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Access ~ Maintenance

  • 12-09-2011 5:35pm
    #1
    Gurm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    Hi

    Would appreciate any advice on current issue. Have been separated (not legally) for over 3 years. Ex husband agreed 2.5 years ago to pay weekly child maintenance, this was not by court order, it was agreed between solicitors.

    He hasn't paid any maintenance for over 18 months. In the last few days I have received a letter from his solicitor stating that from next weekend he "suggests" full day access on Saturdays alternating with Friday pick up the following week and returning the child on Saturday night. The child has never stayed overnight and is not keen on this idea. The solicitor's letter also addressed the issue of non payment of maintenance and stated this was down to much reduced income (he was self employed). He has now taken up paid employment and apparently is willing "to address this issue"

    The tone of his solicitor's letters is always dictatorial, there is rarely any evidence of what is best for the child, it's always - my client this, my client that! I need to reply to the letter and advise I have no issue with the full day access but have two questions:

    1) Would it be ok for me to mention that the child is not keen on the overnight stays or could this be seen as me trying to be difficult? (There was a situation two years ago where the child didn't want to leave all the Santy presents etc to go to the grandmother's traditional christmas morning gathering and was subsequently carried, half dressed from the house crying.

    2) As there is no court order for maintenance in place, can I mention the arrears of 18 months worth of payments?

    Admittedly, I am angered by the tone of the letter and the blase attitude that now that he is an employee as apposed to being self employed, he is willing to "address the non payment" and feels that in the same breath he can dictate access arrangements? It is quite obvious that he has had no shortage of money to spend on himself over recent months but that's irrelevant.

    Thanks
    progress.gif


Comments

  • #2
    Ken.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,898 ✭✭✭✭Ken.


    No one on here is allowed give legal advice. You need to go see a solicitor asap.


  • #3
    Munstermad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 490 ✭✭Munstermad


    I am in similar situation to yourself and I just wanted to give my two pence worth here if its any help... Firstly lucyfur09 is right, you should talk to a solicitor... ASAP.. you and your child need help...that is what they are there for...
    Access when works in the interest of the child is best as flexible as possible,as I'm sure you well know, but if this doesn't work then a solr may advice a court ordered access arrangement.. This can still be flexible but with clear agreed boundries. This is what works in my situation.
    Unfortunately as far as I understand you have pretty much no chance of recovering maintenance arrears unless your maintenance agreement is through a court order, and payable through the court (your solr will explain all this)..and as far as I know only when someone defaults on court ordered maintenance only then can you persue any arrears.
    I'm so sorry to hear of your situation, I completely sympathise, but ultimately you are at the mercy of your ex's whims unless you formalise your arrangements.... I found the family law court option was my saviour and support when I was at my wits end... I was terrified of the prospect of going to court but felt liberated and in control afterwards, Best of luck wit it all.....


  • #4
    James Jones
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 534 ✭✭✭James Jones


    Gurm wrote: »
    Ex husband agreed 2.5 years ago to pay weekly child maintenance, this was not by court order, it was agreed between solicitors.
    The agreement was actually between yourself and your husband. You both may have had solicitors REPRESENT you but you both made the agreement. Solicitors have no power.
    Gurm wrote: »
    The tone of his solicitor's letters is always dictatorial, there is rarely any evidence of what is best for the child, it's always - my client this, my client that!
    Get used to it. Solicitors represent their clients, not their clients children.

    Gurm wrote: »
    1) Would it be ok for me to mention that the child is not keen on the overnight stays or could this be seen as me trying to be difficult? (There was a situation two years ago where the child didn't want to leave all the Santy presents etc to go to the grandmother's traditional christmas morning gathering and was subsequently carried, half dressed from the house crying.
    You can say what you want. If you do not want to appear difficult when this gets to Court, write "Without Prejudice" at the top of the letter. Then it can't be brought to the attention of the Court but as it was two years ago and also at Christmas (i.e. not the normal routine) I would say best forget about it. If you have to go back two years for a negative incident, things can't be that bad.
    Gurm wrote: »
    2) As there is no court order for maintenance in place, can I mention the arrears of 18 months worth of payments?
    As above.

    Gurm wrote: »
    Admittedly, I am angered by the tone of the letter and the blase attitude that now that he is an employee as apposed to being self employed, he is willing to "address the non payment" and feels that in the same breath he can dictate access arrangements? It is quite obvious that he has had no shortage of money to spend on himself over recent months but that's irrelevant.
    He is not dictating anything. You say yourself that he
    Gurm wrote: »
    "suggests" full day access on Saturdays alternating with Friday pick up the following week and returning the child on Saturday night
    As you are not yet legally separated, he can do whatever he wants. There is nothing to stop him from collecting the child from school and keeping him as long as he wants so, given that he hasn't, you can count your blessings. You don't mention the current arrangements. If the child is currently having access with their father without any problems, you are probably best off encouraging them to engage in overnights. If you go to Court, overnights will probably be ordered and then you will have to comply anyway so try and initiate them on your own terms.
    Your best bet is not to get too bothered about a snotty solicitors letter. That's the way they go on, I'm afraid. You would also be best to try and negotiate these matters with your ex thorough the solicitor without becoming too confrontational. It is obviously annoying that he failed to live up to his responsibilities when self-employed but can no longer hide his income as he is now an employee. Try and see this as positive. Good luck.

    EDIT: You could also suggest MEDIATION?


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