Am I crazy or just crazy in love???

PlainP

First time poster on this forum. Need some outside advice please. I am with my bf for about 8 months now. Things got very serious very quickly. We both knew that we had found something really special. It gets complicated as I have children from a previous relationship. My problem is that I think he takes me for granted. He seem to think that its okay for him to disappear for a day or two with his mate. He tells me he ''needs to do his thing when he can but that he doesn't love me any less''. Am I being a total psycho or is this normal???? Any previous relationships I have had were not like this. I am totally crazy about him but this is driving me demented. Need some advice please. And Thanks...

StillWaters

I think it is totally OK for him to have space apart from you. Its not just OK, its really really healthy.

shinikins

Its one thing to take some space from your other half, in fact its very healthy to be able to do your own thing, but entirely another to "disappear" and leave your partner upset. The fact that kids are part of the equation makes it even worse, they may not be his, and he may not want to be a father figure to them, but children of any age need stabilty in their lives.

LegacyUser

It is OK for him to have a day or two to himself.
You've only been together 8 months, it's not healthy to be around each other all day every day 24/7.

Kids or no kids everyone needs time to themselves in a healthy secure relationship, especially when you're only 8 months in. I know i'd feel smothered if my partner expected me to be around him all the time, without any "me" time.

If you think he's taking you for granted just for wanting a day or two a week to see friends or do his own thing, then that's a bit needy and unhealthy imho.

If however he just randomly goes missing without telling you that he'll be away for x number of days, then that's a whole other story and is out of order.

PlainP

Thanks for the input folks will take it all under consideration....

LegacyUser

there's no black and white here. different people have different expectations and needs.

some need less contact and closeness, and some need more.

if it bothers you and he insists on it then this may continue to cause problems and cause resentment down the line.

Ickle Magoo

Outwith the really crazy stuff there is no normal - only the expectations and boundaries you want and insist upon in your relationship.

If you aren't happy then you need to discuss that...spending time with his mates is good, disappearing for days with no communication and then expecting you to be there when he gets back, not so good. Lay your cards on the table and ask that he do the same and thrash out a compromise/mutually agreeable arrangement or the resentment will just build and build.

All the best. :cool:

Karen8

PlainP, if you love him, u should be happy seeing him having a good time with his friends. I agree with StillWaters: its not just OK, it's really really healthy. Unless he disappears without letting you know where he is, of course.

Mighty_Mouse

He's stuck around for 8 months & taken your children on-board.
I don't think its the worst thing for him to take some time to himself occasionally. Could you ask that he sends you a text or something?

PlainP

OP here
Sorry I'm only getting back to this. We had a good chat about things. I know now that it was just my insecurities that were the problem here. We are crazy about each other and I know that he needs his time apart from me and the children. I didn't put in my original post that he is a stoner (I'm not) as i don't think that this matters but I think this has something to do with his absence as well.
Thanks for all your replies they made me see where I was going wrong.


P