Wolfie novel is online - cue coupon!

FewFew

Hi guys,

Finally got around to putting my first novel "Diary of the Wolf" online.

It's here on my Smashwords page... http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/82181
If anybody wants a look.

If you use the coupon code - "JR75F" you can download it for free (until next Friday, 26th)

It's the usual deal... Kindle, iPhone, Android formats.

Please let me know what you think, and throw up a review online if you have the time.

r3nu4l

Just downloaded it for the Kindle iPad app Will try to get time to read it soon and post a review...

Thanks for the coupon

EDIT: Okay there's no page numbers on this in the Kindle App so it's really frustrating to describe where I am. Chapter 1, you mention 'DIT'. Anyone outside Ireland reading this may not know what DIT is, they may relate it in some way to the world famous MIT but you can't rely on that. I'd probably spell it out or say 'DIT college' or something. Other than that, I'm liking the tension Early days but so far so good.

FewFew

r3nu4l wrote: »

Just downloaded it for the Kindle iPad app Will try to get time to read it soon and post a review...

Thanks for the coupon

EDIT: Okay there's no page numbers on this in the Kindle App so it's really frustrating to describe where I am. Chapter 1, you mention 'DIT'. Anyone outside Ireland reading this may not know what DIT is, they may relate it in some way to the world famous MIT but you can't rely on that. I'd probably spell it out or say 'DIT college' or something. Other than that, I'm liking the tension Early days but so far so good.

Yeah, the lack of pages bugs me too, but apparently you have to release the book from traditional constraints and let it flow on eReaders... or something. Due to different devices handling the content in different ways.

Noticed the DIT bit alright, but I was hoping that the MIT association ,coupled with the mention of her studying, would do the job. I may change it in a future revision though.

pickarooney

I have page numbers in the EPUB version on Aldiko. They don't match up with the 'pages' on screen but assuming they match the original document they can be used as reference points for feedback.

I've only read two pages so far so I don't have any actual feedback yet

FWIW, "design students from DIT" makes it obvious to me that it's a technical college in Dublin.

FewFew

pickarooney wrote: »

FWIW, "design students from DIT" makes it obvious to me that it's a technical college in Dublin.

That's kinda what I was hoping for. DIT doesn't feature as a location, just something to make it more real. There's a scene in Trinity, so more explanation was needed there.

There are a fair few colloquialisms in the book that proof readers suggested I remove, but I decided to stick to my original plan for a credible and realistic Dublin werewolf. Though if anybody spots anything that might absolutely baffle a foreign audience, please mention it.

Leafonthewind

I'm a member of the foreign audience (I'm not Irish and I've never been to Ireland, unfortunately), and the reference to DIT didn't bother me at all. I know the book is set in Dublin and I automatically assumed it was a school. Spelling it out would make the sentence too clunky, in my opinion. Looking forward to reading the rest of the book!:)

FewFew

Leafonthewind wrote: »

I'm a member of the foreign audience (I'm not Irish and I've never been to Ireland, unfortunately), and the reference to DIT didn't bother me at all. I know the book is set in Dublin and I automatically assumed it was a school. Spelling it out would make the sentence too clunky, in my opinion. Looking forward to reading the rest of the book!:)

Cool, glad to hear there was no issue. Yup, spelling it out made the sentence quite the pain, hence why it is how it is. Hope you enjoy.

FewFew

Diary of the Wolf is finally up on Amazon. I'm not sure if that makes a difference to Kindle users, but I just thought I'd let ye know.

Also, you can still get it for free on Smashwords til next Friday (with the coupon code above). I'd really appreciate it if you could throw up a quick customer review/rating on Amazon, regardless of whether you enjoyed it or hated it.

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-of-the-Wolf-ebook/dp/B005HYZI10/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1313796714&sr=1-1

(For some reason Amazon are listing it as $3.51 rather than $2.99 as I asked... does anyone with experience of this know why this might be? I rechecked my list price and it was correct. New book exploitation perhaps?)

Dublin141

Fewcifur wrote: »

Diary of the Wolf is finally up on Amazon. I'm not sure if that makes a difference to Kindle users, but I just thought I'd let ye know.

Also, you can still get it for free on Smashwords til next Friday (with the coupon code above). I'd really appreciate it if you could throw up a quick customer review/rating on Amazon, regardless of whether you enjoyed it or hated it.

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-of-the-Wolf-ebook/dp/B005HYZI10/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1313796714&sr=1-1

(For some reason Amazon are listing it as $3.51 rather than $2.99 as I asked... does anyone with experience of this know why this might be? I rechecked my list price and it was correct. New book exploitation perhaps?)

I think it's VAT. It's only in certain countries that it shows up at $3.51. For example, to someone in the US, they would still see $2.99, whereas a country with whispernet charges might see $5.51/$4.99.

pickarooney

It shows up as $5.74 for me, which is cool as it means I saved $5.74 with the coupon

FewFew

Dublin141 wrote: »

I think it's VAT. It's only in certain countries that it shows up at $3.51. For example, to someone in the US, they would still see $2.99, whereas a country with whispernet charges might see $5.51/$4.99.

pickarooney wrote: »

It shows up as $5.74 for me, which is cool as it means I saved $5.74 with the coupon

Oh ok... wow, that wasn't really spelled out clearly anywhere in the pricing. Well it did mention vat etc, but I assumed they'd keep the price the same and it'd just cut into the amount me and Amazon make. I wonder, since they're charging a vat rate for each country, do they pay their taxes in each country? Cause Amazon certainly seem to be trying to tax the author in the states, unless you go through all the hoops Eileen talked about before.

$5.74 in France? Wow, that's a whole load of tax the French throw on their eBooks.

pickarooney

I don't understand it at all. Amazon France doesn't sell eBooks so I have to buy directly from Amazon.com. VAT in France is 19.6% which on $2.99 makes $3.58 gross. But if I'm buying from the US I shouldn't be subject to French VAT surely?

The price to purchase your book here is 92% above what you've set it at and whispernet is marked as free so I really don't know who's getting their 454g of flesh.

From memory, Eileen's book was around the same price for me and I think she had priced it similarly to yours.

Now I must get around to reading this thing

FewFew

pickarooney wrote: »

I don't understand it at all. Amazon France doesn't sell eBooks so I have to buy directly from Amazon.com. VAT in France is 19.6% which on $2.99 makes $3.58 gross. But if I'm buying from the US I shouldn't be subject to French VAT surely?

The price to purchase your book here is 92% above what you've set it at and whispernet is marked as free so I really don't know who's getting their 454g of flesh.

From memory, Eileen's book was around the same price for me and I think she had priced it similarly to yours.

Now I must get around to reading this thing

Yeah it makes no sense. Must look into it asap, the whole point was to price it as low as possible as I'm a brand new entity in the market. I tried checking the price in the UK website but it won't allow me since I'm not a UK resident. Odd. Brings me back to my Kindle rage, where I had to buy a Kindle from the US store instead of the UK one and then just lost my patience.
It's all very odd, especially since Amazon have an issue with you selling it elsewhere for less. Always complications.

Dublin141

It's supposed to be a weird legal issue that they're dealing with rather than the countries themselves applying extra tax. Ireland had the same surcharge up until last summer. I don't know exactly what the problem is, but some people who have asked have been told that Amazon are working on getting rid of it in other countries too. In the meantime, there's always Smashwords.

You can check the price in the UK if you just log out.

We have to buy from the international store, which right now is the US one. I got my Kindle in PC World in the end because I didn't want to wait for delivery.

Unrelated tip. If you're selling, you should probably look into sorting out your own US tax issue if you haven't already. It takes a long time, but if you sort it out this year then you'll be paid the withheld tax from Amazon rather than having to fill out tax returns next year. I've only just received my tax number this week, and I still have to send out forms to Smashwords and Amazon to stop the 30% withholding tax.

FewFew

Dublin141 wrote: »

It's supposed to be a weird legal issue that they're dealing with rather than the countries themselves applying extra tax. Ireland had the same surcharge up until last summer. I don't know exactly what the problem is, but some people who have asked have been told that Amazon are working on getting rid of it in other countries too. In the meantime, there's always Smashwords.

You can check the price in the UK if you just log out.

We have to buy from the international store, which right now is the US one. I got my Kindle in PC World in the end because I didn't want to wait for delivery.

Unrelated tip. If you're selling, you should probably look into sorting out your own US tax issue if you haven't already. It takes a long time, but if you sort it out this year then you'll be paid the withheld tax from Amazon rather than having to fill out tax returns next year. I've only just received my tax number this week, and I still have to send out forms to Smashwords and Amazon to stop the 30% withholding tax.

Yeah, seems it's $5.74 in other places too... so damn these crazy legal issues and their pain in the ass ways.

Oh I didn't realise PC World had them for sale, I may actually give into the impulses and buy one.

I think you have to send your passport over to London to sort out the US tax aspect (or at least I think I read that on Eileen's account of it all) so I'm just waiting until after an upcoming weekend away and I'll get to it. Thankfully Smashwords have a feature where they'll hold the payment until you supply the correct tax forms, so at least that saves in chasing.

mar-z

Fewcifur wrote: »

I tried checking the price in the UK website but it won't allow me since I'm not a UK resident.

It's £1.71 on the uk site (log out of you amazon account to check it). I'm saving reading it for my flight to New Zealand in a couple of weeks Few. I'll give some feedback then.

FewFew

mar-z wrote: »

It's £1.71 on the uk site (log out of you amazon account to check it). I'm saving reading it for my flight to New Zealand in a couple of weeks Few. I'll give some feedback then.

Make sure ya throw up your review (good or bad) on Amazon. Any reviews at all seem to generate more interest.

cyberwolf77

I read it. I enjoyed it. When's the next book coming?

FewFew

cyberwolf77 wrote: »

I read it. I enjoyed it. When's the next book coming?

Before Christmas I reckon. There's a lil novella, 1.5 you might say, coming online in the next few days.

Glad you enjoyed it by the way.

r3nu4l

Fewcifur wrote: »

There are a fair few colloquialisms in the book that proof readers suggested I remove, but I decided to stick to my original plan for a credible and realistic Dublin werewolf. Though if anybody spots anything that might absolutely baffle a foreign audience, please mention it.

Did the proofreaders make you change Gardaí to 'police'? Seeing the word 'police' irked me to be honest. I've seen writers like Ken Bruen mention Gardaí and briefly explain it before moving on and it didn't interrupt the flow for me as a reader whereas I stumbled over the mention of 'police' in Dublin. I think most Dubliners would say Gardaí, cops or coppers (or other more insulting terms). I don't know anyone who says 'police' simply because that word is so linked to the UK police services.

Maybe it's just me, maybe things have changed in the years I've been away from Ireland

Fewcifur wrote: »

I tried checking the price in the UK website but it won't allow me since I'm not a UK resident.

Definitely still £1.71 over here! That's a good price imo.

Anyway, I finished the book so here's my thoughts.

I honestly wasn't expecting to like it , I love horror but I thought ;wrongly' that this was going to be a 'paranormal romance' type of novel(la).

I'm glad I was mostly wrong.

The action when it happens is blisteringly fast and it's so well written that I found it difficult to put down. On Friday when I was travelling to Zurich I was reading it on the plane and yesterday, on my way to Geneva, I was also reading it on the plane. All when I should have been reviewing client files

I did find a typo in my version, I downloaded it from smashwords as the Kindle version (for my iPad) and I found the word 'collage' instead of 'college' towards the end of the book. Sorry I didn't pinpoint exactly where, I only noticed it last night and didn't mark it in my version.

I don't really read these 'werewolf' books so I don't know how many typical werewolf clichés you've used but I enjoyed the way our protagonist is always learning new things about this alternative world he's been forced into.

Loved it and will definitely buy the next version. Great work!

cyberwolf77

r3nu4l wrote: »

I don't really read these 'werewolf' books so I don't know how many typical werewolf clichés you've used but I enjoyed the way our protagonist is always learning new things about this alternative world he's been forced into.

I do read 'werewolf books' and must say he used almost none of the clichés often found in them. This si not a typical werewolf book.

r3nu4l

cyberwolf77 wrote: »

I do read 'werewolf books' and must say he used almost none of the clichés often found in them. This si not a typical werewolf book.

Well then that just makes the whole book even better than it already is! As I say, I don't read this genre so I couldn't tell if some of these ideas were innovative and new to the genre or if lazy clichés were taking over. From the style of writing I doubted it was cliché-driven, good to know.

FewFew

r3nu4l wrote: »

Did the proofreaders make you change Gardaí to 'police'? Seeing the word 'police' irked me to be honest. I've seen writers like Ken Bruen mention Gardaí and briefly explain it before moving on and it didn't interrupt the flow for me as a reader whereas I stumbled over the mention of 'police' in Dublin. I think most Dubliners would say Gardaí, cops or coppers (or other more insulting terms). I don't know anyone who says 'police' simply because that word is so linked to the UK police services.

Maybe it's just me, maybe things have changed in the years I've been away from Ireland



Definitely still £1.71 over here! That's a good price imo.

Anyway, I finished the book so here's my thoughts.

I honestly wasn't expecting to like it , I love horror but I thought ;wrongly' that this was going to be a 'paranormal romance' type of novel(la).

I'm glad I was mostly wrong.

The action when it happens is blisteringly fast and it's so well written that I found it difficult to put down. On Friday when I was travelling to Zurich I was reading it on the plane and yesterday, on my way to Geneva, I was also reading it on the plane. All when I should have been reviewing client files

I did find a typo in my version, I downloaded it from smashwords as the Kindle version (for my iPad) and I found the word 'collage' instead of 'college' towards the end of the book. Sorry I didn't pinpoint exactly where, I only noticed it last night and didn't mark it in my version.

Loved it and will definitely buy the next version. Great work!

Glad you liked it!

Yes, I'll admit the Gardai/Police issue did cause some debate. I went with the police as it's international, but it does seem somewhat out of place, especially when the rest of the novel is meant to be set in the real world Dublin.

And thanks for spotting the typo, I'll hunt that sucker down, pretty sure "collage" shouldn't be anywhere in the book

cyberwolf77 wrote: »

I do read 'werewolf books' and must say he used almost none of the clichés often found in them. This si not a typical werewolf book.

I'll admit I don't read werewolf books either, so I could have just as easily made it cliched packed without knowing, so this news is great. I tried to make the book as realistic as possible (albeit with werewolves and witches), so I'm pretty sure I avoided a number of Hollywood werewolf staples.

slavetothegrind

bought it there half an hour ago.

As a result i am now well late with the dinner and the missus won't be impressed!

enjoying so far....

Antilles

Hey Fewcifur, what's the world count for this novel?

FewFew

slavetothegrind wrote: »

bought it there half an hour ago.

As a result i am now well late with the dinner and the missus won't be impressed!

enjoying so far....

Thanks for picking it up, hopefully you'll enjoy the rest. Even if you don't enjoy the rest, please schtick an aul review on Amazon, it's good to get feedback and seems to encourage others to read.

Antilles wrote: »

Hey Fewcifur, what's the world count for this novel?

Think it's about 56,000 or so.

Antilles

Nice one, I'll pick it up so. Didn't want to start anything too long since I'm a fairly slow reader!

cyberwolf77

Fewcifur wrote: »

I'll admit I don't read werewolf books either, so I could have just as easily made it cliched packed without knowing, so this news is great. I tried to make the book as realistic as possible (albeit with werewolves and witches), so I'm pretty sure I avoided a number of Hollywood werewolf staples.

Closest I've seen to it was Ronald Kelly's "Moon of the Werewolf". Except his werewolves craved human flesh and could only achieve wolf-man forms not true wolves

pickarooney

I finished this today. I'm a bit reluctant to put a review up on Amazon as to be honest the book seems quite a way off being finished. I'll go into more detail if you like but the gist of it is that the action, which is very well written, is smothered and strangled by pointlessly elaborate descriptions, particularly in the first three chapters, where you need to be hooking the reader with snappy prose.

You have an large number of errors with homophones throughout - stuff which, along with the pacing, your beta readers should have pointed out.

r3nu4l

pickarooney wrote: »

I finished this today. I'm a bit reluctant to put a review up on Amazon as to be honest the book seems quite a way off being finished. I'll go into more detail if you like but the gist of it is that the action, which is very well written, is smothered and strangled by pointlessly elaborate descriptions, particularly in the first three chapters, where you need to be hooking the reader with snappy prose.

You have an large number of errors with homophones throughout - stuff which, along with the pacing, your beta readers should have pointed out.

Ah but did you enjoy the actual story? As a writer myself by profession I always put my profession completely to one side when reading and also when writing casually, particularly on internet forums.

I used to obsess over typos and errors in books but I found it was spoiling my enjoyment of the story so I've completely compartmentalised those two aspects of my life...something I'm sure the psychologists out there would tell you is a recipe for trouble

pickarooney

I did enjoy the actual story, although it was a struggle in places. The spelling errors didn't really make a difference in that respect but the laboured descriptions did.

Leafonthewind

I agree with Pickarooney. I started reading the book, but I've stalled at chapter 3. The story started off well, with some mystery and some action, but falling back into a detailed description of the transformation into a werewolf when we already know he's a werewolf has me nodding off, to be perfectly honest.

And there are problems with typos and misplaced commas that had me going back to the beginning of a sentence to read it again. It disrupts the flow, and the moment I hit a snag like that, it pulls me out of the story and I don't enjoy it as much. I've taken note of some of these problems in order to let Fewcifur know, but again, I agree with Pickarooney. The beta readers should have pointed those out.

FewFew

pickarooney wrote: »

I finished this today. I'm a bit reluctant to put a review up on Amazon as to be honest the book seems quite a way off being finished. I'll go into more detail if you like but the gist of it is that the action, which is very well written, is smothered and strangled by pointlessly elaborate descriptions, particularly in the first three chapters, where you need to be hooking the reader with snappy prose.

You have an large number of errors with homophones throughout - stuff which, along with the pacing, your beta readers should have pointed out.

The more detail the better sir, PM me if it's too spoilerific.

The homophones issue is annoying. I didn't notice it, but I would have hoped the beta-readers would have picked it up, sure half of them were trained sub-editors. Makes the argument for hiring a professional I guess.

Do you mean descriptions within the action scenes or that certain chapters are more backstory based?

Leafonthewind wrote: »

I agree with Pickarooney. I started reading the book, but I've stalled at chapter 3. The story started off well, with some mystery and some action, but falling back into a detailed description of the transformation into a werewolf when we already know he's a werewolf has me nodding off, to be perfectly honest.

And there are problems with typos and misplaced commas that had me going back to the beginning of a sentence to read it again. It disrupts the flow, and the moment I hit a snag like that, it pulls me out of the story and I don't enjoy it as much. I've taken note of some of these problems in order to let Fewcifur know, but again, I agree with Pickarooney. The beta readers should have pointed those out.

Again, are you talking about key points that are too descriptive or the way chapters 2-4 cover how he became a werewolf?

Typos irritate me greatly at this stage. Punctuation I've always had an issue with, my first draft was filled with monster run-on sentences.

Really appreciate this feedback, so far I've only gotten positive reviews and I was beginning to wonder.

Sure, the beauty of an eBook is how easy it is to update, though it annoys me that I published something with errors in it.

Leafonthewind

Fewcifur wrote: »

Again, are you talking about key points that are too descriptive or the way chapters 2-4 cover how he became a werewolf?

Typos irritate me greatly at this stage. Punctuation I've always had an issue with, my first draft was filled with monster run-on sentences.

Personally, I think two full chapters dedicated to the transformation is overlong. The description of the transformation is important, and there's some brilliant writing in there, but there are some parts that could be cut out or pared down. I'll PM you some examples, along with some of those typos.

FewFew

Leafonthewind wrote: »

Personally, I think two full chapters dedicated to the transformation is overlong. The description of the transformation is important, and there's some brilliant writing in there, but there are some parts that could be cut out or pared down. I'll PM you some examples, along with some of those typos.

Thanks!

Ah ok, I see I see. It now starts to enter into "Can't please all the people all the time" territory, I've had a few people tell me that I didn't give enough background history etc. I'd be leaning more towards cutting back on the description than increasing it. I thought it was important to show the man before he turned into a werewolf, the transition being a key part of the book. Streamlining it would certainly be an option.

In contrast, the beta readers for book 2 have all had the opposite criticism, that it's too fast paced. Maybe by book 3 I'll have the pacing just right

From my initial reading of 3 chapters of book 2 it was the same problem. My notes say cut out a lot of it. I should be able to finally look at it again this weekend for you

pickarooney

I don't have my tablet with me so I can't reference specific pages or chapters, but you'll know what I mean by these examples I hope.

If you object to this being here in spoiler form I'll remove it and PM you (or move it to Write Club if you like)

In one of the first chapters the MC is in a wood. You take a page and a half to tell us the wood was quiet. You could do that in two lines and show it rather than tell it.

In about chapter 3 you start to describe the transformation and you use the word 'pain' about 28 times in two paragraphs (this is not really an exaggeration, re-read it and look out for it!). It still remains a distanced description; there's very little to illustrate the pain in terms of how it makes the MC feel.

I know you've deliberately set out to bring across the duality of the wolf-man where one part of him acts somewhat against the will of the other part (or it's symbolically his subconscious who wants to do all these things that he normally wouldn't envisage). That's cool, and I enjoy the concept and some of the execution. However, you, the author, keep getting in the way of the character and describing things in his place. As it's a first-person perspective you need to trust Ciaran to carry the narrative himself with all the emotions and reactions that that entails. Even the Ciaran that interacts with his housemates and girlfriends is at odds with the one that's telling the story, because you don't really let him.

The backstory is important and needs to be there. there was one stage where it sort of jumped back and forward in time (around the time the dog died) where I was lost but I just got back into the story again after a page or two.

It's an indication of how strong the story is that I was able to put aside these issues and finish it and want to read on. I just think it could be a lot better with some more rigorous editing.

On the typos/homophones, off the top of my head you had
collage for college
then for than
wretched for retched
waiver for waver
sent for scent
discrete for discreet
vein for vain

and a few more along the same lines

FewFew

bluewolf wrote: »

From my initial reading of 3 chapters of book 2 it was the same problem. My notes say cut out a lot of it. I should be able to finally look at it again this weekend for you

Ah, tis surprising, I've been getting back nothing but the opposite, I was even looking at putting in some chapters to break up the constant action. There are maybe two or three chapters attempting to establish normality before it's torn apart, but that was very much a 1st draft of book 2.


That's cool Pick, tis what the spoiler tags are for


(edit) Just read through the spoilers. Excellent points. All easily addressed apart from the narrator clashing with himself, that'll take some reading to understand, it's the same voice in my head. Must step back and be more objective about reading that interplay.

pickarooney

Fewcifur wrote: »

Ah, tis surprising, I've been getting back nothing but the opposite, I was even looking at putting in some chapters to break up the constant action.

Avoid the temptation to do that. It will read as exactly that - filler. Who complains about too much action in a werewolf book? Backstory can be full of action too, remember.

FewFew

pickarooney wrote: »

Avoid the temptation to do that. It will read as exactly that - filler. Who complains about too much action in a werewolf book? Backstory can be full of action too, remember.

Book 2 kinda shifts into a war mentality and certain aspects of romantic relationships get drastically cut down because of this. I think that's understandable, but beta readers have flagged it.

Also flagged was the amount of action, but, I reasoned that if you're constantly threatened, well, you're not going to go have apicnic. But again, twas flagged.

I may have to get more diverse beta readers. Blue Wolf may prove a valuable insight if she ever manages to get through her mountain of books and other worthwhile activities (so many activities )

pickarooney

I've given myself a week off after finishing revision 10 of my book if you want to throw book two at me.

FewFew

pickarooney wrote: »

I've given myself a week off after finishing revision 10 of my book if you want to throw book two at me.

Excellent!

Also, currently re-reading Frankenstein, so not doing anything tooo important bookwise, so if you want another body to read version 10, well I'm ready to roll.

pickarooney

I might take you up on that.

Fewcifur

Fewcifur wrote: »

Book 2 kinda shifts into a war mentality and certain aspects of romantic relationships get drastically cut down because of this. I think that's understandable, but beta readers have flagged it.

Also flagged was the amount of action, but, I reasoned that if you're constantly threatened, well, you're not going to go have apicnic. But again, twas flagged.

I may have to get more diverse beta readers. Blue Wolf may prove a valuable insight if she ever manages to get through her mountain of books and other worthwhile activities (so many activities )

My exams are over as of an hour ago, and my mountain of books is nearly depleted, so I will read it this weekend certainly

FewFew

Happy with your exam performance?

Yes to one, no to another
still, one out of two would make me happy

FewFew

bluewolf wrote: »

Yes to one, no to another
still, one out of two would make me happy

Well let's hope for a double-barrel wonder strike.

I look forward to your comments and opinions, must say Leaf and Pick have really made some excellent points. Beginning to think my beta reader pool needs some more critical voices in the mix Think my current crew are good as a test of a story, but when it comes to the craft, well, not so much.

there you go, notes emailed

i understand about the pacing issue now that i've read the rest - most of it is action, but then i'm not entirely sure it's a problem
if you put in any filler it would be obvious, as i was saying, so it's either leave as is or expand the story. i think. brain has entirely shut down at this stage, may have more constructive advice tomorrow

but it's not bad at all once you tidy it up

Antilles

Fewcifur wrote: »

Beginning to think my beta reader pool needs some more critical voices in the mix

If Anton Chekhov handed my girlfriend a story to read, she'd give him back ten pages of criticism, highlighted mistakes and plot issues. She's vicious, and without a doubt the perfect beta reader. It's great to have somebody who you know will never let a problem slide.

FewFew

bluewolf wrote: »

there you go, notes emailed

i understand about the pacing issue now that i've read the rest - most of it is action, but then i'm not entirely sure it's a problem
if you put in any filler it would be obvious, as i was saying, so it's either leave as is or expand the story. i think. brain has entirely shut down at this stage, may have more constructive advice tomorrow

but it's not bad at all once you tidy it up

Oh cool, I wasn't lhinting at ya to rush or anything, thought you'd be post-exam kickin' out the jams.

Antilles wrote: »

If Anton Chekhov handed my girlfriend a story to read, she'd give him back ten pages of criticism, highlighted mistakes and plot issues. She's vicious, and without a doubt the perfect beta reader. It's great to have somebody who you know will never let a problem slide.

For a minute I thought you were offering up your girlfriend as a beta reader

pickarooney

Antilles wrote: »

If Anton Chekhov handed my girlfriend a story to read, she'd give him back ten pages of criticism, highlighted mistakes and plot issues. She's vicious, and without a doubt the perfect beta reader. It's great to have somebody who you know will never let a problem slide.

I'll take your word for that.