Whats normal in the bedroom?

LegacyUser

Me and my boyfriend are together 2 and a half years now.
We have sex regularly enough but he never gives me an orgasm.
I find it hard to orgasm through sex alone and only about 3 times ever has he
made the effort to get me off while we are intimate.
We just have sex, he comes, and thats the end of it.
I usually have to relieve myself in private because i end up frustrated.
I have mentioned it to him and he says of course we can do other things,
but then the time comes around and its the same as before- no orgasm for me, only for him.

(I dont mention it while we are actually doing the business as when i have done in the past
it makes him get a bit defensive and the mood disappears so ive tried to talk about it away from the situation).

I just wondered if sex is like this for lots of other women out there?

[-0-]

Maybe it would be better to hear from women on this, but I did have issues making my OH climax in the first few months of the relationship. That was because I didn't know what she was into and I suffered from premature ejaculation. It was a learning experience. Now, I can get her off several times before I let myself climax. It was all about learning about the entire ejaculatory process, and a bit of dedication to her and what she needed.

If it's an issue that he gets off too quickly then that needs to be raised with him. However, if it's just a case of him wanting to get his rocks off and not caring for your part in all of this then there are deeper issues that need to be addressed. How long does it usually take for him?

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I've only been with my boyfriend for a few months so haven't had too much sex. I haven't yet had an orgasm this way, though he has. He is very very attentive though, and always wants to (is this too much info?...) go down on me before/ after. He wants me to enjoy myself as much as he does.
I think it's very unfair of your boyfriend not to consider your enjoyment. The fact that he doesn't make an effort, and seldom ever has, is terrible; I'm surprised you've put up with it for this long. I think you really need to sit down with him & talk about this; it will never change otherwise. Wishing you well

ElleEm

My partner makes me orgasm pretty much every time we have sex.
It is an important part of sex for both of us.
I would be annoyed if he only looked out for himself, and didn't make the effort to make me come. And I know it is a big boost for him to make me have an orgasm.

You need to take the reigns on this one. SHOW him what makes you orgasm and tell him that it really turns you on when he does it, etc. He may not be sure how to do it so show him!

Neyite

ElleEm wrote: »

You need to take the reigns on this one. SHOW him what makes you orgasm and tell him that it really turns you on when he does it, etc. He may not be sure how to do it so show him!

Agreed. It sounds like he does not know how to get you off - who the hell gets defensive when you ask something in bed, so either he is the most selfish git in the world, or he gets defensive as a way for you to drop it so you dont see that he does not know where to start.

Why are you going off in private to orgasm? Can you elaborate on this? - Would he get defensive if you got off in front of him, or is it that you would be embarrased? Fact is, only a well practiced couple come together like they do in the movies. There is absolutely nothing wrong with one coming before the other.

LegacyUser

This is not normal OP.

I cum most times during sex unless I'm not in the mood.

A talk with him is needed and if he refuses to change then you have your answer. You can't stay with a man if the sex is not good.

Otis Driftwood

whatisnormal wrote: »

Me and my boyfriend are together 2 and a half years now.
We have sex regularly enough but he never gives me an orgasm.
I find it hard to orgasm through sex alone and only about 3 times ever has he
made the effort to get me off while we are intimate.
We just have sex, he comes, and thats the end of it.
I usually have to relieve myself in private because i end up frustrated.
I have mentioned it to him and he says of course we can do other things,
but then the time comes around and its the same as before- no orgasm for me, only for him.

(I dont mention it while we are actually doing the business as when i have done in the past
it makes him get a bit defensive and the mood disappears so ive tried to talk about it away from the situation).

I just wondered if sex is like this for lots of other women out there?

You really need to show him what gets you off.Female sexual response is so complex compared to mens to what works for one female may not work for another.

In the past Ive been with girls that could orgasm within 2 or 3 minutes of penetration.Ive also been with others that it took a hell of alot more time than that,and with others that could rarely orgasm through penetration alone.When I was younger I was a bit coy about the whole thing but as Ive gotten older,had relationships and what not,I have no problem whatsoever asking whomever Im with what does it for them.

If you arent at the stage where you cannot tell him out right then try guiding him,trying different positions,moving his hand to touch you how you like being touched etc.

We arent mind readers so unless we are told that you arent orgasming or that our technique isnt hitting the right spots how are we to know.

You know your own body better than anyone ever will so its up to you to take the proverbial bull by the horns and show him what you enjoy.

Also,practice makes perfect!

fungun

Not having an orgasm is more common than you think.

But your partner not even making an effort for you is not acceptable.

LegacyUser

Hi sorry to hear this

My GF usually have 2 orgasm before i cum once, it didn't happened we missed orgasm while making love even if we did 4-6 time in short time, all the guy need to do is put his partner as priority by controlling his climax moment to be after her or in other words sex not is how you do it it`s about what you know about it (it takes two to tango)..this guy need to improve his sexuality knowledge sorry it harsh but this it

whatisnormal

whatisnormal wrote: »

I find it hard to orgasm through sex alone and only about 3 times ever has he
made the effort to get me off while we are intimate.
...

(I dont mention it while we are actually doing the business as when i have done in the past
it makes him get a bit defensive and the mood disappears so ive tried to talk about it away from the situation).

OP, him not being able to get you off is one thing. And all these tips about showing him and guiding him would be very useful then. But if he's just not making the effort? No, that's not usual, and it's something you have every right to feel annoyed about.
When you've tried to talk about it away from the situation how does it go?

Ickle Magoo

Have you tried talking about it with him? Regardless of time or technique, the fastest and most efficient way to improve your sex life is communication. If it's an issue then discuss it outside the bedroom in a quiet, private location and put all your cards on the table and ask him to do likewise...then take it back into the bedroom and experiment and build on that - rinse and repeat.

If you have tried talking about it with him and he's just not interested in anything bar using you as a sperm receptacle then it's time to find a better lover - plenty of them out there.

All the best. :cool:

Karen8

whatisnormal wrote: »

I just wondered if sex is like this for lots of other women out there?

No. Since I started to show what I like and where I want to be touched/kissed/...ed I don't remember myself not ending with big O. Some guys are egoists, they don't want to hurt u and they would like you to orgasm too, they just don't know how to do it. Next time u do it, take the initiative and dont be shy asking what he needs to do :rolleyes: dont forget to praise him and show him how much u like it, it should rise his ego and encourage to take a better care of you.

LegacyUser

(I don’t believe in normal vs not normal, but just for the sake of it… )
OP, this is perfectly normal. And YES, sex may be like this for some women.
(Some) Guys do get defensive, and quite often they don’t have a clue of how to give us an orgasm – which is why they shouldn’t be giving it to us, instead we should be looking for it together with them.
I know it can be awkward being too explicit about instructions and requirements, especially if he is quiet/shy in bed (when it comes to talk about it, I mean), but if you can find a way of discussing it off bed, and hinting and saying what you would like to try together, it really might help
Btw, more than once, I dated guys who said, “the problem must be you, my gf always had an orgasm, 100% out of 100%”. Personally, I’m a bit suspicious about it, especially if it’s followed by “what’s the problem with you, my ex never complained or requested anything”. I believe the majority of the “new” couples have a learning period, and sometimes us girls just don’t speak our minds, and by not doing so we give the guys the impression that everything is great, when it’s not.
And then it’s mayhem when we actually say, “er… can we work a bit more on this, honey…?”
So… maybe it’s not because he doesn’t care…maybe he doesn’t realise he is not doing it quite right. (touchy subject to approach them about!!). So maybe a relaxed humorous chat about, “what turns you on, how do you like this…that…?” might be a safe and gentle way to approach the subject?