Worried about collage.

LegacyUser

Well to begin with I am almost 19 and male. I am starting collage next week in an IT. I am dreading collage so much I feel like I am going to collapse. I was bullied a lot during primary school and a lot during secondary school even by girls from the convent because of my ugly appearance. I made few friends during my school life. I think my first contact with someone my own age was when.I was about 6. People had al ready made friends and I just sort of followed people around. Another problem was I live in the country side and my house is very messy outside it and inside it. So I never had any friends over and I often get taunted and still to this day get taunted over the sate of my house. I battled through Primary school being bullied every day and I improved my speech because I used suffer from a speech difficulty but went to a lot of speech therapy and I am basically recovered now. I might make a mistake once or twice a month pronouncing a word. This was made a laughing stock people in
primary school so I became very shy so I withdrawn from people. I had loads of rumours made up about me but I did my best to ignore them and I got through primary school and I was looking forward to secondary school.When it began first I began making friends I thought things were going to be good but after a while these people turned on me and started to mock me and bully me. so I drifted apart from them after a while I think puberty hit me and I became really self conscious and angry because of my loneness. Most of my angry was directed at myself. I got through all my years of secondary secondary some how even tough I was bullied nearly every day and made feel a waste of space. So much happened to me I just want to forget it all. I
My problem is now tough I will be starting collage soon and I am very worried about it because I feel I am social; anxious and depressed. I find it very hard to talk to people and I get very nervous in public situations I spent most of my years of secondary school in the toilets because of my fear of people I have never went out for a drink. Basically I am anti=social freak I don't mean to be but with everything that happened to me I just ended up this way. Even when I found out I got my collage course people laughed at it. So, I will have to move into a student apartment now with complete strangers and I am dreading it
I also have to start of in a collage. I am dreading this because at least when I was in school I knew the day ended a t 3.40 and I could go home and be in my own little world where no one could both er me But now this won't exist any more. I know people say Collage is better than school but how can people have matured so much in the space of a few weeks. I am on edge over this I breathing really heavily and feel like I faint with the pressure on this I keep on thinking of my past and I can't see a good future for me.
Pro's in my life.
I am a fighter I haven't given up.
I do try my best.
Con's
I was bullied through all of my school life.
I only have one sort of friend.
I have never being kissed.
I ugly. I have being told this by loads of people.
Any advice?

Oranage2

First bit of advice about college would be to use paragraphs!

Also the cliche about college being a new beginning - well its true, you think you were the first person to be bullied and then go to college? Also college will offer different people with different backrounds and interests. Its not like school the sheepish mentality that if you're not interested in the same things then you get bullied.

Now its you're first day and you'll be a bit shy and reserved - natural - Not everybody will know somebody and will be in the same boat as yourself

Only thing is step outside you're comfort zone, face challenges straight on, dont hide in the toilets. Good thing about ITs is that there are usually smaller classrooms so its a bit easier to make friends. But you'll need to put some work into it, go to the canteen with people on lunch, go to pub on a friday after school, etc.

Moving in with people is fun, they'll most likely be your friends, make sure you get to know them though, hiding in your room wont go down well.

To sum it up,
-act like you've never been bullied(nobody knows)
-dont do any self pity crap and hide away from the world
-join clubs and societies and interact with class mates

I'm not sure what you're going to be studying, but I would advise you to work on your spelling. Not trying to be a grammar Nazi but these things can hamper you a lot!

Start college like a clean slate, nobody will know who you are and use this to your advantage!

LegacyUser

Just a small thing, but we'll get this out of the way first - It's CollEge. Probably something you should know before you start.

Other than that, I didn't see any major problems with your spelling and you explained yourself quite well. So don't take the spelling thing as a dig.

Starting college is daunting for everybody. It's no different to starting school, or a new job or a new activity. Most people will be apprehensive, but make sure you are positive on your first day. Chat to people, introduce yourself. You can even think about this beforehand if you find it difficult, prepare things to talk about. Little things like where you are from, where you will be staying, why you chose your course and ask them the same. You will find like minded people and start to make friends. There will be lots of other shy people too, you're not the only one.

College is a much more open environment, it's no longer like school where you had the same people day in-day out, year after year. Your friends at college are not the kids you grew up with or your neighbours. They won't know or care where you live or what your house is like, just if you're a good friend or not.

One of the major differences I found was the vastly different age groups (my best friends from college is 45 and we're in the process of up a business together - I'm 26), people from different backgrounds, different parts of Ireland or from abroad. There are clubs and societies you can join which are a great way to meet like minded people. Make sure you are pro-active when it comes to enjoying your time at college. Feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere in life.

Moving in with strangers is a great idea. It means you are facing your fears. Get to know them, don't hide away in your room. The more you do this, the more you will grow in confidence.


I was bullied through all of my school life. - That's over now. Use this as a fresh start.

I only have one sort of friend. - Well this the best opportunity you'll get to make new friends. Take it!

I have never being kissed. - This doesn't matter. Work on building your confidence and friendships first and that will come in time. There are plenty of girls in the same situation. It's no big deal!

I ugly. I have being told this by loads of people. - Only incredibly stupid people judge you on how they look, they're mostly insecure themselves so they take it out on other people. Use your God given talent, take care of yourself and your health and that will benefit you much more in life than 'beauty' will ever benefit those small minded people.

Believe in yourself. You're a good guy who is trying to better your life. Consider it the first day of the rest of your life.

dudara

Posters - the grammar and spelling thing has been pointed out enough at this stage. Focus on the topic at hand.

dudara

Firetrap

Deleted User wrote: »

Start college like a clean slate, nobody will know who you are and use this to your advantage!

^^ This.

Going to college will be one of the best things that ever happens to you. Nobody will know or care where you came from, what your house is like and, most importantly, you'll no longer be in your comfort zone. Children can be the vilest creatures on earth sometimes as you learned to your cost and that carried on into secondary school. The good news is that now you'll be starting afresh with young adults who aren't going to be remotely interested in bullying you.

Everyone in your class will be in the same boat - a bit out of their depth and eager to make some friends. So take that opportunity to chat to everyone you can. you can chat about how they're finding the course, where they're from etc. Give it a try - you'll be surprised how responsive people will be. Another helpful hint is not to talk too much yourself but to ask them questions (not in an OTT way) and let them yap away.

I'm delighted to see you'll be moving into an apartment with strangers. It means you won't be able to hide yourself away so easily. You might even find yourself becoming good friends with the people in your apartment.

And finally, I doubt you are as physically hideous as you think you are. Those people who told you that you're ugly are truly ugly on the inside themselves. Just because you don't look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney does not mean that you're the elephant man. There are plenty of guys out there who are what you could call unconventionally attractive. Do some work with the bits of your appearance that you can help and see how you get on. If you think your hair isn't as trendy as it could be, get a barber to make some suggestions. Look in mens magazines and at guys your age to see what's in fashion and overhaul your wardrobe. If you need to shed weight, eat sensibly and take advantage of the free gym in college.

Icyseanfitz

college is a completely different ball game to school, you will be in classes with people of all ages, places of birth, beliefs etc. just go in and talk to people, if they dont want to talk to you feck em theres plenty of other people who will, i used to be pretty shy as well before college but it did me a world of good.

another bit of advice, if someone tells you you are ugly screw em, it says a lot about that person if your outward appearance is the only thing they take note of, you will need to build up a mindset of "i am the s*** and am as great if not greater than everyone else" i like to say that to my mirror a couple of times a day

Pigeon Reaper

I hated school and was bullied in it, I'm also lanky, ugly and have a major speech impediment. I went to third level and loved it. It was one of the best things possible for me to have done. I learnt not to care what others thought about me and to lead by example.

Put yourself out there and try new things. The only important thing is that you come out without regrets and have at least tried.

Zen65

worriedguy wrote: »

....I am dreading this because at least when I was in school I knew the day ended a t 3.40 and I could go home and be in my own little world where no one could both er me But now this won't exist any more.

Worriedguy, you're kidding yourself to think your own little world was a place where nobody bothered you! You were very bothered there, but you kept a distance from people so it didn't show.

In college, you get the chance to reinvent yourself. It is a place of personal growth where you really can change yourself inside and out if you want to, and you should look forward eagerly to starting. I'm very sure when it is all over that you will look back on it as being the best few years of your life.

Make a new start there. Join clubs and societies during Freshers' week, mix with as many people as you can without getting too deep into any one clique (because it takes time to know which people suit you best in the longer term) and broaden your interests. What you will find is that in third level the people are much more open to different personality types, and there is very little bullying or harassment of any type. It is up to you to make the most of the situation though, so don't run home at the end of lectures every day or you'll miss out on the chance for widened circles of friends and all the after-hours activities which make college life the joy it is.

Be at peace,

Z

woodchuck

You need to look at this as an opportunity, not something to be feared.

In school we all end up with labels, which are impossible to shake while we’re there. But you’re going somewhere new where nobody knows anything about you or your past. It’s the perfect opportunity to reinvent yourself and be the person you’ve always wanted to be!! I know the term ‘starting off with a clean slate’ has already been thrown around a lot, but it’s so true.

College won’t be anything like school. You’re starting a course with other likeminded individuals, so you all already have something in common and are more inclined to be on each others wavelengths. That’s not to say you won’t encounter the odd pr*ck, but they should be few and far between compared to what you’re used to.

FAKE the confidence if you need to in the beginning and with time it will become natural. Go in there with your head held high. Don’t shy into the background. Make the effort to talk to people. It WILL be hard and you’ll feel completely out of your comfort zone at first but it WILL be worth it!!

I absolutely hated school (the social aspect or lack there of). The only thought that kept me going was starting college. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope you make the most of it too

Some other points:
- The people you went to school with were obviously d*ckheads. Don’t believe a word of anything they’ve ever told you about yourself.
- The never been kissed thing at your age is a lot more common than you think so don’t get down about that
- College is the perfect place to make lifelong friends, so don’t worry if you don’t have many/any atm
- That’s great that you’re doing a houseshare. If you need a breather and some time to yourself you always have your bedroom to chill out in (but still probably best to make an effort with your housemates when you’re feeling up to it)

The best of luck to you… try to start getting excited, you get to leave your crappy school days behind you and start fresh

Lanaier

goodtobealive wrote: »

Feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere in life.

Very important lesson there op.
Many of us had hard times growing up, just keep the head up and fight through it.

I've always maintained that life begins once you leave school.
The phrase "sure school days are the best days of your life!".....When I was a kid I always suspected that adults who said that were full of it, I was so right.

Life is much better afterwards.

Enjoy your new life op, don't live in fear!