Do men fall off the face of the earth...?

annabee1234

Hi,

I recently met a guy through mutual friends.
He asked me out, we had a few dates inside a few weeks & slept together after a lot of cocktails. This happened on our 3rd or 4th date.

He introduced me to his friends, was very affectionate to me in front of them. This is something that he never does.- according to his friends.
We spent the weekend together (a few weeks ago) and I have heard very little from him since.

I know he liked me a lot initially as he told his friends and even his parents about me. He was also in a lot of contact.

One concern is that he came out of a relationship about 6/7 months ago.

Can I do anything or is he just not interested? I was really beginning to like him and hadn't dated anyone else in the time was were seeing each other.
I feel so stupid and a little hurt as I have slept with him and we have some of the same friends, who know about us.

He hasn't contacted me properly in a week or asked to see me.


A...

LegacyUser

I think you slept with him too soon.

The magic and excitement died off when the sex happened, he didn't need to pursue you anymore and backed off, lost interest.

Simple as.

No point contacting him, he's not interested, hopefully you can find someone else who is interested in you, and maybe don't sleep with him too soon. At least be sure how interested he is in you when you do sleep with him so as not to be left feeling upset again.

LegacyUser

It's a very common occurence for a boy to put a woman up on a pedestal, even go so far as to say that they love them and would like to marry them, and then suddenly show absolutely no interest.

He's a headwrecker, he doesn't know what he wants. You deserve a man who knows what he wants.

Miss Fluff

I'd always be really really REALLY wary of someone who is that full-on at the start. The blokes who tell you they are mad about you and move things along at break-neck speed at the start like that lose interest just as quick. It's textbook I'm afraid. I've seen it happen to so many friends (and myself twice before I was able to spot them a mile away) more times than I can mention. It's hurtful and confusing and you're left wondering WTF but that's the way some guys roll.

I guess for the future it will help you agree to take things that little bit more slowly. A guy who is so effusive at the start doesn't REALLY know you so talk is cheap imho, if he can turn it on that quick he can turn it off just as quick.

I'd leave him be. His behaviour has changed and it indicates he is no longer interested in you, reasons only known to his good self. Probably because you don't present a challenge any more. I know it's hurtful and you're left wondering what could possibly have caused the sudden shift but I wouldn't go chasing him or asking him for answers, keep your dignity.

I am a friend

Yeah there are a substantial number of Irish men who suffer from panda syndrome I.e. Eats shoots and leaves...

You have been burnt by mr speedy. He is all eager and then changes his Mind but doesn't have the manners to tell you - it's very common and typically they come across as genuinely interested in you... That's why they are so successful...

I personally chose not to sleep with guys early on in order to weed out the pandas and it generally works...

Don't contact him to find out What he wants cos there is genuinely no point - this guy votes with us feet. When he likes you, you know it and hen he is finished with you, you also know it as he disappears.

Don't waste anymore energy on him - next please

Miss Fluff

I am a friend wrote: »

Yeah there are a substantial number of Irish men who suffer from panda syndrome I.e. Eats shoots and leaves.

Proper proper ROFL

Miss Fluff

I am a friend wrote: »

I personally chose not to sleep with guys early on in order to weed out the pandas and it generally works.

+1, same here and it makes all the difference. I dated a lot of (potential) pandas who got the heave-ho before getting the chance to do the disappearing act, think it makes a difference (for your own sake) to get to know them a bit better, less of a fall-out tbh

LegacyUser

This has happened to me recently...a few times....and well I couldn't believe I had fallen for it again. I completely agree with posters saying it happens when you sleep with them too soon. Its so true. I have learned my lesson this time!!!

I know this would probably be the worst advice ever.....but if you didn't send the last text how about you send him something like "hey sorry I haven't been in contact for a while but I am not interested anymore/ met someone else"

horribly petty I know haha but god do i hate the two weeks where I hear nothing from these guys and then all of a sudden i get a text saying "hey sorry I haven't been in touch, but my ex and I have been working things out and are getting back together" a blatant lie of course.


probably a stupid idea, and he probably will see through it but hey...why wait for him to maybe send you a stupid lie text.

@rti-shm@rti

Oh OP I feel for you, this same thing happened me recently - although it was for a bit longer. I know it's hard because you'll keep saying to yourself (and correctly so....you're not imagining it!) 'He was the one making all the moves' and 'He was the one who was mad into it, how come he just changed his mind?' but as a few have said already....unfortunately the ones who are a bit full on and totally into it at the start seem to fall back out of it just as quick.

Seems to me that maybe they're a bit more intense or don't think as much before they do things. Mightily confusing but there's nothing you can do.

If you haven't really made any effort and are waiting for him to get in contact then I would say send a text, otherwise I'd leave him be. He'll either be back or he won't. Very little to be done about it unfortunately!

What I would say is though don't beat yourself up about it, he sounds like he really did genuinely like you, probably just is one of these intense guys who throw themselves into things and then freak out a bit when it gets serious

I am a friend

Don't go near him - he has not fallen into a well, donated hisphone to charity or even been kidnapped by aliens... He used his phone to contactyou when he wanted something from you, he now chooses not to contact you so why chase him and feed his ego?

looky loo

Sounds to me like you had a lucky escape OP, do you really want someone who blows hot and cold on you like that. Dont beat yourself up about it, put it down to experience, hold your head up, delete his number....repeat after me...delete his number.

Miss Fluff

Keep your dignity woman, do not go contacting him on any pretext. His silence says enough. Just keep the head held high and be glad you didn't get in any deeper with him.

Unique User Name

Why don't you contact him and ask rather than wait and see? Anything could have happened that could have led to the lack of contact. I'm not saying that what the others say isn't true but why not give him the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions?

pow wow

Do men fall off the face of the earth...? If they want to, yes. 99.9% of times it's a choice they make whether they tell you that or not.

Miss Fluff

Unique User Name wrote: »

Anything could have happened that could have led to the lack of contact

Like him dying? Or perhaps being in an accident and falling into a coma? Or being in some grossly unlucky incident whereby he had both arms severed at the shoulder? It would have to be something along those lines tbh. If he was interested in her she'd be hearing from him. If he wanted to make contact he would have by now. It takes all of a minute to make a quick call/send a text to arrange another date.

He's not interested so he's just done the disappearing act.

Giving him "the benefit of the doubt" is going to look like she's pleading and desperate tbh.

Unique User Name

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Like him dying? Or perhaps being in an accident and falling into a coma? Or being in some grossly unlucky incident whereby he had both arms severed at the shoulder? .

Yes. Like any of those things or perhaps a family bereavement. It could be anything point is once she confirms that's not the case then fine move on. May seem unlikely but wouldn't it be better to at least ask before jumping to conclusions?

I just think it's better to wait and find the truth instead of assuming the worse in life.

Miss Fluff

Unique User Name wrote: »

May seem unlikely but wouldn't it be better to at least ask before jumping to conclusions?

I can see where you're coming from but I still wouldn't be asking him. Why does she need confirmation when she knows in her heart what the answer is?

If it something as awful as him dying or being in a coma she will hear about it eventually but going to him and asking him to reject her again (for the second time!)....nope, that's just unnecessary.

Kevin Duffy

What's with all the "don't contact him" and "delete the number"? You had something good going it seems, then maybe he got a bit windy, felt like it was moving a bit faster than he meant to considering it's fairly recent he came out of a relationship.
If he set out to just jump your bones then hit the road, introducing you to friends, spending a whole week together and mentioning you to family is not the recommended way to go about it.

You could call him and say you liked what was happening and would like it to keep going. If he says no, then you know and you can move on and get over the hurt. If he says yes, you might turn it into something great.

Or you could keep guessing and never know for sure. It'll cost you a few cents of phone credit to find out.

dellas1979

I see both sides of the coin here:

1. She texts him/inititates contact, and she looks a little "weak" for want of a better word. He may give her an answer she doesnt want to hear. But at least it will be done.

2. She worries her brain off, and wonders what has happened/why he doesnt contact. Yes, the actions of him not contacting her speaks louder than words, but sometimes it is hard to get your head around why someone just all of a sudden shows no interest.

So, after all that, I still am between those 2 options - depends on what this girl wants herself! Someone said the other day to me (a male) that if you "dont say anything at all, then you cant get into trouble".

Unique User Name

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I can see where you're coming from but I still wouldn't be asking him. Why does she need confirmation when she knows in her heart what the answer is?

If it something as awful as him dying or being in a coma she will hear about it eventually but going to him and asking him to reject her again (for the second time!)....nope, that's just unnecessary.

I certainly see your point too. I guess its down to personal choice. I personally think there will always be times in a relationship when you will need to show vulnerability. On re reading I can see that the OP has friends in common. Couldn't hurt to ask one of them. It may show some weakness but it could prove worthwhile.

@rti-shm@rti

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

What's with all the "don't contact him" and "delete the number"? You had something good going it seems, then maybe he got a bit windy, felt like it was moving a bit faster than he meant to considering it's fairly recent he came out of a relationship.

+1 to this. There's far too much emphasis put on 'playing things' a certain way I think.

a) we've no idea whether the OP has made any contact with him in the last week. If he's always been the one to be all over her - fair enough, I'd be worried too but there's always a chance he might have got a bit fed up of always initiating things......slight chance I admit but it's still there and how are you going to know if you don't try. You can't always expect that they'll be willing to make ALL the moves.
b) FFS - since when is knowing what you want and showing it 'weak'??? God, she likes him, he seemed to like her, a text message to say 'Hey how are you, haven't heard from you in a bit, how's your week been?' is hardly going to make her come across as a clingy, needy weirdo. If he doesn't text back.....then answer received. At least you tried, not having made ANY effort to keep something good going is what's weak IMO. If he does maybe see if he's willing to meet up. If he's not.......without some serious excuse leave him off.
c) In two weeks....if he hasn't made contact at that stage I seriously doubt anyone would be looking back tearing their hair out over sending a perfectly reasonable, light hearted text to test the waters. It's more likely you'd be tormenting yourself wondering what would have happened IF you had sent the text.

I guess I'm in the text him crew I like to go with the whole 'I'd rather regret doing something, than not doing something' within reason obviously, it doesn't work in all circumstances!!!!

Canluum

5343432432 wrote: »

I think you slept with him too soon.

The magic and excitement died off when the sex happened, he didn't need to pursue you anymore and backed off

Are you having a laugh?

How that is even remotely connected I don't know. If she had "held out" then a) he would have left anyway or b) they'd still be seeing eachother because he's an emotional retard waiting for a shag. What kind of idiot would hold out sex to keep a romantic/sexual relationship!? The skewed logic is baffling. Rarely have I read a spewing of such backward victorian nonsense.

I am a friend wrote: »

I personally chose not to sleep with guys early on in order to weed out the pandas and it generally works...

While that is your style I have to say there's a flaw in your logic... and this would only apply to the least mature of people (be they panda or not) and help you pick up those with virgin/sex-shame/misogyny issues.

My current gf (of one year) and one of my longterm exes evolved from what was originally a one-night stand. If that hadn't happened we wouldn't have gone out. Anytime I dated someone who gave the impression "holding out", I would just assume they were either a manipulative headwrecker or had a very low libido we weren't sexually compatible, and extricated myself quickfast. I've had experience in relationships of both those types and do not wish a repeat.

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

You could call him and say you liked what was happening and would like it to keep going. If he says no, then you know and you can move on and get over the hurt. If he says yes, you might turn it into something great

+1

In all likelyhood he has lost interest but there's no shame in being a bit assertive and finding out so you can move on with your life. This dignity others speak of is just fear mislabeled. It's better not to build your personal relationships on games and assumptions.

I am a friend

I don't agree with 'holding out' for the sake of it but for me it was more of a case of not jumping in until I had time to suss out the guy..

So one night stands are good for you - well that's great. Doesn't mean they are good for everyone so no need to be so superior.

looky loo

annabee1234 wrote: »

Hi,

I recently met a guy through mutual friends.
He asked me out, we had a few dates inside a few weeks & slept together after a lot of cocktails. This happened on our 3rd or 4th date.

He introduced me to his friends, was very affectionate to me in front of them. This is something that he never does.- according to his friends.
We spent the weekend together (a few weeks ago) and I have heard very little from him since.

I know he liked me a lot initially as he told his friends and even his parents about me. He was also in a lot of contact.

One concern is that he came out of a relationship about 6/7 months ago.

Can I do anything or is he just not interested? I was really beginning to like him and hadn't dated anyone else in the time was were seeing each other.
I feel so stupid and a little hurt as I have slept with him and we have some of the same friends, who know about us.

He hasn't contacted me properly in a week or asked to see me.


A...

I still maintain delete his number, if he wants to get in touch he will. Not about playing games its about him showing her respect.

wealthyman

I'm a gay guy so it's the same issue really....but this has just happened to me. Met a guy who promised me the sun, moon and stars. He told me I was the reason he had a smile on his face everyday and I was the best thing that had happened to him in a long long time. Offered to take me on holidays and pay for everything, told me I was too good looking for him etc. He text me several times daily and phoned, said he couldn't go a day without talking to me. Fast forward a week later and NOTHING. I was upset at first and my head wrecked as to why somebody turned from so hot to so cold overnight. I text him asking to meet up again but nothing. Anyway OP I think a text would be no harm, as with me I have no idea why men do this??

seenitall

Hi OP,

On reading the thread and the whole "to-text-or-not-to-text" dilemma, I'll tell you what I would do if I were you (or anyone else in your situation). I'd send him a short, to-the-point text to the tune of:

"Hi xyz, hope been well, just thought this min I haven't heard from u in a bit! Had a lovely time with you see you around."

And that's it. Nothing else, especially no questions if you don't want to give the game away on how much you care. The point is that you have now put the ball firmly in his court, and nothing else needs doing really. If he is sitting in hospital with both his arms broken, but is still keen on you, he will be compelled to contact you any which way to let you know he feels the same and explain the lack of contact. And if he intentionally dropped you (which is unfortunately more probable ), he may just have decency enough to text back with: "Yeah, had a good time with u 2, cu around " or similar, OR he won't even bother replying, which tells you everything you need to know, too.

Job done! You've got your closure (at least I'd consider it such) without losing any sleep or your dignity, now for moving on!

(With the potential loophole in the plan, that there are guys who would use your texting as a pretext - excuse the pun - for opening another, altogether more casual chapter in your "interrelations". Am I being clear enough here? Look out for yourself, OP, and consider your actions in advance.)

Distorted

I wouldn't bother texting him. In the highly unlikely event he has died or been in a terrible accident, theres no point anyway, and you will hear about it from friends (I'm being sarcastic here). If he wanted to talk to you, he would have replied to your previous messages.

If you don't text him or chase him, you will hear from him anyway in approximately 6-10 weeks time. At which point you will have forgotten him, moved on and gone off him, and he will express disdain that you have "forgotten him so easily" and that he "thought you had something good going here". Happened to several friends of mine. They nearly always try to come back, but then do the same thing again.

Its like the ones that come on too strong at the beginning scare themselves and then go the complete opposite way. They lurch from one extreme to the other. Thats why a lot of people see the OTT moving forwards to soon stuff as a big red flag.

@rti-shm@rti

looky loo wrote: »

I still maintain delete his number, if he wants to get in touch he will. Not about playing games its about him showing her respect.

But he hasn't really disrespected her. And by sending him a test the waters text it might help her move on as it'll take the added variable of 'what if it would have made a difference' out of the equation. I don't think texting him would be disrespecting herself.

Continuing to meet him and chase him if he continues to pull away and blatantly has no interest would be a bad idea but at the moment isn't it very early days to be writing him off completely?

It might encourage him or it might not have any effect at all. Either way, I really don't see what the harm is. Nothing wrong with taking a chance now and again.

Canluum

I am a friend wrote: »

I don't agree with 'holding out' for the sake of it but for me it was more of a case of not jumping in until I had time to suss out the guy..

Taking care with ones emotions makes sense... one must wade rather than sprint through the murky river.

Kadongy

unriegjroerh wrote: »

It's a very common occurence for a boy to put a woman up on a pedestal, even go so far as to say that they love them and would like to marry them, and then suddenly show absolutely no interest.

He's a headwrecker, he doesn't know what he wants. You deserve a man who knows what he wants.

Yes it is -but it's only very slightly more common with guys than with girls


I agree that her going to fast was nothing to do with this happening - all it might have done was to make it happen faster.

I also agree that you should be wary of people so full-on from the start. Not all of them are like that, but I think most people who are like that are very full on very early.

Chalk it up to experience and try to recognise the type in future.

I am a friend

Canluum wrote: »

Taking care with ones emotions makes sense... one must wade rather than sprint through the murky river.

Yeah yeah :rolleyes:

You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it so...

Ickle Magoo

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neveah

Distorted wrote: »

I wouldn't bother texting him. In the highly unlikely event he has died or been in a terrible accident, theres no point anyway, and you will hear about it from friends (I'm being sarcastic here). If he wanted to talk to you, he would have replied to your previous messages.

If you don't text him or chase him, you will hear from him anyway in approximately 6-10 weeks time. At which point you will have forgotten him, moved on and gone off him, and he will express disdain that you have "forgotten him so easily" and that he "thought you had something good going here". Happened to several friends of mine. They nearly always try to come back, but then do the same thing again.

Its like the ones that come on too strong at the beginning scare themselves and then go the complete opposite way. They lurch from one extreme to the other. Thats why a lot of people see the OTT moving forwards to soon stuff as a big red flag.

Couldn't agree with the above post more. It has happened to me a few times recently. I couldn't understand it, why were guys acting so hot and then turning ice cold all of a sudden Just like you OP it wrecked my head. The last guy this happened with, he was the one initiating all the texting, then I casually suggested meeting up and after that I didn't hear anything from him again. I didn't bother texting him any more, I just left it. The ball was in his court as far as I was concerned. That was weeks ago. Low and behold who texted me this weekend :rolleyes: I haven't even replied because I've nothing to say to him. I would have met up with him again after I first met him but now after all his hot/cold actions it's made it easy for me to realise that he's not worth the hassle. His loss, he had his opportunity but now that ship has sailed....

I agree with all the other posters who say don't bother texting him. If it takes him that long to reply to you or he hasn't replied at all then he is just not worth it! Anyway you're not alone OP, this kinda stuff happens to all of us.

LegacyUser

neveah wrote: »

Low and behold who texted me this weekend :rolleyes: I haven't even replied because I've nothing to say to him. I would have met up with him again after I first met him but now after all his hot/cold actions it's made it easy for me to realise that he's not worth the hassle.

And how people could call that game-playing is beyond me!!! OP, this is great advice. If a guy is hot/cold with you, he is not even worth a few cents of credit to send a text. His actions show he's not interested (or doesn't know what he's interested in!!). Why should you have to act the social worker and get to the bottom of his problems with how he treats girls?

Plenty of lovely men out there who know what they want and who'll treat you the way you deserve to be treated!

hunnybunny

Do men fall off the face of the earth? I like to say they go to the Island of Lost men:D Its so annoying, hurtful and confusing. THEY do the chasing, tell you you're beautiful and funny, THEY promise you the world and when you start to even begin to believe them PUFF they're gone! As like Miss Fluff said as quick as they started, they vanish even quicker. They've sailed off to the Island of lost men never to be seen again.

OP I would write him off as having sailed to that Island, in that case his phone will have no coverage (ie To be brutally honest, he is not interested and doesn't have the manners to tell you). Come on, who can't text in the space of a week. His loss, move on!

Though I have to say I disagree strongly with the women saying not to sleep with him too soon. If its right - go for it! I can't be doing with all that game playing. If they really like you, they're not going to scarper because you have done the deed. If anything it could bring you closer and let your barriers down.

I am a friend

hunnybunny wrote: »

Though I have to say I disagree strongly with the women saying not to sleep with him too soon. If its right - go for it! I can't be doing with all that game playing. If they really like you, they're not going to scarper because you have done the deed. If anything it could bring you closer and let your barriers down.

But you are making it all about the man here again. It's not about playing hard to get it's about getting to know someone a bit before you swap body fluids with them. :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

OP if you want to find out the deal, there's no harm in sending a text if you want. Do what you like and if you don't like the results then just remember that for next time.

As for not sleeping with someone until you're sure of something, I've never seen the value in that. I'll sleep with them whenever I want, and if they have some kind of hangup about it and disappear, then I consider them to be double-standard having ****s, and bullets dodged.

Do you want to be with someone who is willing to **** on the first date, but considers women who do it beneath them? I sure as **** wouldn't! I'd **** 'em if they were hot and I was feeling it, but I sure wouldn't want to be friends with someone so backwards and shallow.

So that's my weeding out process. **** them if you like them, and if they disappear then you know they're not worth more than a few passionate moments of your time.

Women have been living by men's rules for far too long. Do what you want, but protect your heart, and consider the consequences. That's what I did and I have absolutely no regrets.

LegacyUser

OP here is my take on it and the responses you have received.

Firstly, the whole "when should you sleep with someone" theory that if you wait x amount of dates you will get all you want is bull****. This isnt logic and there aren't any perfect equations. It depends on the personalities of both parties involved, not on the opinions of internet posters.

I think, the most likely scenario is that he has lost interest.

But it does remind me of a scenario I was involved in last year (I'm a male if that is important). I met this girl and we had a few great dates, had some great sex, but all of a sudden it cooled off. Now I think there were a couple of weekends we were busy (I had a wedding) and we couldnt meet up, but things fizzled out.

I can't even be certain if it was me that decided to pull back, because maybe she did as well. The texts became less and less frequent and quickly to nothing. Now I'm not saying that if she had texted me at that stage we would have lived ever after, but it might have given me the kick I needed to grab the bull by the horns.

I'm rambling a bit, but I suppose what I am saying is sending one more text won't do any harm. I would make it an assertive enough one i.e. suggest going to some gig that you know he would be interested in. If you don't here back from that one game over, simple as.

annabee1234

I'm overwhelmed by the response I've had. Thank you to everyone for taking your time to consider my problem!

Sleeping together felt right at the time.
Wrong now, but right them and he was very keen after that also!

I know he hasn't had severed arms or been involved in some terrible misfortune as we have mutual friends.

One part of me says just text and be casual (that's the hope bit). Another is running with my pride and not contacting him, because as many of you pointed out he's not into me.

He has personal items of mine that I want back, so I'll need to contact him if I am to get these back.

Miss Fluff

annabee1234 wrote: »

Sleeping together felt right at the time.
Wrong now, but right them and he was very keen after that also!

If it felt right at the time it WAS right at the time so I wouldn't go berating yourself for that, there's no point. You liked him, it felt right, why wouldn't you?

Unless the stuff you need to get back is really essential to you day-to-day I'd get one of your mutual mates to pick your belongings up at some stage or else contact him when you're no longer smarting over this and you couldn't give two hoots what he thinks or does.

While you've still got this hope and he hasn't had the manners to get in touch with you then I (personally) wouldn't bother getting in touch...

hunnybunny

As for not sleeping with someone until you're sure of something, I've never seen the value in that. I'll sleep with them whenever I want, and if they have some kind of hangup about it and disappear, then I consider them to be double-standard having ****s, and bullets dodged.

I completely agree, do what YOU want to do. Who gives a stuff what anyone thinks? The OP did what she felt was good at the time.

I am a friend wrote: »

But you are making it all about the man here again. It's not about playing hard to get it's about getting to know someone a bit before you swap body fluids with them. :rolleyes:

How is it about the man? If you want to sleep with someone it is YOUR choice because YOU want to. I certainly don't feel any guilt or wait if I don't want to. Some of my long term relationships have started that way. Its an individual choice at the end of the day. Playing a x amount of dates game is just silliness!:rolleyes: Maybe I don't want to wait :-) I certainly wouldn't bank on sleeping together ruining or making a relationship. Though enjoying a physical relationship can only be a good thing as long as you are happy..

I am a friend

I don't think people are getting what I am saying.

It's about personal choice and about what suited me, not on any level to influence a man. Some women (like me), get more attached after sex so I found it's better for me to hold off than have sex and then have the blinkers on afterwards... It's that simple

Miss Fluff

I know where you're coming from I am a Friend.

While I've slept with guys on the first bodice-ripping, can't get home quick enough nights which have resulted in long-term relationships, as I got a little older and if I was potentially unsure of someone on any level then I'd be confident enough to leave it a little bit longer to suss him out.

So this could result in waiting a few weeks to sleep with someone and it being really special and amazing or going on a few dates with a guy and realising that he's a twat and being glad you didn't exchange bodily fluids.

I get it girl, I think some people are deliberatly taking elements of what you've said to be combatitive tbh.

hunnybunny

I personally chose not to sleep with guys early on in order to weed out the pandas and it generally works...

If they're a panda, they're a panda regardless of whether you sleep with them or not. I don't think it would have changed anything in the OPs case so she shouldn't regret it. You find out he is a panda, you hurt a bit, you move on...

Miss Fluff wrote: »

So this could result in waiting a few weeks to sleep with someone and it being really special and amazing or going on a few dates with a guy and realising that he's a twat and being glad you didn't exchange bodily fluids.

I get it girl, I think some people are deliberatly taking elements of what you've said to be combatitive tbh.

What is with all the exchanging of bodily fluids ? Assuming one has obvious common sense to use protection there shouldn't be that much if used correctly and you'd probably exchange more bodily fluids from kissing.
Also its a quick way to find out if you are compatible in that way before feelings get involved. For me the physical element is extremely important and if its not right Im off, end of (sorry but see ya later, though I do have the good manners to tell them its off at least)

Its an individual choice at the end of the day and your own one to make. Some women like to wait, that's their choice but my attitude if I want to I go for it.

One part of me says just text and be casual (that's the hope bit). Another is running with my pride and not contacting him, because as many of you pointed out he's not into me.

He has personal items of mine that I want back, so I'll need to contact him if I am to get these back.

Don't text him Maybe ask a friend to get your things back.