Brother is driving me mad and accusing me of being homophobic

whatcartoget

Well to begin with I am an 18 year old guy. My brother is 29. So there is quit a big age difference. My brother went to collage when he was 17 and moved away from home. So I only saw him every few weekends and we were never extremely close.
He then began working away from home and I saw him during holidays etc. He moved closer to home due to work so I saw more of him. He came out as being gay late last year and he got a positive reaction from my family. He was told all that mattered was that he was happy etc.
The problems really started in January he started trying to butt into my life more and I didn't really like this. He started reading my internet history because he felt he should know what I was up online. My parents had nothing to do with this because they complete trust me. He got access to my laptop one day because my mam uses the laptop during the day just to read the news, recipes, soaps etc and he asked to check his e-mails. He then checked all my internet history and I had goggled the word gay charter gossip girl or some other show and he also saw the word suicide goggled. He then took a list of things that he considered not suitable for an 18 year old fella such as American pie films and the hangover movie and generally lads stuff, Which I see nothing wrong with. He then started asking me about my friends and he said I be hanging out with people from council estates and saying there scum . He then started to tell my mother about pictures he saw on facebook and how he tough that we were to young to be drinking. We're all 18. He said people would look down on the family over it. I met up with some of my friends one Saturday evening in a local newsagents and we knew the girl working in the shop and we were just chatting to her since there was no one in the shop and he came in we continued to chat and we were laughing. He thought this was inappropriate and he dragged me out of the shop in front of my friends. My friends might be from council estates but not one of them has ever being in trouble with the gardai. He looks down on people from certain areas because he thinks there all rough scum. My parents best friends live in a big city in a suburb that has a bad rep. Both these people have good jobs and they have bought there house and cars. He constantly complanies about these people and tell my parents they shouldn't be friends with them any more because of there address.
I really lost it when my brother tried to change my cao courses online because he felt I should be applying for courses in the scientific sector but I have no interest in the sector. My interest are in the catering and hospitality sector and he took these courses of my cao and put on the courses he thought that should be there. I luckily noticed it and changed it back.
He then started accusing me of be homophobic to him because I wasn't talking to him. I wasn't talking to him because He was being a prick. He then started asking me was I gay and was that the reason I wouldn't accept him!
Any advice? Sorry about long post. Mods feel free to edit this if it isn't legible

thebuzz

Your brother sounds like a prick, I see why you dislike him. I'd have throttled him if he tried to change my CAO form without my permission.

gypsy_rose

tell him to get lost. you're 18 and an adult, he has no right to interfere this way. hopefully when you go to college you'll see less of him

calex71

Sounds like he should be the one posting in PI and not you OP, what an idiot.

Best thing to do is stay cool, if you can talk to parents and let them know he has boundary issues for a start, failing that address him directly and let him know in no uncertain terms that he is not a parent and given you are over 18 has no right to go through your internet history or make decisions for you regarding your cao etc etc .

Basically OP go to your parents, failing that tell him to politely f*off and keep out of your affairs as you are an adult.

Edit: in the mean time Windows key + L every time you get up from the computer, you'll be doing that like a reflex when you get a job if it involves a computer.

Bloody Nipples

It's fairly ironic that he's accusing you of homophobia when he has such ingrained prejudices about people based on where they're from.

He's an interfering busybody and you're totally right in calling him a prick. And changing your CAO?!! He's an out and out ásshole. If you hadn't noticed that, you'd have ended up wasting a year of your life until you could apply for the courses you actually wanted to do the following year.

Donald Draper

Your brother is an idiot. I would have kicked the **** out of him.

LittleBook

whatcartoget wrote: »

He then started accusing me of be homophobic to him because I wasn't talking to him. I wasn't talking to him because He was being a prick. He then started asking me was I gay and was that the reason I wouldn't accept him!

Your brother has issues.

Brothers (and sisters) "fight" all the time and some older siblings feel it's almost their job to interfere. Make it clear to him that it's not his job and he needs to stay the hell out of your life.

Next time he accuses you of being homophobic because you're (rightly) annoyed with him, TELL HIM: "No, I'm not annoyed with you because I'm a homophobic or a closet gay, I'm annoyed with you because you're being a prick!"

Sleepy

Get the parents involved in this. Don't let him near your laptop again and I'd suggest changing all passwords, unfriending him from Facebook and checking your privacy settings etc.

Next time he accuses you of homophobia, ask him if he's the one who having a problem coming to terms with his sexuality and is that why he's been acting like a complete arsehole? Is his nterference in your life related to his unhappiness with his own etc?

BTW: While he had no right to do what he did with your CAO form, he's right about the job prospects being better for you in the science sector than the catering and hospitality sector which will be in the doldrums for the next couple of decades. So, do try and remember he's actually trying to help even if he's going about it in a condescending, controlling and obnoxious fashion.

whatcartoget

Sleepy wrote: »

BTW: While he had no right to do what he did with your CAO form, he's right about the job prospects being better for you in the science sector than the catering and hospitality sector which will be in the doldrums for the next couple of decades. So, do try and remember he's actually trying to help even if he's going about it in a condescending, controlling and obnoxious fashion.

I know that but there is no point of me getting involved in a sector that I have 0% interest in. Well that's what I think anyway!
Thanks for the advice by the way!

Wompa1

Wow, I've never heard anything like someone trying to sabotage your CAO!! What an unbelievable @sshole and then trying to play the homophobic card after everyone was supportive. It's people like him that hurt the gay communities cause. Give that guy a wide berth! He's after drama.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Wow, I'm really shocked to be honest. Your brother is so far beyond the realms of resonable behaviour it is actually laughable. I really don't know how you are supposed to deal with this at all, he obviously doesn't respect you or see you as an adult. You're 18 and you are a grown up, legally, socially etc etc. He may not see you that way but that's his tough sh*t. If I were you I would print off your opening post and show your parents, tell them that they were wonderful to be so supportive of your brother when he came out but that you need that same support from them now to get your brother to butt the hell out of your life. To be honest OP I don't know how you haven't lost the plot with him. I also can't believe he would call you homophobic but at the same time tell your parents that they should cut out long term friends based on their address, there's a bigot in this scenario and it ain't you. Well done OP on not losing the plot and I hope it all works out for you. I would suggest that from now on you put some very firm boundaries in place. Let him know that he isn't your father and that you won't be taking **** from him. The fact he dragged you out of the shop is mind boggling.

The very best of luck dealing with that head wrecker!!!

fearcruach

+1 on the Windows key + L.

OP you are 18 and thus an adult. He has absolutely no right to tell you what to watch or who to hang out with.

Changing your CAO choices is unbelievably out of order. It's your future and you're perfectly entitled to make your own career choices.

I would remove any passwords that are saved for websites like facebook/your email etc. Enter your username and password everytime you log on. It's a pain but at least it'll keep your information private, because it's exactly that.

It's your life and not his.

Ken.

Create a new user section for your mother on your laptop with limited admin access and then password protect your own log in. Make the password something your brother can't break.

Distorted

From the way you post, you come across as extremely well adjusted and a calm and rational person. From your description of your brother's behaviour, it sounds as though he is the one with issues about control and other associated issues. Theres a lot of good advice above, but I really think you should stick to your guns as you are right on this one and I also think you should let your parents know. It is your brother who would benefit from intervention in the way he is behaving and not you. And thats absolutely nothing to do with being gay.

lace

+1 on the new user account for your mum. Give her a section with her own password and create your own administrator account with a very secure password. Your account should be the only administrator account so that your brother can't make changes on your mother's account. Explain to your parents that you're not doing this because you have anything to hide but because you want some privacy - which, as an adult, you're perfectly entitled to.

You could also update your Facebook privacy settings to block your brother from seeing your photos. If he's a Facebook user you can completely block him and he won't even be able to find you using the search function. Now - he may be able to see your account if he gets other people to log in for him (if you're Facebook friends with any of his friends etc) so you might want to put those people in a list with limited access.

If I were you, I'd also run an intensive virus and malware scan to be sure he hasn't installed a keylogger (a program that records your keystrokes so that he can find out every word you type - including passwords). I know this is going a bit far but this guy changed your frickin' CAO - I wouldn't put anything past him!

Of course, OP, none of the above should be necessary. This is your brother and he should be supportive of you but instead he's acting like a complete lunatic. Your parents sound like reasonable people so have a chat with them about how out-of-control your brother's behaviour has been and particularly how snobby he is being about your friends. It might not do much to stop him but it will at least let them know you're annoyed.

If I were you I'd calmly sit him down and tell him that my life was none of his concern and that the next time he tries to physically drag me anywhere I'd be reporting him for assault.

Ickle Magoo

Donald Draper wrote: »

Your brother is an idiot. I would have kicked the **** out of him.

Banned.

Please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter and abide by them.

Genghiz Cohen

On computer security, use a password that is long but slightly bizarre so it's easy to remember.
One password I used was: "George cant use this because he is a dog"
Check them here http://askthegeek.us/pwd_meter/index.htm

Next I know of a program that you can burn to a CD and boot from to crack windows passwords, it takes all of 5 mins to do, so, if you know how, change the boot order in your BIOS so it boots the hard drive first, then put a nice long password on your BIOS.
If you don't know how to do these things, there are a million and one videos on the internet.

Your brother is completely out of line and you need to make sure he knows it.