Need to build my confidence

LegacyUser

I have always been a shy person but recently my confidence had been shattered.

I recently was seeing a really lovely guy but I kept telling him that he should stay away from me because I would only hurt him because I trust no one and that Im a head case. I kept telling him this till he eventually believed me and then stayed away. I do this with every guy because im afraid to get too involved, Im afraid to get hurt or afraid I'll hurt them.

I can not take any compliment because I genuinely believe they are lying to me. I feel ugly. I don't believe in myself ever being good enough to get a job when I finish college either.

Im sick of feeling worthless. I would really love some advice on how to start building my confidence up please? I need to love myself before I can ever think about letting someone love me.

If anyone has any advice it would be brilliant thanks

Jam

If you want to build up your self-confidence, then start by building up your self worth.

Exercise does wonders for self-esteem, and it's possibly one of the easier routes as it involves no psychological reconstruction. Even if it didn't change your appearance at all, it will balance out your hormones, clear your mind, and generally make you feel better.

For example, cortisol is the flight-or-fight stressor hormone, exercise lowers this, while releasing endorphins (the good-mood hormones). It's easier to feel good about oneself if you're in a good mood. Try the TLL couch-to-5k, it's a good start.

edit: A caveat, however, if you've never exercised before, this will suck balls for about two-three months, before it starts getting better.

gargleblaster

Wow OP you sound like me! I think you know in your head that you're not ugly or worthless. Getting a job might be an issue due to the recession, but you know that the reason for this (if it even happened) would be due to the economy being in such bad shape.

When you find yourself thinking these thoughts, try to remind yourself that you're not thinking clearly. I know it's hard - trust me I do. And sometimes you'll fail and be miserable a while and beat yourself up, but know that you'll always pull out of it again. After enough reminding you will start to believe your destructive, negative thoughts less and less.

There is a reason you're having these thoughts, and finding out what that reason is and dealing with that issue would also be very helpful, so I'd definitely recommend seeing a counselor. Sometimes we can't see these reasons clearly for ourselves, and counselors are trained to help you to figure these issues out and address not only the symptoms but the cause as well.

Good luck to you.

LegacyUser

Op here. Thank you for the replies !

Im going to try both your suggestions. I don't do any exercise so this could peobably help.
I have also decided I will definatly go and talk to a professional.

Im going to give up drink because at 21 I shouldn't be drinking as much as I do to try and solve my problems. I get drunk and black out and do stupid things that get me a reputation.

I have problems and I don't think I can totally sort them myself. Since I posted here a few days ago I decided to tell my dad exactly how I have been feeling and he is going to help me!