Am i over reacting?

amandaf675

My Bf is going to his Exs Debs and im not happy but i dont know if im over reacting by being angry!

Heres the situation:

Were together just over 3 months and in that 3 months the longest we have gone without seeing each other is 4 days. that was only cause he was at a wedding in england! We do EVERYTHING together! i stay at his house nearly 5 nights a week maybe 7!

The Ex:

I've never met her! Butbefore we got together, i posted a few things on fb, she seen them and rang him askin why he was hurting her like this n bla bla bla. i was beside him at the time. then when we got together, i changed my relationship status on fb, she rang him again, but i cant remember what was said, we were a bit drunk :L and her status on fb was *goes searching*" cant believe he has done this to me, they wont last, ill make shur of it"!

Now i know hed never get back with her, but he might still have feelings for her, i dunno, he says he doesnt but yet, when ive asked him not to talk to her he does it behind my back, now im not a control freak but when i have this girl ringing me and saying my bf is cheating on me with her it hurts even though i know its not true!

she asked him to the debs before we got together and he "forgot" until 2 weeks ago when she wrote to him on fb because she doesnt have his phone number (hes using my second phone because he lost his). and he says he cant cancel on her so close because she doesnt have many male friends! 2 of his friends are going aswel;!

Maybe in wrong for being exremely angry with him and not wanting him to go! i dont want her not having a date for her debs but im sure she has more male friends than him

Am i just a paranoid gf?

Help

ps sorry for the rant

LegacyUser

There's a whole load of drama going on in that relationship and you're only three months in. He doesn't have to go with his ex to the debs, all he has to say to her is 'Sorry, circumstances have changed. I have a girlfriend now and I don't want to hurt her by going on a date with my ex. I hope you understand'. If he doesn't do that, you're better off without him.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Your boyfriend sounds like quite the muppet. I would just finish it with him. He's getting his ego stroked by having his ex and you fighting over him, he's probably delighted when you both engage in this on Facebook, then all his friends can see how popular he is. So yeah I'd just finish it with him, he's defo going to score her at the debs so maybe get in first and dump him? If he didn't enjoy the public fighting between you and her and if he really wanted to stay with you and only you he wouldn't be going to her debs or entertaining her rubbish.

If you weren't debs-going age then I'd tell you to grow up and cop on but you're only at the start of your dating age so here's a friendly bit of advise:

never make a fool of yourself for a man,

never go out with a drama queen (which is what he sounds like) and

never let go of your self-esteem or self-respect for a man.

If you stick to those 3 you'll be skipping a lot of **** in the long run.

Best of luck.

Neyite

As far as I'm concerned, a debs pairing is a proper date night, unless you are singles agreeing to go as a group. So he is going out on a date with her and expecting you to be ok with it? Dont put up with it.

I agree with Curlzy - he is getting a kick out of you both fighting over him, and I would be inclined to tell him that she is welcome to him, and break up with him.

Wolfe Tone

I know lots of guys who went to debs with their exes, I don't see the big deal, they have often agreed in advance and the girls have spent a lot on dresses and stuff, would be ratty to ditch her and end up having her go alone.

Depends on whether or not you trust him I guess

amandaf675

And the day has arrived

moco

Well, did he go with her?

Little Miss Lady

All I will say is that you all seem to be all over facebook so if anything does happen you will be the first to know.
If he does anything out of line, dump him and move on..
There's plenty of guys to date and go out with when you're in your late teens.
Enjoy it all while you can and try and spend less time worrying

LC2010HIS

You dont need a pyscho ex girlfriend on your case. She seems like a right nut, making threats for all to see.
Her reactions drive home to me that she means what she says.

Also, block her on FB!

Edit:
Ok, so he has already gone/going. Look, if he does anything or you hear anything, get rid.
However, knowing from old friends who were scorned by guys, this might be part of the plan.....

Be careful!

Starokan

i would be pretty sceptical about him forgetting that he had arranged to go to the debs until 2 weeks before. However even allowing that he did forget its still pretty strange to go given the history of you receiving phone calls from the ex.

its all a bit messed up and my gut feeling is he likes the attention from you both. He may still have feelings for his ex and perhaps this will bring everything to a head.

To move on from here i think you have to ask him to respect your feelings and cut contact with her, if he doesn't want to do this then for your sake i think its best you walk away as its obviously hard for you to handle and id imagine it will only become worse for you to make the break the longer you are together.

amandaf675

he went! ignored my texts the whole time he was there! he rang me at 3 today and i could hear her in the back round so theres gonna a words said tonight

ElleEm

I would be very concerned that he did not contact you all night.
He clearly knew you had issues with him going with her, and he did NOTHING to allay your fears.

Is he worth it in the grand scheme of things? As another poster said, is a lot of drama for three months in. You should not have contact with his ex, and you need to stay away from her on Facebook.

If you are going to continue in your relationship with him, you need to speak with him about how you feel about his ex, and discuss the boundaries that you feel are being breeched by her.

Magicmatilda

How do you know he is not cheating with her when she calls you and says he is?

I am really confused as to why you are still with this guy because he is treating you very badly. Very badly. He ignores your texts and then calls you with her beside him at 3 the next day? What sort of a guy does that OP? Seriously think about that. Does it show respect for you? Do you feel respected? You have stated how you feel about this girl and he has blatently ignored your feelings on the matter and in fact gone behind your back and contacted her, why would he do that?

Why is he still with her at 3 today? Did they spend the night together? perhaps everyone was drinking all night but surely they have been to bed and got up again by the time he called you.

OP you are obviousely mad about him but you are young and there are plenty of men out there who will love you and repsect you and who care how you feel and what you think. By staying with this one you are reducing your chances of meeting a genuine guy. You are worth it. I know its hard to accept but the chances of you staying with tis guy forever at your age are slim anyway, it does happen, but I've never seen it happen with so many issues early on.

If I were you the only words being said would be "adios amigo, go find another fool".

LC2010HIS

amandaf675 wrote: »

he went! ignored my texts the whole time he was there! he rang me at 3 today and i could hear her in the back round so theres gonna a words said tonight

Dont get into anything with either of them.
Break up with him. End of.

Just say youre done and you dont want to date such an immature guy !!
Dont show them youre hurt. Snigger when you say it.

You'll feel better if you make it seem as though you dont care. Never show them how you feel. Ever.

dixiefly

amandaf675 wrote: »

My Bf is going to his Exs Debs and im not happy but i dont know if im over reacting by being angry!

Heres the situation:

Were together just over 3 months and in that 3 months the longest we have gone without seeing each other is 4 days. that was only cause he was at a wedding in england! We do EVERYTHING together! i stay at his house nearly 5 nights a week maybe 7!

Aside from the other issues you mention, to me this sounds waaaay too much. I take it that you both are in the 17-19 age group. I have a daughter that has just also finished the Leaving / debs etc. She has a boyfriend much longer than your relationship and they dont see each other anywhere near that amount ( and if they did I would not be happy)

You have allowed this to become much too serious and at the same time he keeps contact with the ex.

I am not sure whether a breakup is the next step but you do need to make your position absolutely clear and also get a life away from him as you may need it.