The wait is over..

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,
Ive started dating a great guy. We are official now. I really like him and I think he's different to other guys.
I am a 20year old female virgin. And now that we are official, I guess he assumes we will be sexual at some point. The problem is, I have never gone beyond kissing guys cause I was scared and ex guys soon bailed as a result.
I'm just wondering, how long should I wait before we go beyond kissing? Should I make sure our emotional foundation is built fully? Or should I perhaps go with the flow and see what happens? Or should I talk to him about how I have not ventured into oral sex or sexual intercourse? I also dont want to give the impression Im with-holding sex, I'm just not experienced. I just want to know how I approach it without sounding like a baby or putting pressure on him?

I have more questions about virginity but I am blank at the moment.....

Wompa1

username778777 wrote: »

Hi Guys,
Ive started dating a great guy. We are official now. I really like him and I think he's different to other guys.
I am a 20year old female virgin. And now that we are official, I guess he assumes we will be sexual at some point. The problem is, I have never gone beyond kissing guys cause I was scared and ex guys soon bailed as a result.
I'm just wondering, how long should I wait before we go beyond kissing? Should I make sure our emotional foundation is built fully? Or should I perhaps go with the flow and see what happens? Or should I talk to him about how I have not ventured into oral sex or sexual intercourse? I also dont want to give the impression Im with-holding sex, I'm just not experienced. I just want to know how I approach it without sounding like a baby or putting pressure on him?

I have more questions about virginity but I am blank at the moment.....

explain to him that you are a virgin and you want to take your time and make it special. If he doesn't get that, I'd say you are better waiting for a guy that does understand that...

OkayWhatever

If he's not prepared to respect you and wait until you're ready to have sex then he's not the decent person you deserve. Don't let anybody pressure you into anything like that if you're not ready because you'll regret it for years. There's someone out there who is going to wait until you're fully ready, please don't think there isn't.

Elmidena

Most guys AREN'T that hung up on sex. If you say you're a virgin, odds-on he'll be chuffed and wait for you to be ready so he can make it special. Being the first to be intimate with someone IS a big deal, even if it's not their first time. If he doesn't value it then he's not worth it. Having said that, don't go overly clinical. Don't make plans. Do what feels right. If that means being conservative or being a brazen hussy on the spur of a moment, live the moment! The worst thing you can do is plan the moment "ok I'm having sex/doing something sexy tonight" as then it's this huge issue and becomes all-encompassing.

Also if you're giving him oral pleasure make sure to open your mouth nice and wide. That's something I didn't do on my first attempt and he probably still has the marks to prove it

LegacyUser

Also wondering, how long should I wait until we go beyond kissing? I want a good time frame where I am not seen as a slut or a nun?

lace

username778777 wrote: »

Also wondering, how long should I wait until we go beyond kissing? I want a good time frame where I am not seen as a slut or a nun?

There is no "good timeframe". This guy is your boyfriend - there's nothing wrong or "slutty" about having a sexual relationship with someone you're going out with. Similarly - not being ready for sex straight away doesn't make you frigid or a "nun". It's all about what works for you and when you feel comfortable and ready. I cannot stress this enough.

Just tell him you've not had a sexual relationship before. It's not that big a deal - you're only 20! Any decent guy would be totally honoured to be the first person you explore sex with and will understand that it's something you need to ease into. If you feel like moving on from kissing then take things slowly. If you feel it's going too far or too fast just tell him you need more time and would like to take it easy. He won't mind (and if he does he's probably not worth the bother anyway).

Don't think about what you "should" do or what's the "usual" time to do things and just let yourself be led by your feelings. You'll know when you're ready and when the time is right and until then just have fun!

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I feel different about him. And I can see a future. I just dont want to mess it up by doing things too soon or too fast

gargleblaster

Sunshine! wrote: »

Most guys AREN'T that hung up on sex.

Hmm, then it is unfortunate OP that you've been so unlucky as to have dated only a few of the tiny minority of guys who are hung up on it.

I would just tell him exactly what you've said here. If he's not willing to wait and make it special for you then he isn't worth your time.