Whats the funniest story you've ever heard?

FrankAmazing

My mate rung me on thursday.
they had been in the local nightclub on thursday.
and it was a student night so all the first years were down for orientation.
place was mobbed.
two of my friends got their pints nicked off them twice.
they were fuming, so they went into the jacks with two empty pint glasses and went into the jacks and filled the two glasses up with piss.
then went out, went up to the bar, got a bit of mixer and fired a bit in on top of the urine.
carefully left there pints unattended and took a view from where they could see the action.
low and behold two scummies came along and lushed em down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then they went again last night and did the same stunt again, except this time it wasnt cause they had drinks robbed, it was just for fun.
they even stopped one guy and were like ''here man do you want this pint i dont want it''.
some poor lad duly accepted and the lads started going ''chug chug chug'' and the lad fired it back him!!!

yeehaw!!

hahaha, priceless!!!!!!!

Yahew

seriously, who are the real scummies here?

starbelgrade

That's an amazing story, Frank.

Not sure I quite believe though.

7sr2z3fely84g5

We will have a soft landing.

Sisko

Catching out pricks who steal drinks is one thing but giving "free pints" to innocent strangers really does turn your mates into the scumbags in this story tbh as one poster hinted at.

FrankAmazing

starbelgrade wrote: »

That's an amazing story, Frank.

Not sure I quite believe though.

no it is true

i was shocked myself aswell, couldnt believe it

but told another friend of mine and he said he had done it once before aswell, so maybe it goes on more than documented. justice served to drink robbers pubs and clubs everywhere!

4leto

:D Ha Ha

I just thought the barman must have slopped that blokes pint I robbed.

But ut tasted a little better then budweiser:mad:

joshrogan

That's disgusting that they'd do that to an innocent person.

DjFlin

A friend of mine met a guy in a club one night. Things went well, and a couple days later he showed up at her house to take her on a date. After meeting the guy, her father freaked out, turns out the guy and my friend are cousins. Funniest part was, the guy still wanted to date her.

MistyCheese

Quite possibly the Knowledge is Power, France is Bacon story:

When I was young my father said to me:
"Knowledge is Power....Francis Bacon"
I understood it as "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon".
For more than a decade I wondered over the meaning of the second part and what was the surreal linkage between the two? If I said the quote to someone, "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon" they nodded knowingly. Or someone might say, "Knowledge is power" and I'd finish the quote "France is Bacon" and they wouldn't look at me like I'd said something very odd but thoughtfully agree. I did ask a teacher what did "Knowledge is power, France is bacon" meant and got a full 10 minute explanation of the Knowledge is power bit but nothing on "France is bacon". When I prompted further explanation by saying "France is Bacon?" in a questioning tone I just got a "yes". at 12 I didn't have the confidence to press it further. I just accepted it as something I'd never understand.
It wasn't until years later I saw it written down that the penny dropped.

Balfie

Mate rang me one day,

Told me he was walking through Temple Bar. When he got stopped by one of the "Concern" people, (now before I go on, my mate, is tall an dark an people think he is from somewhere like Spain or Portugal) This day he happened to be wearing a Spain jacket, so his answer to the woman was Sorry me speaka no, emmm how you say? Englis? English?

She says to him, "Where are you from?"

Mate: From? What is from?

Woman : Country??

Mate : (pointing at his jacket) Oh me Espana

Woman Breaks out in full on Spanish, an me mate leg's it off screaming in a Dub accent, "I've no idea what your saying luv"

---

Another one I was in McDonalds one day with a lad that I know, an the woman behind the counter, was from China.. Well I don't know for sure from China but ya get the idea..

Anyways, she said to him "Have here or take away"

his reply was "Eh Coke Please"

Skerries

unless they were first cuz then it's alright

DjFlin wrote: »

A friend of mine met a guy in a club one night. Things went well, and a couple days later he showed up at her house to take her on a date. After meeting the guy, her father freaked out, turns out the guy and my friend are cousins. Funniest part was, the guy still wanted to date her.

chucken1

starbelgrade wrote: »

That's an amazing story, Frank.

Not sure I quite believe though.

Last week I was waiting for the 'kids' to be back in school..dammit, I forgot about 1st year 'college' students

flutterflye

Didn't read the thread....
But I once heard a girl fart in the middle of an otherwise quiet Irish class.

wonton

The thought of your mates wobbling across the dance floor with glasses of piss is disgusting though

Geminicw

Skerries wrote: »

unless they were first cuz then it's alright

I hope you are joking???
god help your future kids in the looks/brains department...

Bipolar Joe

MistyCheese wrote: »

Quite possibly the Knowledge is Power, France is Bacon story:

When I was young my father said to me:
"Knowledge is Power....Francis Bacon"
I understood it as "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon".
For more than a decade I wondered over the meaning of the second part and what was the surreal linkage between the two? If I said the quote to someone, "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon" they nodded knowingly. Or someone might say, "Knowledge is power" and I'd finish the quote "France is Bacon" and they wouldn't look at me like I'd said something very odd but thoughtfully agree. I did ask a teacher what did "Knowledge is power, France is bacon" meant and got a full 10 minute explanation of the Knowledge is power bit but nothing on "France is bacon". When I prompted further explanation by saying "France is Bacon?" in a questioning tone I just got a "yes". at 12 I didn't have the confidence to press it further. I just accepted it as something I'd never understand.
It wasn't until years later I saw it written down that the penny dropped.

Thanks for that, just recovering from a fit of hysterics that story put me into.

marcsignal

the one about the muslim guy who got electrocuted putting up a set of christmas lights

later12

This

Hank_Jones

I like this one.

In town tonight walking along the quays outside the old Virgin megastore drinking a bottle of water and I saw two young scumbags wearing the face off one an other as I approached. Nothing wrong with that in itself. The bloke was wearing the classic adidas 3 stripe tracksuit with matching baseball cap at about 45 degrees and the young wan in nike tracksuit bottoms and matching hoodie.

Just as I got to them the bloke stopped kissing her and said in a typical scumbag tone "Do ya wanna get engaged flower". I immediately spat out my water and began pissing myself laughing. Maybe you had to be there but it was pure comical. Then it got even better when the young wan answered " I'm not marrying you, you were riding Jacinta". At that point two Dublin bus drivers presumably on a break standing nearby started pissing themselves also. The scumbag then started on the bus drivers with his "fiance" having to try pull him away. All in all it was better than a night at the improv. I love Dublin

Taken from here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=63553213

Yahew

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

Thanks for that, just recovering from a fit of hysterics that story put me into.

I would thank Misty Cheese's story twice if possible. Unfortunately it is buried in a bit of a weak thread, so not getting the thanks it deserves.