Not sure what to think of my friendship, if it is even that

LegacyUser

I recently finished college and got a part time job in my hometown. I generally don't make that many friends. In college I did have good friends, not that many, but good friends. I sort of miss the way things were in college, the way I used to meet these people regularly, calling over to each others houses. But I don't see these people because they have moved on as have I. Since I'm working in my hometown my only friends would be what I'd describe as childhood friends, but I'm not sure how healthy this friendship is and just wanted an outside perspective. I'm not sure if I should just call time on this or not.

This might sound strange but I don't meet these people outside of nights out/drinking in pubs/night clubs. And at times when I am talking to them, we don't really talk about anything substaintial. They forget some things about me, asking when I'm going back to college, even though I finished college months ago. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm not wanted, like I might phone up on of these guys and see if they are going out while they went out already or going out without asking me, things like this make me feel a bit like a loser. Another thing that struck me is that these people, who are the same age as me are hanging around people in their late teens. I don't expect them to ring me all the time but it seems to be a big change a few years ago, and these signals recently make me feel like a burden/unwanted by these people. In the last few weekends I've stopped calling them and haven't heard anything back. This has happened sometimes in the past, sometimes not hearing back after a couple of months.

This sounds very naive but I always grew up thinking that I'd get a job in my hometown so I'd be around familiar faces and good friends. I am coming to the end of my part time work, the work is only temporary but I would love to get a pernament position as I love the job. The thing is that I'm in two minds about what to do
(A) Keep taking part time work in my area and try to get a pernament job in the locality.
(B) Start working abroad and get a fresh start.

I just wated some peoples opinions on this. Like what are the signs in a dying friendship?

Thanks for reading.

Wompa1

haveianyfriends wrote: »

I recently finished college and got a part time job in my hometown. I generally don't make that many friends. In college I did have good friends, not that many, but good friends. I sort of miss the way things were in college, the way I used to meet these people regularly, calling over to each others houses. But I don't see these people because they have moved on as have I. Since I'm working in my hometown my only friends would be what I'd describe as childhood friends, but I'm not sure how healthy this friendship is and just wanted an outside perspective. I'm not sure if I should just call time on this or not.

This might sound strange but I don't meet these people outside of nights out/drinking in pubs/night clubs. And at times when I am talking to them, we don't really talk about anything substaintial. They forget some things about me, asking when I'm going back to college, even though I finished college months ago. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm not wanted, like I might phone up on of these guys and see if they are going out while they went out already or going out without asking me, things like this make me feel a bit like a loser. Another thing that struck me is that these people, who are the same age as me are hanging around people in their late teens. I don't expect them to ring me all the time but it seems to be a big change a few years ago, and these signals recently make me feel like a burden/unwanted by these people. In the last few weekends I've stopped calling them and haven't heard anything back. This has happened sometimes in the past, sometimes not hearing back after a couple of months.

This sounds very naive but I always grew up thinking that I'd get a job in my hometown so I'd be around familiar faces and good friends. I am coming to the end of my part time work, the work is only temporary but I would love to get a pernament position as I love the job. The thing is that I'm in two minds about what to do
(A) Keep taking part time work in my area and try to get a pernament job in the locality.
(B) Start working abroad and get a fresh start.

I just wated some peoples opinions on this. Like what are the signs in a dying friendship?

Thanks for reading.

Why not start fresh in your hometown...that's what you always wanted? To be honest with you I've had this idea of living abroad and travelling. Now, I haven't been fortunate enough to do travelling the way a lot of Irish people do. I've travelled for business to several places in the last 3 years. I'm not sure it's all it's cracked up to be. I think it's romanticized highly by people.

If you aren't into drinking and playing loose. I'm not sure how much fun it would be for you. My advise is work towards that job you like in your home town and save up to go on some cool 2 week holidays. See the world and live in the place you love.

i get the impression that you didnt really stay in touch with your 'childhood' friends when you were away in college?
your post seems to suggest that you went away, had a new life, new friends but didnt really stay in touch with home.

if you really want to stay in your hometown maybe you should treat it like a new place? like you have moved somewhere new?
as in make new friends, maybe through work, maybe join some sports teams etc that you havent been in before.

just because you were friends with these people when you were young doesnt mean you will always be friends, people drift apart.
try making new friends!

susita06

I could almost have written that myself op! Recently finished college and had a tight group of friends from college... they have all moved home/went to OZ and now I find i left with nothing to do with my time.. I have friends at home but its a different kind of friendship as such.

I think finishing college and waiting to see what you are going to do is really tough... there so many options yet none of the seem to stick out . I a currently in limbo between staying here working my part time job earning just enough to keep me going -all the while looking for a job in what I am qualified in or following my friends to OZ.

Dont worry too much op...maybe put yourself out there text them and ask them to meet for coffee or whatever ... it might just be that ye are out of touch and have become "beer friends"....:o
Maybe?

LegacyUser

I did make the effort to stay in contact with my friends back home when I was in college, I used to come home every weekend. I noticed that my friuends did change a lot while I was gone, some started hanging out with new people, some started doing drugs even though they used to be totally against it, But I still made the effort to meet up, at least I thought I did. I feel a bit bad writtng this as if it's someone else fault when it's not, it's just the way things are. I do enjoy going out for a drink, but I just find that this is all they do and we never really talk about anything, just small talk. I miss being able to have a chat about something important with friends back in college but they are gone now, I'm trying to make some very important and life changing decisions but I just have no one to talk about it with. I'm starting to think I should stop making the effort and go my own seprate way. I think I'm coming to the realisation that I don't have anyu friends but just beer buddies

Just on the job part, while trying to make up my mind about what to do I was weighing up my options such as money,promotion,experience,friendships. But the more I thought about it, I really don't have friendship now. If I were to try and get the job I want here it would involve taking 4 months of work a year in the job I want, every year until The goverment start recruiting again which could be anything over 5 years. I was thinking of working abroad for 5-10 years then possibly come back home but that probably won't materialise. I get on great with the guys at work but their is a big age gap between me and them, most of them are 40+, and I'm seen as a junior to some extent.

Thanks again for all the replies.