Used an escort last night, feel horrible

LegacyUser

Please help. I stupidly used an escort last night and today I feel absolutely sh*t about it

I'm single, mid twenties and was a virgin. I was insanely drunk and me and a mate phoned one up and got a taxi up to her. It was such a stupid stupid stupid thing to do. I can't look myself in the mirror anymore.

I was really nervous and hesitant about it and was going to leave it just before we went in (we went in separately). But my mate pressed me on and I went in. I was super nervous but it was all very mechanical. The sex was crap basically and it didn't feel like such a big thing afterwards, in fact I felt fine. It was just like a transaction.

But today I feel terrible and ashamed of myself for what I've done. I wish I wish I didn't do it. I didn't even think about the health consequences - I don't know why, I was just too drunk. She put on a condom for the sex but she gave me a blowjob first without one on. Now my brain is wracked with thoughts of STDs

Why the hell did I do it? As I said I was fine last night but this morning I can't get over it. I feel like such a sleezebag. Imagine how disgusted people would be if they found out. Stupid, stupid thing to do :mad:

What's worse is that I paid for it and I never thought about the health risk. I feel like absolute sh*te Maybe it's the hangover too.

I want to forget about this episode completely. I will never, ever mention it to anyone. But now it feels as if I have a big secret hanging over me.

Oh god what on earth did I do? Stupid stupid stupid

Please Help

I am a friend

You dont get insanely drunk again, dont go to hookers and go get sti checks done before you go near another girl....

Miss Fluff

You can't "undo" it so I think putting yourself through hell and beating yourself up about it is counter-productive really. What's done is done.

I guess in future if booze causes you to behave in a way that makes you ashamed and that you regret so excessively the next day then perhaps you may need to examine the way you use alcohol?

On a practical note you should go and get yourself checked for STDs, there's a sticky at the top of PI.

You've got a ghastly hangover with probably a gargantuan helping of "the fear" so I'm sure that's not helping you today. You did something that you regret and which you don't want to repeat, learn from it and move on.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Well tbh in my eyes that's just about the scummyiest thing a man can do. However, you do regret it and you seem to have learned that it's not something you enjoy so I'll spare you the lecture. As the others said go get an STI check. You're hung over so I'd say you have the guilts, I'd say you'll feel a bit better tomorrow. If not you could maybe make a donation towards a women's charity, might help ease the conscience a wee bit. We all do stupid things when drunk at 20 so try not to be too hard on yourself. Just watch the amount you drink from now on. As MsFluff said, lesson learned, move on.

Best of luck

Overheal

I wouldn't be this panicked about it. Sure, it's advisable to get an STI check. Why hysterical though? Probably just because you haven't acting on this idea yet. Take a moment to just chill _________________ and breathe. An STI test will take time before you know the results, and furthermore: there is nothing you can do to change the circumstances now - you either have one or you don't, so I wouldn't waste too much energy being panicked about it. Though I do recommend a shower simply to calm your nerves.

Also, who is going to find out about this? Probably nobody. Is your mate going to blab? Probably not. Can you keep this information to yourself? Bloody well likely. You have your first dirty little secret and you'll simply have to learn to live with it. I can certainly think of worst dirty secrets to have hanging over your head: my friend's brother, and his other half-sister? It can always be worse. This would be rated as slightly above mild in the world of dirty secrets I figure.

Ultimately you are no longer a "Virgin" and hopefully you have a more realistic idea of what the physical sensation is and not the imagined event that you probably allowed to build up for yourself. That's not to say actual sex with a real partner won't wind up being far more enjoyable but you should find this will probably calm you don't a bit around women, to where your mind isn't incessantly racing about/hoping for sexual encounter.

Finally alcohol as you know simply removes your inhibitions. It doesn't possess you to do things you didn't already want to do. But keep in mind if you drink too much you're of course going to do things you wish you hadn't done. We all can think of things we've thought about doing but would never reasonably wish to carry them out.

You had an experience for good or for bad so hopefully you took something out of it (and I don't mean an STI).

Magicmatilda

Not much you can do about it now. You will just have to learn to move on really. I suppose if the issue of your virginity was playing heavy on your mind then at least that is that sorted. Don't base your expectations of sex on this experience though. Its completely different to what you have decribed if you are with someone who you know and can be yourself and have a laugh with. I have never paid for sex but I know that sex with an emotional connection has always been better in my experience than sex without. Maybe try and focus now on meeting someone who you value as a person, someone you can have a laugh with, someone who understands you. If the experience of last night can take some pressure off your dealings with women then that might be a good thing. All that said, I do agree that perhaps you need to look at your drinking if you are doing things that leave you so deeply ashamed afterwards it might be time to cut down or cut in out.

One other thing that struck me, you used the word escort, surely that should be prostitute.

Dravokivich

Magicmatilda wrote: »

One other thing that struck me, you used the word escort, surely that should be prostitute.

It can be argued that there's a difference.

A Prosititute is usually associated with being picked up on the streets, while an Escort would be associated with working from an Apartment or Hotel Room.

I wouldn't worry about the fact that you've been with an Escort or paid to have sex. Would go so far as to say the sex wasn't too eventfull due to a combination of your first time, nerves and drink.

I along with the others would recommend an STI check, but I'd suggest that as something to do when you are in between sexual partners anyhow. The idea that it's being pressed above solely because you were with an Escort is ridiculas to me. An Escort would not open themselves up to a risk as that can impact on their ability to gain further business (a lot of which tends to be based on reputation from what I've seen of it). As long as you practiced safe sex with a condom the chances of a risk for yourself are reduced, as is safe sex with anyone.

Cunning Stunt

I don't see the big issue to be honest. If the OP is worried about having contracted an STI then of course he should get checked, just to put his mind at ease - but really, we're talking about two consenting adults here. It's not like the OP was involved in animal sex or something..

OP, if you feel that bad after it then don't do it again but please stop beating yourself up about it. We live and learn!

alex73

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

I don't see the big issue to be honest. If the OP is worried about having contracted an STI then of course he should get checked, just to put his mind at ease - but really, we're talking about two consenting adults here. It's not like the OP was involved in animal sex or something..

OP, if you feel that bad after it then don't do it again but please stop beating yourself up about it. We live and learn!

Prostitutes consenting to sex for Money is not really consensual sex. No love, humanly speaking sex is a lot more than just the act. She may have consented to perform, but most women who have sex for money would rather not if they could make the money by other means. Irish prostitutes are usually from lower income backgrounds, little education, or trafficked here from eastern Europe asia. They "consent" ok.. lets say its not rape, But did they really consent to that lifestyle, no most of them didn't.

Anyway the OP regrets it, because in truth paying a women to perform an act is pathetic. Men should be real men and act like one.

John Mason

op, you probably just have the hungover blues.

you will be fine in a few days.

try not to think about, think about booking an STI check up.

as for paying for it, tbh, i really dont see much difference between paying cash or sex and paying for drinks in club for a ONS either way you are paying for sex one is just more up front then the other

stop beating yourself up about it

Silverfish

Just a note:
If you wish to debate the rights and wrongs of prostitution, please use the Humanities forum, this forum is for advice.

alex73

Advice to OP. Learn from it and move on. its human to fall sometimes. Learn from your mistakes, It will make you a better person.

LegacyUser

I did the same thing myself OP back in my mid twenties. I was abroad, drunk, and a virgin and the other guys went to hookers and so did I. Like you, I regretted it afterwards. I didn't really enjoy it and I didn't even "finish" so to speak.

I beat myself up about it for a long time after that but I finally got over it. I was paranoid that I had caught an STD also even though I felt fine. I went and got tested anyway and the results came back clear.

Sounds like you regret it and I think that is punishment enough. Like others have said, the hangover probably isn't helping.

Also I would ignore what a previous poster said about it being the scummiest thing a man can do. That might be their opinion, but it certainly isn't the scummiest thing someone can do, far from it.

Firetrap

What's done is done and you'll have to live with it. There's no point in beating yourself up about it now. Go get tested for STIs and use the entire experience for the good. In other words, never have unprotected sex again and never use an escort again. On the positive side of things, now that you have lost your virginity, you've got an inkling of how sex works and it should help you should the opportunity arise.

If you feel guilty about the morality of the sex industry, make a donation to Ruhama which helps women involved in prostitution.

LegacyUser

Op,i think what you did was quiet minor in my eyes,you could had done something worse like assaulted or murder someone when you where out of your mind drunk so its nothing.

i don't think anyone would find out unless you actually told them,even that everyday in the papers we usually read reports of those who we least expect caught using these services!.

Many young men go abroad and would do the same thing you probably feel shame because it happened locally.

Do go for an std test if you need to put your mind at ease and put this down to an experience.

kjl

Don't worry about it OP you were drunk and your desire got the best of you. You are feeling guilty that you did something wrong, but you didn't. You don't have a girlfriend so it's not like you were cheating.

I made the same mistake about 5 years ago and I know exactly how you felt about the guilt. For me I felt what I did was completely out of character and felt so weird about the whole situation.

I wouldn't worry about STI's, get yourself checked by all means, but you are much more likely to get an STI from someone who is not a escort than someone who is.

As for the shame, well I can assure you in a few weeks you will be over it, if not by sooner. Just chalk it down to experience and leave it at that

Catari Jaguar

The fact that you feel bad about it shows that you're actually a pretty decent and ethical person. I highly doubt you'd do it again given your reaction. A lot of men do it regularly and feel no guilt at all. Many virginity losses are just drunken one night stands anyways so I wouldn't worry about it. Get checked for STDs and chalk it up to experience.

discus

cherub rock wrote: »

The fact that you feel bad about it shows that you're actually a pretty decent and ethical person. I highly doubt you'd do it again given your reaction. A lot of men do it regularly and feel no guilt at all. Many virginity losses are just drunken one night stands anyways so I wouldn't worry about it. Get checked for STDs and chalk it up to experience.

Yeah, move on. Don't dwell on it. Believe me, a lot of lads go through that no matter what random woman they end up losing their virginity to. For myself, I was wracked afterwards! I didn't want to have to tell any future girlfriends of who I rode for my first time, practically kept me single for a year before I snapped out of it!

Get a check done. You wrapped up - smart man - and you'll need to get a check done in a week or two.

STIs: Come in 2 main forms. Viral (with you for life, incurable) and Bacterial (cured with 1 pill most of the time)

There are few that you can contract from oral. If she had any coldsores, you might catch herpes (viral) but you'd have seen it. You can also contract Chlamydia (bacterial) if she has oral chlamidya, which I've never heard of!

You should be fine though. Get checked regardless, and chalk it down to experience. You've got a long life ahead of ya, you don't always get through unscathed!

IrishEyes19

goingur wrote: »

I did the same thing myself OP back in my mid twenties. I was abroad, drunk, and a virgin and the other guys went to hookers and so did I. Like you, I regretted it afterwards. I didn't really enjoy it and I didn't even "finish" so to speak.

I beat myself up about it for a long time after that but I finally got over it. I was paranoid that I had caught an STD also even though I felt fine. I went and got tested anyway and the results came back clear.

Sounds like you regret it and I think that is punishment enough. Like others have said, the hangover probably isn't helping.

Also I would ignore what a previous poster said about it being the scummiest thing a man can do. That might be their opinion, but it certainly isn't the scummiest thing someone can do, far from it.

Was just thinking the same thing, now I dont agree with escorts and so on.....but as far as being the scummiest thing.......I can think of about 50 things far more scummy of the top of my head someone could do. I think that comment was very unfair. You are young, you made a mistake, but its going to be fine. Just to clear your mind, get checked and move on, and dont worry. you've had a shock now, but dont be ashamed. People all do things when they are young that are regretful, and this doesnt lessen you as a person, as you can see from the posts here, no one is being judgemental. Just learn from it, you didnt like it, so stay clear of it again.

Nulty

alex73 wrote: »

Prostitutes consenting to sex for Money is not really consensual sex. No love, humanly speaking sex is a lot more than just the act. She may have consented to perform, but most women who have sex for money would rather not if they could make the money by other means. Irish prostitutes are usually from lower income backgrounds, little education, or trafficked here from eastern Europe asia. They "consent" ok.. lets say its not rape, But did they really consent to that lifestyle, no most of them didn't.

Anyway the OP regrets it, because in truth paying a women to perform an act is pathetic. Men should be real men and act like one.

Yeah, like bin men don't grow up thinking how cool it'd be to handle garbage. :rolleyes:

Being sold into bin-man slavery is another matter!

Don't start talking about things you really know nothing about, please.

Nulty

To respond to the OP:

The only SERIOUS issue here is the STD test. The rest is in your head. I'd like to know was the escort friendly, did she seem like a decent person over all? People tend to forget (like the person I quoted above) that many of these girls choose to go into their business. They enjoy their work, provide a service and deserve better than to be called the "scummiest thing".

It's all a matter of perspective of course but in reality the fact of paying for sex is not hurting anyone if two adults consent. You and she consented so in your case there is no real moral dilemma here. If you regret what you chose to do under the influence of alcohol, thats your problem, not hers. Do the guys in Burger King wonder if you'll regret the Whopper you buy at 4.30 in the morning on O'Connell street?

Get the STD test and learn from your mistake.

OP what's done is done. You can't really do anything to change it - perhaps alter your way of looking at it. You tried something new and it just wasn't for you.

But it's also important not to base how you see sex on this. It gets so so much better, I promise! Especially when it's with someone you feel a connection with!

As for STIs, if the escort was part of an agency, I would hope that they have to get checks done themselves? I have absolutely no experience in this area, but it's what I would hope happens. However, if it's on your mind so much then you should go get a check!

You feel bad now. Give it time, it will not bother you as much in time.

alex73

Nulty wrote: »

Yeah, like bin men don't grow up thinking how cool it'd be to handle garbage. :rolleyes:

Being sold into bin-man slavery is another matter!

Don't start talking about things you really know nothing about, please.

The MOD already said this Forum is about giving advice. So I won't waste time on the wrongs of prostitution. (it still remains illegal to pay for Sex.)

Not sure why you think a bin-Man is the same as a prostitute. Reality is in Ireland most women are forced into it, trafficked into to it. (otherwise I would not have so many women at our counselling centre) so I do know a thing or three about it.


Anyway, the main thing is the OP knows paying for sex was wrong and will get over it.

seenitall

alex73 wrote: »

it still remains illegal to pay for Sex.

Wrong. Is that one of the "one or three things" you "know"?

"Anyway, the main thing is" that most of the responses in this thread have been non-judgmental, non-moralistic and helpful to the OP.

As BABM said, it feels bad now, OP, but it won't last. My guess is you are feeling better already.

King of Kings

alex73 wrote: »

The MOD already said this Forum is about giving advice. So I won't waste time on the wrongs of prostitution. (it still remains illegal to pay for Sex.)

Not sure why you think a bin-Man is the same as a prostitute. Reality is in Ireland most women are forced into it, trafficked into to it. (otherwise I would not have so many women at our counselling centre) so I do know a thing or three about it.


Anyway, the main thing is the OP knows paying for sex was wrong and will get over it.

His point (which I believe you are purposely being obtuse on) is that we all end up in situations we didn't plan on being in. It doesn't make it wrong.

Reality is that most women are not forced into it in Ireland.
In a counselling centre you will only see problem cases.

What you are really saying if that YOU think it is wrong - others don't once it is between consenting adults. And it's far from the worst thing that could go on.

The OP needs decide if it it's not for him not to do it again and get tested for STIs if he is really that bothered about it. That's all.

Personally I think he is suffering from "the fear" or what i like to call the depression after a session when you can feel down the next day after a drinking session.

Mike Strutter

ohgodwhatdidido wrote: »

Please help. I stupidly used an escort last night and today I feel absolutely sh*t about it

I'm single, mid twenties and was a virgin. I was insanely drunk and me and a mate phoned one up and got a taxi up to her. It was such a stupid stupid stupid thing to do. I can't look myself in the mirror anymore.

I was really nervous and hesitant about it and was going to leave it just before we went in (we went in separately). But my mate pressed me on and I went in. I was super nervous but it was all very mechanical. The sex was crap basically and it didn't feel like such a big thing afterwards, in fact I felt fine. It was just like a transaction.

But today I feel terrible and ashamed of myself for what I've done. I wish I wish I didn't do it. I didn't even think about the health consequences - I don't know why, I was just too drunk. She put on a condom for the sex but she gave me a blowjob first without one on. Now my brain is wracked with thoughts of STDs

Why the hell did I do it? As I said I was fine last night but this morning I can't get over it. I feel like such a sleezebag. Imagine how disgusted people would be if they found out. Stupid, stupid thing to do :mad:

What's worse is that I paid for it and I never thought about the health risk. I feel like absolute sh*te Maybe it's the hangover too.

I want to forget about this episode completely. I will never, ever mention it to anyone. But now it feels as if I have a big secret hanging over me.

Oh god what on earth did I do? Stupid stupid stupid

Please Help

Stop your whining,

I use escorts all the time, it's cheaper in the long run and most of the time the sex is great, although now and then u get a dud.

You probably feel **** as u popped your cherry.

My first time was **** too but it gets better.

You don't have an STD, escorts usually use condoms, they insist on them.

So stop beating yourself up and chill.

Ickle Magoo

Alex73 infracted for ignoring mod warning.

If anyone has an issue with a post or poster then please use the report function.

As has already been stated, this is an advice forum - if you wish to have a discussion or debate then take it to pm or the relevant forum.

Please keep replies on-topic and helpful to the OP and that does not mean by addressing another poster and throwing a line to the OP at the end.

Thanks.

Nulty

@ OP:

Regardless of whether condoms are used, an STI test is recommended. Sex workers get them regularly because condoms are not fool-proof and fail-safe. They are only 99% reliable. Get the STI test, forget about the rest and move on. It's not something that's going to haunt you for the rest of your life. You're not going to have flash backs and nightmares about it.

goose2005

alex73 wrote: »

Prostitutes consenting to sex for Money is not really consensual sex. No love, humanly speaking sex is a lot more than just the act. She may have consented to perform, but most women who have sex for money would rather not if they could make the money by other means.

Most people who gut fish, work in slaughterhouses, sweep the roads, work in sewage etc. etc. would rather not. Lots of jobs are unpleasant, but most of them pay €9 an hour, not €150+.

Irish prostitutes are usually from lower income backgrounds, little education, or trafficked here from eastern Europe asia. They "consent" ok.. lets say its not rape, But did they really consent to that lifestyle, no most of them didn't.

Very little evidence of "trafficking" again. It's certainly an unpleasant job,but so are lots of jobs.

Anyway the OP regrets it, because in truth paying a women to perform an act is pathetic. Men should be real men and act like one.

Pathetic
1. Arousing pity, esp. through vulnerability or sadness.
2. Miserably inadequate.

Both definitions can apply to johns...

Klingon Hamlet

You didn't hurt anyone,I personally thing the biggest shame is really that your First Time was as a customer, rather than a lover. But what's done is done.

I'd hazard a guess, that you needed dutch courage to cross that threshold, and that paying for the service rather than wooing a lady seemed the only option. You need a confidence boost and a wake-up call. Sharing a bed with someone like that only exposes you to god-knows-what STIs and leaves you feeling empty.

(I won't presume to know how the escort felt: it's her "job", she may love it or hate it, but this issue is really about you.)

Think of it as a rather harsh life lesson. Ignore any instinct to repeat history. Go out there and find someone you want to be with.:)

CrazyRabbit

OP...if this is the worst mistake you make in your life, you'll have done well.

As the saying goes...we're only human.

KittyeeTrix

Honestly OP, get an STI test done and then stop tormenting yourself over this!!
You are certainly not scummy so pay no heed to any suggestions otherwise!!
You made a choice which you've ended up regretting but will have learnt from it.
Forget about it and move on:)

Ickle Magoo

goose2005 infracted for ignoring two mod warnings.

Just to re-iterate - this is an advice forum, not a discussion forum. Offer the OP some constructive advice or don't post at all.

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

Icyseanfitz

OP we all live and learn, no need to beat yourself up about it, hell the fact that you are beating yourself up about it is a sign that you are a decent person, most people wouldnt bat an eyelid at this,

you said you where a virgin so i presume you are not in relationship so to me anyway it isnt a big deal (my view) hell ive done worse stuff while drunk and i feel all those hiccups and mistakes have made me into a better man, dont sweat it lad just get a checkup for an sti and if you dont want to do it again dont