odd that you decide to break up for two years, and then get together when he comes home. Did neither of you factor in the possibility that you could fall in love with someone else, or did both of you just decide to have casual relationships and then break them up after the two years?

LegacyUser

On him going I accepted it. We both mutually decided that the distance and time zone would be too difficult for us to keep a steady stream of conversation going. I did think it was necessary, and I agreed with the decision and felt like it was the best course of action and we both said 'this is our best chance at possibly getting back together in the future'. This was just our logic and our idea of how things would work out. I understand where you're coming from about the course... Basically the course was offered to him after he left and he didn't think he'd get it. Yes he could study this elsewhere but with grants and fees etc. he weighed his options and decided he can't stick Oz anymore (and the Oz can no longer stick the Irish after this morning! Ha!)

No, we didn't decide to break up for two years. We just mentioned to each other how we hoped it would happen again as the relationship was great. He asked me to go with him, but I just can't go with the way Mum is and I have the possibility of a promotion coming up in December, so I really wanted to stay here. Yeah, we mentioned the whole 'dating' until he comes home, but falling love is another factor. If it happens it happens... We'll deal, but now that 8 months is the timeline rather than 24 it seems like he 'won't' be able to fall in love in that time span... He's too much here and has already planned on going home. I am in a better position than he is in this happening. I plan not to wait around for him, but to be honest, guys, this lad is just AMAZING. He's gorgeous, kind etc. He checks all the boxes. I can get over it if I have to, but now that the circumstances have changed, I feel like I have changed...? In that I feel like I want to wait for him...? I dunno!

I may just book a flight for a holiday during Christmas and meet up with him in Oz. I can afford to take two weeks off... Hmm...

gypsy_rose wrote: »

Hmm....

Well on the one hand, you had a great relationship etc, you both thought you were going to lose that, and now ,tah-da! It could sort itself out.

But how do you feel about him breaking up with you to go to Australia? Did you feel like it was absolutely necessary that you break up or did you just accept his decision? Why didn't he do this course thing earlier if he's so happy to stay in Ireland, surely if there's nothing for him here he'd go somewhere else?

On the other hand, I find it quite odd that you decide to break up for two years, and then get together when he comes home. Did neither of you factor in the possibility that you could fall in love with someone else, or did both of you just decide to have casual relationships and then break them up after the two years?

gypsy_rose

the general advice from friends is to not wait around and to keep in contact as his friend and see how it pans out.

You have wise friends :cool:

Good luck!