Control Freak Friends

LegacyUser

Hi, I've got a friend whom I've been hanging out with for the past 2 years. Up until 6 months ago she was fine but has gotten incredibly controlling recently. On nights out I've made friends with her friends, get on well with them and chat to them on Facebook if I don't see them out regularly.

I've noticed that if she or her family has a falling out with said friends (and usually over completely childish things) that I am expected to freeze this person out. I don't and will never be told who I can and cannot hang out with, especially if the reasons are ridiculous. It would be different if I thought these people had actually done something wrong.

Out of the last 4 people she has had a problem with whom I have not "complied with the ostracising", it has also been indicated that I should be best mates with her new bff who I can't stand and have absolutely nothing in common with. I've never had any arguments with the new "bff" and have not talked about them behind their back as they have done with me. I just don't act like I'm in 2nd class, I get on with my life.

Now on the back of not befriending the bff and falling in line with the dictator I am now being frozen out. We recently went away with a few groups of people for the weekend and I noticed I was being treated differently but only by people who haven't really been around before, i.e. people who don't know me and can be told anything. I've had enough of this childish/girls school type of behaviour and I won't be lied about to people whom she's obviously bad mouthing me to.

The worst example of the controlling came over my birthday, her boyfriend had tickets to a gig on the night I was planning to go out for drinks, which was fine and I was asked to go but I really don't like the band or the type of people that follow them. So I said no and over the next few weeks was basically being told what I was going to do on my birthday (which was going to this **** gig). This is where the rift started.

I actually enjoy her company the rest of the time but how do I overcome this control freak side of the friendship? Her boyfriend is sound, most lads would have to side with their bird to keep in the good books but I think he knows what she's like and just ignores it as he acts exactly the same towards me as before.

It's a complete and utter waste of time and unproductive I just don't understand why someone would spend their time lying, telling stories and generally making up **** about people? I've stopped contacting her as much and just let her do it now, as if I were to contact her she would probably tell people I was crawling back to her etc.

Anyone been in a similar situation with a control freak and managed to find a peaceful way around it?

Stench Blossoms

Had two people like this in my life and I'm sorry to say the only way that worked for me was to cut them out completely.

Billy86

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

Had two people like this in my life and I'm sorry to say the only way that worked for me was to cut them out completely.

Yep, sounds liek the OPs "friend" (if you can call her that) has legit sociopathic tendencies.

Trust me, not good people to get close to.

Big Bag of Chips

So, this "friend",

Tries to dictate who you should talk to
Tries to dictate what you do for your birthday
Tries to force friendships on you
You suspect tells lies to other people to turn them against you

But yet the rest of the time you enjoy her company?!

How? Are you not sitting there looking at her thinking of all the crappy things she does to you on a regular basis?

If you do want to salvage the friendship you will just have to give it to her straight when she starts pushing her agenda on you. If you don't vociferously stand up to her, she won't get the message. If she still doesn't get the message then I think it's time to accept you can't be proper friends. You may continue to be passing acquaintances. I don't think, in your position, I could refer to her as a "friend".

Kevin Duffy

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=72756173&postcount=5

R.D. aka MR.D

Hi op,

Some girls are just like this. The only way to deal with them is just to forget about them and move on with your life. Don't ignore her or anything but just kind of don't bother with her anymore. By that i just mean don't chase after her friendship and try to move on.

She'll probably never change because she'll always find some one to let her away with it.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies. So there's no real solution, just move on I suppose. I don't like having to do that but her messing people about for no reason is just too much hassle.

I have kept in contact with the friends I've known starting from about 7 years of age (went to their wedding last year) and recently hung out at a festival with mates I used to know from my teen years at home and still see my college mates every year. I hate this, it's such a waste putting so much time and energy into a friendship only for some people to end up playing games. I wish this person would stop the behaviour and just get on with their life but why should I put in what I think is a lot of effort only to be met with this attitude

Thanks again.