Depressed, lonliness

LegacyUser

Hi,
I was on this forum about 5 months ago and about 4 months ago was diagnosed with depression and have been seeing a psychiatrist since.

At the time, I placed the reason for my depression on a number of things ranging from money issues, my parents separation and alcohol problems and poor performance in school among others.

Since then I've been doing a lot of thinking. What has really got me down. And I think I've identified the sole cause of my depression. And I believe that this has sent me on a downward spiral that is badly affecting every other part of my life.

The reason is I am lonely. I've always had at least a few friends but I feel very much cast out by the rest of my peers. More so, and please know that it pains me even to type this anonymously, I know no girls whatsoever. I am almost 18. I haven't kissed a girl in 3 years. I feel so pathetic typing this.

Maybe it's due to a lack of self confidence. I'm 6'3 and skinny, suffered from acne (although that's improving), honestly have no idea if I'm attractive or not (If experience is anything to go by that's a no).

I was in the gaeltacht during the summer and while it felt great being with friendly people day in day out, there was no particular interest in me, I don't think i was disliked much, but I didn't stand out and I certainly wasn't the talk of the girls. I even got turned down on one occasion. What I found interesting was that I was always in great moods and high spirits while in the Gaeltacht, I was up for life just as much as the next person, when I returned home I felt isolated once more and semi-sipped back into a depressed state.

I feel like I'm better than all of this. Like someone who feels sorry for himself, I'm blaming everyone else. I'm almost 18 like I said and you can't change the past. Although I'm not saying it was an easy ride or anything! I had glasses (contacts now) and braces (off 6 months) along with being the tall/smart guy. It's tough to be confident under those circumstances. Even a more confident person now, I feel I suffer from a lack of opportunities.

I'm doing my leaving cert this year and none of this helps one bit,since I've been feeling particularly down in 5th year my results have dropped significantly. That was only for a few months. I have an entire year, and tougher at that to get through. At the end of it all comes the debs which is looking like it will ultimately be humiliating.

I think putting my thoughts down in some form helps me think more clearly.
Thanks for any replies in advance.
Thank you for reading.

IHeartChemistry

Hey,

I used to suffer from depression too. Are you on meds? Getting regular therapy? The bad grades are part of the depression. So is the self confidence. Right now, you really need support and will power to get through this. My will power is zero when it comes to myself. My own life is a disaster. But as they all say, battle through it. I know school is a nightmare (it destroyed me, going to college got my confidence back) I know its hard, but try work hard over the next year, try talk to people in your year in school and remember...it is only a year. College will just be around the corner so you'll have SO many new opportunities then. Be patient. Stick with the psychatrist and keep the regular therapy if your getting it. Join other clubs outside school as well, they will defo help. Dont panic. It'll get better.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks, but...

I've just been getting my stuff ready for school and I realize now that I cannot do this. I'm not able to put myself through the hardest year of work yet. I feel so emotionally deserted. I couldn't even manage the measly bit of homework given on the first day.

I'm sorry to my future self for doing this but whatever aspirations I had in the past are now out the window. The past 6 months have been the worst of my life and now I'm due another year.

I'm not strong enough to get this done and wait patiently for college. I've been crying now for over an hour and I feel like the biggest loser too when I think of what I have going for me and the answer is absolutely nothing.

boardie100

hey there,

although i'm a lot older than you (in my thirties) a lot of what you said resonated with me because i was very similar to you at that age... i was the same height as you and lacked self confidence also, i felt i always stood out as being different because of it. I didn't think anyone would be attracted to me and felt i wasn't noticed either. All i can say to you is that it wont always be that way... you'll fill out (as my dad would say ) and change even more as you experience college etc. Try not to be preoccupied with how you are perceived by others, you can only be you and no one else.
I found my late teen age years the hardest also so i do feel for you but i think its important to get your head down for one more year and try not things affect you. I think its great you are seeing someone about how you are feeling, i wish id done that myself when i was younger. Also so what if you dont know any girls...there is plenty of time for you to fix that.

Also i think you felt good when you went to the gaeltacht because it was something new, new people, new experience etc. As said before try to make new friends by joining new clubs/teams that you have an interest in, you dont have to be bound to the same group of small friends forever...

anyhow dunno if my babbling is any use to you but remember that the majority of lads your age will be going through the same things/thoughts as you even though they'd never admit, so dont beat yourself up too much thinking you dont fit in but everyone goes through that aniexty...

take care