Single invite to wedding

Midnight Sundance

Hi,
I was wondering what people's opinions are on single invites to a wedding.
I'm single and was invited to a friends wedding. I will probably know a few people there, as in to say hello to but wouldn't have seen or talked to them in a long time, nor have I much inclination to have much of a conversation with them either.
I've been invited with no +1. I do understand the cost of weddings but I'm dreading going by myself, spending the day by myself n perhaps latching on to someone whom ive not seen in years for the sake of it.
There's no question of not going as I want to see my friend married n celebrate her big day but I'm dreading looking and feeling like some lonely, desperate dateless person .
Am I terrible to feel a bit miffed at not getting a +1 invite?

Joe10000

If are not with someone then a +1 cannot be expected and there is no need to be miffed. Weddings are the easiest events to socialise at so I would look forward to it if I was you.

Bride2012

Joe10000 wrote: »

If are not with someone then a +1 cannot be expected and there is no need to be miffed. Weddings are the easiest events to socialise at so I would look forward to it if I was you.

+1 on many wedding ettiquette sites they say that unless a couple is living together or obviously long term then you don't have to plus one and definately don't have to for single. I've been to one as a similar situation and everyone was so friendly, really easy to mingle.

Kooli

I think if you're not going as part of a gang of friends then it is a bit harsh to be invited without a +1. I know I'd have huge difficulty with it.
i've gone to plenty of weddings without my partner, but only with a group of friends. I'd find it really tough spending such a long day without my 'go to' person.

John Mason

i have been to many, many weddings as a single with no +1, where the only person i know has been either the bride or groom.

You will be grand, the bride will put you on table with like minded people and i am sure there will be loads of people told to look out for you.

also, a load of my friends met their significant others at weddings

Acoshla

I went to one wedding on my own, I was the bridesmaids' guest really and barely knew the bride and groom. A mutual friend of myself and the bridesmaids was going and she kind of took me on which was handy as I didn't know the local area well and she gave me lifts, introduced me to people etc. There was a great big table of us, singles and couples who were friends of the family and we had a great time, met my now boyfriend that day

k4899g

I wouldn't expect a plus one unless I was in a serious long term relationship to be honest. The cocktail/punch whatever reception is great for chatting and I'm sure that the couple will put people who are there alone together or with people they know on the table plan.

Heineken Helen

k4899g wrote: »

I wouldn't expect a plus one unless I was in a serious long term relationship to be honest. The cocktail/punch whatever reception is great for chatting and I'm sure that the couple will put people who are there alone together or with people they know on the table plan.

We only invited +1's based on whether they knew others or not, not based on the length of their relationship. I think it's pretty mean to invite someone on their own who doesn't know anybody . OP presumably there will be a hen party - these are usually specifically designed for people to bond before the wedding. If you really feel that uncomfortable, maybe you can explain how you're feeling to your friend and ask if you could bring a +1. All she can do is say no. We had one person ask if she could bring her boyfriend and, as she's a good friend anyway, we said yes.

kandr10

There's no way we were giving +1s to single people. Not to be mean or harsh but I didn't want some random stranger at my wedding, not least with the cost involved. It can be quite difficult cost wise to keep things down, like a lot of people won't have cousins or might relegate some friends to the 'afters'. So while it's not all about money...why should they pay for your friend to be there?
Besides, you'd be less likely to mingle if you were with someone who also may not know a lot of people there. Enjoy yourself and look forward to meeting up or catching up with people!

Midnight Sundance

Thanks for the replies. I guess I am just nervous about feeling like a third wheel to people and chatting for the sake of it.
As for people not inviting single people because they aren't married , I feel that's a bit unfair, would that mean I could invite someone I know to my wedding if I ever got married but not their partner because I don't know them.
I understand budgets etc but I do think that when someone doesn know others a +1 is not unreasonable .
I'll also be attending 3 other weddings this year and have no problem bringing no one as I will know lots of people at these .
Also this wedding is down the country and I'll have to travel on my own quite distance.
Would have been ok if I could go to hen but its abroad and I wouldn't be close enough to tag along anyways.

Gatica

I will probably know a few people there, as in to say hello to but wouldn't have seen or talked to them in a long time, nor have I much inclination to have much of a conversation with them either.

It sounds like you may know or be acquainted with some onf the people at the wedding. She may not be aware that you're not comfortable enough talking to them for the evening. If it bothers you that much, you should mention it to her.
It certainly would be inconsiderate to invite someone without a +1 if you don't know anyone else at the wedding. However, that doesn't seem to be 100% true in your situation, which could be why she didn't give you a +1.

Etiquette requires that you invite someone's significant other, which unfortunately doesn't include a mate or buddy you'd bring with you if you got a +1. Generally that's what people mean when they say they don't invite +1's for single friends - i.e. I don't think they mean un-married when they say single. The significant other usually covers not only married or engaged but also categories such as living together, seriously dating for a particularly long period of time, such as 2 years. However, when couples need to draw the line, they decide on which rules apply, e.g. someone may say only those living together and those dating whose bfs/gfs they know. Someone else may lay the rules down tighter or looser, depending on numbers and budget.

However, chances are you're not the only one coming solo to the wedding, so you're likely to bump into a few ppl in the same situation as you.
No reasonable person would for a second think less of you if you go alone or somehow tire of talking to you. You're bound to find good company there!

HairMonster

+1 to what Gatica says. You seem to be acquainted with some guests who'll be there so quite possible the couple assume you are friends and will be comfortable spending the say with them.
I would guess that they have also invited others without a +1 so its quite possible there will be a few of you, and I'm sure they'll consider this with their seating plan. When my OH was best man I was seated with a group of people I never met before including the groomsmans GF, instead of at a table with some acquaintances. I was dreading it but the couple had put us at a really fun table with some of their mates so it was actually great fun! So you never know, they may have thought about it and are not leaving you on your own.

Happy W

Unless I was going to know at least one other guest well or it was a relatives wedding I would say thanks but no thanks to that one.

TonyStark

yvonne23 wrote: »

Hi,
Am I terrible to feel a bit miffed at not getting a +1 invite?

Something simillar but different happened to me...

Was with my girlfriend for the guts of 4 years and my first cousin who was getting married. Sent one invite to the entire family, my dad..their uncle being deceased at the time.

The invite went along the lines of Mum,Myself,My Brother and then My Sister were all invited on the one invitation.

At the time my sister was heavily pregnant with her first child and the father of the child was not invited.

My girlfriend at the time only got invited when my brother due to work commitments declined an invite. I must say I was pissed off not getting a separate invite and still am quite annoyed that my sister had no one with her on that day. So I do understand where you are coming from, you should have a +1 invite.

bryaner

Just get smashed, make a show outa yourself and get sent home early simples..;)

Mr. Presentable

You are invited - go along and have a great time. You can't really expect an invitation for (what would be to the bride/groom) a stranger.

HairMonster

TonyStark wrote: »

Something simillar but different happened to me...

Was with my girlfriend for the guts of 4 years and my first cousin who was getting married. Sent one invite to the entire family, my dad..their uncle being deceased at the time.

The invite went along the lines of Mum,Myself,My Brother and then My Sister were all invited on the one invitation.

At the time my sister was heavily pregnant with her first child and the father of the child was not invited.

My girlfriend at the time only got invited when my brother due to work commitments declined an invite. I must say I was pissed off not getting a separate invite and still am quite annoyed that my sister had no one with her on that day. So I do understand where you are coming from, you should have a +1 invite.

Tony, I can see where you are coming from, but TBH this is a different situation. Firstly, you had a girlfriend of 4 years, the OP is single.

Secondly, when it gets to distant relatives, a family invitation is very common. Your sister was not on her own, she was invited along with the family. I've been included in family invites numerous times and I'm with my OH for over 10 years!
The couple are inviting the people they want to share their day with and most people are not close to their cousins in the first place so won't know their partners very well. Also some people can have a huge number of cousins so +1s will really bump up the numbers with guests they don't really know. Its really their prerogative on who they would like there to share their day.

Gatica

TonyStark wrote: »

Something simillar but different happened to me...

Was with my girlfriend for the guts of 4 years and my first cousin who was getting married. Sent one invite to the entire family, my dad..their uncle being deceased at the time.

The invite went along the lines of Mum,Myself,My Brother and then My Sister were all invited on the one invitation.

At the time my sister was heavily pregnant with her first child and the father of the child was not invited.

My girlfriend at the time only got invited when my brother due to work commitments declined an invite. I must say I was pissed off not getting a separate invite and still am quite annoyed that my sister had no one with her on that day. So I do understand where you are coming from, you should have a +1 invite.

I think in your situation the mistake they made is not updating their guest list... They did not take the change in circumstances in your family into account. Looks like you and your sister were truly grown up, if not moved out of the house, by the time the wedding was on. And the fact that they invited a deceased relative highlights the point.

That's not exactly the same as not inviting a single friend.

Gatica

I must apologise, looks like I misread your post

You got an invite for your parents and their children (i.e. you and your sister), which naturally didn't include your dad because he was deceased, right? (sorry to hear that, btw)

as previous poster said it's not uncommon to invite cousins by the one rather than with partners; personally, I do believe that it's inconsiderate to do that once the cousins are grown up and have partners of their own. However, wedding budgets often cannot allow for what tends to be a large extended family as well as their +1's. So one must prioritise in some way.

The family I'm marrying into has many cousins and it's understood between the family that you invite the cousins you are close to as well as their long-term partners, but are not expected to invite all the cousins. It works fine that way. We don't get invited to their weddings either, cos we don't know them all that well.
I suppose some people's cousins may take offence at not being invited at all, but it can't be both ways in large families and I guess some couple just pick one way or another of narrowing down their guest list.

TonyStark

Gatica wrote: »

I must apologise, looks like I misread your post

Indeed,it was a first cousin and he had only one uncle on his fathers side :-/ Pretty close to him up that point. So really IMHO it was poor etiquette on them not to issue individual invitations and then retrospectively to issue one for my gf.. To make up numbers. It looked bad. No question.

I think the point is that people should observe a certain decorum when it comes to wedding invites. Give the person the option to bring someone or not. Makes it an easier situation on all concerned. Of the OP had the chance to bring a friend it would alleviate any of the stress on them with turning up to an occasion on their own. Nothing worse than sitting at a table at a wedding with strangers or near strangers.

HairMonster

TonyStark wrote: »

I think the point is that people should observe a certain decorum when it comes to wedding invites. Give the person the option to bring someone or not. Makes it an easier situation on all concerned.

No offence Tony, but surely the decorum should be observed by the guests in respecting the couples decision of whom to invite? It doesn't make the day easier for the couple - if it did, they would have invited them in the first place!!
And it is their day, not the guests, so it is their prerogative to invite the people they want to share it with. Maybe they cannot afford a couple of grand extra for all the partners and extended family that would have liked an invitation; or maybe they simply don't want them there (I'm not referring to your particular case, but the same would apply - they would have to invite people they didn't want/like only to prevent the possibility that someone may be offended).

TonyStark wrote: »

Nothing worse than sitting at a table at a wedding with strangers or near strangers.

Actually, I think if the couple had to take out a loan to pay for a bigger wedding than they wanted, that would be worse for starters...

Tigger

never crossed my mind not to +1 everyone, one of my friends brought her female friend but thats company and a traveling partner and someone to share the room with

TonyStark

HairMonster wrote: »

No offence Tony, but surely the decorum should be observed by the guests in respecting the couples decision of whom to invite? It doesn't make the day easier for the couple - if it did, they would have invited them in the first place!!

Well that's one point but not a very realistic one. Sometimes you gotta invite people to things that you are not 100% happy with they call it life and you gotta suck it up. Your guests also have feelings and let's be honest they are the ones subbing your day at the end of it.

I look on marriage myself as a celebration of love. Not a memorable day out for just two people. At my wedding my priority is for the guests to have a good day as well as us so that we all walk away with good memories. If I have to invite people I am less than happy with I will just have to deal with it and I would expect my other half to come to terms with it as well.

paulbok

Our plan is currently not to have +1's for those we know are single. We'll review this before the invites are sent out, and If we know of anyone that starts going out with someone just before the day, we'll personally call them to invite the other half saying "we just heard about you and X, and of course they're invited."

HairMonster

TonyStark wrote: »

I look on marriage myself as a celebration of love. Not a memorable day out for just two people. At my wedding my priority is for the guests to have a good day as well as us so that we all walk away with good memories.

That's my point also - its a celebration of a couples love, not a party for everyone they know.

No one sets out to make their guests have a bad time. Believe me, we would all love to be able to bring everyone and keep everyone happy. However in reality this is impossible - when you start to organise the wedding and add up the costs, you realise it will cost an absolute fortune that most people simply can't afford. Sacrifices have to be made and this usually involves culling guests you are not close to. Otherwise you go into debt or don't have the wedding at all.

Do you honestly think its very fair to expect a couple to burden them with a debt just so they can pay for a single day out for guests they are not close to?

When you get married, you will realise how the guest list is one of the most difficult, expensive and contentious parts and you will understand that you have not been snubbed by those couple - they are simply doing their best juggling act on a limited budget.

ongarboy

When I was single, I had single invites as well as +1 invites. I didn't begrudge the bride and groom for not giving me the +1 option. In fact sometimes, the +1 option caused more hassle as you try to find someone to go with you.

I find at the weddings I didn't know anyone outside of the bride and groom, that usually they are considerate to put you at tables where there are other either similar age or single people so that you have a better chance of interacting. You might never see these people again but you can still have the craic for the one day with them. Even when I was put at a table with couples I didn't know, I didn't feel put out. I find couples are often delighted to talk to someone new other than themselves - it's not like they'll be snogging eachothers faces in front of you.

If you are afraid of looking like a desperate dateless lonely person as the OP stated, that is not the bride and groom's fault. That would be your own verdict of yourself and I very much doubt anyone else at the wedding would judge you that way. Look at the single invite as a new social opportunity - who knows you could meet a new partner or at least a new friend - it has known to happen.

surferdudz

for what its worth, i would feel very uncomfortable attending alone, even walking into the church , sitting alone, hoping a friendly face would make an effort ... I can remember costs being a very high consideration, but they should have issued a +1 and left it up to you ,

HairMonster

surferdudz wrote: »

I can remember costs being a very high consideration, but they should have issued a +1 and left it up to you ,

The problem is that its not just a matter of 1 extra person, you have to do it for ALL singles or family invitations, and that really adds up.

If the couple can't afford to invite a +1 for you and may not have close friends there (but you will know people), would you prefer not to be invited at all?

This is a genuine question to single people here, because we can't afford to invite everyone who thinks they should be invited and we'll have to cut numbers. All weddings have a budget, and usually go over, so saying "I'd rather a +1" is a given but simply not an option!! It never entered my head not to invite someone just because they were single, but if people are offended by not getting a +1 would they really prefer not to go at all?

Midnight Sundance

HairMonster wrote: »

surferdudz wrote: »

I can remember costs being a very high consideration, but they should have issued a +1 and left it up to you ,

The problem is that its not just a matter of 1 extra person, you have to do it for ALL singles or family invitations, and that really adds up.

If the couple can't afford to invite a +1 for you and may not have close friends there (but you will know people), would you prefer not to be invited at all?

This is a genuine question to single people here, because we can't afford to invite everyone who thinks they should be invited and we'll have to cut numbers. All weddings have a budget, and usually go over, so saying "I'd rather a +1" is a given but simply not an option!! It never entered my head not to invite someone just because they were single, but if people are offended by not getting a +1 would they really prefer not to go at all?

In response to your question, obviously I would prefer to go alone rather than not at all!!
In saying that I do believe that soon to be married couples should take into consideration the case of the single guests, I have no objection going to most weddings alone where I know others and don't have to travel hundreds of miles on my own and go to church hopin I mite "recognise " someone to talk to. I do not feel that I should be made feel uncomfortable and like a third wheel to people just because I am single!
If I had a boyfriend that they did not know or like too much he would still be going I presume so why can I not take someone to make me feel at ease for day?
Also if they day is just about the couple then why invite guests in first place?

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why +1's arent always issued but is it too much to ask that your guests are comfortabl and enjoy your day?
Ps is is not protocol tomake sure your wedding gift more than pays for your and guests meal? If so what's the problem with guest if you more thancompensate them for it?

Toto Wolfcastle

But you said in your OP that you know a few people going and as others have said, the bride and groom might not know that you don't want to talk to them.

TonyStark

HairMonster wrote: »

TonyStark wrote: »

I look on marriage myself as a celebration of love. Not a memorable day out for just two people. At my wedding my priority is for the guests to have a good day as well as us so that we all walk away with good memories.

Sacrifices have to be made and this usually involves culling guests you are not close to. Otherwise you go into debt or don't have the wedding at all.
.

That's a bit extreme, culling people.

Do you hire contract killers down the local ra den?! Or is it more apt because of the occasion to get in the Colombians.?!

On a less facetious point. If there is a danger of them not covering their cost then they should not be invited at all, whoever they are.

Personally I think it's in the main more profitable to have a couple at the wedding. My standard gift to people who aren't close family is 150 from both of us. Standard meal is 30 per person so profit would be 90.

If I were to go on my own would be inclined to put 100 in the envelope, leaving 70 profit for for the happy couple.

You could argue that two single invitations would yield more, but would they be as inclined as a couple to goto a wedding.... on their own? It's only if people goto a wedding they stump up serious cash.

The system breaks down if the meal was something outlandish and when people don't pay their way and give a gift.. Which happens more often than not.

Bride2012

TonyStark wrote: »

HairMonster wrote: »

TonyStark wrote: »

I look on marriage myself as a celebration of love. Not a memorable day out for just two people. At my wedding my priority is for the guests to have a good day as well as us so that we all walk away with good memories.

Sacrifices have to be made and this usually involves culling guests you are not close to. Otherwise you go into debt or don't have the wedding at all.
.

That's a bit extreme, culling people.

Do you hire contract killers down the local ra den?! Or is it more apt because of the occasion to get in the Colombians.?!

On a less facetious point. If there is a danger of them not covering their cost then they should not be invited at all, whoever they are.

Personally I think it's in the main more profitable to have a couple at the wedding. My standard gift to people who aren't close family is 150 from both of us. Standard meal is 30 per person so profit would be 90.

If I were to go on my own would be inclined to put 100 in the envelope, leaving 70 profit for for the happy couple.

You could argue that two single invitations would yield more, but would they be as inclined as a couple to goto a wedding.... on their own? It's only if people goto a wedding they stump up serious cash.

The system breaks down if the meal was something outlandish and when people don't pay their way and give a gift.. Which happens more often than not.

Standard wedding per head is usually nowhere near €30. Anyway the guest list is about who you want there, not how much money you can claw back. It's a wedding, not a business venture.cal ra den?! Or is it more apt because of the occasion to get in the Colombians.?!

On a less facetious point. If there is a danger of them not covering their cost then they should not be invited at all, whoever they are.

Personally I think it's in the main more profitable to have a couple at the wedding. My standard gift to people who aren't close family is 150 from both of us. Standard meal is 30 per person so profit would be 90.

If I were to go on my own would be inclined to put 100 in the envelope, leaving 70 profit for for the happy couple.

You could argue that two single invitations would yield more, but would they be as inclined as a couple to goto a wedding.... on their own? It's only if people goto a wedding they stump up serious cash.

The system breaks down if the meal was something outlandish and when people don't pay their way and give a gift.. Which happens more often than not.[/Quote]

Standard wedding per head is usually nowhere near €30. Anyway the guest list is about who you want there, not how much money you can claw back. It's a wedding, not a business venture.

TonyStark

Bride2012 wrote: »

Standard wedding per head is usually nowhere near €30. Anyway the guest list is about who you want there, not how much money you can claw back. It's a wedding, not a business venture.

Well no one wants to be in the poorhouse over it either.

Of course the guest list is about who you want there. Personally I would try to be as inclusive as possible with a wedding making sure everyone either knew someone there or had the opportunity to bring someone to make the day easier on them.

HairMonster

TonyStark wrote: »

Well no one wants to be in the poorhouse over it either.

Thats the point I've been trying to make to you from the start

TonyStark wrote: »

If there is a danger of them not covering their cost then they should not be invited at all, whoever they are.

..... ?!??!???!??!!?!?!! I'm in shock. If your brother or best friend was unemployed and you thought he couldn't afford a gift, you wouldn't invite them?????

I find your attitude to inviting guests very strange - you think its wrong not to give a +1 to everyone even if you barely know them, yet you believe you shouldn't invite anyone who won't give a big gift regardless of how close you are to them.... Are you organising a wedding or a fund raiser???

Most people would like to be able to afford to cover their cost but in reality not everyone can afford it... as Bride2012 says, €30 per head is a huge underestimate, and that's just the food - don't forget the wine, band, DJ and all the other extras you get as a guest. Also some people prefer to give a gift instead of money and others don't see the need to give a gift at all.

You cannot and should not expect to cover your cost from gifts. Its a very cynical way of making your guestlist. A wedding is about celebrating your love, and most people want to share it with family & friends they're close to, not their richest acquaintances....

Gatica

I think 30 a head is a gross underestimate of what a wedding costs. The stats collected by Mrs2be website show that the meal costs alone are evenly spread statistically, i.e. food pp in the 35-50 mark, 50-70 and >70 euro pp make up about 20-30% of weddings each. That means that well over 60% of weddings spend over 30 euro per person on food alone, then you have to add in other overhead such as drink with meal, toast, reception snacks and evening snacks (unless these were somehow part of of that estimate, but doesn't sound like it).
Gathering from posts about what people give on average at weddings, I think most people at our weddings will barely cover the cost of their presence. I certainly do not resent that as I already know that that's quite likely and is not my reason for inviting or not inviting them. I want them there whether they cover "their costs" or not.

EDIT/
looks like we've gone a bit off topic here. Weddings are expensive, most people try to cut costs by inviting those they want there, in this case they want the OP at the wedding but not a stranger from a +1; as already said they may be unaware you're apprehensive about not knowing the people there too well. The only way to solve that is to say you feel uncomfortable, either they'll let you bring someone or maybe try to introduce you to some friends that will be there on the day, say, at the hen, for example...

kandr10

yvonne23 wrote: »

I do not feel that I should be made feel uncomfortable and like a third wheel to people just because I am single!
If I had a boyfriend that they did not know or like too much he would still be going I presume so why can I not take someone to make me feel at ease for day?


Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why +1's arent always issued but is it too much to ask that your guests are comfortabl and enjoy your day?
Ps is is not protocol tomake sure your wedding gift more than pays for your and guests meal? If so what's the problem with guest if you more thancompensate them for it?

But wouldn't it just mean that the random friend you bring along would be even more awkward than you? Why put them through it? I think if I was in your situation, with an OH or not, it'd be awkward. You'd just feel like a pair of spare tools instead of one!

As regards covering the cost of the meal etc...granted you do get cash gifts which are more than generous but we definitely had people who couldn't afford to give us gifts (which we didn't care about cos they weren't invited for their gift). Point is, when you're planning a wedding you really can't rely on the generosity of your guests to pay for it. Besides, with a lot of hotels offering packages these days, there's often a cap on numbers. You just don't know the circumstances the b&g were in so just go and enjoy it!

We send out single invitations, but I will phone and tell people they can bring a plus 1 if they want, the reason we are doing that is because some people don't have a plus 1 and we don't want to put people under pressure to bring someone if they don't know someone to invite. It was my partner who made me aware of this as I had never though you might be making someone feel awkward if they don't have anyone to bring.

TonyStark

HairMonster wrote: »

Thats the point I've been trying to make to you from the start


..... ?!??!???!??!!?!?!! I'm in shock. If your brother or best friend was unemployed and you thought he couldn't afford a gift, you wouldn't invite them?????

You cannot and should not expect to cover your cost from gifts. Its a very cynical way of making your guestlist. A wedding is about celebrating your love, and most people want to share it with family & friends they're close to, not their richest acquaintances....

But my brother and best friend aren't unemployed... if they couldn't afford to go then I would just have to accept that... I might loan them some money for a pound of flesh like the monster you make me out to be...

Perhaps we are of a different makeup and the circle of friends that we both have. Anyone that I know that has got married has admitted of turning over a "profit" for the day.

I think that's acceptable to get a good start off in life. If you want to be soft enough and have a great day and end up penniless, that's your business and your welcome to it, but this is off topic IMHO. You won't convince me otherewise.

kandr10

TonyStark wrote: »

Perhaps we are of a different makeup and the circle of friends that we both have. Anyone that I know that has got married has admitted of turning over a "profit" for the day.

But is it not a bit silly to completely count on 'turning a profit' in the planning stage, and end up inviting more (strangers) than you can afford?

solovely

I agree with the OP.

I think lots of couples get so wrapped up in the day being all about them, that they overlook the happiness of the guests they have invited to share their special day.

Weddings can be hard enough and akward enough for single people at the best of times....hello, it's a day all about love and romance and here you are, one of 4-5 single people in a room full of love and romance, not nice at the best of times, but then to have it rubbed in your face, by being asked alone (and even worse being put on a table plan with your full name while all the happy couples get listed as John & Mary, Ann & Paul, etc).

So, come on, for the sake of the 4-5 singles you are inviting, have a bit of cop on and sensitivity and at least make them feel a bit less like a loner and add a +1! As people have said, you'll be compensated money wise so get over it!! Chances are they won't bring anyone anyway, but will feel a bit less put out.

To be honest, I've personally never brought a +1, as I'm a confident and outgoing person and usually go to weddings with a bunch of mates, but if it was a wedding where I didn't know anyone, I would be seriously peeved. It's like saying you are less worthwhile than your other mates, just cos you don't have a boyfriend/ girlfriend.

That argument of not wanting complete strangers at your wedding is bull, as how many people know all the boyfriend/ girlfriends of all their guests??? Very few I'd say! Plus, were I ever to feel the need to bring a +1 to a wedding (i.e. a wedding where I didn't know lots of other people), I'd make sure it was someone the couple knew and felt comfortable with, or else I'd run it by them first.

I do get that some people feel like they have to bring someone when they get a +1 invite. So, like MariaAlice suggested, it's nice to have a word with the singles and say they're welcome to bring one but not expected to. My friend did it the other way around though (as it makes me look like a lot less of a loner with the invite on the mantlepiece), she invited me with a +1 but told me to please not feel obliged to bring anyone. I won't be bringing anyone, but it's nice to know I could!

kandr10

solovely wrote: »

That argument of not wanting complete strangers at your wedding is bull, as how many people know all the boyfriend/ girlfriends of all their guests??? Very few I'd say! Plus, were I ever to feel the need to bring a +1 to a wedding (i.e. a wedding where I didn't know lots of other people), I'd make sure it was someone the couple knew and felt comfortable with, or else I'd run it by them first.

If it was someone they knew and wanted there they would have sent them an invite to start with. I take your point that you defo don't know every guest that well. Generally most people want to keep that list of people they don't know to a minimum and you only invite the ones you 'have to', -for the sake of family politics etc. It's seriously hard to draw up a list for people to invite, so trust me, it's not the b&g thinking the day is all about them. It's about trying to please everyone - your parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, friends and maybe priest! So forgive us if friends of friends come way down that list. It's just impossible to please everyone.
I'd like to reiterate as well that you can't plan for how many people will say yes to the invite, what they will or won't give as a gift, or whether they choose to bring a +1. If you provide a +1 you have to be sure you have a seat for them.

Gatica

I think +1's for every single friend that may bring someone with them is overkill. Weddings are not cheap and if you've already to fork out close to a 100 pp for them to be there - let's just say you don't want to spend half a thousand euro just so 5 of your single friends can feel less left out with couples around them. People who don't know the couple are never gonna give large sums of money for a wedding, and you couldn't really expect them to, so you're out a lot of money for the sake of those few people.
As mentioned before, table plans usually take singles into considration, putting them at fun tables or with other singles to mingle with. It may only still be an issue with a shy friend who knows absolutely noone at the wedding, in which case it can be made the exception, but not the rule, to include a +1.

Gatica

Gatica wrote: »

Weddings are not cheap and if you've already to fork out close to a 100 pp for them to be there - let's just say you don't want to spend half a thousand euro just so 5 of your single friends can feel less left out with couples around them.

Attending weddings isn't cheap either. 400/500 euro is a typical enough expense for me.
It is not a matter of having to make small talk for a couple of hours. They are long drawn out days, and you have no control over how people will interact.
IMO if your going to ask someone to such an expensive event. The least you can do is offer a little consideration to their comfort and enjoyment of your day. Give them the option of having company.
It is just basic decency.

Gatica

fair enough, it's a longer day than just sitting down to dinner; however, it's the couples prerogative on who to invite and the guest's to decline if they don't feel comfortable.

seamus

Moonbaby wrote: »

IMO if your going to ask someone to such an expensive event. The least you can do is offer a little consideration to their comfort and enjoyment of your day. Give them the option of having company.
It is just basic decency.

I think most people are fairly agreed on this. If someone is a single, but all or most of their friends will be attending the wedding, then a +1 is unnecessary.

However, if someone is single and doesn't know anyone, or only knows one or two people to see, then a +1 would be respectful. It is a long day, but people are also generally very friendly and accomodating in my experience and will basically talk to anyone and "look after" someone who appears to be there on their tod.

There are also more practical problems that if you give someone a +1, they may intentionally bring along someone that you specifically didn't invite to the wedding, or they may unwittingly bring along the bride or groom's ex or whatever.

solovely

Gatica wrote: »

fair enough, it's a longer day than just sitting down to dinner; however, it's the couples prerogative on who to invite and the guest's to decline if they don't feel comfortable.

And we all know what the backlash would be if an invited guest decided not to come for that reason....they would be made out to be selfish and overreacting.

Some couples see their wedding day as a spectator event with guests there to watch them enjoy their special day. Others see it as a sharing occasion where they invite people to come along and have a great day WITH them. Depends on what type of couple you are really. It is YOUR day, but surely your enjoyment of it is dependent on the happiness of those you invite?

I think most people are fairly agreed on this. If someone is a single, but all or most of their friends will be attending the wedding, then a +1 is unnecessary.

Agreed Seamus. Unnecessary, but considerate all the same (accompanied by a quiet word saying please don't feel the need to bring someone just because).

There are also more practical problems that if you give someone a +1, they may intentionally bring along someone that you specifically didn't invite to the wedding, or they may unwittingly bring along the bride or groom's ex or whatever..

Come on now, seriously??? Who would do that? And if they were that spiteful, why would you invite them in the first place......although I did have an ex who was invited with a +1 to the same wedding as I was. We'd broken up about 3 months before the wedding. I brought no-one, he brought my other ex....I kid you not!

seamus

solovely wrote: »

Come on now, seriously??? Who would do that? And if they were that spiteful, why would you invite them in the first place......although I did have an ex who was invited with a +1 to the same wedding as I was. We'd broken up about 3 months before the wedding. I brought no-one, he brought my other ex....I kid you not!

I assume you're referring to the last paragraph in my post.
All I can say is never take anything for granted.

Someone who's never been married or even involved in a wedding before often won't understand the mindset of the couple. To them it's no different to a party in someone's house, just a little more formal. So if they have some leeway in terms of who they choose, they may be less careful than the couple would.

So Friend A may be invited, but friend B isn't. Friend A knows that you know friend B, but aren't really "close" buddies and that's probably why she's not invited to the wedding. So she brings along friend B because she thinks you won't mind - sure you know friend B, it's OK.
What friend A doesn't know is that you consider friend B to be a bit of a nosy weirdo, have never really considered her anything past an acquaintance, and specifically didn't invite her because one night she tried to convince your fiancé to go home with her.

On the ex thing, Ireland is a small place. You could invite a work colleague, give them a +1, and they bring along a friend from home, who just so happens to be your ex. The colleague is unaware of the relationship and the ex only knows he's going to "John & Lisa's wedding" and doesn't actually cop it until you clap eyes on eachother...awkward.

solovely

seamus wrote: »

I assume you're referring to the last paragraph in my post.
All I can say is never take anything for granted.

Someone who's never been married or even involved in a wedding before often won't understand the mindset of the couple. To them it's no different to a party in someone's house, just a little more formal. So if they have some leeway in terms of who they choose, they may be less careful than the couple would.

So Friend A may be invited, but friend B isn't. Friend A knows that you know friend B, but aren't really "close" buddies and that's probably why she's not invited to the wedding. So she brings along friend B because she thinks you won't mind - sure you know friend B, it's OK.
What friend A doesn't know is that you consider friend B to be a bit of a nosy weirdo, have never really considered her anything past an acquaintance, and specifically didn't invite her because one night she tried to convince your fiancé to go home with her.

On the ex thing, Ireland is a small place. You could invite a work colleague, give them a +1, and they bring along a friend from home, who just so happens to be your ex. The colleague is unaware of the relationship and the ex only knows he's going to "John & Lisa's wedding" and doesn't actually cop it until you clap eyes on eachother...awkward.

Sorry, yep, wrong quote, fixed now.

I think the situation you're describing is a bit of an extreme one to be fair!! I know Ireland is small, but come on....

Plus, I know I for one, and I imagine most other singles, would OK it with the bride and groom before bringing a +1...their name needs to go on the seating plan and all of that. As I said, I have personally never brought a +1 to a wedding (gone to at least 8 solo), but if the situation were to arise where I felt the need to bring one, I'd make sure it was someone the bride and groom knew and felt comfortable with. I'd imagine most singles would be the same.

In the situation of my ex bringing another ex (2 guys obviously), they OKed it with me and the bride and groom first. I did think it was weird, but then everyone on the day thought they were weird too!

kandr10

solovely wrote: »

And we all know what the backlash would be if an invited guest decided not to come for that reason....they would be made out to be selfish and overreacting.

Some couples see their wedding day as a spectator event with guests there to watch them enjoy their special day. Others see it as a sharing occasion where they invite people to come along and have a great day WITH them. Depends on what type of couple you are really. It is YOUR day, but surely your enjoyment of it is dependent on the happiness of those you invite?

Agreed Seamus. Unnecessary, but considerate all the same (accompanied by a quiet word saying please don't feel the need to bring someone just because).

Obviously everyone's different but I don't know any couple who would think a guest selfish for turning down an invite. It happens at every wedding - it's expected that some people won't make it - for whatever reason.

As someone mentioned, it IS expensive for a guest to attend a wedding, so why in God's name would anyone expect an acquaintance/ friend through a friend to put themselves out?

I also don't see the benefit in giving a +1 accompanied by a quiet word. Give a +1 or don't. Leave it at that.

Honey-ec

I'm clearly in the minority here, but I think it's the height of rudeness not to give all your guests the option of a +1. I would never have dreamed of it when we were planning our wedding.

A friend who's getting married next year has put the nose of another friend extremely out of joint by only giving her a single invite, and I can't say I blame her. She has acknowledged that she would more than likely attend the wedding on her own anyway, but she should at least be given the option.

Also, just a note on the wedding etiquette websites - a lot of them are American, where the etiquette is completely different to here. Bridesmaids pay for their own dresses there, etc.

magneticimpulse

Joe10000 wrote: »

If are not with someone then a +1 cannot be expected and there is no need to be miffed. Weddings are the easiest events to socialise at so I would look forward to it if I was you.

I think this is really bad form.

I am single and always get a +1 invite. I either bring my brother (if its a family wedding) or a female friend (if its a mutual friend). The female friend is usually someone which the Bride etc knows and has been on nights out but not well enough to invite to the wedding....therefore it is not a complete strangers. If people you know getting married are part of the Wedding party itself, i think it is very bad form to leave your "friends" by themselve all day.

I see no difference as to why single people should be treated any differently to people in couples. Its hard enough being single at events like these let alone have your friends stab you in the back and make you go completely alone!!!

Also to attend a wedding as single person is very expensive. If the wedding is not close by or has no bus after to get home...you are expected to fork out for a double room and pay the full costs. Also for petrol money attending the wedding if its miles away...at least if you go with a friend you can split the cost. Also you feel mean only being able to give 70 - 100 euro gift as a single person compared to a couple of 150 euro (but they get to split the costs between them).