Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Self-esteem and social problems

  • 16-09-2011 9:56pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there

    I have always been socially awkward. I attribute this to events that happened in my childhood and teenage years. I lack basic social skills and find it hard to relate to other people. It’s not that I don’t like people, I just don’t know how to deal with them. I have had a few friendships in my life but they have never lasted.

    A big part of my problem is that I lack self-esteem and always assume that people don’t want me around and people don’t want to know me. This has led me to a lot of social failures that in retrospect were entirely my fault. For example I didn’t go to my friend’s birthday because I honestly believed that she didn’t really want me there and she was just being nice by asking me. Later I found out that she was upset I didn’t come, and I felt really bad about it.

    I just find it really hard to get my head around the idea of someone caring about me or valuing my friendship in any way. I always feel like a burden on people and end up distancing myself from them or pushing them away.

    When I think about it rationally, I know that I shouldn’t feel this way. I do have things to offer as a person: I’m intelligent, I can be funny and people consider me to be good-looking. And looking at it like that, it seems that I don’t have low self-esteem at all. But all that rationality crumbles when I’m dealing with people in the real world. I feel totally worthless, annoying, unpleasant, even detestable.

    Is there any hope for me? A while ago I decided to simply stop trying and accept who I am, and I was happy enough about that. But sometimes the loneliness really gets to me... I like people and I don't want to shut them out. I want to work on this. I read somewhere that if you realise you have low self-esteem, then you don’t really have it at all... Can anyone relate to my situation and can anyone give me some advice? Should I just see a therapist?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    Usually when you grow up feeling like a burden and suffering low self esteem, it comes from past events, were you raised feeling like a burden, what was your home life like are you close with your family, if now then there are answers there to why you are afraid to get close with people.

    Sounds like you have been hurt in the past and maybe your afraid to open yourself up to people. As an adult now you can let go a bit and trust more, you deserve to be having fun and meeting peeps,

    yes i heard that when you have awareness over yourself you are half way there so the fact that you are aware of having low self esteem means you are in touch with yourself and what you want to change.

    I had low self esteem for years because of my up bringing, the way i over came it was i started to become aware of how i spoke to myself, the negative self talk and i started to write out positive statements about myself to change the inner dialogue, i know it may not work for everyone but i have been writing out i love and approve of myself for 8 years now, so much has changed, there is also a mirror test, if you look in the mirror into your eyes and really say i love you _ (your name) and notice how you feel, if you notice you have shame and hate then you will see exactly how you feel about yourself~! When you feel that way about you it shows to others, and i really believe that there is nothing more attractive then a strong confident person, and when you do ooze that you can loose. Sounds easy i know, but for me i didn't try change the old ways i had i became more aware of them and tried to bring in new thoughts and new images of myself so i felt more positive. Many times we don't get a positive reflection back of ourselves but we all have unique gifts and talents, get to know yours and write them out and believe in them! let the negative voice drown out then!


    If you have had a cold un loving childhood maybe you would like to speak to a therapist, i did for many years its great for dealing with any deep rooted issues, i went through so much, physical and sexual abuse from my Parents and i have no family in my life, i thought i was damaged goods for ever but i really changed that perception, i may be on my own but that doesn't mean i have to believe and identify with my past anymore, i have redefined myself into a loving happy person, and this is now my reality.

    Best of luck, you deserve the best, believe it! XX


Advertisement