Boyfriend's work colleagues are getting delusions of grandeur

Tricia1

Hi all,

My boyfriend has been working in a large company (warehouse section) for eight years now- he's late 30's. He would be one of the more established employee's there.

Anyway, he's encountered problems with two of his colleagues-

Colleague 1- got a minor promotion (different section to my boyfriend) but he's getting delusions of grandeur in that he's giving off the impression that he's my boyfriend's and other colleagues boss when he isn't!

This has manifested itself into Colleague 1 saying to other employees 'thanks for today'- giving the impression he's superior to them, also he's nearly close to telling some of the senior managers how to run the place when he's talking to them. Latest is that Colleague 1 has now decided to lock his computer when he's on his break (which is causing problems as other employee's cannot check the system during breaktimes) and the computer is the company's property!

Colleague 2- is slightly younger than my boyfriend, but my boyfriend trained him up in the warehouse and put a lot of work and gave him a lot of advice- Colleague 2 similarily to a degree got his own job in another section and now refuses to acknowledge my boyfriend when they come into contact with each other.

Also Colleague 2 has got other members of staff to give him lifts to and from the premises while driving past my boyfriend who walks the same route (Colleague 2 insists they don't give my boyfriend a lift).

Also my boyfriend has been going outside for his main lunch-break for the past eight years and Colleague 2 sometimes tells him what he can and can't bring out to the benchs in the yard.

My boyfriends colleagues seem to me to be suffering from delusions of grandeur, when he is in fact more senior than the two of these guys put together.

What's the best way for him to deal with this? Ignore them?

Victor

Is you boyfriend telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Kimia

Tricia1 wrote: »

Hi all,

My boyfriend has been working in a large company (warehouse section) for eight years now- he's late 30's. He would be one of the more established employee's there.

Anyway, he's encountered problems with two of his colleagues-

Colleague 1- got a minor promotion (different section to my boyfriend) but he's getting delusions of grandeur in that he's giving off the impression that he's my boyfriend's and other colleagues boss when he isn't!

This has manifested itself into Colleague 1 saying to other employees 'thanks for today'- giving the impression he's superior to them, also he's nearly close to telling some of the senior managers how to run the place when he's talking to them. Latest is that Colleague 1 has now decided to lock his computer when he's on his break (which is causing problems as other employee's cannot check the system during breaktimes) and the computer is the company's property!

This is fair enough - I lock my computer whenever I leave my desk as i have confidential information in my emails/documents etc. Although it is a bit silly if someone needs to check the system. Perhaps they need to go through this 'colleague 1' and that's whats being implemented?

Colleague 2- is slightly younger than my boyfriend, but my boyfriend trained him up in the warehouse and put a lot of work and gave him a lot of advice- Colleague 2 similarily to a degree got his own job in another section and now refuses to acknowledge my boyfriend when they come into contact with each other.

Also Colleague 2 has got other members of staff to give him lifts to and from the premises while driving past my boyfriend who walks the same route (Colleague 2 insists they don't give my boyfriend a lift).

This sounds crazy - how exactly do you know that colleague 2 'insists' that they don't give your bf a lift?

Also my boyfriend has been going outside for his main lunch-break for the past eight years and Colleague 2 sometimes tells him what he can and can't bring out to the benchs in the yard.

I don't understand this - it makes no sense. Why would a colleague tell your boyfriend what he can and can't have for his lunch? What are you talking about 'bringing out to the benches'? Do you mean equipment or something? Or food?

My boyfriends colleagues seem to me to be suffering from delusions of grandeur, when he is in fact more senior than the two of these guys put together.

What's the best way for him to deal with this? Ignore them?

I need more information above in order to answer you correctly.

mikemac

This has manifested itself into Colleague 1 saying to other employees 'thanks for today'- giving the impression he's superior to them,

Maybe it's just an innocent thanks. Different departments help each other out

Latest is that Colleague 1 has now decided to lock his computer when he's on his break (which is causing problems as other employee's cannot check the system during breaktimes) and the computer is the company's property!

Well this depends. Your boyfriend works in a warehouse so I'm guessing he's out on the floor a lot and not tied to a desk.
I lock my PC at lunch and it's mine and for my use.
Colleague One works in another department, why is warehousing using someone elses computer and not their own?

As for the lifts, did the drivers tell your boyfriend this?

We're hearing one side of the story here.
Maybe your boyfriend has worked in the warehouse for years and now sees bright new staff with ambition moving ahead of him? There eight years, why hasn't he been promoted? Is he getting passed over or maybe getting angry and bitter?

He thinks he is more senior...

when he is in fact more senior than the two of these guys put together.

...To two staff who don't even work in the same section.

Colleague 1- got a minor promotion (different section to my boyfriend)

Colleague 2 similarily to a degree got his own job in another section

LegacyUser

I work with similar people... different situation but do have delusions of grandeur.


One collegue started with me in the same job... she told everoyne she would be a director within 4 years, told us all she was promoted in March (which is a lie, as promotions only even happen during the yearly reviews in July) but insisted she was so good they promoted her prematurely.

I'm pretty sure she was never promoted. Each July a "well done" message comes from management to all those recieving promotions and I've never seen her name on the list.

I was lucky enough to be bumped up a notch last July and she sent me and other collegues who were promoted a very formal "well done" email message of her own as if she were senior management despite actually being below me now.

Many of my other collegues who start with me are constantly banging on about all the things they have and they buy and the holidays they go on despite being on a similar or smaller wage to myself.... and I know I can't afford half the things they insist they have on my wage.


Anyway, point is... take it with a grain of salt. Some people just like to think highly of themselves and will take it to extremes, acting like they have more authority or money than they do have.

They're not worth it for me. I ignore them. Usually their superiors will notice it too, in my experience, and if anything it stunts their growth within the company, not advances it.

Just ignore them. Who cares. People see through it.

dudara

Does your boyfriend have a problem with this? Right now, all this is coming from you. I'm not hearing how he feels about this.

Diddler1977

Tricia1 wrote: »

Hi all,

My boyfriend has been working in a large company (warehouse section) for eight years now- he's late 30's. He would be one of the more established employee's there.

Anyway, he's encountered problems with two of his colleagues-

Colleague 1- got a minor promotion (different section to my boyfriend) but he's getting delusions of grandeur in that he's giving off the impression that he's my boyfriend's and other colleagues boss when he isn't!

This has manifested itself into Colleague 1 saying to other employees 'thanks for today'- giving the impression he's superior to them, also he's nearly close to telling some of the senior managers how to run the place when he's talking to them. Latest is that Colleague 1 has now decided to lock his computer when he's on his break (which is causing problems as other employee's cannot check the system during breaktimes) and the computer is the company's property!

Colleague 2- is slightly younger than my boyfriend, but my boyfriend trained him up in the warehouse and put a lot of work and gave him a lot of advice- Colleague 2 similarily to a degree got his own job in another section and now refuses to acknowledge my boyfriend when they come into contact with each other.

Also Colleague 2 has got other members of staff to give him lifts to and from the premises while driving past my boyfriend who walks the same route (Colleague 2 insists they don't give my boyfriend a lift).

Also my boyfriend has been going outside for his main lunch-break for the past eight years and Colleague 2 sometimes tells him what he can and can't bring out to the benchs in the yard.

My boyfriends colleagues seem to me to be suffering from delusions of grandeur, when he is in fact more senior than the two of these guys put together.

What's the best way for him to deal with this? Ignore them?

Your boyf' seems to be overly concerned with the actions of other people.

we can only control our own actions.

He needs to stop bitching about colleagues and their "delusions of grandeur", put his head down and concentrate on his work.

He is not their direct supervisor presumably. He needs to stop concerning himself with their actions. It is none of his business.

Firetrap

Ah, good old office politics. Is your boyfriend feeling aggrieved about being passed over for promotion? That's what comes across to me.

The only one which would really tee me off if I was working there was the locking of the computer. What's the story there? Did Colleague 1 put a password on the computer himself? If it is affecting how things run, it would be a good idea to go to his manager and sort it out. Or is there now a chain of command and Colleague 1 is the only person who should be using the computer?

Other than that, all the other stuff sounds like general office bitchiness. So what if Colleague 1 thanks everyone? Is he not in a slightly more senior position now? Perhaps too, because he is on the warehouse floor, he has a better knowledge of the nitty gritty details and has good ideas. Why wouldn't higher up management listen to what he has to say?

Colleague 2: Looks like personality differences. He might be detecting hostility from your boyfriend so why would he give him a lift? The benches thing. What can he not bring out? There could be a perfectly good reason for why he's doing this. We don't know.

Really, your boyfriend should stop worrying about these people and do his best at his job. You'll always have ambitious people in workplaces who want to get ahead. If you think too much about what other people are doing, you'll never be happy.

Distorted

The office isn't like the pub, where you go to get on with your mates. Its competitive to a degree, and most people want to get on and better themselves. One way of doing that is acting more like promotional material, and it sounds like your boyfriend's colleagues are better at it than him. He might be mistaking niceness and years of experience with a right to being promoted, while they have obviously done something more or different that has actually resulted in them being promoted.

Beyond that, the incidents you describe are very trivial. They shouldn't be causing your boyfriend concern unless they are affecting his ability to do his job. It sounds more like resentment that they are getting on while he is stuck in the same place, which is fine if he is ok with that, but he needs to accept that not everyone wants to stay in the same place all their lives. No-one has the right to a lift, thats just silly, and the locking of the computers is just common sense I would think in such an environment. I'd be surprised if it wasn't quite a joky environment at times, with the risk of someone posting joke messages on your computer and such like. As for the lunch thing, is someone really telling him what food he can eat? That sounds bizarre. Or is it more a health and safety thing relating to hot drinks, or even alcohol?

Generally though, you have described nothing more than the average person encounters in the workplace, and your boyfriend is experienced enough to realise this and understand how it works surely? First and foremost they're there to do a job, not worry about the dynamics of friendships changing.

Diddler1977 wrote: »

He needs to stop concerning himself with their actions

Thats good advice from Diddler1977.

holystungun9

dudara wrote: »

Does your boyfriend have a problem with this? Right now, all this is coming from you. I'm not hearing how he feels about this.

I was wondering about this too. Also, if your other half is a bit soft and the other two know this, then yes, they are probably not going to play fair all the time and will take liberties. If he is complicit in this subservient role, then it will proceed in this fashion. The longer it goes on, the more acceptable it will be and others will see it too.

ted1

Sounds like your boyfriend lacks the ambition of the others. As regards locking the pc, that would be standard it policy. Does he not have a log in? Who's account is the ox logged in as?
With regards eating outside, what kind of area is it? Is their rubbish being left around, leading to a rodent problem?

tenchi-fan

Sounds like your boyfriend has an inferiority complex.

thefeatheredcat

To me, seems like both colleague 1 and 2 are pretty straightforward and normal as per what I'd expect of anyone who has advanced themselves and showed progression in a job.

your boyfriend imo sounds like he begrudges their success that may or may not have been attributed to him.

With Colleague 1 - he may have been given some sort of responsibility or role that your boyfriend is unaware of and probably with his promotion is doing the best. He may have been promoted because of his ideas, because he was vocal rather than just slinking back and doing what he's told. He may even have challenged how things are done and may be encouraged by his managers to bring in new ideas. If your boyfriend thinks he is over stepping the mark professionally, then that is an issue that he should take up with his own manager directly if it is effecting him. Otherwise, I'm sure if he is acting superior in a way that is not encouraged and is noticed by his managers, he will be told so.

Locking the computer when away from it for any length of time is fairly standard practice and often has been penalised for not doing so in disciplinary action in places I've worked (because of the pranks people would pull too if you left it unlocked, such as emailing everyone including the CEO a dirty joke etc). If this is something that the company previously enforced, then he is living up to it, although the issue of a system that may need to be viewed or is needed is something that should be addressed. If it's not enforced, is this a new practice brought in or self imposed conduct?

I don't understand the situation with Colleague 2, especially about the lunches...... however about the lifts given, it's up to the driver who they give lifts to at their discretion. One girl I worked with got very upset when another colleague who lived near her when she was refused a lift. She would expect one off her and often asked, and was told a firm no. She couldn't understand why not and couldn't see that although they lived close, she was not obligated to give her a lift. She had felt that as they worked together and lived closed together, but not friends, she was entitled to a lift. Perhaps it is just your boyfriend coming to his own conclusion on the issue of lifts with the driver, and Colleague 2 is just an excuse?

The best advice is if it's a case of bitterness towards colleagues one and two on a personal level in the sense they have surpassed him and taken upon themselves to do better, then he should not let that interfere with his professional standing and perhaps take a leaf out of their books or just be happy for them and get on with things himself.

If there is a serious issue with regards to how he is treated on a professional basis outside of them bettering themselves in a place of employment then he should talk to his manager.

ILikeBananas

I got the impression reading the OP that the situation can't be as black and white as it is made out. This is often the case when you're only hearing one side to a story.

Frankly these stories reflect more on your boyfriend's self esteem issues than anything else.

JonathanAnon

From what you describe it seems as if your boyfriend is not the confrontational type... If he did not challenge, even in jest, colleague 1's delusions of gradeure then it seems that he does not stand up for himself... I would consider both of the above "issues" as minor, and it's up to him to be proactive in adressing them if it bothers him that much..

LegacyUser

op is your boyfriend really timid? maybe his co-workers think they can say what they want because he won't argue back or stand up for himself

Wompa1

Is your boyfriend actually in a high position than the guys? You say he is more senior as he has been there longer but that doesn't necessarily mean he holds a more senior position.

Not sure about colleague 2 telling someone specifically not to give your b/f a lift and how he'd know that is what's happening. It's pretty normal where I work that if you change department you socialize with the people in that department at lunch and breaks.

colleague 1 locking his computer makes sense...it's good practice to lock your computer for security reasons. The good job and thanks for your hard work isn't a bad thing is it?

To me, it sounds like your boyfriend is jealous that he was passed up and resents these guys for their success.....