Annoyed at family?

LegacyUser

Ok this is a weird one but I feel quite pissed off with my uncle and his wife after this weekend. This is Uncle A, he is married with 5 children and lives around 60kms away for myself; they live in the village my mother is from.

Let me start, my parents went away Friday for the weekend, they had a wedding and were due to miss my Grandfather's memorial mass on Saturday evening, he is dead for almost forty years so this is irrelevant just putting the thing in context, anyway they couldn't go but told me and my sister to put in an appearance, fair enough!

All the family usually go to this mass, and I usually go myself to keep my mom happy and to meet the relations.

So on Saturday, my other Uncle (Uncle arrived to my parents place (I'm living at home) by bus as he doesn't drive and there is no bus service to my mothers home town. Uncle B was going to "thumb a lift" if we weren't going back ourselves and I decided we'd all go back early in the afternoon and that I'd go fishing with my Uncle B off the pier there as it was a lovely day and I hadn't been fishing in about two years. Uncle B was going to stay with his brother Uncle A and come back out to ourselves the following day to catch the bus home. Both myself and sister are in our mid twenties and driving etc.

So we went back anyway and my sister, Uncle B and I firstly called to my other Uncle A's house and gave about an hour there, the children saw the rods in the car and wanted to go fishing, I was quite hesitant but agreed to take the two oldest who are 14 and 11 as they are little more mature than the younger children who are what I would describe as out of control especially when they are all together. The younger kids threw a huge tantrum that they would not be taken.

I said no and my uncle b, myself, sister and two eldest kids drove off to the pier which is only about three miles away from their house, I figured it would be a nice afternoon fishing with my uncle and it would give my other uncle a break by taking some of the kids out for the afternoon.

The pier itself is an old pier no longer really used but is a good place to catch fish and it is quite dangerous with no barricades or protection leading to a 15ft drop into the tide and the water is deep also. Certainly no place for young kids, my uncle, myself and my young cousin who is eleven were all casted out and my sister and the 14year old girl were just laying out in the deck chairs, a nice typical lazy day - a kodak moment. The young fellow had just caught a mackeral but it unhooked itself whilst he was reeling it in, he was delighted with it!

About half an hour into it my other Uncle A arrived to the pier complete with all the kids including the 2 year old! My other aunt who had arrived also to attend the mass was with them and it seems my uncles wife then suggested they all go up to the pier. Straight away the kids started fighting trying to take the junior rod off the 11 year old and it was far far too dangerous a place for young children so I reeled in my line and made up a vague excuse about there being no fish and left with my sister and our rods.

A days fishing spoilt when they would not stay at home! I blame my uncle and his wife, could they not get the message like? His wife is really ignorant this way and if my Uncle A was to drive to the shop for the newspaper she'd nearly send all the kids with him, always looking for opportunities to dump the little monsters onto other people, even when we would go to the aforementioned mass she'd say to the kids go sit with your cousin etc.

Anyway that was Saturday ruined, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Sunday

Yesterday my parents returned home from their weekend away and the plan was for my father, myself and Uncle B all to watch the Hurling final on the new 50" tv we had installed in the living room last month, Uncle B is really the family fun guy and he calls to us twice a month at least, everybody likes him and he goes to matches with us and is a loveable rogue and is now retired. Anyway he spent Saturday night with his brother Uncle B & family. And the plan was he'd get a way out to our place to watch the game, or uncle B might drop him half way and I'd collect him. We heard nothing from him that morning and was thinking he might not be coming out at all.

My parents got home Sunday afternoon and were fairly tired and hung over, a fry up, a few beers, watching the game and a nice general lazy afternoon again was planned. Then it was ruined, Uncles A & B arrived, plus the 5 children and their mom, arghhh, what a way to ruin the afternoon, immediately the kids got up to their usual messing, first thing was a spilled glass of coke on the couch, the living room is small and not able for a crowd of 10+, there was no advanced warning, they all just arrived. My mother's face when I said, Mom theres a 7 seater coming in the gate, told the whole story. Her words were what a f'ng time they had to call!

I made up an excuse that the neighbours were having tv trouble and went around to fix it and watched the first half of the game with them, at half time I was hoping they'd be gone home, and we could watch it as planned. Like hell they were, I sneaked in the back door and went to my room to watch the game on the portable, 2 mins later the kids were banging on the door, and I just turned up the volume until they got the message. They then left about an hour after the finish of the match and my mum, dad and I were all so pissed of with the invasion of rugrats! I blame my uncles wife as she'd let him go nowhere without the kids and my mum hates her, not that I really blame her, she is a bad mother and my poor old uncle has to do everything and with 5 kids it is hard on him. I wouldn't have minded him to come on his own but to bring the whole army of them!

I still p'd off with it as effectively my weekend did not turn out as I'd have planned because of them!

nicechick!

Do what did and just did leave!! Children have a habit of invading your personnel space and yup you've guessed it can be extremely annoying but seriously its was only the weekend! If they were in your face every single day/evening maybe...

seems a bit harsh calling her a ''bad mother'' what influence does your uncle have in raising his own children.... he is married to the ''bad mother''

Also being an auntie.. leaving the youngest behind is not always the fair you know.. getting brought to hang out as there deemed old enough and likely not wreck your head isn't justification to ignore the others

Jess16

These people sound like a pack of inconsiderate swines. Your home is your haven and they have no right to impose themselves on people like that. You cannot demand somebody's company and adults should be mature and responsible enough to respect that

Daisy M

Yes that would annoy me too but its your parents home and they need to be the ones to say something if they dont want a repeat. Thank your lucky stars they dont live nearer and next time keep your plans to yourselves dont breath a word to uncle a! If it happens again do the same thing leave not a solution but I doubt your parents will thank you if you cause a family row!

LegacyUser

nicechick! wrote: »

Do what did and just did leave!! Children have a habit of invading your personnel space and yup you've guessed it can be extremely annoying but seriously its was only the weekend! If they were in your face every single day/evening maybe...

seems a bit harsh calling her a ''bad mother'' what influence does your uncle have in raising his own children.... he is married to the ''bad mother''

Also being an auntie.. leaving the youngest behind is not always the fair you know.. getting brought to hang out as there deemed old enough and likely not wreck your head isn't justification to ignore the others

Oh believe me she has objectionable parenting skills from my POV, physically smacking the kids and having five kids making the eldest girl do as much of the housework and chores as herself. The 14 year was changing nappies when she was 12 of her youngest sister. They have only 1 little boy who's eleven and I took him fishing, having been his age once it was the sort of thing I loved myself. My mother wanted to take them to the GAA matches last month (offering to pay for everything) and the kids mother wouldn't allow them, I was going to GAA matches when I was younger than them.

I found it very ignorant to gatecrash the fishing but if I'm honest was not surprised, I have a third uncle (Uncle C) (whom I didn't mention in the other post) and he was living in the family home always, my uncle, his wife and kids built their new house next to the family home, as she continued to spawn the sort of home invasion I described earlier became a daily occurrence for my uncle, he doesn't talk to uncle A's wife, a few years ago he told her one to please keep the children back in her own house (which is literally 100m) away from his as he was doing work at the house.

He had a mixer mixing concrete and the troop of children landed over and started messing, the 11 year old cut off a finger when he went messing at the mixer and the chain caught his finger, my uncle c nearly died of fright but luckily surgeons reattached it due my uncle putting it in a bag on ice. What happened next? The kids mother blamed my uncle for her son whom he told keep indoors getting the finger cut off, this is the sort of ignoramus she is.

The kids kept annoying him and whilst he would be far more tolerant and patient than myself he eventually applied for a council house and moved into the village saying he wanted to be near the town, wheras in reality the reason was he couldn't tolerate the kids I reckon, he wouldn't ever admit that but it is fairly obvious. His brother (Uncle D) came to live with him when his marriage broke up and the brothers lived happily for 6 months, again no peace or privacy from the kids say him move back to his town in with his son there. The home place is actually owned by a 5th uncle who we rarely see but all the family were left a right in the house so it couldn't be sold unless they all agreed.

I pity my Uncle A and my own mom often says to me if you ever get married don't get a woman like uncles a's wife, lazy and inconsiderate would be putting her mildly, when Uncle A was working he would often come home and have to cook, clean and do the house work when she was at home all day! He is now unemployed and money is tight by them I know and when their friend got married in the US two years my mom got his ticket over for him as my own family are pretty comfortable that way! The whole lot of them could go on Dr. Phil and I am glad I live as far away from them as I could.

Chinafoot

0509 2day! wrote: »

I still p'd off with it as effectively my weekend did not turn out as I'd have planned because of them!

And what? I'm sorry OP but what do you want people to say? Yes you're so right, they are horrible people for interrupting your weekend of a fry up, beers and hurling? That last line comes across as unbelievably spoiled.

You live in your parents home. If your parents don't want your relatives calling to their home then they are the ones to tell them.

Your comments about the parenting skills of a woman who lives 60km away from you are irrelevant to be honest. Perhaps when you have 5 kids you can comment about a mother asking the father to take the kids out of the house. To be completely honest, on the fishing episode, you were in the wrong there. You don't take some of the kids when they are all aware of it. Perhaps the mother didn't want to listen to the 3 you left behind bawling crying? Their father was there to mind them so packing up and going home in a sulk was a pretty immature thing for you to do.

My advice (not that you seem to want any and instead just seem to want to have a moan about your family) would be to let your parents deal with it. If you don't like your relatives coming to their home then find a home of your own where you can decide who does and doesn't visit.

King of Kings

0509 2day! wrote: »

making the eldest girl do as much of the housework and chores as herself. The 14 year was changing nappies when she was 12 of her youngest sister.

I actually agree with you that your aunt is totally in the wrong .

But you have a sheltered existence if you think making children do housework is wrong.
And as for changing nappies I changed nappies from when I was 8. That;s 4 of my 7 other siblings. Its quite normal in a big family.

I am a friend

Do you normally get upset if your routine is messed up

Do you spend most Of your time in adult company?

Lanaier

http://www.richworldproblems.com/

http://sfw.chanarchive.org/4chan/b/17274/problems-only-rich-white-males-have

Lanaier

Lanaier wrote: »

http://www.richworldproblems.com/

http://sfw.chanarchive.org/4chan/b/17274/problems-only-rich-white-males-have

-Want to watch the match on 50 inch tv.... interrupted and had to watch in neighbours.:mad:
-Go fishing on idyllic, picturesque pier..... family turns up :mad:


Woe is you OP, god help ya.

Daisy M

Your uncles wife sounds dreadful. But as I already said no matter how fustrating this is for you it really is not your business to try and sort it. Your mum and her siblings have been dealing with this for longer than you have ever known about it, if there was some way of sorting it I am sure that between them they would have. In the grand scheme of things very little of your time has been invaded you are dwelling on this too much.
5 kids can probably seem pretty full on, and it doesnt sound as if you are used to kids so it is probably more so to you. Your mum obviously cares about her brother and his kids, you wading in will only make things worse.
Btw its absoloutly nothing like Dr. Phil and you should be thankful for that. Its one woman who does not get on for whatever reason with your family, the rest sound like lovely people who are doing their best to avoid conflict for their brothers sake.
Do you mind me asking but what is your question here? Are you looking for advice for you or for your family?

Neyite

OP, Kids are messy loud and selfish.

As a non-parent, I have found the noise level in my siblings homes headwrecking, yet their kids are basically well mannered, but they are still kids, and heaps of them together is chaotic.

My siblings, on the other hand dont even hear the noise levels until there are blood-curdling screams or deadly silence. (both red flags where kids are concerned ) I've seen a spotless grannys house be reduced to something that looked like a ransacking took place within an hour.

You cant separate kids up - it causes war with the ones left behind. I once treated my godson to a day out, but when I returned him, the mother said that all day long the other two gave her no peace about being left out of the treat, and we both should have copped it.

Im not saying you are wrong - but its your parents house, and not your call to say something to your uncle and his wife.
Realise that you wont be able to bring just one on a treat unless you bring them all until they get a good bit older, that is.

analucija

0509 2day! wrote: »

I made up an excuse that the neighbours were having tv trouble and went around to fix it and watched the first half of the game with them, at half time I was hoping they'd be gone home, and we could watch it as planned.

What did neighbors say when you imposed yourself on them?

Seriously, it's one weekend, you'll live. Your relatives are not the most tactful people but I can't see the great injustice here. If you want to blame somebody for your ruined weekend, your uncle is just as responsible, if not more, as his wife.

Big Bag of Chips

"...my poor old uncle has to do everything and with 5 kids it is hard on him."

Is it not equally hard on her, having 5 kids?

"I wouldn't have minded him to come on his own but to bring the whole army of them!"

So it would be ok for him to go out for the day leaving his wife alone to deal with the 5 kids, but not ok for her to leave him with the kids?....... as per your following statement:

"His wife is really ignorant this way and if my Uncle A was to drive to the shop for the newspaper she'd nearly send all the kids with him, always looking for opportunities to dump the little monsters onto other people"



All the time the 5 children were together, both parents were present, as far as I can make out. Both parents are equally responsible for their care, and both are equally responsible for your ruined weekend!

That your family find your aunt in law so unbearable doesn't really surprise me all that much. Especially if you have a my "poor uncle" attitude!

shinikins

OP I think you mothers dislike of your aunt is colouring your opinion of her. Its not all her fault, Uncle A has 50% of the responsibilities of parenting your cousins, so to blame it all on her is very wrong.

You live at home, and unless you parents tell your uncle and aunt that they were upset at them "invading" their home there really is not much you can do. When I lived at home and relatives brought their children my bedroom was my refuge, and no-one came in unless they were asked. There's really not a lot more you can do about it!