Picture on Facebook

LegacyUser

Feel a bit pathetic for being upset over this especially seen as its a FB issue. Anyways i'll cut to the chase my bfs friend uploaded 3 new pics on FB under an oldies theme, in one of these picture of a few of them there's a pic of my bf and his ex. I probably need to cop myself on but I was actually upset by this. I know this friend well enough and met my ex through him. Would anyone else be upset by this? I just think its disrespectful. If one of my friends uploaded a pic with me and my ex she'd have it down just as quick.

gargleblaster

No, I wouldn't be upset. Depending on the ex and the circumstances I might not be thrilled about it. But upset? No. Maybe you're just having one of those days when you feel less confident?

LegacyUser

I think it's totally unnecessary and disrespectful and I wouldn't be happy about it.

I have seen this done to friends and thought it was a very ignorant thing to do.

The joys of facebook...

What does your bf think about it? I know in general men tend to think less about these things and it doesn't worry them as much as it would with us girls.

LegacyUser

Yeah, maybe i'm a bit hormonal, lol. The friends don't like the ex she didn't treat my bf very nicely. One of the friends sent my bf a msg saying regarding an event they were going to (and my ex wanted me to go) saying he'll be married next, I told him it was lads only, obviously wasn't meant to go to him. There's been a few comments mad regarding my ex going out or "being allowed out" on his own which really gets to me as I always encourage my bf to go out with the guys, but I can't force him. One of the lads said to me last time we were out "don't be afraid to let him lose" and I basically told him straight XX is his own person and does his own thing. So his friend said fair enough and we went on talking. I guess I just feel like this is another snipe at me or something. Though I don't get any of it as his friends (some of which i'd consider my friends) and I get on really well and would have no probs socialising with just me and my ex.

LegacyUser

dafdsf wrote: »

I think it's totally unnecessary and disrespectful and I wouldn't be happy about it.

I have seen this done to friends and thought it was a very ignorant thing to do.

The joys of facebook...

What does your bf think about it? I know in general men tend to think less about these things and it doesn't worry them as much as it would with us girls.

I said it to my bf do you not think that's weird? And he's like yeah it is a bit alright. Didn't say anymore about as didn't want to come accross as overreacting or a drama queen. If it was a massive album or something maybe I could see how he might not have noticed or something. But there's only 3 pics (one of an animal) lovely to be greeted with that on the News Feed.

Wompa1

AmIbeingsilly wrote: »

I said it to my bf do you not think that's weird? And he's like yeah it is a bit alright. Didn't say anymore about as didn't want to come accross as overreacting or a drama queen. If it was a massive album or something maybe I could see how he might not have noticed or something. But there's only 3 pics (one of an animal) lovely to be greeted with that on the News Feed.

While I'll never beat anyone up for taking Facebook too seriously (if I paid more attention to it, I could have saved myself a lot of hurt)

I would say in this instance, if it's only a few pictures I'd forget about it, unless you think he did it intentionally to bother you.

Abrean

I dont think it's an overreaction to be upset by this, if one of my boyfriends friends did this i'd certainly be upset.

I've never understood the reasoning that just because it's facebook it should be ok to have the past shoved in your face and that it shouldn't bother you.

I'm sure the friend wouldn't have printed off the pictures and put them up around his house so therefore why would he put those particular ones up for everyone to see, it's an insult to your relationship and hurtful to you.

Maybe try and bring it up with your boyfriend again, he might genuinely not realise that this could possibly be a problem for you, I know mine probably wouldnt, and see can he get the friend to take it down, or if you socialise with the friend maybe you could say it to him yourself?

Karen8

Personally I think I wouldn't care, but if this has happened to me and I feel so upset, I would talk to this friend. Tell him what I think, get his point of view and probably you will see things in a different light.

Zen65

AmIbeingsilly wrote: »

There's been a few comments mad regarding my ex going out or "being allowed out" on his own which really gets to me as I always encourage my bf to go out with the guys, but I can't force him.

It's good that you should encourage him to have a life, well done.

You should also acknowledge that he, like you, has a past. The past includes other people, and trying to erase or hide that past is not going to work.
Acknowledging & remembering the past is not disrespectful; it is our past that has helped make us who we are.

As for the Facebook feed, these things are transient; in a short time it will have moved down through the status update history like cod liver oil. Leave it go


Be at peace,

Z

Doirtybirdy

Gosh,he's with you now not her.
Forget the photograph for heavens sake.
There's many bad things that are not happening to you that would be a lot worse.
Relax and enjoy your boyfriend , he's yours

LegacyUser

Just focus on the fact that it wasn't your boyfriend who uploaded any pictures. It's up to you to decide whether his friend was taking a snipe at you...in my experience though, guys can make those "oh, letting him out of the house" comments without really thinking to be funny, and probably not to the face of an actual psycho controlling girlfriend (cos they'd be scared of her :P ) My boyfriends friends say this occasionally to me, and I get on great with them - we were all friends before I got with my boyfriend. Keep an eye on it maybe, but don't make any rash decisions just yet.

I know that it hurts though, and I don't think you're being silly feeling upset. My boyfriends ex (broken up a few years ago now, teenage thing) is still friends with him. Few months ago she randomly uploaded ONE picture of just the two of them when they were together. I asked my boyfriend if he thought it was weird, his response was "no, why would it be?", so yes guys don't always read into things as much as we do. But, I was upset and annoyed..but as a previous poster said these things are transient. No one else will probably have noticed, and it won't be in your face for too long.

Acknowledge that it hurt you, but don't let it rule you too much. Your boyfriend is the important one, not what his friend may/may not think!

ontheditch2

i can understand your scepticism.. But i agree with Zen, life is full of memories and you can't just erase some parts. That is a part of his life and there is no reason to be deleting it.
As i used to say to my last GF, all my ex's made me the way i am today, so you should be glad that they got the useless traits out of my system. Only for them, i would be a completely different person, and the same goes for your BF.

qwerty13

If there was a repeated pattern of your BF posting photos of the ex, then fair enough, be p*ssed off. But this seems to b a once-off photo that his friend posted; so I would think that you are way over-reacting. It could be just as simple as a night out that had significance to your BF and his mate, and f all to do with the ex. Seriously, chill out!

Are you sure that you don't sub-consciously discourage him from seeing his mates though? That sounded like a fairly out there comment for a friend of his to make; in my experience, very few guys encourage confrontation like that - are you really sure that's not how his friends feel?

Jordans n Timbs

wouldnt care.....unless it was him himself who uploaded it, then yeah.

LegacyUser

qwerty13 wrote: »

If there was a repeated pattern of your BF posting photos of the ex, then fair enough, be p*ssed off. But this seems to b a once-off photo that his friend posted; so I would think that you are way over-reacting. It could be just as simple as a night out that had significance to your BF and his mate, and f all to do with the ex. Seriously, chill out!

Are you sure that you don't sub-consciously discourage him from seeing his mates though? That sounded like a fairly out there comment for a friend of his to make; in my experience, very few guys encourage confrontation like that - are you really sure that's not how his friends feel?

I find that question seriously insulting, I go out of my way to encourage him to go out with his friends. I've even made a point of sitting him and done everything bar shove him out the door. I get on well with his friends and have great time for them, which is probably why this p****s me off more. They were going away and I kept telling him he should go with them.

Apanachi

I wouldn't worry about it, my husband found a load of old pictures in our attic and decided he wanted to post some of them on Facebook because he had gotten back in contact with loads of friends that were in the photos (including his ex girlfriend) not only did I think it OK that he wanted to share the photos with his friends on FB, I actually scanned the photos myself and helped him add them (he was a total FB Newbie and had no idea what to do )


This girl was part of the life he had then and I accept that, he has moved on and found happiness and a future with me and that's what counts.

qwerty13

AmIbeingsilly wrote: »

There's been a few comments mad regarding my ex going out or "being allowed out" on his own which really gets to me as I always encourage my bf to go out with the guys, but I can't force him. One of the lads said to me last time we were out "don't be afraid to let him lose".

There's no need to feel "seriously insulted" by my question - they are questions that you wrote yourself as having been asked by your BF's friends! Were you "seriously insulted" by the person who said that?

I felt I was fairly gentle in my question, raising the possibility of you sub-consciously doing this. But let me put it a little clearer for you: from what you have posted, I believe that your BFs friends think that you have far too tight a grip on him, and are making comments about letting him out and letting him loose in order to highlight this to you.

Whether you decide to take their comments on board or not is, of course, your choice.

LegacyUser

qwerty13 wrote: »

There's no need to feel "seriously insulted" by my question - they are questions that you wrote yourself as having been asked by your BF's friends! Were you "seriously insulted" by the person who said that?

I felt I was fairly gentle in my question, raising the possibility of you sub-consciously doing this. But let me put it a little clearer for you: from what you have posted, I believe that your BFs friends think that you have far too tight a grip on him, and are making comments about letting him out and letting him loose in order to highlight this to you.

Whether you decide to take their comments on board or not is, of course, your choice.

Yes and you've read my earlier replies you would see that these comments have absolutely no justificiation as I do everything bar pick my bf up put him in the car and bring him to the pub myself to get him to go out with his mates. I had this conversation with one of the lads one night and he then said, come to think of it he was like that when he was single too.

And yes I was seriously insulted by these remarks/comments.

LegacyUser

That's what you're facing when you post on boards!! If you're "seriously insulted" by what the other poster wrote, then you shouldn't have asked anyones opinion. This is a common occurrence though, sometimes it is a case of the girl having the guy "under the thumb" as they say, and they are afraid to do anything that might upset her. What can also happen though, is that the guy genuinely wants to spend all his time with her, and gets out of going out with the lads by blaming the girlfriend and saying that she won't be happy, resulting in his friends believing that she's trying to control him! Lose/lose situation!!

LegacyUser

[QUOTE=hithere!;74364564]That's what you're facing when you post on boards!! If you're "seriously insulted" by what the other poster wrote, then you shouldn't have asked anyones opinion. This is a common occurrence though, sometimes it is a case of the girl having the guy "under the thumb" as they say, and they are afraid to do anything that might upset her. What can also happen though, is that the guy genuinely wants to spend all his time with her, and gets out of going out with the lads by blaming the girlfriend and saying that she won't be happy, resulting in his friends believing that she's trying to control him! Lose/lose situation!![/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure people can give their opinion without being insulting. Perhaps it could be the latter situation but then his friend said he was like this when single too and its not like he never goes out with them anyways. I get on great with the lads I don't get why they've suddenly started acting like dicheads. Should I perhaps ask my bf to have a word with them?