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partner gone off sex

  • 10-09-2011 7:15pm
    #1
    longpipe75
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭longpipe75


    New here but I just had to post this somewhere. My partner as the title states has gone completely celibate. It's driving me nuts. It isn't a menopausal thing we,'re in our 30's. She says everything is fine but she does'nt want that sort of intimacy anymore. She won't consider alternatives. Like I said going nuts


Comments

  • #2
    whatdoicare
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭whatdoicare


    Has she recently changed her pill? I changed mine once and went off sex completely - changed again and fixed everything,

    I'd suggest if nothing else that she go see her GP - just in case something is wrong, no harm in checking.


  • #3
    longpipe75
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭longpipe75


    whatdoicare wrote: »
    Has she recently changed her pill? I changed mine once and went off sex completely - changed again and fixed everything,

    I'd suggest if nothing else that she go see her GP - just in case something is wrong, no harm in checking.
    I don't think it's a problem with the pill. Then again =/ It's like a switch went off and her sex drive vanished overnight. We talk and talk but when it comes to sex it's a non-runner. Apart for that the relationship is grand. Never thought I'd be in this position tbh


  • #4
    rhapsody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 449 ✭✭rhapsody


    As whatdoicare suggested, I first thought about it being a new pill/ other medication.

    Whatever it is, you need to sit and talk with her to figure this out. There are loads of reasons why she might not want intimacy, but surely the relationship cannot continue happily if this is not resolved.
    Some things might be do to with her only (i.e. a new pill, feeling unhappy with her appearance, being stressed at work, worrying about family/friends) and others would be related to you/ your relationship (she's not happy with how things are going in the relationship/ her feelings have changed towards you).
    Since she says everything is fine, I would guess that she knows what the problem is and doesn't want to talk, but it could be that she doesn't know what's happening either and is trying to figure it out herself.

    Basically, I think there are lots of maybes here and neither of you can be happy with this; you cant get anywhere with this until you both talk it through. (I presume it goes without saying that you'd be clear you want to be supportive, this is a problem you're both having rather than assigning 'blame' and you want to figure this out for the good of the relationship).

    Wishing you both well :)


  • #5
    Kevin Duffy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,439 ✭✭✭Kevin Duffy


    Sorry if this seems a brutal question, but does she not want intimacy, or not want intimacy with you? Has she withdrawn from all physical displays of affection?

    Any major changes recently? Kids, stress in work or the lack of it for either of you, money problems, anything at all that changes how you look at each other?

    When you say she won't consider alternatives, what alternatives had you discussed?


  • #6
    Oaklyn Rough Fountain
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Oaklyn Rough Fountain


    longpipe75 wrote: »
    I don't think it's a problem with the pill. Then again =/ It's like a switch went off and her sex drive vanished overnight. We talk and talk but when it comes to sex it's a non-runner. Apart for that the relationship is grand. Never thought I'd be in this position tbh

    It's not a relationship, it's a friendship. housemates. if she refuses to deal with it...


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  • #7
    fungun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭fungun


    longpipe75 wrote: »
    She says everything is fine but she does'nt want that sort of intimacy anymore.

    Im sorry but you cant just decide this by yourself in a relationship. Its a partnership, she owes you more than this kind of 'statement of fact', its not acceptable


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP,

    I was in this situation too but I was the one who went celibate. I was in my mid thirties and I went completely off sex for almost a year. My relationship with my partner was brilliant but I developed huge self esteem issues out of no where. I think some of the my confidence issues started initially after becoming a mother, and they just got worse as time went on. I had terrible hang up about my body and got very depressed.I believe that it is quite common for people with depression to have a low libido. My partner was wonderful, I went for counselling and recovered from my depression and thankfully, things are great again and the sex is even better than before.

    Talk to her, believe me that whatever issues are going on it probably has more to do with how she feels about herself.

    Good luck, I hope everything works out for you both.


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