Moving in with partner - a bit worried

LegacyUser

I am due to move in with my fiancée this weekend. We never lived together because I didn't want to live with anyone that I wasn't planning to marry. We got engaged recently and I am very happy about that.

However I am a bit of a worrier sometimes and now I am starting to worry - you hear these stories about couples fighting when they live together etc. He and I don't fight now, but what if we start fighting?

I am worried about:

Money - I don't earn much and he has a good job. He is VERY fair about money and we are doing the rent and bills pro rata. I have a lot of medical problems so a lot of my money goes on meds, specialists etc, so I worry about not having enough money. He told me to not worry; that he won't be letting me go hungry or anything, but still I worry.

Cooking -I am happy to cook, because he really doesn't know much about cooking at all, and he doesn’t seem keen to learn. This is fine now, but what if I break my leg and am immobilised for six weeks or something!

Space issues - He and I are pretty independent and often do our own thing when we spend weekends together. Will this end up with us never spending any time together when we live together?

Computer issues - My fiancée and I both love the internet and spend a lot of time reading on it. However, he gets very involved and will spend whole days online gaming etc. He gets grumpy if he is disturbed/I ask him a question. I spend hours online too, reading and writing, but I don't get grumpy or annoyed if someone wants to talk to me. I worry that he'll never talk to me anymore if we live together and just be on his computer constantly. How is that gonna work if we have kids? I guess it doesn’t help that I met him when he was 31 and he'd never been in a serious relationship, so kinda picked up some bad habits like this one.

As I said, I am a worry wart so these are just my worries.

MsHolloway

Take a breath op, take a big deep breath!

You've found someone you love and who loves you! and now your engaged! Congrats by the way! Focus on this

Look its completely normal to have some worries, I'm in a similiar position whereas the bf and I have been talking more and more about moving in together. Do I have worries? Hell yeah! Like yourself I've never lived with anyone before, neither has he. But then the other side is the excitement I feel about taking this step with him. The way I see it, I love him, he loves me and it kinda gets to a stage where it really seems like the next logical step, you know?

Really try not to overwhelm yourself with overthinking and worrying. No one can tell you how everything will turn out, but if you don't try you'll never know!

Take each week as it comes, try not to worry what may happen a year or 10 from now and enjoy your time with him now. If something crops up that you feel is an issue , such as him spending too much time online, then sit down and have a chat with him about it and try to sort it out!

If you think it would help maybe sit down before you move in and just talk to him about some of your worries, it might really put your mind at ease.

Kiera

Anongal wrote: »

I am due to move in with my fiancée this weekend. We never lived together because I didn't want to live with anyone that I wasn't planning to marry. We got engaged recently and I am very happy about that.

First off, congrats on your engagement

Anongal wrote: »

However I am a bit of a worrier sometimes and now I am starting to worry - you hear these stories about couples fighting when they live together etc. He and I don't fight now, but what if we start fighting?

The first few months are the hardest. You will both do things that the other doesnt. Like he might not wash up straight away after dinner where you might and it might annoy you. Little things like that will probably happen but its about sitting down and talking about these things and compromising.

Anongal wrote: »

I am worried about:

Money - I don't earn much and he has a good job. He is VERY fair about money and we are doing the rent and bills pro rata. I have a lot of medical problems so a lot of my money goes on meds, specialists etc, so I worry about not having enough money. He told me to not worry; that he won't be letting me go hungry or anything, but still I worry.

Where are you living now? How do you manage to live now?

I'm sure he knows that he earns more and will be more than willing to help out if you get stuck. Dont worry about money tho. He said he wont see you go hungry

Anongal wrote: »

Cooking -I am happy to cook, because he really doesn't know much about cooking at all, and he doesn’t seem keen to learn. This is fine now, but what if I break my leg and am immobilised for six weeks or something!

Take aways

Seriously tho, why on earth are you worrying about stuff that might never happen? I broke my leg last year and have a fractured wrist at the moment and neither have stopped me from cooking. I have to eat after all

Lay off the worrying about the "what ifs" tho. Its pointless and energy wasting.

Anongal wrote: »

Space issues - He and I are pretty independent and often do our own thing when we spend weekends together. Will this end up with us never spending any time together when we live together?

You will be living together therefor spending loads of time together. You do need to keep time for yourself and not live in each others pockets. Keep all your hobby's and go out with the girls. You'll still have the rest of the week with him.

Anongal wrote: »

Computer issues - My fiancée and I both love the internet and spend a lot of time reading on it. However, he gets very involved and will spend whole days online gaming etc. He gets grumpy if he is disturbed/I ask him a question. I spend hours online too, reading and writing, but I don't get grumpy or annoyed if someone wants to talk to me. I worry that he'll never talk to me anymore if we live together and just be on his computer constantly. How is that gonna work if we have kids? I guess it doesn’t help that I met him when he was 31 and he'd never been in a serious relationship, so kinda picked up some bad habits like this one.

As I said, I am a worry wart so these are just my worries.

He will have to cut out on that amount of gaming. You're living together now so need to spend quality time together. You are going to marry this man so i'm sure he knows that gaming all day isnt going to work. You need to talk to him about this tho and not presume he's going to stop just because you are moving in.

Moving in with your other half for the first time is so exciting and fun. Stop worrying and enjoy the ride. Like i said, yes you will get annoyed about silly things but you need to talk about these and nip them in the bud straight away or else you'll bubble up with anger about them and blow.

Think of all the cuddles and kisses you're going to get everyday from now on

Best of luck x

tinkerbell

OP, chill out and relax. Stop going on about what if you break your leg. You're creating unnecessary drama on yourself.

Moving in with someone is a big eye opener - IMO you don't know someone til you live with them. There will be things that will annoy you at the start or will annoy him - you just have to work it out. Just take each day as it comes. Best of luck!

Vicxas

Hi OP,

Your concerns are valid ones, but let me tell you that ive been living with my OH for the guts of 4 months now, and we've fought and got on each others nerves, but the rewards are fantastic.

Its tough but itll be worth it, trust me.

ravima

look on the good side, you have him, he has you. Of all the men in the world, you have chosen him and of all the billions of women in the world, he has chosen you.

of course there will be little speedbumps on the road, but you have each other to support each other, rather than to knock each other.

congratulations and good luck forever!

WANTStoWORK

Me thinks you don't want to move in with this guy ...not just yet anyways.

CBFi

Everyone has these worries before you move in with your OH for the first time. People kept telling me stories about how it was the end of their relationships. Over a year later, me and my OH are stronger than ever. Is he messy sometimes and does it wreck my sometimes? Yes! Being honest about your limits without being naggy or OTT is important. The main thing is to enjoy it, see it as an adventure and make the most of the good points.

I'm a natural worrier too and I sat down with him and talked through my worries before we moved it. But nothing was non-negotiable!

Having worries is natural and means that you're thinking your decisions through- it doesnt mean youre not ready!

LegacyUser

Thanks so much everyone! You are all so nice and helpful. Thanks for taking the time to write to me.

Yis are right that I am worrying too much about what may happen in ten years.

I live at home now. I used to live abroad but came home a few years ago when a family member was ill. Since then I have been a carer for a variety of family members. I don't pay much rent and have always paid my way by doing a lot of housework, buying my own food, cooking etc. My family and I are very close, so I guess a big part of it is that I will miss them. Even though I'm not even moving far - I am being illogical, I know.

I definitely want to move in with him; he's my fiancee. Yay! I am just nervous and over analytical.

I really do feel better after 'talking' to you all though.

Seriously, thanks guys!

I am a friend

Ah you are going to love it Don't worry about the small stuff - the more you worry, the more importance it gets.

There will be thing that annoy each of you but just talk and keep talking. Have fun!!!

Karen8

I am a friend wrote: »

Don't worry about the small stuff - the more you worry, the more importance it gets.

I loved those words, so true
Congrats on your engagement and don't worry about the things that might never happen, there're too many things to be happy about