What the hell was this guy about?

wealthyman

I very recently met a guy two weeks ago through facebook, infact I contacted him told him I thought he was a looker etc, anyway we chatted for a few days and he decided he would like to meet me. That was all well and good, we had chatted on the phone for hours before our meet and exchanged really sweet messages, he was ever so sweet like how he had butterflies meeting me and told me I was exceptionally good looking, infact he couldn't get over how good looking I was, not to mention that I had a great personality.

When we met we hit it off like a house on fire, chatted for ages, the chemistry was great and he brought me back to his place. We cuddled, kissed alot etc and then he brought me to his bedroom. We cuddled and kissed on the bed and then there was abit of oral and that was it. He seemed big into me, to be honest I knew he was, he couldn't stop saying how gorgeous I was and how lucky he was to have met me, he didn't want to let me go that night.

Things continued to go great with phone chats and messages after that. He told me he would take me on a weekend break away and he would pay for everything to which I said there was no way I would let him pay. He would text me throughout the day and in work telling me how sexy and hot etc I was, now don't get me wrong he never once mentioned sex in any texts or on the phone so it wasn't about that. He always said he missed me so much and I was the reason he had a smile on his face everyday and how I was the best thing that happened to him in a long long time.

Fast forward a week later to the second date, it went well as usual, although he didn't tell me I was gorgeous once that night lol, but he was going mad for a kiss and a cuddle and we went to the bedroom and done the usual, no full on sex mind. I got up and left that night for home, text him when I got back as he insisted I did. So here it goes, on Monday I heard nothing, so I text him that night and he replied an hour later saying he was working and how was I. I noticed he was very distant, it was so obvious, he always put several 'X's' in his messages but there was none. We only exchanged two messages that night. So on Tuesday he text me that evening with just one word saying 'Hi' so I just ased him how I was, he was as cold as ice in all his messages, so I got cold then and layed off the texting. I called him up that night and asked him what was up, he told me he was sick with a chest infection and he was always in off form when he was ill and it hit him like a tone of bricks hence why he wasn't himself.

Anyway I did wonder, I mean if I got ill like that I don't think I could be that distant with a guy I liked? So Wenesday came and I didn't text him again, he iniated contact later that night, again with short distant messages, just the basic how are you stuff. So I said i was out of credit and goodnight but nothing.

Last night it came to a head. I asked him why is was so off and I thought it just wasn't because he was ill and then I asked him if he wanted to call it quits between us. He replied fairly quick with a 'What No' I'm just ill, i will be ok next week. So I didn't accept that and told him maybe he wasn't ready to be dating guys right now and he needed time alone, he responded by saying maybe I was right that he wasn't sure he was ready for dating but he honestly didn't now. I then told him I didn't want to meet him again (because he didn't now what he wanted) and wished him the best of luck. He siad he wanted to be friends and he didn't want that to change, but I refused and told him I couldn't be friends with a guy I felt more for.

So that's it. Could somebody enlighten me how a guy can go from extreme hot to extreme cold??? This has truly amazed me, it really has, I have never encountered this type of behaviour before, just what on earth was this guy playing at?

deirdre_dub

Could somebody enlighten me how a guy can go from extreme hot to extreme cold???

I reckon a chest infection could do it.

I don't have a chest infection, or any other type of ailment, yet I know that I'm much more distant from my friends than usual. Why? Because I've had a couple of pretty bad knocks lately in quick succession. If I were to also get a chest infection, I would most certainly seem very cold and distant to even those I'm close to.

You've had two dates - you are in the phase of getting to know each other, and indeed getting to know yourself in the context of the relationship. You've learned that, when he gets sick, it hits him like a ton of bricks, but that he returns to normalcy within a few weeks. You've also learned that you don't trust what he is saying in that regard.

jaffacakesyum

To be honest, a chest infection wouldn't do that for me personally. I mean, if anything, when you're sick you feel a bit sorry for yourself and want a cuddle even more!! Someone to look after you etc.

I think it's anyones guess why he suddenly turned cold. Maybe it was the chest infection, maybe he thought he was really into you and then realised he wasn't ready? Who knows. Unfortunately it's anyones guess unless you can talk to him about it.

Meesared

Chest infections are horrible

Kanoe

just my two cents but sounds like a guy I know. He's a bit of a hypochondriac and always worried after sexual encounters thinking he had caught an infection. If I had a euro for amount of times he would call me afterwards freaking out about what he may or may not have done and how dangerous it could have been I'd be quite wealthy. He'd shy away from whoever for a while afterwards until he got the all clear..and a dose of anti biotics but would never really be able to sit down and discuss the topic with them.
Might be completely irrelevant but it's what I thought about on first reading.

azezil

Chest infections do put me in an 'ugh go away' kinda mood too.
And how could he know what he wants, ffs you met twice!?

Now if you were a lesbian this type of thread might make sense, but come on grow a pair already

coolperson05

Lol he sounds like a lovely guy!! (I'll have em if you don't!:p)

Seriously though you were a bit quick to the post, he said it would be ok in a week or whatever and it was only 2 dates. Everyone has those days where they don't wanna be talking to people and maybe also, he might have been feeling sorry for himself and wanted you to reply with more compassion to his 'cold' messages. Wanting to be asked "What's wrong?" etc. But if you feel like this early on you're probably better to get out, he seems like a nice guy but maybe not for you.

wealthyman

coolperson05 wrote: »

Lol he sounds like a lovely guy!! (I'll have em if you don't!:p)

Seriously though you were a bit quick to the post, he said it would be ok in a week or whatever and it was only 2 dates. Everyone has those days where they don't wanna be talking to people and maybe also, he might have been feeling sorry for himself and wanted you to reply with more compassion to his 'cold' messages. Wanting to be asked "What's wrong?" etc. But if you feel like this early on you're probably better to get out, he seems like a nice guy but maybe not for you.

I did show a little compassion when I heard he was ill at first but he continued to be distant so I didn't bother and I did ask him what was up. By the way you could not be more wrong, I really liked this guy and thought it would go somewhere as did he, we really clicked on all levels and to add to the hurt he was absolutley gorgeous looking so he was for me. The last text I sent to him was that he was to take care of himself and that I would miss him to which he never replied so that doesn't say much on his behalf.

Azure_sky

It could be anything from Bi polar to regular depression or low self esteem. It could be something less mundane or even more complex. You can only speculate as there's so many possible answers.

wealthyman

Azure_sky wrote: »

It could be anything from Bi polar to regular depression or low self esteem. It could be something less mundane or even more complex. You can only speculate as there's so many possible answers.

He told me he had a breakdown a few years ago and he had treatment for it but he was reluctant to discuss it. As you say we can't speculate, I hate having no answers

terrlobe

wealthyman wrote: »

Azure_sky wrote: »

It could be anything from Bi polar to regular depression or low self esteem. It could be something less mundane or even more complex. You can only speculate as there's so many possible answers.

He told me he had a breakdown a few years ago and he had treatment for it but he was reluctant to discuss it. As you say we can't speculate, I hate having no answers

I'd text him back in a few days to see if he wants to go on another date.

LGiamani

I see your point that you hate not having answers. He seems a little strange that he could'nt keep in contact with you even though he was under the weather. I read your posts a few times and it seemed really sweet the way you met up and that you were getting along really well and that you did'nt just meet for sex. Both of you seemed really happy that you'd met up if you was looking for sex and he was looking for a connection you'd say he was not getting what he needed but that not the case. I love to meet a guy who would just look for a cuddle and kissing on a first and second date. I'd be swept of me feet with such a guy. I hope you meet someone similar again who does'nt mess you around like this.

wealthyman

Thing is I don't want to meet someone similar, I want him. There are very few guys like him around and he is the first guy who I really liked despite meeting twice. I feel bad that perhaps I was harsh with him, afterall it was my decision to cut contact not his. I was thinking of waiting perhaps two weeks and maybe give him a text but I wouldn't suggest going on a date, just ask him how he is maybe?

Resi12

No offence but you sound quite harsh..

So he didn't say you were beautiful on the second date, do you want a bf or a vanity mirror? I mean.. he text back. If he wasn't interested he wouldn't bother. He tried to make conversation (regardless of the text) and you said you were out of credit/goodnight? And he was the one being cold..?

I'm sorry but it's texting, if you really wanted more conversation ask him to go out again. He left out X's, I mean come on that's a bit childish to get antsy over. Don't expect the next I Have A Dream to happen by text. From what you say, you wanted him to make every move yet gave no indication. How was he supposed to know if you didn't tell him/why didn't you take charge yourself?

And then you confronted him on situations you made from your head and told him that he wasn't ready for dating and couldn't be your friend. No offence but you might the one not ready for dating. I mean you sound a bit bossy telling someone how they feel when you didn't even give him a chance, he said he still wanted to know you/be with you so I am pretty sure he did..

You seem to have some very high expectations.

Conor30

'Only fools rush in', as they say. It seems you were both expecting too much too soon and getting ahead of yourselves completely.

Maybe text him again next week and see if he replies. If not, then he has his reasons.

I often find that many gay guys are either only after a one-night-stand or else are excessively romantic and want to nearly get married on the second date. lol
It can be hard to find someone in between!

Aard

Storm in a teacup. Tbh OP you sound high maintenance.

stephen_n

No offense OP but from what you have posted you need to have a good look at yourself and your part in this as you come across in your post as being incredibly needy and insecure. You do actually realise he is another person and everyone deals with sickness differently. It comes across from what you posted that it is all about you and what you want and him not meeting those needs. F**k him being sick, the cheek of him having anyone of a million things going on that he might not feel comfortable discussing so early in a relationship or maybe that he is just struggling to maintain working while sick, sure it's all about you he should know That! If this is how your going to be 2 weeks into a relationship what will it be like after two months? If you honestly do want a relationship with anybody then you should do some work on your insecurity and how you manage space and distance, which is nessecary for any healthy relationship!

Annasopra

I agree with resi12 - it seems to me you had too many expectations about things and instead of taking things slowly and waiting a week or two until he was feeling better you jumped in far too quickly to effectively dump him. I mean - it's been 2 dates and it's almost like you expect permanent contact and romance!

easychair

wealthyman wrote: »

I very recently met a guy two weeks ago through facebook, infact I contacted him told him I thought he was a looker etc, anyway we chatted for a few days and he decided he would like to meet me. That was all well and good, we had chatted on the phone for hours before our meet and exchanged really sweet messages, he was ever so sweet like how he had butterflies meeting me and told me I was exceptionally good looking, infact he couldn't get over how good looking I was, not to mention that I had a great personality.

When we met we hit it off like a house on fire, chatted for ages, the chemistry was great and he brought me back to his place. We cuddled, kissed alot etc and then he brought me to his bedroom. We cuddled and kissed on the bed and then there was abit of oral and that was it. He seemed big into me, to be honest I knew he was, he couldn't stop saying how gorgeous I was and how lucky he was to have met me, he didn't want to let me go that night.

Things continued to go great with phone chats and messages after that. He told me he would take me on a weekend break away and he would pay for everything to which I said there was no way I would let him pay. He would text me throughout the day and in work telling me how sexy and hot etc I was, now don't get me wrong he never once mentioned sex in any texts or on the phone so it wasn't about that. He always said he missed me so much and I was the reason he had a smile on his face everyday and how I was the best thing that happened to him in a long long time.

Fast forward a week later to the second date, it went well as usual, although he didn't tell me I was gorgeous once that night lol, but he was going mad for a kiss and a cuddle and we went to the bedroom and done the usual, no full on sex mind. I got up and left that night for home, text him when I got back as he insisted I did. So here it goes, on Monday I heard nothing, so I text him that night and he replied an hour later saying he was working and how was I. I noticed he was very distant, it was so obvious, he always put several 'X's' in his messages but there was none. We only exchanged two messages that night. So on Tuesday he text me that evening with just one word saying 'Hi' so I just ased him how I was, he was as cold as ice in all his messages, so I got cold then and layed off the texting. I called him up that night and asked him what was up, he told me he was sick with a chest infection and he was always in off form when he was ill and it hit him like a tone of bricks hence why he wasn't himself.

Anyway I did wonder, I mean if I got ill like that I don't think I could be that distant with a guy I liked? So Wenesday came and I didn't text him again, he iniated contact later that night, again with short distant messages, just the basic how are you stuff. So I said i was out of credit and goodnight but nothing.

Last night it came to a head. I asked him why is was so off and I thought it just wasn't because he was ill and then I asked him if he wanted to call it quits between us. He replied fairly quick with a 'What No' I'm just ill, i will be ok next week. So I didn't accept that and told him maybe he wasn't ready to be dating guys right now and he needed time alone, he responded by saying maybe I was right that he wasn't sure he was ready for dating but he honestly didn't now. I then told him I didn't want to meet him again (because he didn't now what he wanted) and wished him the best of luck. He siad he wanted to be friends and he didn't want that to change, but I refused and told him I couldn't be friends with a guy I felt more for.

So that's it. Could somebody enlighten me how a guy can go from extreme hot to extreme cold??? This has truly amazed me, it really has, I have never encountered this type of behaviour before, just what on earth was this guy playing at?

One lesson I learnt a very long time ago was never to conduct a conversation by text or email. It can come over as cold ( as the OP said) and can serve to be so easily misinterpreted.

I have a partner and we have a rule that we only use text and email to make arrangements and never to discuss anything.

ninty9er

Have you spoken to some friends about it. People that know you personally will be able to give a much better guess at what might be up, if anything.

He might also have realised that he was being a bit too full on and gone cold because he doesn't want to seem easy or too keen and put you off.

wealthyman

stephen_n wrote: »

No offense OP but from what you have posted you need to have a good look at yourself and your part in this as you come across in your post as being incredibly needy and insecure. You do actually realise he is another person and everyone deals with sickness differently. It comes across from what you posted that it is all about you and what you want and him not meeting those needs. F**k him being sick, the cheek of him having anyone of a million things going on that he might not feel comfortable discussing so early in a relationship or maybe that he is just struggling to maintain working while sick, sure it's all about you he should know That! If this is how your going to be 2 weeks into a relationship what will it be like after two months? If you honestly do want a relationship with anybody then you should do some work on your insecurity and how you manage space and distance, which is nessecary for any healthy relationship!

I'm not incredibly needy or insecure at all despite how the post came across. He was the one who wanted to meet me all the time, he was always first to text in the day and called me up several times too for a chat. I was having trouble sleeping and he used to get upset at the fact I couldn't sleep or if I was having an off day.

I haven't being right since, just can't concentrate on anything, feel miserable. Although I deleted him off Facebook I can see he added other gay guys since I departed so he obviously isin't too ill if he can do that? Part of me wants to call him tomorrow and apologise for being harsh and see if he would like to meet again but there would be no pressure. I fear now he could get chatting to these other guys and he could be snapped up, after all guys love him for both his looks and personality.

So should I call or text? or do so in another few days? What should I say?

easychair

wealthyman wrote: »

I He was the one who wanted to meet me all the time, he was always first to text in the day and called me up several times too for a chat. I was having trouble sleeping and he used to get upset at the fact I couldn't sleep or if I was having an off day.

From your original post, you say you met this guy twice?

Yet you talk of the relationship as if you were much closer and more intimate than that.

For me, I'd try to learn a lesson from the experience and, for me, that lesson would be to not conduct a relationship by text and email or phone, which from your posts here seem to be how this brief relationship was mainly conducted.

That you now ask if you should call or text, when you should call or text, and what you should say when you call or text, suggests a certain inexperience or immaturity, and suggests you have not learned that the only way to conduct a relationship is in reality, and not via text, phone calls or email.

brokenice

I doubt you've been a suffered fool nor did he take you for a ride (not a double entendre!) but I'd say he probably just got a bit freaked out by how lovey dovey things were so soon. That's still no excuse for the sudden loss of contact. If he wanted to be friends, he should have come out and said. No beating around the bush. If he actually was sick, he still should have informed you. How long does it take to write a message saying you're sick and will be in touch in a few days? Simple as! I find the whole 'not getting in touch because I'm so wiped out and sick' thing a load of bulls!!t. Forget him, move on!

wealthyman

Well I would like to thank everyone for all their replies, I will reflect on the advice given for future reference. I text him yesterday telling him I had made a mistake and apologised, I asked if he would like to meet in the future, and it was Ok if he didn't, anyway he never replied, so that's it, it's over. Moving on now.

easychair

wealthyman wrote: »

Well I would like to thank everyone for all their replies, I will reflect on the advice given for future reference. I text him yesterday telling him I had made a mistake and apologised, I asked if he would like to meet in the future, and it was Ok if he didn't, anyway he never replied, so that's it, it's over. Moving on now.

I agree that dating can be horrible, more especially so in Ireland as there is a national characteristic where no one seems able to be honest and say "you're a nice guy but not my type". Instead they tell you what they think you'd like to hear ("Yes, I'd love to meet again") and then you learn by a process of osmosis over a number of days or even weeks that they are not interested. It's a callous and cruel way to treat others and I hated it when I was dating in Ireland.

I've heard it said that we are destined to make the same mistakes, with the same outcome, until we learn the lesson we have to learn about ourselves. And I wonder what you have learned from this experience, and how you might put what you have learned into practice the next time?

Spark Boy

Wealthyman, i think a lot of the comments are a bit harsh on you. A similar thing happened to me a couple of years back, meet this guy totally out of the blue on a night out, hit it off straight away, met a few times, everything was initiated by him, coffee, cinema and then all of a sudden nothing. met out on a night out be chance a while after he had stopped contact and it was clear he wanted nothin (the quick hello hows everything and then see you later, he couldn't get away quick enough), fair enough but then he texts out of the blue months later (i didn't bother replying).. I learned a huge amount from that experience. i definitely know we connected, but for whatever reason/issues he had he didn't want a relationship. it is the exact same for your fella, he has stuff going on and for whatever reason he wasn't ready for anything more, nothing got to do with you. where he is out of line was leading you on slightly, he knows he's done this but for some reason whether he wanted attention or felt lonely he did it. its his issues and you just have to try get over it. it will actually take a while (i know some people will say you only went on a few dates, but if you really connect with someone you can't describe it unless u have experienced it.u feel foolish, vulnerable, sad as you feel you let someone in and they just flecked u over) to be honest, he's not worth your energy anymore, try to think good of him and move on. it wasn't meant to be..

esposito

OP, Very similar experience to you, almost to the T in fact. Chances are, he wasn't sick at all. He probably felt he was leading you on and decided to stop texting you. It's bloody hard to take, even after 2 dates, I know! Was he a good bit younger than you? Immaturity might have something to do with it.

stephen_n

wealthyman wrote: »

Fast forward a week later to the second date, it went well as usual, although he didn't tell me I was gorgeous once that night lol, but he was going mad for a kiss and a cuddle and we went to the bedroom and done the usual, no full on sex mind. I got up and left that night for home, text him when I got back as he insisted I did. So here it goes, on Monday I heard nothing, so I text him that night and he replied an hour later saying he was working and how was I. I noticed he was very distant, it was so obvious, he always put several 'X's' in his messages but there was none. We only exchanged two messages that night. So on Tuesday he text me that evening with just one word saying 'Hi' so I just ased him how I was, he was as cold as ice in all his messages, so I got cold then and layed off the texting. I called him up that night and asked him what was up, he told me he was sick with a chest infection and he was always in off form when he was ill and it hit him like a tone of bricks hence why he wasn't himself.

Anyway I did wonder, I mean if I got ill like that I don't think I could be that distant with a guy I liked? So Wenesday came and I didn't text him again, he iniated contact later that night, again with short distant messages, just the basic how are you stuff. So I said i was out of credit and goodnight but nothing.

Last night it came to a head. I asked him why is was so off and I thought it just wasn't because he was ill and then I asked him if he wanted to call it quits between us. He replied fairly quick with a 'What No' I'm just ill, i will be ok next week. So I didn't accept that and told him maybe he wasn't ready to be dating guys right now and he needed time alone, he responded by saying maybe I was right that he wasn't sure he was ready for dating but he honestly didn't now. I then told him I didn't want to meet him again (because he didn't now what he wanted) and wished him the best of luck. He siad he wanted to be friends and he didn't want that to change, but I refused and told him I couldn't be friends with a guy I felt more for.

So that's it. Could somebody enlighten me how a guy can go from extreme hot to extreme cold??? This has truly amazed me, it really has, I have never encountered this type of behaviour before, just what on earth was this guy playing at?

Seriously over the space of three days when someone is saying they are sick but are still actively trying to maintain contact. Note in those three days how many times the OP stated this person made contact or initiated contact. Do you people really believe that someone who was trying to get out of a relationship or rather a burgeoning relationship is going to initiate contact? that's bordering on insane. You are talking about reading emotion into an emotionless format and making decisions based on that. This was over an incredibly short space of time and seemingly their are alot of very fit and healthy people on here who have never been sick and not really on form.

^^^^
OP That response is not actually aimed at you.


I would say however that if I was this guy I wouldn't have wanted any more contact with you after the way you initially acted but I would have had the decency to at least respond to your apology.

wealthyman

easychair wrote: »

I agree that dating can be horrible, more especially so in Ireland as there is a national characteristic where no one seems able to be honest and say "you're a nice guy but not my type".
And I wonder what you have learned from this experience, and how you might put what you have learned into practice the next time?

No I was his type, I know that for sure, he liked everything about me, it was obvious, he couldn't take his hands off me. Well I have learnt to be wary of guys getting too full on at the start and take it with a pinch of salt. Also never to have any sexual contact on the first date, not that I ever did, it just felt right with him.

Spark Boy wrote: »

Wealthyman, i think a lot of the comments are a bit harsh on you. A similar thing happened to me a couple of years back, meet this guy totally out of the blue on a night out, hit it off straight away, met a few times, everything was initiated by him, coffee, cinema and then all of a sudden nothing. met out on a night out be chance a while after he had stopped contact and it was clear he wanted nothin (the quick hello hows everything and then see you later, he couldn't get away quick enough), fair enough but then he texts out of the blue months later (i didn't bother replying).. I learned a huge amount from that experience. i definitely know we connected, but for whatever reason/issues he had he didn't want a relationship. it is the exact same for your fella, he has stuff going on and for whatever reason he wasn't ready for anything more, nothing got to do with you. where he is out of line was leading you on slightly, he knows he's done this but for some reason whether he wanted attention or felt lonely he did it. its his issues and you just have to try get over it. it will actually take a while (i know some people will say you only went on a few dates, but if you really connect with someone you can't describe it unless u have experienced it.u feel foolish, vulnerable, sad as you feel you let someone in and they just flecked u over) to be honest, he's not worth your energy anymore, try to think good of him and move on. it wasn't meant to be..

Sorry to hear that sparkboy, although I was the one who chased him first on facebook. I know he was out of a 1.5 year long relationship since May so he obviously wasn't ready. He hinted that he didn't really know what he wanted in one of his last text's. It's such a pity, I thought we had a future, I dread going to the places where we met because it will only remind me of him. Although if he does text again in the future, apart of me wants to reply...

esposito wrote: »

OP, Very similar experience to you, almost to the T in fact. Chances are, he wasn't sick at all. He probably felt he was leading you on and decided to stop texting you. It's bloody hard to take, even after 2 dates, I know! Was he a good bit younger than you? Immaturity might have something to do with it.

No infact he was almost two years older, I'm 22 and he was 24 so not the case here. He wasn't that he stopped texting me, he just turned cold and distant, he still texted until I pulled the pin and told him we should not meet any more because I felt he wasn't ready. However I apologised and asked if he would like to meet again if he wanted to ina text on Sunday to which he did not reply so I won't be texting him again unless he texts me.

stephen_n wrote: »

Seriously over the space of three days when someone is saying they are sick but are still actively trying to maintain contact. Note in those three days how many times the OP stated this person made contact or initiated contact. Do you people really believe that someone who was trying to get out of a relationship or rather a burgeoning relationship is going to initiate contact? that's bordering on insane. You are talking about reading emotion into an emotionless format and making decisions based on that. This was over an incredibly short space of time and seemingly their are alot of very fit and healthy people on here who have never been sick and not really on form.

^^^^
OP That response is not actually aimed at you.


I would say however that if I was this guy I wouldn't have wanted any more contact with you after the way you initially acted but I would have had the decency to at least respond to your apology.

Great point Stephen but him not replying to my apology and wanting to meet again really says alot. That is a little harsh btw, he was cold and distant and I didn't want to be messed around so I called it quit's, although I realised I made a mistake and told him that too.

easychair

wealthyman wrote: »

No I was his type, I know that for sure, he liked everything about me, it was obvious, he couldn't take his hands off me. Well I have learnt to be wary of guys getting too full on at the start and take it with a pinch of salt. Also never to have any sexual contact on the first date, not that I ever did, it just felt right with him.

You'll understand that its hard to understand why, if someone liked everything about you, why if you were his type and he was so into you, that it's hard for me to understand why he appears to be avoiding you.

Miss Fluff

I think you need to cool the jets.

I also think you need to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. There is a really horrid dose of a cold going around, which I have myself, and it makes you feel weak as a kitten and feeling very sorry for oneself!

I'd always be wary of a change in someone's behaviour yes, but you don't really know this guy and a shift in behaviour is certainly plausible if he is feeling rotten.

Do you really want to be that cynical that you just flounce off without really giving him a chance?

And how on earth can he possibly know what he wants after two short dates?!! I'm blessed to be with an amazing man who I love very much but I certainly didn't know what I wanted after two short dates.

Send him a nice text this evening and enquire how he is. Just reopen the lines of communication again organically. Tell him you don't want to lose touch either and if it feels right suggest a date when he's better. You guys genuinely seemed to have a connection so you can't ignore that.

Look, he may turn out to be a total turnip but at least give him a chance to show you otherwise.

pourquoi

I think you slightly jumped the gun dumping him by text because of a few distant responses. Maybe talk to him face-to-face about the whole thing? That way you can get a better idea of where both of you are at.

wealthyman

Thank you Miss Fluff.

As much as I want to text him I wont be. As I said I text him Sunday telling him I made a mistake and I was sorry, asked him if he wanted to meet in the future, and that it was ok if he didn't, he never replied. Therefore the ball is in his court and I would only look desperate if I was to text again. I would much prefer to keep my dignity and respect, I'm not the type of person to ask twice or chase a guy especially if he didn't reply to my last text.

easychair

wealthyman wrote: »

Thank you Miss Fluff.

As much as I want to text him I wont be. As I said I text him Sunday telling him I made a mistake and I was sorry, asked him if he wanted to meet in the future, and that it was ok if he didn't, he never replied. Therefore the ball is in his court and I would only look desperate if I was to text again. I would much prefer to keep my dignity and respect, I'm not the type of person to ask twice or chase a guy especially if he didn't reply to my last text.

I know from experience sometimes texts aren't delivered. I'm still not sure what you have learned about yourself from this experience. Can you tell us what age you are, and what age he is?

wealthyman

easychair wrote: »

I know from experience sometimes texts aren't delivered. I'm still not sure what you have learned about yourself from this experience. Can you tell us what age you are, and what age he is?

I have already told you what I have learnt from this and gave both our ages It also says on my phone the text was delivered, checked my sent messages. I know his phone was powered off when it sent but he would of got it.

wayfarers

In defence of the OP, if a guy is showering you with "you're so hot and amazing looking" style texts and Facebook messages before they've even gone on a date that would set alarm bells ringing for me. TBH and I hope I'm wrong and not being too cynical but to me it sounds like the guy with the 'chest infection' was probably hoping to get his leg over on the first date and as it hadn't materialised by the second date he's lost interest in the OP. No one can be so gushing and enthusiastic about someone they've only just met for it all to go tits up within a week.

stephen_n

wayfarers wrote: »

In defence of the OP, if a guy is showering you with "you're so hot and amazing looking" style texts and Facebook messages before they've even gone on a date that would set alarm bells ringing for me. TBH and I hope I'm wrong and not being too cynical but to me it sounds like the guy with the 'chest infection' was probably hoping to get his leg over on the first date and as it hadn't materialised by the second date he's lost interest in the OP. No one can be so gushing and enthusiastic about someone they've only just met for it all to go tits up within a week.

Then why do you think would he continue to initiate contact on multiple occasions?

wayfarers

stephen_n wrote: »

Then why do you think would he continue to initiate contact on multiple occasions?

Why do I think who would initiate contact? OP or the other guy? If its with regards to the other guy I would probably say he was a bit of a time waster and flakey. To go from being totally gushing and effusive in his admiration towards the OP and then just as quickly blow cold I would think he's a bit of a p*ss taker to boot.

easychair

I think it might also be gleaned that the OP is a little naive, and that he seems to think its fins to let the other lad make all the running might have made the other guy think twice about the response.

The example also highlights that its invariably a mistake to try to conduct a relationship by text or email, the tone of which is often misunderstood. The OP doesn't seem to have come to that realisation yet, and its likely that if he largely conducts the next relationship by text or email, it will have a similar outcome.

stephen_n

wayfarers wrote: »

Why do I think who would initiate contact? OP or the other guy? If its with regards to the other guy I would probably say he was a bit of a time waster and flakey. To go from being totally gushing and effusive in his admiration towards the OP and then just as quickly blow cold I would think he's a bit of a p*ss taker to boot.

The other guy who continued to try and make contact despite stating that he was sick, while communicating through the most emotionally void form of communication possible! But yes flakey time waster and piss taker of course is the most logical conclusion! I wonder when you look out the window do you assume that the sun is following you around :rolleyes:

stephen_n

easychair wrote: »

I think it might also be gleaned that the OP is a little naive, and that he seems to think its fins to let the other lad make all the running might have made the other guy think twice about the response.

The example also highlights that its invariably a mistake to try to conduct a relationship by text or email, the tone of which is often misunderstood. The OP doesn't seem to have come to that realisation yet, and its likely that if he largely conducts the next relationship by text or email, it will have a similar outcome.

I'm not entirely sure that's fair at all and I would say the OP has defenitely learned from this experience if you bother to read his responses and his subsequent actions in apologizing and admitting he was wrong to react that way! Love and attraction make us all act irrationally either one way or the other, some become extremely defended some become distant to protect themselves negotiating these difficulties are just some of the painful lessons of life but there is rarely ever a right or wrong in this!

wayfarers

stephen_n wrote: »

The other guy who continued to try and make contact despite stating that he was sick, while communicating through the most emotionally void form of communication possible! But yes flakey time waster and piss taker of course is the most logical conclusion! I wonder when you look out the window do you assume that the sun is following you around :rolleyes:

I wonder when you trawl thru' boards do you assume that every comment in some way reflects who you are as an individual?

wayfarers

easychair wrote: »

I think it might also be gleaned that the OP is a little naive, and that he seems to think its fins to let the other lad make all the running might have made the other guy think twice about the response.

The example also highlights that its invariably a mistake to try to conduct a relationship by text or email, the tone of which is often misunderstood. The OP doesn't seem to have come to that realisation yet, and its likely that if he largely conducts the next relationship by text or email, it will have a similar outcome.

But the other guy did more than just 'all the running'. He showered OP with over the top compliments based essentially on Facebook photos. TBH I don't think that's exactly normal rational behaviour. It seemed a bit full on and OP assumed the guy was genuine.

wealthyman

easychair wrote: »

I think it might also be gleaned that the OP is a little naive, and that he seems to think its fins to let the other lad make all the running might have made the other guy think twice about the response.

The example also highlights that its invariably a mistake to try to conduct a relationship by text or email, the tone of which is often misunderstood. The OP doesn't seem to have come to that realisation yet, and its likely that if he largely conducts the next relationship by text or email, it will have a similar outcome.

Look I am not naive, if that is what my post reflected then I can understand but I'm an intelligent guy, thanks very much :rolleyes: It really annoys me when you reply to the thread without reading any of my responces. I fully understand how texts can be misinterpreted and I stated that I had learned from that so don't start that with me.

stephen_n wrote: »

The other guy who continued to try and make contact despite stating that he was sick, while communicating through the most emotionally void form of communication possible! But yes flakey time waster and piss taker of course is the most logical conclusion! I wonder when you look out the window do you assume that the sun is following you around :rolleyes:

???

stephen_n wrote: »

I'm not entirely sure that's fair at all and I would say the OP has defenitely learned from this experience if you bother to read his responses and his subsequent actions in apologizing and admitting he was wrong to react that way! Love and attraction make us all act irrationally either one way or the other, some become extremely defended some become distant to protect themselves negotiating these difficulties are just some of the painful lessons of life but there is rarely ever a right or wrong in this!

Thank you!

wayfarers wrote: »

But the other guy did more than just 'all the running'. He showered OP with over the top compliments based essentially on Facebook photos. TBH I don't think that's exactly normal rational behaviour. It seemed a bit full on and OP assumed the guy was genuine.

It wasn't based entirely on Facebook pictures, true he was blown away with how I looked on facebook but when he met me in reality he told me I looked even more good looking, infact on our first date he told me after that when he got up to go to the toilet he assumed I would have got up and ran away because he was intimidated by how good looking I was. I did think it was a strange thing to say and I sure wouldn't say it. I don't even know if he meant any of it now? Regardless anyway not being cocky but I know I am good looking and fit bodywise so I do get alot of attention from both boys and girls so I'm sure it wasn't an act.

brokenice

Annasopra

brokenice wrote: »

What's your point?

ongarboy

Hi OP,

I think you have learnt from this experience which is a good thing. It's probably the only positive outcome of a bad experience in relationships is that one can learn from them and be more aware of how to deal with such situations if they arise again.

I know that people try to assume everyone is initially genuine and you should continue with that assumption. I still can't say for certain if this guy was actually genuine or not as I don't think anyone knows the full facts but in the early days of a blossoming relationship, the pros (fun, excitement, mystery, attention paid to eachother etc) must outweigh the cons (being let down, blanked, ignored). Unfortunately, this hasn't happened in this case.

From how you describe yourself (both looks and appearance as well as your genuine, sound personality coming through on this thread) I would think you should have no problem meeting someone else who will be the right one for you. Go out there and start looking - preferably the real rather than the virtual online world!

wealthyman wrote: »

Look I am not naive, if that is what my post reflected then I can understand but I'm an intelligent guy, thanks very much :rolleyes: It really annoys me when you reply to the thread without reading any of my responces. I fully understand how texts can be misinterpreted and I stated that I had learned from that so don't start that with me.


It wasn't based entirely on Facebook pictures, true he was blown away with how I looked on facebook but when he met me in reality he told me I looked even more good looking, infact on our first date he told me after that when he got up to go to the toilet he assumed I would have got up and ran away because he was intimidated by how good looking I was. I did think it was a strange thing to say and I sure wouldn't say it. I don't even know if he meant any of it now? Regardless anyway not being cocky but I know I am good looking and fit bodywise so I do get alot of attention from both boys and girls so I'm sure it wasn't an act.

wayfarers

It wasn't based entirely on Facebook pictures, true he was blown away with how I looked on facebook but when he met me in reality he told me I looked even more good looking, infact on our first date he told me after that when he got up to go to the toilet he assumed I would have got up and ran away because he was intimidated by how good looking I was. I did think it was a strange thing to say and I sure wouldn't say it. I don't even know if he meant any of it now? Regardless anyway not being cocky but I know I am good looking and fit bodywise so I do get alot of attention from both boys and girls so I'm sure it wasn't an act.[/QUOTE]

Pics please!

easychair

wayfarers wrote: »

It wasn't based entirely on Facebook pictures, true he was blown away with how I looked on facebook but when he met me in reality he told me I looked even more good looking, infact on our first date he told me after that when he got up to go to the toilet he assumed I would have got up and ran away because he was intimidated by how good looking I was. I did think it was a strange thing to say and I sure wouldn't say it. I don't even know if he meant any of it now? Regardless anyway not being cocky but I know I am good looking and fit bodywise so I do get alot of attention from both boys and girls so I'm sure it wasn't an act.

As Dame Edna might say, not only are you good looking, but the nice thing about you is that you know you are good looking!

mikemac

easychair wrote: »

One lesson I learnt a very long time ago was never to conduct a conversation by text or email. It can come over as cold ( as the OP said) and can serve to be so easily misinterpreted.

Good advice for anyone

Like a sly put down meant as a joke can come across as an awful insult. :eek:

Leave aside the texting OP and don't be stressing over the xxxxxxxx

wealthyman

Hiya,

Just thought I would tell you that I discovered today that this guy changed his status on Facebook to 'being in a relationship' less than two weeks after we parted. I will take that as closure on the subject, although thankfully I got over him and the whole incident and am really glad I kept my dignity and didn't contact him in the months that followed. So the 'chest infection' never actually was. I guess he eirther met someone else or went back to his ex. Regardless I couldn't care less about him but I feel the need to take an STD test just to be on the safe side, despite only engaging in oral. Anyway I'm happy now, at least I know I wasn't the problem.